Seunghyun sat on the middle of his couch waiting for his usual routine to start. He sighed thinking about his life wasn’t going to get better than it. He didn’t complain much to other people people because he didn’t want to seem ungrateful for all the things he had received in life, but he hated his life. He knew in life he didn’t need to complain about much, he had a huge house that everyone would die for, a beautiful wife who every guy wanted and an adorable five year old son, but he wanted more. If he looked back to 12 years ago he didn’t think his life would turn out like this. He hears the rushed footsteps of his son, Dongho running down the stairs.

           “Daddy.” Dongho said with a cheery smile. He hugged his father tightly. “Do I really have to go to school today?”

           “Yes, why wouldn’t you want to go to your first day of school.”

           “Because I’m scared. What if the kids are mean?”

           “I understand how you feel, I felt the same way on my first day of school, but no kid will be mean to you.”

           “But still...”

           “If they even try anything or are mean to you then you can ask your teacher to call me and I will drive over there and pick you up myself.”

           “Thanks daddy.” He then started to bolt towards the door.

           “Wait.” Dongho turned around before the door. “I love you Dongho now be safe.”

           “Don’t worry daddy I am a big boy now.” He ran out the door and waited for the bus outside. Seungri watched him from outside the window making extra sure that his son was safe. The bus came a little later and he could see Dongho waving him goodbye. Seungri couldn’t help but cry a little in not just the sadness of his only son going on his first day of school, but the fact that the little piece of unpredictability that was left in his life was gone.  With his son around him all the time he could expect some type of surprise what would happen, but now it was like he was filled with this type of emptiness that couldn't be filled.  He opened his laptop and checked his email, one the best parts of his day. He opened a message that came from his old high school.

"Hello NB Alumni,

Sorry for the late notice and all, but we wish to inform you of the upcoming class of 2014 10 year reunion. It will be held March 12th at the Hilton Hotel in Harvard Square at 7 PM to 11 PM to honor the Junior Prom we had there so many years ago. I hope you are able to make it.

From your junior prom queen,

Lee Chaerin

He looked at the email and he laughed for a few seconds. He remembers how much he hated high school and how much he refused to go back there. He thought about how sad it was that this woman has so much time that she had to reveal in the past and set this stupid reunion up, then he realized he wasn't any better. He went to decline the RSVP, but then he remembered his best friend from high school, Youngbae. Then a chill started to go up his spine. It was like he was like he was forgetting something important that involved Youngbae. The sound of his wife, Hyorin on the phone became to come down the stairs.

"Listen." She said yelling through her phone. "I don't care if your mother is sick; we need you for this merger. Listen call me back okay and it better be news that I like ok." She hung up the phone in a furious rage. Her almost red face went back to a state of calmness. "Hey Honey I'm going to work now ok."

"Before you go I just got an invitation to my high school reunion, I'm thinking about going and I know you’re always working so I was thinking I would take Dongho with me."

"I think that is a great idea." Her phone began to ring again. "Ok I have to take this call so I'm going now. I love you, bye." She kisses him goodbye and leaves the house. He feels his lips still feeling nothing from it. He looks at the screen and clicks yes.

***

Youngbae clicks the yes button on the screen and smiles in the vet office he worked in. The sound of endless barking gets louder as his boss enters through the back entrance of the vet.

"Hey, boss." Said Youngbae "I know this is kind of late notice and all, but I have a high school reunion this weekend and wondering if I could have the say off. I know that it is a big burden to you but I can lock up the shop tonight and even work extra this week if I have to."

"It's ok and I understand have fun." His boss says. Damien could care less about the actual reunion; the only thing he really cared about was seeing his best friend, Seungri. He hadn't seen or heard from him in 10 years and he wanted to know how he has been doing since everything happened. In life he had nothing to complain about. He had the dream job of being a veterinarian that he wanted since he was 6, he worked at vet where his boss was the most chill guy, and best of all he has a fiancé that he has been in love with for 5 years. The problem was after all these years he still couldn't forgive himself for the terrible thing he did 10 years ago, even though he told Ailee and she kept assuring it wasn't his fault he couldn't help but feel like everything was his fault. To make it even worse he didn't know what or how Jay was doing.

