It was so that it would feel like nothing to me

Everything that was pointed towards you that wasn’t love

It was only because I wanted to believe that it was

That we’re reachable

-김성규[Kim Sunggyu], 41일[41 Days]

□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■

Hyewon's POV

I look at the foggy window, looking at the snow outside. I wrote 꺼지네 (a/n; it means turn off) on the window. I felt something snuggling on my lap. I look down and saw Nurungie snuggling on my lap. Nurungie is a dog that me and Sunggyu took care of since forever, we treat him as if he's our son and he always clings on us. I pat his head, "hey buddy~ what is it~?". He just jump on my body and wiggle his tail. I chuckled and tap his nose, "nuuh~ you know how Gyu hate to see snow on your body so no playing on the snow~ " he whined a little but quickly obey me.

My phone suddenly rang. I look at it and saw my doctor's name. I look at my phone weirdly but answered it right away. "Hello? Ms. Jang?" "Yeah? Is something wrong?" I hear him sigh over the other line. "T-there's something wrong with your tumour..." "w-what do you mean?" "It... it has grow to a deadly level..." I felt my whole world came tumbling down. "I-it wh-what?" "I suggest for you to go to Busan... there's a very good doctor that could operate you..." I gulped and sigh, "I-I'll let you know soon..." "okay, good day miss" and with that, he hung up.

My tears fell one by one and the next thing I knew, I cried like a waterfall. Nurungie whined and sat on my lap- my hand, trying to make me feel better. I quickly searched about the deadly level of tumour on the internet. I found a blog and quickly open it;

'When a tumour-a brain tumour in this case-has grown to a deadly level, it must certainly be operated soon or it will be in a killing level in a snap.

A patient that has brain tumour in a deadly level have a percentage of 40% of surviving in an operation'

I cried harder. Nurungie barked at me and my cheeks. I decided to call my oppa, to ask him about everything. "H-hello? Oppa?" "Eo? Hyewon? Is everything alright?" I told him everything with a heavy heart-knowing that it will worry him. "WHAT THE- YOU SHOULD DO THE OPERATION!!!" "b-but the percentage-" " THE PERCENTAGE! I'M TAKING YOU TO BUSAN RIGHT AWAY AND YOU BETTER TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND ABOUT THIS!" then he hung up. It's the fifst time I ever hear him yell at me since we were little. I sobbed again but soon I got tired of crying. So I wash up, grt ready and went to look for Sunggyu.

"Nurungie? Be good okay? I'll be back as soon as possible." Sensing my tiredness, he barked softly and lay down on the railing on the door. I lock the door and quickly hop into my car. I got in front of Woolim's building quite quicker than what I had tought. I walked in and saw Jiae unnie, she waved and smiled at me which I return back, "Hey Hye~" "hey unnie... have you seen Sunggyu? Is he still practicing his vocal?" "Wait, why am I sensing sadness here? Ah, whatever I'll interorigate you about that later... Sunggyu huh? Nope, try asking Daeryong oppa... he might know" "thanks unnie~" then I ran off to TASTY's practice room. I barged inside and saw both of the twins sprawled on the floor, grumbling.

"Jiae, I've told you I won't arm wrestle with you!" Soryong yelled. "Wow, cocky much Soryong oppa?" He looked at me and grinned, "oh hey~ what are you doing here?" "Need to find Gyugeegee" I said. Then Daeryong looked at me, "ah, he's in the cafe across the street!" He said, "ah, okay... I'll get going now" "nope, we're coming with you! We need food! And of course coffee!" Soryong said and stand up along with Daeryong and drag me out.

