Staring out the car window she imaged the raindrops were racing. Splattering against the windows to their doom was an incoherent reminder of her own doom. These raindrops…she was among them.

The car stopped and they were at the wedding planner’s shop.

Just a week ago, Yookyung had been brought to her father’s study. He wasn’t her biological father. About six years back she was adopted from an orphanage she’d been transferred to. Because she was old no one kept her for long. Yookyung had been from place to place and she was used to it.

After moving in with the new family she expected love from, she realized the orphanage was a better place for her. She’d rather have to move from place to place than to live in a house similar to a freezer. Under the cracks of the doors she could feel the cold vibes from her family.

They, as she learned over time, weren’t loving people. Affection wasn’t their thing.

There was a brother and a sister, both older than her. Yet, neither cared about her. They were too into their own wraths toward their parents.

“Why do we need another one,” they’d snickered behind her back. “As if mom and dad need another mouth to feed. They’re just going to place her around the house for show.”

Yes, why indeed had she been adopted.

Yookyung never understood.

The family had a son and a daughter, any parent would dream that. Why had her parents brought her in?

Meals with her family weren’t warm. It wasn’t full of chatter at the dinner table. No one wanted to know how the other’s day had been. The parents didn’t want to know what their children’s friends were like. No one really cared about what the other did. If father or mother were in pain or if the children were feeling uncomfortable anywhere.

None of it mattered.

And then her father decided for her, “You’re getting married. His name’s Kai.”

Kai was a very quiet man. His face tended to glow more than hers and he looked like he came from a happier family. He gave her small talk, but looked glued into his own world. After the first meet she’d said she didn’t want to get married.

“What are you talking about? You don’t want to marry him?” Her mother had questioned her in a way that made her look absurd, as if she was throwing away her own hopes and dreams.

“Yes.”

“We’re doing this for you!” Her father raised his voice steadily. “And you say no? You ungrateful child!”

“We saved you from the alleys!” Her mother’s soft spoken yet squeaky voice reminded. “No!?”

“But I don’t even know him.”

“You can get to know him after marriage! What are you talking about?” Her mother went on. “Give it some time. Why are you so impatient?”

And even now, a month after, Yookyung still didn’t know who Kai was or what kind of a person he was. Both parents had given her the cold shoulder at home. Within her own home she felt isolated.

Was that possible?

A family, in her head, loved each other. They smiled and talked to each other.

Hers didn’t.

Yookyung had to wonder so many times about what had gone wrong.

“Yes, this dress,” her mother sounded so happy when they turned the page of the wedding dress catalog. “It’s perfect! It’s so beautiful!”

And Yookyung was pulled up from her seat to have her measurements taken. She wanted a gown with sleeves decorated with beads, but her mother wanted a strapless one embroidered in flowers and sparkly beads.

The bell above the door chimed and Kai followed his mother in. He was led over and seated near her where they placed a catalog of tuxedos in front of him. Unlike her he smiled up at the wedding planner as she guided him through the book.

He, she thought, was great with people. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that he was from a well-off family. He’d grown up well and had been educated well. And he was well loved by his parents. Yookyung didn’t understand why he’d been forced into this if they loved him so.

Turning away from him she stared blankly into space as the woman tightened the measurement band around her waist.

Almost half an hour later when their mothers were busy chatting inside with tea Yookyung stepped out the back door. There was a luscious green yard in the back overfilled with a fresh variety of flowers growing along the tree roots. They made a pretty garden and since it was summer time she saw butterflies swarming around their beauties. Though it was a one sided love it looked harmonious.

Her heart sunk though. Her life was nowhere that line. She always felt depressed and pressured either by the stares of her parents or her siblings whether they looked at her at all or not. They made her feel as if she was the disappointment of the family when she wasn’t part of them to begin with.

Again, she wondered why she’d been adopted in the first place so needlessly. Why had she been forced to life such a meaningless life?

She knew no one and no one wanted to help her. As much as she yearned for her parents to love her, she wanted escape.

Yookyung awoke from her locked thoughts when she heard the door swing shut behind her. Without turning she knew who it was that had come out. There was no desire to talk to him, to get to know him on a better level. From whichever side she looked at it, they would remain strangers forever and ever.

Yookyung couldn’t marry someone she didn’t know. Nor did she think…did she care about him in any kind of way at all.

