29th November 2013 (1.37a.m)

Hey D.O., guess what? I'm an alumna from Dankook University! Finally! I can't say I miss that horrid place though. A lot of unwanted things happened there, so to save myself from the bad memories, I rather not write it here. I really want to Sorry D.O..  

Anyways, since I'm graduated now, I thought I could get some rest period and maybe discover the epitome of enjoyment in life. But, life gets hard when you have control freaks life planners as parents. Here's a fun story D.O., did you know that mom already scheduled me for an interview on a job? Oh, yes she did. I didn't even get to start the engine of my car (Ooh yeah! I got a brand new car from mom! She said that it's my graduation gift. Yay me.) when she decided to choose the wrong time to talk about my future, about how she managed to get an interview for me at a law firm, and how the place is great to expand my ability regarding laws (she didn't say that it was high class material but I sorta figured it out). We ended up having a mini debate in the car, at the parking lot. And since my voice is like a human boom box, a lot of passer-bys took interest in our little "give-and-take". Busybodies. It just so happens that my little stepsister was in the car that day. Thank god she brought her earphones, or else she would have heard the thousands of my snarky remarks towards my mom.

You wanna know the worst thing that we argued about D.O.? Somewhere along the lines of my mother's 'I took a hard time applying for that interview so you better attend it!' (Seriously I never even asked her for her help to get me a job! Why can't she leave a guy who just graduated alone?) and 'It'd do you good!', she mention about the topic that I hated the most - my love life. She remarked that I'm old enough to have a girlfriend now and how I should really go on blind dates. Not that I've never been on one before, no. But the girls that I met were either not my type, or too, how do you put this, I feel that I'm not good enough for them..(?) I don't know. Then, that topic advanced into marriage and settling down. (I don't lie when I say that I'm quite impressed by my mom's amazing powers to easily manipulate the topic of our conversation.)

Hell no, I don't want to get married. I don't want to love too. Loving someone these days is very hard right, D.O.? What if the unexpected happens? What if they leave you? What if they die or something? A lot of people whom I loved left me in life already. I can't take the risk to lose anyone anymore. Not now, not later. I better not love yet. I'm too scared to face the harsh realities in this world. It's too hard for an unwanted soul like me. Might as well learn to not love, right D.O.?

A journal entry by Do Kyungsoo.