“Cheers to us!” Youngbae announced and five glasses of beer clinked together, followed by the excited laughter of Seungri who was more than ready to finish his drink in one shot.

It had been a long nine months since they last got together. Everyone just seemed busy with life: Youngbae was pursuing his music career and he was starting to make a name for himself as an RnB singer. Seungri was learning the ropes with his family’s business, a coffee shop with a few branches positioned in some parts of Seoul, while taking a Master’s in Business Management. Daesung was trying to balance life as a kindergarten teacher, as a husband and as a father-to-be with his wife two months pregnant. Jiyong just got back from Milan. He was studying fashion design in Instituto Marangoni and was currently on break. And Seunghyun, well it was heard that he got into interior designing but aside from that, no one really heard much from him.

It was odd that they were a group of five people who had different interests and despite not hearing from and seeing each other for months, the reunion felt like coming home, it was like a jovial visit to the past, to their high school days, way back when things were simple, the world was small and it was free to dream. Back then, they didn’t have to care about money and time as they took on the world with the innocence and the earnest heart of youth, all five of them together, sharing dreams and problems, both good and bad memories.

It had been nine months since Daesung wedded with his wife and that was the last time the five of them spent time together.

“Jiyong hyung, how was Milan?” Daesung initiated with a bright smile on his face, eager to hear about Jiyong who had been gone for months.

“Just like Seoul,” Jiyong answered thriftily. It was a lie. Milan was very different from Seoul. The people were nice to him, and although that was where the knowledge was, it wasn’t home. Home wasn’t a place. To Jiyong, it was more of a sense of belonging, it could cover culture, interests and all that but more importantly, it was family and friends that made a place a home.

And right there, in a restaurant tucked away in Apgujeong, it was home. The whole place was bedecked by furniture of wooden base and black details. And they sat on a black couch that circled the wooden table. Modern meets nature.

The lighting was bright yet also warm that it gave the restaurant an elegant feel. The air lightly buzzed with conversations of couples and families alike; the service and cuisine more than satisfactory.

“Talk about something else,” Jiyong stated lazily, his sentence the midpoint between a command and a suggestion.

“How’s the pregnancy? Isn’t it a little early? I thought Seungri would be the first one to have a family,”  Jiyong looked over at Seungri who was listening intently.

“No hyung, I love the single life so much.” Seungri worded matter-of-factly.

“No that’s Youngbae. You love playing,” Seunghyun pitched in and it was the first time Jiyong heard of his low voice that night.

“Hyung, when are you going to get a girlfriend?” Seungri asked inquisitively, but Jiyong was too busy tuning out Seunghyun, that was why he didn’t know how Youngbae replied.

To Jiyong, Seunghyun was a dark void in the table. His seat was the part of the circle that Jiyong didn’t look at. His eyes always jumped over Seunghyun, as if they were strangers, as if they hadn’t been friends for more than ten years.

Jiyong was uneasy. It was difficult to have Seunghyun around and not feel like something was out of place, something was wrong. He felt that the atmosphere was off between them and he wondered if the others noticed or if they were too oblivious.

“But I have changed,” Seungri said defensively.                                            

Jiyong looked around, again, his eyes jumping over Seunghyun, and he realized that he hadn’t been in the conversation.

“No,” Youngbae simply disagreed.

“Well we’re having problems with the branch in Mapo. One of the workers ran away with the money in the register,” Seungri turned serious.

“The things that money does to people,” Daesung sighed. The mood took a sudden dip and Jiyong thought of cheering them up but Seunghyun got to it first.

“Enough of that. Daesung, how’s the pregnancy going?” The eldest inquired, and the four of them looked over to Daesung waiting for an answer.

Daesung smiled easily, “It’s going well. She’s still working and is healthy.”

“I hope it’s a boy!” Seungri announced. “He should take after me!”

“Hey, we don’t want the kid to be a player,” Youngbae replied jokingly.

“And we don’t want him to be forever single, either,” Seungri shot back, and Jiyong had a smile on his face as he watched them exchange banters.

He missed being a kid. He missed hanging out with the four of them. He missed dreaming and looking forward to take the world with naivety. Now that he was an adult, he learned much more and he knew a lot but he felt it was tiring, it was exciting and new yes, but he was exhausted. He clearly needed the break he was getting.