Youngbae went home that night to find Ailee on the couch resting. She wakes up to the sound of the door slamming.

"Hey babe." She said yawning.

"Hey guess what I got in my email today?"

"What."

"I got my invitation to my high school reunion."

"I thought you hated high school."

"Oh yeah I hated every ing moment of it, but I think Seungri will be there."

"Oh I understand then. I hope you have fun."

"Don't you mean I hope we have fun. You’re coming with me and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“Ok I will get must stuffed packed now.” She ran up the stairs of their house and went to there room. Youngbae went to the bookshelf in his room and grabbed his senior yearbook. He turned to the picture those two had together at the age of 18 still looking young and innocent. The two were smiling; his now longish black hair was shaved into a mohawk. He looked back to the back of the yearbook and looked at all the things people wrote, but only one in particular stood out to him, not just because it was considerably bigger than everyone else’s, but because of how much it meant to him.

“Hey you crazy bastard, I hope you do well in the future and I can be part of it in someway. When you become a big time vet just know I will never let you around my pets ever. Anyway I just wanted to say if it weren’t for you these last 4 years would have completely if it weren’t for you, so thank you. You changed my life and I won't forget that. I hope we can be friends forever.

-Seungri

“I'm sorry couldn't protect you.” He said, a tear started to fall from his face hitting the two faces on the picture.

***

Seunghyun’s mind started to flash back to him and Youngbae 10 years ago. "I'm sorry I could protect you" said Youngbae. The two were just sitting outside of his old house in Youngbae’s old corvette crying their eyes out. The reason was unknown, but it was something that was important. His mind went back to reality as he his head and headed towards the bathroom. He grabs the prescription in medicine cabinet that he has taken for the past 5 years, clearing his anxiety of the day would arrive where him and Youngbae would meet again.

***

The day had finally arrived and Youngbae is really nervous. He stands in front of the hotel and tries to walk away, but Ailee grabs his arm.

“Don’t try to leave now, you made it this far and you are not going to back out now before you see Seungri.”

“What if he isn't here, he hated this place more than I did.”

“That is true, but if you don’t do it now then you will regret it for the rest of your life and if I have to hear you about this through the entirety of our marriage I will divorce you.”

“You are right and I love you for that.” He gave her a kiss and she smiled. He took in a deep breath and walked through the doors. He made his way up the stairs and found his way to the check in table.

“Hello sir, what are your names?” said the chubby women at the table.

“My name is Dong Youngbae.”

“Wait you’re Taeyang.” He thought to himself about his nickname from high school and then registered that she was talking about him.

“Yeah.”

“Do you remember me, I’m Lee Charin.” He finally registered that she was the girl he had a crush throughout every year in high school. He tried so hard to keep his laughter in.

“Oh yeah of course I remember you. You still look as beautiful as you did in high school.”

“Oh thank you, you don’t have to say that I know it isn’t true. But you on the look...” Ailee coughs a loudly making interrupting Elizabeth’s train of thought. “Oh and who are you?”

           “I’m Lee Yejin and I’m here with my fiancé.” She grabs Youngbae’s arm and wraps her arm through it.

           “Oh I’m sorry please pick up your nametag and please enter.” Youngbae grabs his nametag which simply says Taeyang on it and walks in with Ailee holding his hand.

           “Jeez who was that fat girl trying to hit on you?”

           “She was the girl I had a crush on in high school.” She blurts out laughing, tears starting to fall from his eyes.

           “Wait you had a crush on Ms. Piggy.”

           “Hey in my defense she wasn’t that fat back then.” Out of nowhere a kid ran into Youngbae, the kid fell to his feet and began to cry.

***

           Seunghyun heard the sound of crying and he knew that is was his kid. He ran over toward the direction it was coming from and saw Dongho sitting down crying in front of a tall man and woman.

           “It’s ok there little one. Are you ok?” said the woman.