“I’m not going through with this,” Yookyung said.

“Yea?” He asked rather contradictorily. “I don’t think we have much of a choice.”

Yookyung’s eyes floated toward the ground before she swiftly turned around to look at him. He was tall and well built. Kai wasn’t swayed by her eyes and continued to stand there looking back at her as if he knew she wouldn’t win him.  

“Can’t you do something about it?” Yookyung asked.

“I can’t.”

That night Yookyung lie awake in bed staring up at the ceiling as if it was the night sky and the stars. In her chest was a big empty hole that couldn’t be felt. There was a sure feeling that she didn’t quite belong there in that rich household. It just wasn’t her place nor did it seem to suit her.

The next morning Yookyung rose early. Dressed in sweats and a matching sweater she decided she couldn’t stay in the house. The breeze was soft like an early spring wind; warm, graceful, and heartfelt. As it flowed against her face her hair was swept back.

This was what she wanted.

Peace.

No one would look her way and no one would care. It was her and only her.

The river looked like it was shimmering underneath the bright white sun, as if speckles of glittered had been sprinkled. Letting out a fulfilled gasp she smiled for the first time hoping that it would give her some strength. Stretching her arms back she jumped a step forward and sat down.

She wanted this life where she could be happy with the simple things. She wanted a life where looking at others’ happiness enlightened her. She wanted to be able to do what she wanted, choose what she wanted, and make her own decisions.

Yookyung wanted to be happy.

The next sigh became smaller. Folding her knees up to her chest she continued to stare into the distance where the water continued to flow endlessly. If happiness could be endless she wouldn’t ask for more.

Returning home slowly she tucked her hands into the pockets of her sweater. Once she turned around the bend she spotted a car that wasn’t theirs parked alongside the street. Slowly stopping in step she stared at the delicious black color of the smooth automobile before turning to stare at her house secured behind a tall brick wall.

From inside her guts dropped from its place. Her lids lowered and she turned to look away wondering if she should even go in at all. Deciding that she would ponder about it she shifted her back to the wall and stood there for a few minutes.

In the end, she didn’t want to go in at all.

When the hinges on the heavy door unlocked she quickly turned in case she was caught and scolded.

“What’s this?” The old maid questioned. “So this is where you are? Everybody’s been looking for you! Do you know the trouble you’ve caused?”

Grasping her hands before her she slightly nodded before walking in. When she started down the hall she heard voices coming from the main room. Before she knew it, her steps slowed even more as if delaying time would change what was next to happen.

“Madam,” the old maid called.

When her mother turned her head on the couch she was sitting on Yookyung immediately lowered her head. Kai, on the couch near the wall, twisted his torso around to look at her. Then without warning the old maid gave her a shove from behind forcing her to fall a step forward.

“Where have you been?” Her mother questioned. “Never mind that, hurry and go change into some appropriate clothes. You’re going out for lunch.”

Yookyung glanced at her mother before looking at the clock on the wall. It was too early for lunch.

“Did you hear me?” Her mother asked.

Yookyung slightly lowered her head and gently gritted her teeth before lifting her head up, “No. I’m comfortable in this.”

A smile slithered over Kai’s face before he stood, “Then we’ll be going now.”

Yookyung glanced up at him and slightly turned her head to watch as he walked by. Without glancing at her mother she pressed her lips together and turned to follow. Deep inside her heart she hated this.

Since she still had her shoes on, without waiting for Kai who was slipping into his shoes by the front door she passed him by. Sullenly starting down the steps she thought she would never be as free as she felt that morning…ever.

Why had she been brought to this house?

When Kai finally walked through the door she was standing by the passenger’s side of the door. She thought she wouldn’t wait for him to open it for her. She wouldn’t be waited on like how her family were waited on by their special chauffeurs. Yookyung would do things on her own, by herself. She…would be independent and one day she would be free.

He glanced her way once before unlocking the doors.

“Sure you want to wear that?” Kai questioned without looking at her.

The expression on his face looked like he was mocking on, like this was so much fun for him. Yookyung could almost see him as one of those sons spoiled by his parents.

“Are we going to get this over with or not?” Yookyung stiffly questioned pulling the seatbelt over her.

