“52.” The doctor repeated.

 

Ji Eun’s lustrous eyes widened with the mention of the number fifty-two. After she is done with the payment, Ji Eun took the white paper from the doctor and strolled outside the doctor’s room.

 

It was seven o’ clock when Ji Eun headed for the restaurant to meet his boyfriend. She took the local train in order to save time. Ji Eun hid the doctor’s letter in her coat pocket before she then entered a radiant golden door of a restaurant.

 

      Tiptoeing, Ji Eun looked for her copper-browned hair boyfriend. And, when she found him sitting on one table in the corner, she called for him.

 

      “Luhan!” She walked her way to him. Luhan merrily smiled at her with his twinkling crescentic eyes. He moved all his university research papers away from the table and put them on the chair beside him.

 

      “Where were you? What took you so long to come here?” Luhan said, concerned.

 

      “I was from the hospital. You missed me is it?” She chuckled as she folded her arms and laid her head against the table.

 

      “Since when did you become so confident?” Luhan teased.

 

      “Luhan! I have something to show you.” She changed the topic. Ji Eun took the doctor’s letter out and handed it to Luhan. “Read it.”

 

      “What is this?”

 

      “Just read it.” She smiled. Ji Eun watched as Luhan's eyes scan down the letter.

 

      “Oh! 54 to 52. Hmm...not bad. For a diet newbie.” Luhan patted Ji Eun on the head.

 

The couple sat there for a long time, chatting and joking. They ordered a bowl of rice, bulgogi, vegetables and kimchi as usual. Kimchi had been part of their daily food since Ji Eun began with her diet, even though Luhan didn’t pretty much like the sour taste it gave.

 

      The dinner was fast. Luhan and Ji Eun had to get back home early because they have to go to their college tomorrow. Luhan is an undergraduate student pursuing his degree in engineering. While Ji Eun, is a student studying in the computer design field. Even though both of them were in the same university, but meeting each other is a rare occasion for them due to the tight schedule they had.

 

      Just before the tall guy left Ji Eun to go home; he stayed in her apartment and study with her for a while. Because Luhan is a fast learner, Ji Eun learned a lot of things from him. Shortly after the study, Luhan went home.

 

 

 

§ §

 

 

 University is very important to both Luhan and Ji Eun. Both of them grow up with perfect education. But, when they allocate too much of their time for studying, their times together were cut. Dismissal time was the only way for Luhan to meet Ji Eun. With that, they had always used their time together wisely.

 

Luhan went out to the University Park twenty-five minutes later after the bell rang. He sat below the usual tree his girlfriend and him met. While waiting for her, he revised back all the things he had learned and did his homework before Ji Eun came.

 

“Luhan!” She called with a kiddy tone before she reached him.

 

“Hey!” Luhan replied. “How are you?”

 

“I am good.” She took a sit beside her oppa. “How was your experiment?”

 

“Tedious.” Luhan leaned his head against the rough surface of the tree.

 

“Luhan. Will you invent me something later when you worked already?”

 

“Really... you are asking me this? What do you want me to invent you? Isn’t my invented love for you more than enough?” Luhan joked, but acted serious.

 

Ji Eun laughed at the words ‘invented love’. She slowly moved her left hand to hold onto Luhan’s right hand and drummed on Luhan’s arm with her right hand - her habit when she laughed over the line. Luhan tried to stop her from laughing, but ended up laughing too.

 

“Invented love.” Ji Eun repeated then chuckled. “Luhan. I want you to invent me a time machine.”

 

“Time machine? Do you really believe it exist? Since when did my girlfriend becomes so dreamy?”

 

“Maybe. But anyway, I want it so that I could turn back time and spent more time with you.” Ji Eun put her head on Luhan’s shoulder.

 

Luhan replied nothing. Instead, he ran his left hand to Ji Eun’s cheek and placed a soft kiss on top of her small head. From that moment onwards, the couple tried to spend more time together.

 

 

 

 

§ §

 

 

 

51.

 

50.

 

48.

 

45.

 

Within four to five months, Ji Eun’s diet showed results. She was now 45.2 kilograms. Luhan was happy for Ji Eun, but he was also worried about her health at the same time. Luhan now had to force hard on Ji Eun in order to get her to eat three times a day.

