He screamed as Kyungsanta made eye contact with him.

"What es wrong?" Kyungsanta asked. "Es only a hankerchief, notheeng weird." The member who had screamed was Lay. 

"Sorry, I thought it was a guillotine." He said shyly, giving an orphaned puppy a new collar. The puppy barked, and Baekhyun threw it out the window in jealousy.

"I'm the only motherf*cking puppy in this house." He said, and then proceeded to clench his muscles in an attempt to grow a tail.

"Aw datz nastay..." Suho cringed. "Someone get dat fool a tail before he z one out."

"Do you remember that time we rescued that pigeon?" Chen asked. 

"Yeah, and he kept insisting that his name was Eli Kim and he was a member of some boyband? I remember that." Luhan replied.

"We all knew he was a pigeon though, not from that band 'KISS' or whatever it was called." Chen said with a laugh.

"KISS is that band with all the makeup and tongues, right? Yeah, Pigeon Eli would fit in just fine there."

"Ew WTF why is there like a totes smellz bod on my floor?" Tao tiptoed around Chanyeol's corpse and dramatically fanned his face. "This is so not what I signed up for." Luhan approached Kris and began to talk to him about blankets, before leaving to Sehun.

"Why were you talking to Luhan?" Tao asked in a sassy voice.

"I don't know laddie, I mean, Ach! He's so weird, he just, you know, came up ta me and started talking ta me about crack!" Kris replied.

"He's so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Luhan. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first girlfriend Ren who was totally gorgeous but then she moved to Indiana, and Luhan was like, weirdly jealous of her. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out with Ren, he'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-boys pool party, I was like, "Luhan, I can't invite you, because I think you're homoual." I mean I couldn't have a homo at my party. There were gonna be guys there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? He was a HOMO. So then his mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then he dropped out of school because no one would talk to him, and when he came back in the fall for high school, all of his hair was cut off and he was totally weird, and now I guess he's on crack." Tao said while no one listened to him except Xiumin.

"I actually don't have a creepy accent." Kyungsanta said, pulling another sack from his first sack.

"So many sacks." Chen gurgled. "-Ophone" Chen thought he was hilarious and gave himself a self-high five.

"Oh Jesus." Xiumin facepalmed.

"Merry Christmas Motherf*cker, your present is death!" Kyungsanta said, opening his smaller sack. In an instant, hundreds of long-armed flying starfish came shooting from the sack he was holding and scree-ed loudly as they flew towards Tao's face. These starfish survived on a diet of Kris' image, Suho's height and Human faces. Unfortunately the first two don't exist, so Tao was a prime target being directly in front of the open sack. The starfish flew through the air until they latched onto Tao's face and threw their stomachs onto him as their bizarre way of eating. His once fab face was now covered in stomach acid burns, cuts, and carnivorous starfish. Tao screamed really really really really really really really really really really really really loudly and then died really really really really really really really really really quickly. Just kidding, he really really really really really really really really didn't. Kidding about the quickly part that is, Tao was slowly devoured by the face-eating, flying, scree-ing starfish that could potentially lurk at any beach even the one nearest your house and they can just fly over land to your house while you sleep and devour your face and your puppies face.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Suho cried in a jazzmaster voice while dropping to his knees. Chen, Baekyun and Xiumin then harmonized with him to make a barbershop quartet of "NO"-ing.

"What do we do with these two dead bodies?" Baekhyun asked.

"You dare ask such a question without first getting an approved audience with me!?" Sehun cried, threatening Baekhyun with his duelling glove.

"Sehun... Is that a duelling glove?" Kai asked, cellotaping Bobo to his shoulder. Sehun nodded, not gracing Kai with the miracle that was hearing his voice. "Then I guess it's time to d-d-d...d-d-d-d-duel!" Kai whipped out his Yu-Gi-Oh! cards and played a trap card face-down.

"I summon Winged Kuriboh!" Kai cried, throwing his card at Sehun and almost giving him one nasty paper cut.

"Oh you've asked for it now." Sehun said in that cliche evil british guy voice. "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII SUMMOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN! BLUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIITTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEE DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"

"You summon what?" Kai asked.

"I SAID, I SUMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" Baekhyun stole Sehun's blue-eyes white dragon and ripped it in half before he could continue.

"No. You don't."

"I SUMMON MAGIKARP!" Kai cried.

"Or... do you!?" Kyungsanta yelled, causing Baekhyun to gasp in fear. He knew what Kyungsanta was about to do next.