。BREAKEVEN

So Eun pumped her fists and grinned, "Yeah!  I'm done!" 

She closed the files proudly as she got out of the office with quick steps.   The moon was already hanging high in the sky, So Eun quickly shopped for dinner before heading back to her house.

''Hey, So Eun, is this all? '' Luhan, the boy at the counter asked her while packing the two pieces of steak  into a bag.

''Yeah, he loved steaks, '' So Eun smiled softly at him.

Luhan was not surprised to see her coming at such a late hour, in fact he had already adapted to getting off work late.   His work was pretty boring, since all he needed to do was scan the barcode and then make sure the customers pay the exact amount of money.   However So Eun's appearance  can always brighten up his work as she was the only one who would make small conversations with him.   He remembered the first meeting with So Eun, where he was almost asleep behind the counter.  He was scared to death when So Eun knocked on the counter to wake him up.   Dear boy, this was his only job at that time and he couldn't get fired because of falling asleep during work. 

''What are you chuckling at?'' So Eun had the bag in her hand and tilted her head at him.

''Nothing. '' Luhan cheekily smiled and waved her off. ''Go home safe!''

''Arrasso, you too,'' So Eun replied without turning back.

--------

"Honey! I'm back!" So Eun yelled while inserting the key into the key-hole and turned the doorknob with a wide smile on her face.  She glanced around the room and found the cupboard opened, inside were a pair of blue slippers with the size that was much larger than the one she was wearing.  She shook her head lightly and closed the cupboard. 

"You're early tonight!" A husky male voice replied.

''Yeah, I've got only 5 cases today,'' So Eun said as she put the bag into the kitchen, ''and guess what?''

''What?'' The male raised his voice a little with a hint of amusement.

''I bought us steaks tonight！'' So Eun chirpped happily as she began to prepare the ingredients for the dinner.

''Oh my... I love you Eunnie～'' The male cooed and So Eun blushed a little.

''Anything for you, hon', '' So Eun muttered while cooking the steak.

----

''Hey, come down now. Dinner is ready！'' So Eun yelled as she put down the two plates and a laptop on the dining table.   Then, she hit the 'play' button of the laptop.

''Alright,'' he answered and footsteps could be heard.

So Eun sat down.  There was a screeching sound of the chair and  she smiled softly at the man in the video.

''Delicious, your cooking is the best,'' the male said again.

''I'm glad that you think so,'' So Eun smilingly ate her last piece of steak before taking the plates into the kitchen.  She washed her own dish and then dumped the other untouched steak.   After washing the dishes, she sighed contently.

------

So Eun sat down on the sofa with a thump and hugged the teddy bear tight.   She the television and changed to the only channel that she watched.   She looked around the house, there's only one adjective to describe this place -- lifeless.  There was no life here at all.  Everything was dead, including So Eun.   It was so quiet that even when So Eun moved a little on the sofa, a squeak could be heard.  The deafening silence was haunting her. It heightened her senses. She can hear every tick tock of the clock and her heart beating and the air that she breaths out. She counted it. Each time she breath, every little exhales and wheezing. She counted to get rid of the feeling that she was alone. That she was the only one in the house. She couldn't believe it was this hard to adapt to it.

So Eun sighed as she watched the video that's been playing since she entered the house.  The cheesiness between the female and the male lead was too much.  She paused the video and blinked back the tears that had formed. 

''Hon', do you love me?'' So Eun closed her eyes tiringly.   She asked while cuddling with the teddy bear.  

'' I... I... ''   Was that stuttering?

'' Hon'...?''

"I...I..."  Denial?

Not now...not again... So Eun thought. 

''I...''   She immediately shot open her eyes and stared at the video.

''...''   Silence.

No... So Eun was not going to let this happen again. 

The room was suddenly ice cold, loneliness seeped through the cracks and crevices surrounding her in an overwhelmingly somber blue.  Everything was suddenly cold, so cold.  Even Soeun felt her heart shiver with an icy burn, and her vision enshrouded with blackness.