           “I can’t find my daddy”

           “It is ok, we will find him.” said the man, his voice sounding familiar to him, yet still different. Seunghyun ran over to him and grabbed Dongho. Derek stopped crying realizing his son was there.

           “It’s ok now, your dad is here.” Seunghyun picks him up and puts him over his shoulder. “Thank you so much for looking after him.”

           “Oh it was no...” The man stops and looks at him closely and looks at him in shock. Seunghyun doesn’t understand at first then he realizes who it is. “Is that really you. Honey this is Seungri.”

           “Oh you're the famous Seungri that I’ve heard so much about?”

           “Yeah.” Seunghyun says awkwardly as his eyes are still looking at the man he now realizes is Youngbae. He puts Dongho down and keeps staring at him.

           “My name is Ailee it’s really nice to meet you.” She extends her hand out to shake his hand, he grabs her hand and shakes, but he isn’t really focused on her.

           “Hey Dongho there is someone I would like you to meet. This is Youngbae my best friend from high school.”  Dongho turns around and looks up at Youngbae.

           “Is this the Youngbae that I got my middle name from.”

           “Yes.”

           “It’s really nice to meet you sir.” Dongho shakes Youngbae’s hand and smiles.

           “Wow kid you have one strong grip. You are going to be one strong man one day.”

           “Thank you.” Seungri said still looking at Youngbae. His head began to hurt again.

“Dude it is ok it wasn’t your fault.” said the voice in head, which he knew as Damien’s. His mind slowly went back into reality as an awkward moment of silence remained. The two just stare at each other, not saying any words to one another.

           “Hey I think I should leave you two alone.” says Ailee breaking the silence. “Do you mind if I take Dongho with me?”

           “Oh it is fine. Dongho please go off with the nice lady.”

           “Don’t you mean the really pretty lady?”

           “Yes, just go.” He slightly yells. He goes off with her, but he seems slightly sad.

           “What to say to him” Seunghyun thinks to himself.

***

           “What the hell am I supposed to say to him” Youngbae says to himself. Youngbae taps his feet and looks towards the ceiling.

           “So who was that?”

           “Oh that is my fiancé.”

           “Oh nice, you’re getting married.” The two become quiet again. “I’m married myself.”

           “Oh nice... I see you have a kid.”

           “Yeah. I named him Dongho Youngbae Lee.”

           “Oh he seems like such a great kid... He has a great middle name. Why did you decide to give him that middle name?”

           “Remember I promised you in sophomore year that I would name my first kid if it was a boy after you and it just fit so well with the name Dongho.”

           “Nice... So you’re married?”

           “Yeah... it has been almost 6 years now I think”

           “Great... and how is it?”

           “Oh it is good... She is a great woman” Seungri looked at him and could tell he was lying. He began to laugh. “What’s so funny?”

           “Nothing, it’s just funny that I can still tell when you’re lying.”

           “Wow is it that obvious.”

           “Yeah it is really obvious. You can tell me about it.”

           “I don’t know.”

           “Oh come on you used to tell me everything.”

           “Yeah when we were in high school and the worst stuff we talked about was stupid like who I had a crush on.”

           “Just lay it on me.”

           “It’s not that she is a bad girl or anything, in fact she is great, but I’m not in love with her. I tried for many years but I can’t. The only reason why I married her was because I was forced into it. I had with her once during a drunk at a party and she was pregnant. I told her that everything would be ok and I would support her in whatever she decided to do, but that wasn’t enough for her father. He was an old fashioned man and told me she had to be married before she could have children. I told him no, but he told me he was a rich man and could support me and get me everything I wanted, so I did marry her and that has been my life since.”

           “Wow dude, that is tough, but you shouldn’t marry her just because of that, you could still divorce her.”

           “It is too late now, I have kid now and I don’t want him to grow up with divorced parents like I had too.”

           “I’m sorry man.”

           “Its fine, things could be a lot worse. I’m a rich man with a beautiful wife and child, but enough about me, how about your life. I know you’re getting married and all, but did you end up being a vet like you always used to talk about.

           “Yeah, I got my degree two years ago and been working for this kennel for almost a year and I love it.”

