„Can you see that?!“ Himchan took my hand and pressed it tightly. „Look! It‘s wonderful! We need to do that some when! Come on! Say yes!“

That time I just smiled and promised we would do it. He was the perfection in person – all over the world was no one like him and no one I wanted to have more. I never believed that I could get some tickets for the two of us for that cruise travel. A little yacht, not many passengers, not many people in total. The perfect place for being alone as couple.

Three weeks later we went on board, said good bye to our friends and band members, who wanted us to have a great journey. I wasn’t sure if they knew about us or not. Maybe they did, maybe not. We didn’t show our relationship, we never talked about it but we never changed ourselves. Okay maybe a little when we were on stage or in front of any cameras.

But I knew, if we would tell our friends they would wish us the worlds whole luck.

On board Himchan liked a girl from Europe much. She traveled around the world. Even when they were many times together I didn’t mind. She was nice that I could greatly say and he told her that we were a couple. And she didn’t mind it, well for her it was just cute and lovely!

We never arrived at our locational target. Just a few hours after our third target in Hong Kong we had technical problems. There after all was too fast to explain at all. Evacuation, not just the technical problems! A leak! And we were not near a harbor! It would take a long time until someone could come there to pick us up.

“Himchan!” I screamed. “Himchan! Where are you?!”

But he did not answer. And there were just six small lifeboats. Ordinary they should be enough for us all. But no, no chance. They lowered down the first boats while I still desperately searched for Himchan.

“Yongguk!” Suddenly his new friend screamed for me. “I can’t find him!”

She had searched for him... I had tears in my eyes. Himchan, where were you?

With all the power I found in my body I shouted his name again and again. There while she asked crew members if there was still someone down in the cabins. But all crew members didn’t know it and she ran down the stairs. Above us the full moon came out from behind the clouds.

“Where’s yours?” She shouted to me. Truly down there we heard people screaming scared for others and so on. When the help would come? We needed them!

“That’s ours! Number 211”, I answered and ran to my and Himchans cabin. But he also wasn’t there. “Himchan...” Where could he be? I didn’t get how I collapsed. I realized when she helped me getting up that there was no opportunity to find him.

“Come on! Yongguk, we need to get a lifeboat! Otherwise we won’t come away! He is upstairs, I’m sure, he’s searching for us!” She dragged my anesthetized body back to the others. The last lifeboat we could take. Just some crew members couldn’t come with us. The boat was too smal for so many people! The crew members were strong men, they would stay. They smiled. “They’re soon here”, they said, “Don’t worry!”

But I just cried. Above us the moon shined and I starred at the mat round moon. The girl holt me the whole time. I couldn’t be happy that I came down from the sinking yacht. And while it was sinking a big other boat came there and picked up the last persons down from ours.

And also they weren’t able to rescue all. I knew while I starred to the moon and a lonly only tear fell down trough the water.

I knew, I wouldn’t see you again, Himchan. You were away. And I did not know where you were.

When we came trough the harbor I ran to the place where all could search for missing people. Nearly everybody was there. I stood there, searched for Himchan. But no one came and told me they found him. They wrote him on a “missing people” list and he was nearly the only one on that list.

After that bad time I didn’t feel able to go back to Korea. I had too many hopes I could find Himchan again and so I stayed at the girls hotel room for a longer time. I realized soon that she treated me like a child and even when I was restless in the nights and sat at the balcony she didn’t mind.

When some days and nights were gone and I still hadn’t heard from somebody that they found him I called our band members but they already knew it. Himchans good friend, the girl, had written to them from my mobile. They understood that I wanted to stay but somewhen she wanted to leave the place full of sadness and tears.

I had to leave – like her!

So I asked her if I could go with her and she took me with home. Himchan were always on my mind. Somewhere out there was my boyfriend and I just felt him near by my side when I watched out to the moon.

And also at this evening I sat out there and watched into could white.

“Himchan... Where can I find you?” I asked while sitting at the open window. “I will never forget you! I can’t do! The others may haven’t see me for two months. I don’t miss them. I just miss you. I just wanna have you back!”

Tears ran out my eyes.. I listend. The wind took his voice to me. I leant out of the window. Somewhere out there he was and I talked to the moon instead of searching him in Hong Kong! He was in my heart and my heart was with him.

But that didn’t mean he was with me.

Somewhere in that wide world was my Himchan.

I talked again with the moon with the hope I could see him soon again. I heard she how she came in. Silently she sat down next to me and gave me a cup tea.

I noticed that she looked at me. With her finger she wiped away some of my tears. “Do you know what’s the worst?” I asked her once again – like every night. “I didn’t had the chance that day to tell him how much I love him!”

A little wind breeze like one of Himchans breathes tickeled at my chest. I tried to ignore the moon – I coundn’t ignore.

It was like I heard his voice again.

“Do you hear him again?”, she asked gently.

“I will hear him ev’ry day and night!” I answered dissapointed.

“Will you give up?” She wiped away my tears again.

“I’ll never do. I always hope to see him again” I said defiant. She giggled and took her arms around me. No, I would and will never give up. Himchan was my everything. The man who make me sleepless and on the other side he gave me the wonderful nights when i could hold him in my arms.

And while we sat there the wind breathed and whispered the words of love into my ears.