The first person Kyungsoo meets at SM is a boy named Jongin. A boy, because he can’t possibly be much into his teens (not that Kyungsoo is much older, but still). “Call me Kai,” he says coolly, and Kyungsoo stares wide-eyed back at him. So this is SM’s star trainee. “D.O,” he replies. The new name still sounds foreign on his tongue, so he repeats it. “D.O.”

They train together for years. Jongin helps Kyungsoo with impossible footwork, and in turn Kyuungsoo teaches Jongin how to hit the high notes. (They’d forgone the stage names within a couple days.) Without Kyungsoo even noticing, Jongin becomes irreplaceable in his life. He can’t imagine becoming an idol without the younger boy by his side.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo says on day as they’re sitting with their backs pressed against the practice room mirrors. “What do you dream of?” Jongin rolls his head sideways to look at Kynugsoo. “I want to be the most famous dancer in the world,” he states simply, determination burning in his eyes. Not the most talented, but the most famous. Kyungsoo suppresses a shiver. “What about you?” He studies his hands with a sudden, avid interest. “I want to share the best stage with you,” he answers finally, not looking up to see Jongin’s reaction. “Come on,” Jongin breaks the silence. “Let’s go through it again.” He pulls Kyungsoo to his feet, and they go back to dancing as if nothing had transpired between the two. They collapse exhausted on the floor only when they hear birds chirping outside.

When news of their debut rolls around, Kyungsoo can’t bring himself to be excited about it. Promoting in China… It wasn’t fair. Not in the least bit. But when Jongin hugs him tightly and smiles the biggest smile he’d ever seen, he cracks a smile as well. “We are one,” he whispers into the crook of Jongin’s neck. Because even across a border, singing in different languages, they were still in the same group. And wasn’t that what he’d been hoping for all along?

As the teasers come out, it becomes less about EXO and more about Kai. “It looks amazing,” Kyungsoo says honestly when the first teaser is released. “Of course it does,” Jongin scoffs, but Kyungsoo thinks that behind confident exterior, he appreciates the comment. And Kyungsoo definitely sees the shy smile that crosses Jongin’s face later when he thinks no one’s looking. He can’t help but remember the boy he’d met on that very first day. Really, not much had changed. They’re still just children chasing faraway dreams.

The first showcase in Korea is probably the single most nerve-wracking day of Kyungsoo’s life. He looks over to Jongin while Joonmyun talks, and is surprised to see the other looking right back at him. Despite being on stage, Kai disappears for a moment, and Jongin smiles innocently at him. It scares Kyungsoo that the difference between Kai and Jongin is so easily distinguishable, yet he has no idea where Kyungsoo ends and D.O beings.

Rumours are hard to deal with. Ugly truths are even harder. And EXO never wastes a moment, practising on every free day they have. Kyungsoo can’t even remember a time when he wasn’t completely exhausted, either physically or mentally. But he’s an idol, and this is his life if he doesn’t want to get replaced by the next shiny flower boy.

The news reaches them while EXO-M is busy promoting in China. Other than “he left. Just got up and left.”, no one will tell him anything. The two weeks before he returns to Korea feel like millennia.

“Where. Is. He.” Kyungsoo corners Joonmyun the moment he returns to the Korean dorms. “I told you. He left.” Joonmyun sounds tired. They all do. But Joonmyun looks about ready to break down, and Kyungsoo almost lets up. Almost, because Jongin is too important to let go like that. “Where?” The question comes out as a whisper. “Canada, apparently. No one really knows.”

Everyone suspects that Yifan helped Jongin. After all, why else would he go to Canada of all places? But no one dares ask. Yifan is too busy brooding over the loss of a member to deal with questions, so they unanimously decide to let it slide. Yifan never does things without reason, and always does what’s right for his bandmates. It was probably best for Jongin, Kyungsoo thinks. Because he trusts Yifan. He trusts them all, he realises with a start. He’d trust them with his life. As much as Jongin’s sudden disappearance hurts him, he has ten other brothers to look out for, and he can’t let them down. The loss of their star dancer is hard enough of a blow.

Kyungsoo still can’t understand. It’s been a month since he’d returned, and a month since EXO’s activities have been put on hold. The company has been spewing about Jongin leaving because his back injury got too bad to handle, and the lies only cut Kyungsoo deeper. The company just wanted to avoid the blame and backlash. But Jongin had been the member who’d wanted to debut the most. He’d craved fame; Kyungsoo remembers clearly. So… Why?

It dawns on him with the next comeback. Fame is tiring, and messy, and getting to be too much to handle. The tension between the members is tangible and constant, as if acting as a replacement for Jongin. This isn’t what he’d dreamed of. Nobody dreams of this.

Surprisingly, he isn’t the one who suggests it. Sehun does, barely audible above a petty argument between Luhan and Tao. “Maybe… Maybe our time is up.” Everyone freezes. The sudden lack of Chinese profanities makes the silence unbearably loud. No one agrees, but no one denies it either. SM had debuted a new boy band just a year ago, and EXO feels impossibly old and forgotten. “We are one” doesn’t feel right anymore. Not when they’re eleven instead of twelve.

EXO says their goodbye, even before their SNSD sunbaenims (whose popularity seemed to never diminish), and they leave countless sobbing fans. But Kyungsoo knows they’ll get over it and move on to loving another rookie group down the road. The members go their separate ways, fighting the tears (because they’re men now, after all). Jongdae signs a new contract as a solo artist, because he’d never felt right in a band to begin with. Yixing goes back to China with no plan, living on a prayer because his fanbase is still unbelievably strong there. Baekhyun becomes a vocal coach, because all he’d ever wanted to do was sing. And Kyungsoo… Kyungsoo hops on the first flight to Canada with a new dream in his heart.