           “Wow your life seems great, you have a hot fiancé, and you have your dream job and look so happy.”

           “That reminds me, did you end up working in foreign affairs.”

           “No. I had to put that on hold for now. I have to wait until Dongho is able to stay home by himself”

           “By the time that happens he will be 13 and you will be out of practice for all those years. You said you’re rich. Can’t you just hire a nanny or something?”

           “That is something I would never do. Have you seen those sad parents who have to get a nanny? Their kids barely know their parents and then treat the nanny like their mother, I don’t want that and I refused that.”

           “That is rough my friend.”

           “You know a lot of the time I feel terrible for thinking this but my life has ruined. I never loved anyone, I’m a ing househusband and worst of all I’m stuck to live in my house unless I have to go shopping for food and it’s all because of a drunken mistake.”

           “Well think about it this at least things aren’t as bad as they could have been considering what happened?”

           “What are you talking about?”

           “You know, what happened during the trip.” Youngbae looked at Seungri’s face and could tell that, he had no clue what he was talking about. Youngbae thought to himself, wondering if he should tell him, but he decided it was best to let it go. “If he didn’t remember then he was the lucky one.”

***

           "What was he trying to tell me and why do I feel lucky that I don't remember?" Seunghyun thought. Youngbae’'s shaky expression kept proving something had happened and Youngbae was going to say it.

           "So do you think we go find Dongo and Ailee now?" Said Damien

           "Wait what were you talking about earlier."

           "Oh it wasn't anything important. It's not even worth talking about." Youngbae was breathing heavy and sweating, Seunghyun knew he was lying.

           "Well if it wasn't so important why would you mention it earlier."

           "Well... Just let it go."

           "Holy you're hiding something that involves me now spill it."

           "I wish it was that easy to say. You not remembering what happened is something I wish I had. If you really wasn't to know I will tell you, but I think its better that you don't remember."

           "Tell me what happened... I know it is bad, but I need to know."

           "Well remember the summer before we went off to college and we went on a road trip around the country." Seunghyun shook his head, he didn’t remember anything about that trip, in fact he didn’t remember from that summer at all. Memories started to float through his head

***

           It was almost exactly 10 years ago on a hot summer night. The two were on traveling around the country before they had to go their separate ways. Mid way through their trip they ran out of funds and instead of telling Youngbae, Seungri thought it would be best to figure it out his own way even if it was illegal. Jay ended up meeting a guy named Park Jaebeom in a shady bar in Florida and decided to sell drugs to make the money. The first week was fine and then he ended up spending all the money and knew he could never pay Jaebeom back, so he told Youngbae to drive faster to California. But Jaebeom wasn’t dumb and followed them and as Seungri saw him one day he decided to tell Youngbae and of course being the protective friend that he was, Youngbae tried to outrun him, but it too late the car was behind them. The air smelled of the warm Arizona air with a mixture of sweat and burning gasoline. Seungri was freaking out and couldn’t stop hyperventilating. Youngbae was nervous too, but remained cool trying not to make Seungri anymore nervous. The headlights from behind them kept getting closer and closer to them.

           “Don’t worry we will make it through this safe, don’t worry I always protect you.” Said Youngbae with a smile coming off his face, even though he wasn’t sure what was going to help them. Those words still couldn’t help Seungri calm down; he knew it was his fault for getting into this. They felt the black car behind them crash in behind them and they ended up spinning into the sandy sidewalk in the middle of nowhere. Youngbae tried to drive out of the sand, but he was stuck.

           “ we are going to die!” Screamed Seungri trying to hide under the seats of the car.

           “No we’re not, trust me.” Jaebeom  got out of the car and walked towards their car, tapping on their car window.

           “Get out of the car.” Jaebeom said Seungri started to get up, but Youngbae pushed him back down and just stayed put.

           “I don’t feel like getting out.”

           “Do you think I’m playing around?” He pulled the silver gun out of his pocket. “Now get the out of the car.” The two got out the car with there hands behind their heads. Youngbae’s face still reflected the same amount of bravery that he always showed and Seungri overly nervous. “You thought you could get away from me after you forget to pay me. Do you think I’m ing stupid?”