''Hon'...!'' So Eun was on the brink of tears and threw the teddy away.

She ran towards the corner of the living room and opened the pink box.   She took out the radio and pressed on  all the buttons, hoping it would work.   But the radio kept silent as if it's telling the truth,telling her that he didn't love her, telling So Eun to accept the cruelness of reality.

''Hon'! Answer me!'' So Eun was completely out of her mind.   She shook the radio vigorously.  The pain that she was hiding was now unbearable,  as if she was stabbed by a knife in the heart, streams of blood were leaking out of the huge gash. 

'' Answer me ! '' She collapsed on the floor with teary eyes.

------

"Get out this instant!'' The man yelled at her face.  The smile was gone.  The heart that used to beat for her was gone.

''Why hon'? Am I not pretty enough? You know I'll do everything for you! '' So Eun spoke through her shaking voice, trying to sound as convincing as she could.

''Who is it , love?'' a female came out from the house and hugged the man from the back.

''Who is she? '' So Eun had her eyes widened.

"Just a nobody, Hayoung-ie. "  With just three words, the man shut the door and left a broken-hearted So Eun behind.

------

Though she had known that he was the most well-known playboy in the whole school, she didn't expect this.

Was she too blinded by love to ignore the fact that he was a playboy?  Or was it because of the sweet things that he had told her in those three years that made her think she had a chance to make him fall for her?

Tears fell like waterfall, a tap that couldn't be turned off.   Her heart beated so fast that she couldn't even breath anymore...

-----

Without any hesitations, she rushed towards the nearest shop that repaired electronic appliances.  However, to her dismay, the staff said it couldn't be fixed.

"No! There must be a way!   Or did I just forgot to change the batteries?  Or was it the input..." So Eun slammed her fists onto the counter. 

"I'm sorry, Miss, but this is not about the inputs or the batteries," the staff apologized when he saw how disappointed So Eun was.

"I DON'T CARE!  GET THIS FIXED!"  So Eun couldn't calm herself down anymore.

She was sick of all of these.  Sick of being abandoned, sick of being left alone, sick of having to lock the pain away deep in her heart... 

However, with the radio she was still able to get herself drown into her own dreams, able to pretend she's fine. 

The staff just stared at her with an apologizing look, and handed her the broken radio.

However, her hands loosened the grip on the radio and sighed.  She stared at the door and spoke softly, "If it couldn't be fixed, then throw it away."

-------
 

''What to do?''

Without the radio, she was lost again.  When she put her hand on her chest, the strong beating that used to be there was gone.  Perhaps she had lost it when she walked out of his door. 

''Where should I go?''

The questions that appeared a year ago floated back into her head.   Her mind was totally blank. 

--------

The drawer in her room was left opened. 

So Eun's hand grabbed the small black bottle tightly. 

With her heart beating faster than ever, she stepped out of the house, not bothering to lock the door.

"One, two... steps...''

One, two, swallow...

So Eun turned around and muttered a goodbye.  Immediately, she started to feel the drowsiness and yawned a little.

''Three, four, steps...''

Three, four, swallow...

She forced herself to swallow down the pills though her dry throat refused to.  She could feel the pain leaving her gradually, as she walked with lighter steps like a feather floating freely around.

''Five, six steps...''

Five, six , swallow...

Had she made the correct decision?  So Eun felt a lump forming in but she quickly swallowed it and pretend nothing had happened.  But what is right and what is wrong?  Was loving him wrong?  Or was being left behind wrong? Or everything were just simply wrong?  Whatever, decisions were made and instructions were followed, no matter it was right or wrong, the consequences were to be bore.

''Seven, eight... eight...''

She gripped onto the bottle as if her life depended on it.  All she could see were blurry images, people flying here and there, circles on the left and stars on the right.  Was this what the world should be like?  Just a blur and everything's gone...

But there's one faint image that's becoming clearer, his house.

''Eight...''