 

 

 

 

§ §

 

 

 

 

            Five weeks to graduation, Ji Eun stopped herself from dieting and going to the doctor as it distracted her from her focus on final exams. Both lovers began to stay apart from each other as they focused on their studies. The only way for them to hear each other’s voices was through phones.

 

            Throughout the days after their final exams before the graduation, Luhan and Ji Eun reunited. The spent even longer time together than before. On the twentieth of April, which was Luhan’s birthday, Ji Eun bought her boyfriend a navy-blue couple coat. And on that day, they went out to eat in a european style restaurant that serves italian and french which Luhan thought suits his girlfriend’s taste.  

 

Just a week later, graduation had come. Now that they are graduates, they spent time applying for jobs. It took Ji Eun a month to get accepted in an animating company and two months for Luhan to get accepted in the largest mobile technology company in Korea, Samsung.

 

Ji Eun earned quite a lot from her jobs while Luhan earned three times as much as Ji Eun. In a few months, both of them had collected enough money to pay for their own needs and wants. Especially for Ji Eun, now that she had stopped going to the doctor for diet permanently due to the argument she had with her parents and Luhan about it. But, as days passed, she soon began to learn the great love her parent and Luhan has for her. 

 

As an ideal couple, Luhan and Ji Eun managed to see each other every week at least thrice once they are done with their work. There were times when they would have a dinner together and there were times when they went to malls. And there were also times where they would just stay at Ji Eun’s apartment to watch movies or play board games - an acitivity both of them enjoyed having during their free time.

 

“Bye.” Luhan locked his girlfriend around his arms then placed his chin against her head.

 

“Night Luhan deer.” She kissed him on the cheek before he left.

 

It was ten, a few minutes after Luhan left when Ji Eun was writing on a report for her company. In the moment, she felt nothing but drowsiness. Yawning, she began writing wuickly until she saw droplets of bloods on her paper. Her nose hurt. After twenty-two years, She had her first nose bleeding. 

 

Panicking, Ji Eun went straight for the freezer. She took an ice cube with her to her bedroom where she laid on the bed. Ji Eun placed the ice on top of her nose until it melted completely. Not long after the blood stopped, she fell asleep.

 

 

 

 

§ §

 

 

 

      In the beginning of summer, Ji Eun realized that she had often has nosebleeds. Ji Eun thought it was maybe normal for a tired young woman during the hot summer. Especially, with the conditions that she suffered from sinus since she was in high school. But, to avoid further worsening, Ji Eun bought medicines for her to drink.

 

Within a month, Ji Eun rarely had nosebleeds again. But, she slowly began to have headaches. Ji Eun rested longer than usual each day. Even though the rest did help her, but it didn’t do much to make her feel better. More and more medicines were bought. Despite the more medicines she consumed, her headaches got worst. With this, Ji Eun decided to go to the hospital for a check up.

 

The results didn’t come out immediately. Ji Eun waited for roughly two hours until the result came out. Her name was called. Ji Eun proceeded to the doctor’s room and saw what seem to be a forced smile on the doctor's face. He didn’t explain much about the result as he handed Ji Eun the white envelope.

 

Gently, Ji Eun opened the white envelope. She then took out the paper where the results were written. Ji Eun skipped the long intoductory paragraph and read the letters in italic.

 

‘Paranasal Sinus Cancer’

 

Tears began to fall from her eyes down to her cheeks. Then, making their path to the paper.

 

“What is this? Are there ways to cure this?” Ji Eun whimpered.

 

“I am sorry Ji Eun, but in your case, I cant help you to cure it. You are in the last stage of it.” The words ‘no cure’ made Ji Eun sobbed more.

 

“How much time left do I have?” Ji Eun asked in anguish.

 

“About six months. If you are lucky then eight.” The doctor spoke softly.

 

Ji Eun said her thanks to the doctor and went home. She couldn’t possibly believe what she had read. Ji Eun decided not to tell anyone about it. She wanted to endure the pain just by herself. She didn’t want to drag anyone in, especially her mom and Luhan. As she reached home, Ji Eun burnt the results paper. That night, she had a problem breathing while she cuddled herself under the satin blanket to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

§ §

 

 

 

 

 

It had always been the park where they spent most of their time, the park in Naminara Island. It had been quite a long time since the last time they visited the Nami Island.