Pressing his lips together he slightly widened his eyes and shook his head before starting the car. Moments later Yookyung found herself standing in front of a grand restaurant molded to look like a Chinese palace. Even its appearance was too stunning for to be a simple high class restaurant.

A snort bellowed through her lips.

Everyone here would be dressed in gowns from the eighteenth century, she sarcastically felt.

“I tried warning you,” he reminded.

Without holding back she rolled her eyes and started to turn around. She’d had enough of dressing up and having her face decked in thick powder. Why couldn’t she just be herself?

“Then you eat by yourself,” Yookyung said loudly as she stepped back into the lot.

Kai turned around to look at her, but didn’t follow.

“My uncle owns this place,” Kai spoke loud enough for her to hear, “if I don’t at least show up, I’ll be in more trouble than you not coming out with me.”

She immediately stopped in her steps.

“He just wants to see what you look like.”

Yookyung subconsciously gritted her teeth before turning to look at him, “I…am not going to marry you.”

Kai just smiled as if her words had no threat, “Sure.”

Twisting away from her walked toward the glass doors and pulled it open. He turned her way and waited. Yookyung despised herself even more for inclining.

To be honest, she didn’t feel as mighty as the act she’d put on. She felt shy when she walked in and embarrassed of the sweats she was in. Out of all the dresses and well-tailored suits she was the only one in casual attire that only street people wore. This was an insult to the high class as she’d been taught.

Yookyung lowered her eyes and seemingly paused in steps several times, but Kai continued pushing her forward from behind. She could hear him greeting and bow in greeting toward the people who recognized him. So, she thought, he hadn’t lied about his uncle who owned the restaurant.

When the main dining room disappeared from sight Yookyung felt more relaxed and realized there had been tension throughout her whole body.

“This way,” Kai finally appeared from behind her and pushed a door to the right open.

Once the walls of the office filled with shelves and a desk appeared through the gap Yookyung heard a cheery laughter, the kind that came through the belly. Kai was talking and she heard him apologize that they couldn’t stay to dine with him. Guilt stabbed at her and she slightly poked her head into the room.

Just as his laughter, Kai’s uncle was a round shaped man with a belly protruding through his chef uniform. He smiled at her kindly and held an arm out in invitation for her to come in.

“I’m so sorry I haven’t had time to come out at all,” he apologized as his hand settled on her arm.

She felt him overlook her and tried to smile at him, but nothing showed on her face.

He gasped and smiled again before laughing, “Aren’t you a lucky guy. You’re going to get married to someone from Atlantis!”

She heard him slap Kai in the chest playfully, but all the while her eyes sat on the orange carpet. In her mind she continued to ask for escape.

Finally outside again moments later Yookyung charged into the lot toward the street without waiting for him. She wanted to be alone now and since her mom thought she was with him she wanted to spend as much time outside as possible.

“Where are you going?” Kai called slowly following from behind.

Pausing on the sidewalk Yookyung waved her hand out for a cab, “I’m going to do my own thing.”

“What is that?”

“I don’t think I need to tell you.”

Kai still managed to smile a bit broadly as a hiss of breath escaped.

“I’ll take you,” Kai told. “Since I cancelled lunch as you wished, we’ll have lunch your way.”

Yookyung turned to look at him as if to search for any hidden objectives on his agenda.

Minutes later she found herself standing in a convenience store in front of a cooler. As she grabbed a bottle of juice she felt Kai judge her selection with his eyes before she walked toward the dry section to pick out a bowl of noodles. He followed her around the store and she heard a breathless, but quiet laugh fall out of his mouth when she sat in front of the river moments later.

“Do you really like this?” He questioned still on his feet beside her.

“Yes, I do.”

Ripping off the cover of her noodle bowl she stirred the contents with her wooden chopsticks before slurping her meal down. Kai sat down beside her seconds later with the same bowl in his hand. Since he wasn’t sure what to get he’d copied her. Without talking they ate quietly.

After fulfilling their stomachs they sat quietly with Yookyung staring off into the distance. The same kind of emotions that had fluttered through her that morning were nowhere to be felt now. Maybe it was because she wasn’t alone.

“Why does it seem like you hate me?” Kai started leaning back. “I don’t remember doing anything hateful.”

“Then,” she started, “if your parents love you so much, why are you allowing them to set you up like this?”