    “Yes I actually think you are, .” said Youngbae, still trying to act tough. Jaebeom pointed the gun at Youngbae.

    “You better watch yourself kid.” Youngbae kept quiet and just stared at Jaebeom with a disgusted look. He pointed the gun back at Seungri “Like I was saying I ain’t no fool, I know all your thinking and I know who you are. You know what happens to people who with me.”

    “Please, just let Youngbae go he has nothing to do with this.” Seungri cried.

    “No, we are in this together.”

           “Shame, you should your retarded friend, I don’t want to shoot someone when I don’t have to” Youngbae could no longer hold his rage anymore, he ran towards Jaebeom head on knocking him to the floor with his gun falling to the side.

           “Don’t you ever call my friend that ever again.” Youngbae kept punching Jaebeom in the face, but he was much bigger and stronger then him and he ended up getting flipped over. Jaebeom kept delivering many punches to his face while Seungri just watched him, too shocked to do anything. Youngbae's face started dripping blood as he stilled tried to seem strong even though he was scared to death. Seungri could not stand there just watching anymore as his friend was basically beaten to death. He saw the gun still on the ground and he ran over to grab it. He pulled the trigger of the gun and pointed it at Jaebeom's head.

"Stop it or I... I will shoot." He said nervously, choking on his own words. But he kept hitting Youngbae over and over again. "I mean it I will shoot."

"I'm not scared, you wouldn't shoot me and if you did what do you think would happen. You would wound me and I would still find you and I would kill you. The only way you can get rid of me is to kill me."

"Then I will kill you." His arm started to shake and he started to sweat.

"Don't make me laugh, through the month I've known you I know who are a coward. Even now you are having your best friend fighting your battles like a scared little bit...." Bang. The air started to fill with the smell of gunpowder and blood and all that was left was the lifeless body of what used to be Park Jaebeom with a bullet straight through his forehead. Youngbae looked over not realizing the sight he just witness, his best friend with a gun in his hand, a gun he used to shoot and kill a man. Seungri dropped the gun on the ground and walked over to the body and stared at it.  He kicks him in the stomach adding insult injury or in this case death. “I’m not a coward now.” He went into his pockets and grabbed Jaebeom’s wallet. Youngbae got off the ground and walked over to Seungri who was still kicking Jaebeom’s body. The two then pushed the car out of the sand and began to drive back home in silence, not stopping until they were in front of Seungri’s house. The two just stayed in front of the house and Seungri broke out in tears, screaming over what he had done.

“It wasn’t our fault.” Youngbae said, rubbing his arm on Seungri’s back. “We had to do this man or else we would have been dead.” Even with his words he couldn’t reach Seungri and in turn Youngbae started crying. “I’m sorry... I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.” Seungri got out the car and it was the last time they would see each other in 10 years.

***

Youngbae felt Seungri punch him straight in the face. Youngbae fell to ground as Seungri's nostrils started flare.

"Why would you make me remember that?" Seungri screamed, as he pulled him up by the collar.

"You told me to tell you, you and why does it matter it was ten years ago." Youngbae screamed back at him. People were staring at them and Seungri pulled them over to a place where no one could see or hear them.

"The big deal is that I killed a guy and you can just stand in front of me and be so calm about it, you."

"Please spare me the bull like you’re the only person suffering. I spent the last ten years crying about it and you think you're the only one hurting."

"Shut the up, you have no right to cry, you aren't the one who shot a man straight in the head, you aren't the one kicked his lifeless body, and your not the one who even tried to save him." Tears started to fall from Seungri's face.

"Don't you remember that he tried to kill us. The guy was a monster and the world is better without him."

"Do you think you are God? You think you have the right to say who dies or not. I don't want to see you again and I think it is for the best." Seungri walked away.  A few minutes later Ailee came by and she looked confused.