 

 Luhan and Ji Eun enjoyed the fresh morning autumn air. That day, Ji Eun was in thicker outfits than usual. Shawl that she got from her boyfriend for her birthday present, sweater and jeans covered her chalky-white skin. The lovers wore the couple coat that Ji Eun gave.

 

It was always Ji Eun’s habits to jump on stones and stood on one of it.

 

“I am taller than you.” Ji Eun said to her boyfriend while she was on top of it.

 

“You wish.” Luhan would reply, stepping up on the same stone as Ji Eun, which made her smirk.

 

Ji Eun drummed on Luhan’s chest while smiling at him dearly with no reason. One hand on Ji Eun’s waist, Luhan cupped Ji Eun’s cheek and kissed her passionately on the mouth. Ji Eun’s hand travelled from Luhan’s chest to his hair. She rubbed his hair at the back, wanting no more than the closeness they have in that moment. For a while, the kiss locked the couple but, it was not long until Luhan tasted something warm, salty and metallic. It was blood.

 

“Ji Eun, your nose…”

 

Instead of letting her boyfriend see her nose, Ji Eun immediately hugged him tight, burying her face against Luhan’s chest. Perturbed, Luhan hugged the short one loosely.

 

“What is wrong with you? Ji Eun.” Luhan raised his voice on her. He held Ji Eun’s shoulders with his hands. “You often get a nosebleed these days..."

 

Ji Eun tried to look strong in front of Luhan. “I told you I suffered from sinus right. It has always been unfriendly during the summer, but it will be better in autumn.” Ji Eun fought to breathe in the fresh air as one side of her nose was blocked.

 

Luhan didn’t continue their conversation because he didn’t want to argue with her, especially in the public. Instead, he brought Ji Eun to sit on a bench by a big tree. Luhan took tissues out of Ji Eun’s bag and wiped the blood from her nose. He then went to a small shop where he bought a small cup of ice.

 

Luhan got back to Ji Eun. He gave her the cup of ices. Shivering as she held it, Ji Eun closed her eyes everytime her nose began hurting while she placed the ice cube around it.

 

“Thank you.” Ji Eun stammered. Luhan smiled and removed the hairs that covered her face from him behind her ear.

 

“Let’s take you to the doctor.”

 

“Oh… You don’t have to... actually, I had been to one yesterday.”

 

“What did the doctor said then?”

 

“He said I am fine. It’s only my sinus.” Ji Eun lied. She pulled her coat’s sleeves and hid her hands in it.

 

“Did he give you any medicine?”

 

“Yes. Of course.” She chuckled. Ji Eun opened the zipper of her bag and took out the pills that the doctor gave her.

 

The couple then went back to their car, as the burning orbs grew in size. Along the way, Ji Eun fell asleep when her eyes grew watery, blurring her views.

 

 

 

 

 

§ §

 

 

 

A month to winter, Ji Eun went back more often to the doctor as she started to have pain in her left ears.

 

“I am worried that your paranasal sinus cancer is getting worst Ji Eun.” The doctor said.

 

Ji Eun’s lips quivered as she sobbed. “If I consumed more medicines, would it help?” She asked.

 

“It won’t. Consuming more medicines can caused death if your kidneys couldn’t hold the amount of chemical pills inside you. Overdose might happen.”

 

Crying, Ji Eun made her way out of the doctor’s room after she said her thanks. Ji Eun took the public bus to go home. At home, she stayed on bed all day long, holding a small alarm clock and covered in thick blanket. She watched as the second-hand of the clock rotated. 

 

'A second…a second seemed so precious, now.'

 

Still holding the clock, Ji Eun listened to her favorite song until her phone suddenly rang.

 

“Hello. Ji Eun, is it you?.” Luhan flirted.

 

“Oh, hi Lu.” She replied softly.

 

“What are you doing? Are you ready for tonight?”

 

“I was just listening to the music. Of course I am.“

 

“Make sure you could freeze me in place later.” He jokingly said.

 

“I will. Wait and see.” She giggled. “Make sure you wear something awesome too.”

 

“I will make your eyes popped out. Don’t worry.” He laughed. “I will pick you up at seven. Make sure you are not late. Not late remember.”

“Yes yes…Luhan.” She hung up after hearing the word ‘goodbye’ from Luhan's mouth.

