They were doing an interview, Leeteuk was back after 2 years and everyone was happy so the interview was going really well for everyone. The atmosphere in the room was at the top of the top, everyone missed their leader, everyone was either touching him, hugging him or just smiling at him. Everyone was happy... that's what they thought at least, they were all laughing and smiling but they didn't know what was going on in someone's head at the moment.

Eunhyuk was tired but he kept talking.

Eunhyuk was angry but he kept smiling.

Eunhyuk wanted to cry but he kept laughing.

These jokes, these comments, these laughs ... he couldn't take it anymore.

Why? That's the question he asked himself every night, when he's in front of his mirror, far from everyone, looking at his face, his body. Was he really that ugly? He thought he worked hard to be at least handsome, but those years of working out and shopping meant nothing. They were still making fun of him, and even the MCs were mocking him.

Is he not good enough to be on camera?

Should he hide somewhere? run away from everyone? from his supposed "friends"? He didn't know, but he knew he was tired of it.

The interview lasted 10 minutes, everyone said their goodbyes and left the building. Cheers and laughs were heard in both cars, even if Hyuk took the car without Leeteuk, thinking he could at least relax and clear his thoughts, the members were still crazy.

He was sitting in the back, next to the window, eyes closed, trying to block away the sound of the others laughing and talking really loudly.

But no success.

"I'm so happy Leeteuk is back" Siwon said before everyone cheered.

Eunhyuk really tried to escaped.

"Yes it's better for the group to have a beautiful Leader. Eunhyuk was ruining everything with his face" Kyuhyun laughed, some of them joined while the other were gasping but still looking amused.

Eunhyuk really attempted to block their voices, and even though he achieved it, voices in his head were agreeing with the others. He couldn't hold them anymore. He tried really hard, pressing his nails in his thigh to make him forget the pain in his heart, biting the inside of his cheek to prevent any sounds or words to escape, squeezing his eyes to prevent them from falling, but since everything was against him, his body apparently hating him as well because he couldn't control it. Couldn't control the single tear that made his path accros his cheek and felt right onto his lap.

But fortunately for him, they arrived at their dorms, he climbed out of the car and ran, not letting the time for the others to talked or yelled for him to wait.

He took the stairs: still running and running, he wanted to be alone, he needed to be far away, the world around him needed to shup up, the world around him needed to disappear, he needed to disappear.

When he arrived in front of the dorm's door he was out of breath, his face covered in sweats and tears. His hands were shaking when he entered the passcode, making mistakes but when the door finally opened, he ran again. Toward his room.

Once inside, he heard the members entering the dorm as well, wanted to be alone he locked his room. Glad he didn't share it with someone.

He walked toward his bathroom, once inside he closed the door as well, but since he didn't have a lock on it he just shut it close.

Now that he was alone, and away from everyone he let himself cry. Tears after tears, sob after sob, his body fell, his legs were weak from the running he did, and his body was just weak from the rest. After a moment when his mouth felt dry he got up, helping himself with the walls around him to crawl toward the sink. He turned the water on, but let it flow once his eyes found the mirror in front of him. The tears fell again. His vision became blury, his body weak again and before he collasped on the cold hard floor, his fist met the face in the mirror, vanishing in various pieces.

All of them crashing on the floor next to his fragile body.

Even though he tried to shut everything around him, he still heard the hard knock on his bedroom door. He still heard the voices calling his name.

But he didn't respond. He didn't get up to open the door, telling them with a smile that everything was fine, that they didn't need to worry that he was okay.

He didn't move for that.

He did move to take a small piece of the broken mirror.

He did move to sit against the bathtub.

He did move to lift his t-shirt.

He did move to place the broken glass against his skin but then he stopped.

Was it really worth it?

Was it today going to be the last day of his life?

Of his career?

Everything was telling him, that yes it was.

Everything was pushing him to do it.

But why couldn't he push a little more ? Why was the piece of glass frozen on his skin?

A gasp and when he looked up, he remembered why.

"Pl-please Hyuk..don't" the voice whispered.

Eunhyuk closed his eyes, trying to block away once again everything around him.

The panicking voices coming from everywhere, the strong arms lifting him up, the gentle yet shaking hands on his cheeks and body, the fact that he was now laying on his bed, everything, he tried to block away everything.

When he thought everything stopped for good, he was actually asleep.

~ ° ~

He woke up 4 hours later, his body feeling numb when he tempted to move, his eyes dry when he opened them.

He still fell the soft hand on his cheek and the other holding his hand. He tried to pull away from it only to make the other person next to him realise he was awake.

"Hyuk?..." It was above a whisper, but still very low.

He looked away and closed his eyes again. The voice didn't stop.

"Hyuk? Are you awake?" The voice asked, Eunhyuk tried to pull away.

"Plea-please...talk to me.." the voices was trembling, his hand fell in Eunhyuk's hair, gently it. "I was so scared when...when I saw you, you didn't opened the door even when I was yelling for you to do it, and you always opened your door when it's me, I was so scared.."

"Why?" A simple word, but why was it so hard to answer it?

"..I'm sorry.." Eunhyuk mumbled. He fell the hand squeezing his, and a kiss on his temple.

"I am so ...tired" a sniff, not his. "I've tried to be strong, I've tried but..I'm sorry"

A finger on his chin forcing him to face him. he opened my eyes but didn't look at him. His face, his voice so close.

"Talk to me " He said softly

"I'm a monster Donghae" he cried "Look at me, look at my face, look at my body, I'm hideous, I don't deserve to live this life, I don't deserve to stand here living a life like this, people shouldn't be allowed to look at me"

Donghae squeezed his hand one more time not letting go.

"What are you talking about? You're handsome. You're the most handsome person in korea, and you deserve this life because,you're Lee Hyukjae, you're so talented and everyone deserve to live, you more then anyone. And people should be allowed to look at you, such a beautiful man, people should look at you"

His words brushed his cheek making his heart beat fast but still he knew the truth.

"Stop..please..stop...lying."

"I'm not Hyukjae! I'm not! believe me when I say that I think you're the most beautiful man for me, and I'm pretty certain I'm not the only thinking that"

Eunhyuk looked at him, his eyes red from the tears.

"You're beautiful Hyukjae" He whispered while Eunhyuk shook his head once again, tears threating to fall again but Donghae didn't stop, he kept whispering those words, again & again.

Eunhyuk tried to block them away but he couldn't.

Eunhyuk tried to pull away from him but he couldn't.

Eunhyuk tried to escape but he couldn't.

Eunhyuk tried to stop his heart from beating so fast when those lips were on his cheek but he couldn't.

"Believe me, you're beautiful Hyukjae, so beautiful and I love you, I love you so much"

Eunhyuk tried to stop his heart from beating so fast when those words were pronounce against his lips.

but he couldn't.

the end.

(I'm sorry if it was bad, I just have a lot of feels tonight)