What's after eight?  She couldn't tell.  She panicked and the tiny bottle slipped away.  It made contact with the concrete ground and shattered broken glass everywhere.  So Eun just stood there, dumbfounded, looking at the broken bottle which reflected her tear-stained face.

Though So Eun couldn't exactly map out every little detail of his house, she could still remember how every thing were located.  She pressed the doorbell on the left corner and felt her legs giving up.  She grabbed onto the iron gate's bars, hoping he would be fast enough to reach here before she leave.  

No, she must see him once more before she leave, no matter when he would come.

So Eun tried her very best to keep her conciousness as she heard the wristwatch ticked.   Her fingers caressed the patterns of the huge iron gate, just like how she would do it when she was waiting for him outside his house.  Memories rushed into her brain,  how the silly him bumped into her, how his eyes captured her heart, how he accepted her confessions and the sweet moments of their dates...

After a few minutes, but more like hours to So Eun, a blue thing moved towards the gate.   Although it was blurred, that image had always been in So Eun's mind.   The tall and well-built figure, those brown and captivating eyes, the sharp nose, the soft short brown hair ...   It was the man that had appeared in So Eun's videos, the man who had swept her feet off the ground, the man whose voice was forever sweet to So Eun, and the man who had left So Eun in ruins.

So Eun couldn't find a reason not to love him, but she couldn't find a reason not to hate him either.  

As the man approached, So Eun knew that time was up.   Never had she known that they would end this way.   For if she had know how this love would turn out to be, she would rather not have this started at all. 

 Life was out of her petite body. Her hands no longer had the strength to hold onto the bars.   She could hear the gates opened with a screeching sound and she smiled though dizziness had washed all over her.   His voice were still music to her ears, although it had turned foreign and cold.   His arms wrapping arouns her fragile body were still firm and made So Eun's heart skipped a beat.   So Eun put on her brightest smile, knowing that at least she was in his arms for the last few seconds, before she leave him forever.

A tear escaped from the corner of her eye.  

It was a burst of mixed feelings. 

The simple life that So Eun had always wanted to live was ruined.  

All her plans could no longer carry out.  

The dreams that she wanted to share with him were broken. 

However, she didn't regret it.  She would always remember the time when he and she shared together, and all the memories were already worth it.

 She carefully lifted her shaking hand and caressed his face, suddenly feeling a bit scared to leave.   She could feel him shiver under her touch and his eyes widened in shock.

 With her one last breath, she let his name rolled sweetly on her tongue, just like how she would do it when he would hold her tightly in his arms, '' Kris...''

--------

Kris was bewildered.

A girl who just came knocking on his door, calling his name, touching his face and suddenly fainted?

He saw the girl's weak hand falling on her lap and her eyes start to close.  He was bewildered and the pace of his heart picked up.  

"Yah!  Wake up!  Don't sleep on my lap..." The sentence was cut off as he felt there was no movement on his lap.  His eyes widened to the fullest and gingerly put a finger under the girl's nose.  To his surprise, the girl was not breathing!

He panicked and with shaking hands, he took out his phone from his pocket and dialled the number for the ambulance.  An ambulance came within seconds.  The  ambulancemen immediately took So Eun into the car and drove off.

Kris scratched his head after watching the ambulance drove off and couldn't help but wonder why would that girl faint in front of his door.  He couldn't even tell who she was.  He shrugged it off and went back into his house.

"Hey hon', what happened out there? " A girl that had dyed her hair into golden brown asked him with a sweet smile on her face.

"Nothing, Seyeong," Kris closed the door behind him and ruffled her hair softly, "just a stranger who was lost."  He dared not to tell his girlfriend that someone just passed away in his arms right in front of the door.  He shivered with fear, wondering if that was a sign of bad luck.

"Oh, I see," Seyeong pulled Kris closer and led him into the kitchen. 

She smiled and laid her hand on Kris' chest, feeling the strong rhythm of his heart beating for her.  She chuckled and asked, " By the way, I'm making steaks for dinner tonight, is it alright?"

"Of course, I love steaks," Kris smiled warmly and wrapped his arms around her firmly.

-The End-