“Ten years from now, I imagine us watching our kids grow up together,” Daesung stated, a dreamy look pasted on his face.

“Do you think they will?” Jiyong couldn’t help but ask. That meant that they would still be friends then, right?

“Of course,” the younger answered with a certainty.

Youngbae placed a hand on Daesung’s shoulder. “I’ll let your son marry my daughter,” he said in all seriousness. Seungri let out a mocking laugh which made Youngbae throw him a look.

“What’s with all this drama? Are you all so excited to grow old?” The youngest looked around to receive approval, something he didn’t exactly obtain.

“But wasn’t it like this about ten years ago?” Jiyong looked at him, his eyes full of reminiscence.

“We dreamt together,” the eldest of them added and Jiyong clearly knew he shouldn’t but he looked at the owner of the low voice.

It was the first time he acknowledged the man’s presence for the night. It was the first time he looked through him and not at him, well the first one in nine months.

Seunghyun didn’t change much and aside from his black messily styled hair, he looked the same. He had the same easy yet confident posture as he sat almost lazily on the chair. He was wearing a blue coat that seemed to accentuate his features. He had the same strong jawline Jiyong remembered grazing his fingers over. He had the same boyish smile Jiyong so enjoyed looking at. He had the same dark and stimulating eyes that Jiyong was, at one time, afraid to look at.

The elder seemed like the same Seunghyun Jiyong said goodbye to months ago and Jiyong hoped he was.

We dreamt together. The words rang in Jiyong’s ears as if on repeat. The words hit home. Seunghyun was right. They did dream together. They did plan a future together the two of them, but Jiyong was the type to be spontaneous. He wasn’t the type to be held down by plans.

Seunghyun stared back at Jiyong, electric almost visible in the path their eyes went. And as a smile lit up the elder’s face, Jiyong felt himself waver. He had to look away and swig a mouthful of water.

“Hyung, when are you going back?” Seungri asked out of nowhere and Jiyong almost choked on his water.

The quizzed man cleared his throat and sat up straight. “Three days from now,” he articulated, letting his eyes travel through the ceiling in thought.

“Really? Why so soon?” Daesung probed.

“It’s just a three week break,” Jiyong responded briefly, not wanting to explain more. He made eye contact with his long time best friend Youngbae to ask the latter for help.

“He came back last week, the twenty third, and he visited me the next day and spent Christmas Eve with me,” Youngbae explained willingly.

Seungri, who was sitting beside Jiyong, gave him a slight push on the shoulder.

“Hyung! You’re keeping secrets now?” the youngest accused.

“Secrets? I was going to surprise you!” Jiyong replied in his defense. “Plus, I lost your numbers…” Jiyong bluffed. The truth was that he just wanted to delay the meeting with Seunghyun because then, they’d just talk about things that Jiyong didn’t want to talk about, things of the past perhaps, things that Jiyong tried to forget.

Seungri smiled satisfyingly.

Time and distance did put a strain on their relationships. Jiyong could’ve tried but he was unwilling. Though why he also lost touch with the other three was beyond him, but Jiyong figured that if he did keep in touch with them, it would be inevitable that he’d hear of Seunghyun as well. And he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to hear about someone who was distracting him, someone who was constantly in his thoughts because he was trying to move on. And that would be just wrong.

“We’re going to spend our future lives together, aren’t we?” Seungri queried, a wistful optimism clear in his eyes as he looked around his hyungs.

“But we’ll have wives and kids…” Daesung wondered audibly.

“You can say that,” Youngbae replied to the youngest.

“We will,” Seunghyun appended and Jiyong could feel the elder’s eyes on him as he said it.

* * *

Daesung and Youngbae left half an hour ago. Youngbae, with the reason that he shouldn’t stay up late because he had a gig tomorrow and staying up late would put his voice in a bad condition. Daesung, well he had obvious responsibilities that the others didn’t stop him from catering to.

The air was quiet and Jiyong didn’t try to alleviate the uneasiness that he felt as the youngest of them went on a phone break.

Jiyong was resting his elbow on the table, his hand propping up his face while his other hand drew circles and other shapes on the wood.

The elder let out a laugh, as he stood to walk the three steps over to sit in front of Jiyong.

“What is funny?” Jiyong muttered to himself, avoiding the elder’s eyes but the elder heard him anyway.

