From midnight talks to car ride talks, your boyfriend _________, learned about your once best friends from middle school. He learned the inside out of you relationship with her. How the two of you were best friend who were basically in a relationship, to slightly splitting up, to becoming only small talk friends. - you were never one to throw away your relationship, so he knew it still affected you a lot, and that no matter what had happened between the two of you, she was still your best friend. “Are you going to attend the funeral?,” he asked.  I could come with, if you want.” With out hesitating you nodded, “I think I’ll need you. Er -no, I know I need you. It has been forever since I’ve talked with her, and you know I’m not the best with things like this.” Two weeks passed, and all you could think about was how you would handle it all. All you could think about was your best friend. You didn’t know if you were afraid of seeing her again, or if you were just afraid of not being able to control yourself, maybe both. The car ride there _________, held onto you hands drawing comfort circles on the back of your hands. It somehow manage to keep you calm with the feelings of his thumb circling your hands. Once you arrived at the funeral home, no matter what he held onto your hands. Feeling your hands sweat out of nervousness, he wrapped an protective arm around you to remind that he was there. As you found some seats near some former peers from high school, you both sat down. Noticing your friend from afar near the casket, you quietly pointed her out to you boyfriend. Looking where your eyes were directing to, he saw the girl in the pictures that you always showed him when you two looked through your box of memories. “she’s crying,” you whispered, “ugh, I’m going to cry.” you stated quickly knuckling your tears before they fell. Instinctively he pulled you closer, knowing that you would in any seconds. Building up the courage, you insisted that the two of you go up to greet her. He hesitated at first to make sure that you were positive with going up there. You quickly nodded, not wanting to back out, she was your best friend, and she was a huge impact on your life, so of course you wanted to go up. You quickly grabbed his hands as you walked up there. He gripped onto your hands as he saw the tension in your neck tense up, you softly gave him a squeeze back to confirm that you were okay. Not wanting to make you anymore nervous, _________ allowed you to lead the way to your friend, as he has never met her before. Seeing your friend crying, and the look on your face soften his heart. _________ knew you were trying your hardest not to cry, he knew that you did not want to cry in front of her so he gently tugged onto the hem of your sleeves for you to look at him. With glossy reassuring eyes, you nodded. As your friend saw you, she quickly ran into your arms sobbing, you couldn’t help but cry along. The instance your tears fell, you lost it, you wanted to be strong for her. You wanted to be there to support her at her darkest moment, not cry. But it was in your nature to cry, so you silently cried whilst she sobbed onto your shoulders. Just hugging each other was enough said for the two of you, who were once the bestest of friends, no words or greetings were needed. Feeling helpless, _________ stood aside watching the person he love the most try not cry. It hurted him, that you were trying not to cry but did anyway, and he knew you didn’t want too, from hearing you self-chant the night before to stand strong for your friend, and not to cry infront of her. He knew you were sad for the death, he knew you were hurt from not being able to hold your tears in for your friend, he knew. After releasing each other you introduce your boyfriend to your best friend which was followed along with a few muffles of giggles on how you two really needed to catch up. After greeting your friend, the two of you returned to your seats, your mind was buried in thoughts, while your _________’s mind was buried in you. Watching every move you make, he’d made sure that you wouldn’t break, and if you did, that he’d be right beside you. He knew you would break any moment now from punishing yourself in your head. From beating yourself over the fact that you cried. Both of you saw your other friends from high school greet your best friend also, but none of them cried, and you beated yourself for being the one who cried. “It’s alright to cry, jagiya.” _________ said into your ears as he pulled you into his shoulders. You quickly wiped the forming tears and smiled at him, “I’m fine.” It really hurted him, knowing that you are beating yourself up, and that you wanted to stand tall and be a support. It hurted him seeing you in this state. After the eulogy, and after bidding your goodbyes, you two headed home. The car ride was a silent ride home, you were too busy beating yourself up, whilst _________ was feeling helpless. Cleaning yourselves up for bed, the two of you always had your night talks. Turning of the lights, you hopped into bed, “Geeze, I can’t believe I cried,” you mumbled as you snuggled into _________. “I really didn’t want too. I wanted to be a good friend and let HER cry, but gosh. It hurts so much to see a person that you love so dearly cry, _________-ah. It hurts,” you trailed off as he turned his body to face you. “You know, seeing the person you love most cry, and try to hold it back, hurts. Seeing that she is beating herself up for it, hurts.” he mumbled into you hair. “it’s okay that you cried with her, you are as hurt. We may not know what she is feeling, but crying with her allowed her know that you care. Please don’t beat yourself up for it, you did your part, and you did perfectly well.” you gently pecked his arm that was around you,  smiling, “Thanks for being there with me, it meant everything to me. Don’t think I zoned you out, I needed you. And YOU did your part PERFECTLY. I’m sorry that you felt helpless, but you weren’t. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be able to go to the funeral. If it weren’t for you, I would have not gone up to greet her, I needed you because I feel stronger with you around. I feel more secure with you in presence, I feel comfort with your warmth nearby.” He quietly scoffed, “but I felt helpless watching you beat yourself up for it…” “You weren’t _________-ah, you weren’t. Trust me.” you said as you turned to face him, being met by his chest. “you did amazing as my boyfriend. And I love you for that, and everything you’ve done.” “I love you too, jagi, I just don’t like seeing you beat yourself up. Just know you did perfect back there. It’s okay to cry, and I’m sure your tears meant a lot for your friend also.” “mhmm.” noticing that you were already drifting to dreamland from being exhausted, he gently snuggled closer and embraced you, “you did well today, and don’t beat yourself up for it, it hurts like you said; to see the person you love, cry. It hurts to see the person you love beat themselves up, so don’t.” _________ silently whispered as he himself also headed to dreamland with you.