 

Ji Eun prepared herself. As she stood in front of the mirror, she realized just how much she was losing colors. Her cream face turned white and her cherry red lips turned pinkish. Ji Eun curled her dry hair and used a thick layer of make-ups to cover the paleness of her face. At thirty minutes to seven, Ji Eun was already in her long black dress. She used some accessories to decorate her skin. Ji Eun then waited in her room for Luhan to come until her mom knocked on her door. She told her that Luhan was waiting outside.

 

Luhan was in a black tuxedo with a bow tie. While Ji Eun approached him, he smirked in amaze. Ji Eun said goodbye to her mom before she left for the prom.

 

The prom. The prom was an informal party created by one of Ji Eun’s and Luhan’s friend as a mean of reunion. It is held in one of the hotel in Gangnam, Seoul – The Renaissance Hotel Seoul. Ji Eun hold on Luhan’s arm as the couple made their way to the ballroom – a place that Ji Eun and Luhan always find eerie.

 

In the prom, Ji Eun separated with Luhan as she chatted with some of her friends. Ji Eun didn’t eat much that night. The only food that she ate most was the mushroom soup. Ji Eun continued the chats after she finished her dinner until Luhan suddenly pulled her away. As they walk, he armed her.

 

Luhan brought Ji Eun to a dark open space – the hotel garden, as if knowing what Ji Eun needs, a fresh air. It was peaceful. As they walk, Luhan hold his girlfriend’s hand tightly.

 

“Where are we going?” Ji Eun asked.

 

“Outside, just outside. Or you wanna go back in? They are having the dance session now.”

 

“Dance session...” Ji Eun understood why Luhan brought her out. She didn’t like dancing in a crowd. “So, what are we gonna do here?”

 

“We will have our own little time.” Luhan moved his hands to Ji Eun’s waists. He then leaned closer to her and slowly sways, inviting her to put her hands around his neck. While the couple dance, they looked at each other awkwardly. Ji Eun felt that they were too close. But, that was actually what she wanted, to stand close in front of Luhan.

 

Ji Eun moved her hand to Luhan’s bow tie, thinking of removing a short white thread that stick out of it. But, Luhan stooped which made his forehead met Ji Eun’s one. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath as they continued to sway, as their foreheads met each other. She didn’t want the moment to be over. She wished the time could freeze.

 

Ji Eun’s hand reached Luhan’s chest. She could feel his constant heartbeats just as the wind grew mute. She could feel his warm breath that tickled the surface of her nose. The tight space Luhan gave her as he put his arms around her waist comfort Ji Eun. She feels protected for a moment.

 

The swaying stop, when Luhan’s arms fell from her waist.

 

“What’s wrong?” Ji Eun broke the silence.

 

“Nothing. I just…I just think you should enjoy the night sky now. Lots of stars up there.” Luhan stammered, feeling stupid a few seconds later as he thought of the random topic he brought in between them.

 

Ji Eun looked at the sky, feeling a bit disappointed at the fact that Luhan had broke the comfortable moment they had. But, the stars seemed to steal her attention shortly after that. Ji Eun squinted at some of them. But, as she did so, the stars seemed to fly away. What twinkles turn pale and dark. And as they seemed like saying goodbye, they grew blurry – blurry as if Ji Eun was looking from inside the water.

 

Ji Eun felt some water droplets running their path down her cheek. Her eyes grew sore. Still in the same direction, Ji Eun watched as some grey fluffy sheet blocked her vision completely from the stars before something cold travelled around one of her left finger. It was a ring.

 

“I want to marry you. Ji Eun.” He said fluently, full with courage.

 

Ji Eun stammered as she fought back the urge to cry. She tried to force open, but she couldn’t. She had a trouble opening it.

 

“Ji Eun.” Luhan cupped her face with both hands worriedly.

 

Ji Eun stared back to his somber eyes. As she began to feel hollow inside, she hugged him, tightly. Ji Eun buried her face on Luhan’s chest, before she then answered his question.

 

“What if…I am not ready for this Luhan.” Stammering, she lied.

 

“What do you mean? We have been dating to for four years. I have known you more than enough. How many more years do you want me to drag out relationship?” Luhan argued. Disappointed.

 

“Make it five. Five years of dating.” Ji Eun pleaded. Luhan broke his eye contact with her. Ji Eun then hugged him again, letting him know that she didn’t want to lose him, especially to hurt him. "Please understand me Lu. I am afraid of the changes." She whispered.