"Seungri just grabbed Dongho and just stormed out of here like he was mad or something. What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it, lets go home I'm tired of this place”

***

           Seunghyun went home that night holding back his tears so Dongho wouldn’t notice. As Dongho laid down in the back seat of the car he started to think to himself, looking briefly into the back of his car.

           “I don’t deserve this?” He said to himself. “I’ve been living a rich life with a beautiful wife and son, while I live my life not getting punished for killing a man.” He pulled into the driveway and picked up Dongho and bringing him to his bed.

           “Hey you guys are back.” Hyorin said

           “Yeah I we are.”

           “What wrong?”

           “I’m going to go out tonight and staying at a hotel.”

           “Wait did I do something wrong or push you away, Is there another women?”

           “Listen you didn’t do anything. I just need to be alone for awhile and I care about you too much for you to get involved.”

           “Ok I will see you tomorrow.” Seunghyun left but didn’t say a word to her. He sped to a nearby hotel and checked in taking his keys and opening the door of 206. He went to the bed and laid down. His mind kept showing him the lifeless body of Park Jaebeom, the flow of blood still coming from his head. He looked forward and saw Jaebeom even though he knew it was an illusion.

    “Hey Jaebeom it is nice to see you.” He said, just staring at him. “My life has been great lately and I have a kid now. I know I cannot be forgiven for shooting you down and forgetting about you was not a better idea.” Seunghyun started crying. “Now that I have a son I realize that I need to pay for the sins that I have done and is too late to go to jail now.” He took the razor blade out of his pocket. “I will see you later.” He knew that it would finally be over, the massive headaches he got everyday, the painful memories he had suppressed and lastly the tainted hands that he could never wash clean.   He moved his hand and started cutting all over his body, his screams filling the air. He began to fall over as he saw a man dialing on his cellphone.

***

           Youngbae’s phone began to ring as he ran towards the phone.

           “Hello.” He said

           “Hi.” said a crying woman on the phone “This is Hyorin, Seunghyun’s wife. I just wanted to tell you that he tried to commit suicide last night.”

           “Oh my god is he still alive.”

           “Yes, but barely. He told me to make sure I called you. Please if you can...” The phone goes silent for a moment. “Please come to the hospital.”

           “Yeah, send me the address.” Youngbae rushed out of the house ignoring Ailee's questions as he got into his car. He knew why Seungri did it and it made him feel even worse than he already did.

           When he arrived at the hospital he rushed to the front desk and figured out what floor Seungri was on. He rushed to the elevator and constantly kept pressing the 5 button. He looked down at his friend stilled covered in dried blood.

***

Seunghyun looked up at Damien and smiled at him.

           "Hey my old friend thanks for coming." He kept choking on his own words. He knew he was going to die at any moment and he was fine with it. "Listen to me I know I don't have that much time left, but I need to tell you this, I don't blame you."

           "Wait what are you saying?"

           "For all these years you have been blaming yourself not being able to protect me, but it isn't your fault."

           "But it is, it was my job to protect you like I always did in high school."

           "I never asked you to do that did I? Don't beat yourself for something you never caused. I'm the one got us involved with Jaebeom, I'm the one who took his gun and I'm the one who ended his life."

           "I'm sorry I told you. If I didn't tell you anything you could have lived your life peacefully with your wife and son."

“ Stop apologizing, it’s starting to get old." Seunghyun stopped for a moment and gasped for air.      "You know I used to think that living a life with a loveless marriage was the biggest punishment, but now I realize that was a luxury that I didn't deserve." Tears started to fall down Youngbae's face. "Before I go can you please take care of Dongho for me, make sure he grows up well and doesn't end up like his no good father."

           "I will, I will treat him like he is my own, but you will make it." Seunghyun's looked at the window and saw the clouds in the sky. "I will be going up there soon" He thought "Or will I be going somewhere else for the crimes I have committed and meet Jaebeom."  He smiled and looked at Youngbae. "I never thought that I loved anyone one before in my life and it made me sad, but now that I think about it I..." He couldn't say anymore, his heart had stopped. As he slowly drifted out of consciousness he started to think about the things he done and things that he never got to say, but yet he was at peace. The pain of this world faded away from him and then nothing.