“This?” He repeated. “The marriage?” He seemed to lean his head on his shoulder, “It’s the only thing I can do for them. I’m their son after all. They don’t decide anything with bad intentions. It’s just…how things are done.”

“You call that an answer?” Yookyung muttered underneath her breath.

“Yes,” he nodded. “I have no choice.”

When Yookyung soaked in her bath that late evening she wondered about his words. Was there really no choice, no way out? Was it…really like that?

Just because he was their son, just because it was the only thing he could do for them…he’d do it? Was that really an acceptable answer?

Yookyung didn’t know. The more she thought about it, the more her head hurt. She didn’t know their world. She wasn’t born high class, so she didn’t know how things worked. To her, it felt like she needed to do things that would be beneficial to her future, not for the sake of anyone else.

She didn’t know…she didn’t know.

Why had she been adopted?

That weekend as she was awoken at dawn and fed nothing, but a bowl of rice for breakfast. There was a banquet later in the day. It was a party for her and Kai, she was told, to make their relationship official and known to the other high class families. If there was a relationship at all, Yookyung didn’t know.

She felt the stylist pull her head back as she grabbed her hair. Yookyung couldn’t make noise, but stared at the transformation happening before her eyes. There was a beauty there that didn’t belong to her. This wasn’t her and she couldn’t accept it no matter how many times the stylist seemed to compliment her.

Yookyung…didn’t feel right about anything.

Why was this happening to her?

“Your dress is here, hurry and put it on,” her mother called setting a dress safely protected by plastic guard onto her bed.

The stylist was now gone and Yookyung was now alone with the beauty in the mirror. Her eyes were dull and there was no smile.

Who was this person staring back at her?

Her eyes continued to droop when she ran her hand down the smooth plastic of the dress woven specifically for her. It was a beautiful dress too grand for her kind.

This wasn’t right. This wasn’t who she was. This wasn’t what she’d lived for.

She wasn’t a doll to be fixed back and forth as if she had no feelings at all. This…all of this was extravagant and beautiful, but she didn’t want this. She…wanted her freedom. She wanted happiness.

As the detailed lace became clearer to her eyes she heard something drop against the plastic. Quickly tilting her head up to protect the makeup from smearing she dabbed the tip of her finger cautiously against the lid of her eye.

Music echoed into the air when the doors opened for her and her parents. The huge chandelier was shining gold in the center of the room and there were long tables draped in white all over the room. In the middle center were tables specifically reserved for VIP guests of the night.

It was beautiful. Everything that had been set up had been carefully planned and designed with time. A pyramid of champagne cups was stacked up on one of the tables near the doorway when her mother pulled her along. All the persons there were dressed in suits and dresses sent from abroad.

Beautiful, but not her world.

Yookyung browsed her eyes around and was brought to a stop every so often when they met with relatives.

“Ahh…how beautiful she is.”

“Congratulations.”

“She looks great.”

And at these compliments Yookyung would try to put on a light smile before she was brought over to her seat. After playing with the candy on her table she got up to walk over to the snack table to look around. A sigh filtered out of her lips before she turned around when someone tapped her shoulder.

She met with Kai’s smile when she turned and he held out a plate of his snacks for her. She glanced at it before taking some chips and bit into them.

“I bet you didn’t expect this,” Kai assumed. “I’m not into these kind of events.”

Yookyung peered around at the crowd gathering in through the door and bit on another part of the chip.

“I heard they started planning the wedding behind our backs,” Kai told.

A mic screeched through the speakers before Kai grabbed the chips out of her hand and placed them onto his plate, which he quickly set down. Confused about what was going on she felt him pull her up toward the low platform at the front where their parents currently were.

Yookyung barely made up the steps without tripping before they ended up side by side next to their parents. She could hear him slightly catching his breath before clearing his throat and settled his hands to his sides.

“Smile.” He whispered.

Yookyung slightly turned her head toward him before looking to the front and as a speech proceeded her eyes roamed over the 50 or so guests below. One of them was a bald man with thin glasses, he looked strict as if he read and taught lectures every day. Another one was a plump woman who seemed to cook nonstop 12 hours a day and would go to tasting her food for the perfect taste. Another skinny man appeared then a slim woman and then another skinny man with his plump wife.