“You haven’t changed,” The elder whispered like the wind. It was no louder than the buzz by the other diners but Jiyong picked it up, as though the words travelled from Seunghyun’s mouth to his ears.

“You’re still sassy,” Seunghyun smiled a wide smile, and it somehow decreased as he felt like the younger man wasn’t listening.

Seunghyun reached out over the table to touch Jiyong’s elbow. “Hey,” he called impatiently.

Jiyong flinched and sat up straight in the contact. He wondered how the other man could possibly act as though things were perfectly fine between them, because in Jiyong’s eyes, they weren’t.

To Jiyong, Seunghyun was a part of his past, a time that he never wanted to revisit but did so, constantly. He wondered why he still sat there when all he should do is go home, go back to Italy and it would be fine by then. It was just a matter of three days.

But three days were short, Jiyong realized as he made a brief, but a knowing eye contact with the man in front of him.

“Let’s go bar hopping!” The excited voice of the youngest put Jiyong’s thoughts in a halt. The youngest sat beside Jiyong as he waited for an answer.

“No,” the two of them chorused firmly and Jiyong met Seunghyun’s icy stare and he had to avert his gaze away.

They knew how the youngest played and they didn’t want to be part of it.

“Eh, you’re boring,” the youngest muttered as he rested his head on Jiyong’s shoulder.

“And you’re drunk,” Seunghyun countered, eyeing the youngest disapprovingly.

“Are we just going home?” Seungri whispered, his eyes closed, oblivious to Seunghyun’s stare.

“I think we should,” Jiyong answered dryly.

“You’re not going to ask me to drive you home, are you?” Seunghyun asked, having heard of Seungri’s question.

The youngest smiled in response. “You know me too well,” he sat up straight.

“Are you coming?” Seunghyun asked, the question directed to the man sitting in front of him and he held his breath—as well as his hopes-- as he waited for the other man’s answer.

They were engulfed in silence. Jiyong let his eyes travel over everywhere and that included Seunghyun. He noticed as the latter swallowed while staring straight into his eyes. Jiyong averted his gaze from the man. He knew he wanted nothing but to say no, but a different thought somehow made its way into his mind and before he could say anything, the man beside him answered for him.

“He is,” the youngest of them stated and he stood, already making his way out, ready to go home. The man in the blue coat followed suit and he had this satisfied smile on his face.

Jiyong followed, for it seemed like the logical thing to do. Okay, so maybe not logical. Because the logical thing was to completely stay away from Seunghyun.

But if he tried to force his way out of the situation right before it happened, it would just prolong everything. Jiyong not only knew he could never win against the will of two people, he also knew that he was too beat to decline the invitation. And if he did, it would only seem abnormal and suspicious to Seungri’s eyes.

Their relationship was something that never happened in Seungri’s eyes, simply because he didn’t know of it. It was the same with Daesung and Youngbae. Jiyong believed it was better that they didn’t know, for if they did, he could only imagine the tad awkwardness that would fill every silent second. And he didn’t want any of that.

Ironically, Jiyong found himself on the passenger’s seat, with a smiling man for a driver and Seungri sitting in the back.

Jiyong tuned out their voices. As much as he wanted to listen, he didn’t want to hear Seunghyun’s voices. Instead, he stayed silent and he watched as the bright lights of Seoul passed by his eyes. And when they got to a dark street, his eyes unknowingly stared at the man in blue coat through his reflection on the glass.

As if pricked by an unseen needle, Jiyong woke up from his trance and got back to reality.

“What have you been to for the past months? I swear I didn’t hear anything from you. It’s like you went to hide in a cave or something,” Seungri said lazily and the questioned man only grinned in return.

“Seriously though, you just disappeared after Jiyong hyung left. Sometimes I wondered if you were still alive,” Seungri laughed dryly.

“Nothing important,” Seunghyun answered, dismissing the conversation in its entirety. Jiyong wanted to hear more, but it seemed like nothing was going to slip out of Seunghyun’s mouth in the near future.

Seungri’s eyebrows furrowed for the lack of response and he watched Seunghyun as a train of scenarios and possibilities passed through his mind. He tilted his head in thought and he realized how far his imagination had come. He weighted his ideas and in one minute he decided to let go of the most possible, most reasonable thought.

“Did you get a girl pregnant?” Seungri asked out of nowhere and it made Seunghyun press his foot on the brake with much pressure, harder