Who were they? Were they here for her or her parents? Or were they here for Kai and his parents? What meaning did she have here?

Yookyung barely knew any of them.

Who was she?

Why was she there?

Why had she been brought into this family?

“I have no choice.”

“I have no choice.”

“I have no choice.”

“I have no choice.”

And something shattered. Glass cracked as if the pressure forced onto it was too much for something so fragile to bear. The cracks slithered into the next piece and then the next before a shard fell out and another. The mirror exploded and the beauty in it disappeared into a million pieces as it hit the ground.

Yookyung’s vision flashed

Yes, indeed…she understood now. In front of these 50 or so people she didn’t know, who were barely related to her, she knew now.

The corner of her lips curved up and she felt like laughing crazily.

She knew now.

She was a tool; something to be handed over in order for them to gain something behind her back.

She was a measly tool.

Her sister couldn’t marry Kai, so someone had been sought for from the orphanage, and she had been chosen. She was brought here not to be given the love of a family, but to be traded over…to be used.

She wasn’t of any worth at all.

No one cared.

Yookyung roamed her eyes over everyone. Suddenly she couldn’t see color nor could she hear them applause and cheer.

She felt someone shake her gently before the noise slowly filtered back through her nerves into her ears.

“Are you ok?” Kai questioned quietly.

A spiteful half-smile took charge of her lips.

“Sure, I’m smiling, aren’t I?”

And for once Kai frowned at her instead of pulling on the patient smile he so often used.

Her mind emptied out and she felt her knees become brittle before her legs slightly felt weak. Almost losing her balance she gripped hard onto his arm without knowing she was pressing a bruise into his skin.

“What’s wrong?” He quickly worried.

Yookyung felt her lips tremble and managed to say, “I want to leave.”

Kai overlooked her before grabbing her arm to steady her and they left the stage.

On the drive home Yookyung sullenly stared out into the night silently.

“Are you not feeling well?” Kai asked. “Should I get you some medicine?”

She ignored him until she reached home where she immediately ran to her room. Slamming the door shut she felt the tears flood down her face and she cried out loud, screaming the anger and pain away.

She’d been used, she’d been used.

Nothing was as she wanted.

She ran her nails against her dress in hopes of ruining the beautiful garment before sliding against the wall and onto the ground. The sobs she hadn’t long expected came out hard and she cried hard.

Yookyung hated this.

She wanted to get away from this hell.

As the night deepened and she continued to lay there on the floor. All thoughts had dispersed. A one-time anger would only be felt one time.

Yookyung discovered herself laughing a bit crazily.

Why did it matter if she was a tool after all? It didn’t mean she was of any less importance than what they were using her for. She would no longer be there with them after, so why would it matter?

Suddenly dragging herself up she walked into the bathroom, the lights, and walked toward the shower. As the water sprouted down she hung her head into the tub, the droplets landing against the back of her head.

Kai was a tool too. His parents were using him, but he was dealing with it. If that was so, then she had no choice. He was useless without her.

So be it, she thought.

In the morning Yookyung went jogging around the neighborhood until her legs felt like they were going to break down. Stopping to catch her breath she felt the sweat seep through her pores. in deep breaths she lifted her head up to start up the walk toward her home, but stopped when she spotted a car. It didn’t take long for her to recognize Kai leaning against it.

Yookyung stared at him a bit before walking toward him, “I was going to call you.”

He raised a brow, “Why?”

“To talk.”

“Talk?”

Yookyung stopped when she took a step forward to stand in front of him.

“Lets get married.”

A questionable expression crossed his face.

“I said…”

“I heard you.” He cut her off.

Yookyung stared up into his face and her insides shook. She thought looking at him made her hurt even more than when she was alone with her thoughts. Her lips quivered and her eyes watered up.

No matter what, she thought, she was still upset for being used like this.

And she hated it.

Kai hesitantly reached his hand forward before draping it around her back. A moment later she felt her head touch his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, “I can’t help you.”

And clutching onto his sleeve Yookyung cried.

***Yookyung is a bit of a depressed character who lives with a glimmer of hope for the better, but when she realizes the better doesn't exist for her, she breaks. Eventually this is how it ends; with them marrying. But at least Kai's not a bad guy *.* 

***This oneshot has its own special feel to it. Sometimes in life, things are just the way they are even if we're angry about it.