We were chatting on the way to the cafe, we entered and look everywhere for Sunggyu. Then, I noticed a guy with a hoodie on. He looks similar to Sunggyu but I'm not that sure. I follow the twins to the cashier to buy their drinks. Then, I took a glimpse of that man again. Now, he is with a girl and they're making out. That's when his hoodie fall of his head. It is Sunggyu. I looked at both of them in horror, but I hold my tears. "Hyewon, what are yo- no sh*t... YAH KIM SUNGGYU!" Daeryong yelled after realizing what I was looking. Sunggyu looked at us and gave me a cold glare and a smirk. Soryong was about to run and punch him but I held him back. I forced a smile and pat their shoulders, "I-I'll get going first..." then, I lifelessly walked trough the door with tears streaming down.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Daeryong's POV

After Hyewon left, we both storm to Sunggyu. I glared at the girl, she looked terrified at me. "Scram, b*tch" then she ran away in less than a second. I drag Sunggyu by his collar while Soryong is holding both of our coffees. I stormed to Infinite's practice room, "woah hyung... what's with this?" Woohyun asked. "Did you guys know that this crap already have a girlfriend?" "Umm... yeah, that's the most obvious thing... he's dating my-" "he's cheating on her." Soryong said. Dongwoo looked at Sunggyu in horror, Myungsoo ans Sungjong held him back before he punch the light out of Sunggyu. "I'll leave him to you then."

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Hyewon's POV

I walk inside 'our' apartment, I just called my doctor and said that I'll do the operation. Nurungie saw me and ran to me. I patted his head and slumped down, "at least if I die, he'll have someone else to love right? A-and he'll have s-someone to take c-care of him r-right?" I sobbed and stutter. Nurungie whined and rest his head on my lap. I stood up and wander around. I looked at our photos, the more I looked at it, I feel worser than ever. So I decided to text my oppa and told him that I'm gonna crash in his place. After I did that, I cooked for Sunggyu, cleaned the room and finish the scarf I was making for him. I put everything in place, I looked at the clock; 5.30 PM. I quickly packed my belongings. When I was about to leave, Nurungie held me back. "Nurungie, let me go... I gotta go now before Sunggyu got back!" He whined and jumped up, standing on his 2 legs. I patted his head as he whined and bit on my shirt. "I'll be back okay? Now, be good and don't let Sunggyu oppa get stressed..." I quickly ran out to catch a cab, but as I look on the window, I saw all of those memories replaying.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Sunggyu's POV

I went home after being scolded like crazy by 8 peoples. Thanks to Dongwoo, my cheek is bruised. I opened the door to feel that the atmosphere was different, and not in a good way. I went to Nurungie who was standing with his 2 paws on the window. "Nurungie? Come here" I said, he did not budge, instead he just lay on the spot where Hyewon always sat. I sat next to him and pat his head. He looked at me and then he ran off to lay on the door step.

"Yah, Hyewon! HYEWON!!!" I yelled trough the whole apartment yet she doesn't reply. I check on our bathroom which was inside our bedroom. I was about to head out of the bed room when I noticed a paper bag with a note sticked to it, it says;

'Hey~ by the time you see this, I'm gone already~ I know you won't care but, oh well~! I've prepares everything for you, food is ready for your dinner tomight and I know things that you could cook so the fridge is full of ingredients! In this paper bag is my gift for you. Remember those mittens I've knitted for you for christmas? This is a scarf that match those mittens well, you can trow it away if you want. It's not even that good. Please take care of Nurungie okay? I'll see you in 41 days even though you'll hate seeing me...

Ps; bring that girl from the cafe over! She seems nice ! ><'

I saw that the paper has a few tear drop stains that has dried. I felt tears drop on my cheeks and I quickly open the paper bag. I saw a well knitted scarf, I ran to the wardrobe and quickly search for the mittens she made. I hold it both and cried. I went to the kitchen to grab some water ans realized that she really did cook for me. As I open the fridge, I saw that it was full of ingredients. I opened the cupboard and saw Nurungie's food and a sticky note sticked on it.

'Don't forget to feed Nurungie~ I've fed him earlier so there's no need~ you can feed him tomorrow~ thanks! ^^'

I walked out and saw that Nurungie was still laying down in front of the door. "Nurungie... come on, go to your bed... she's not coming back..." Nurungie ignored me completely and stayed still. I sighed, I went back to the kitchen and eat. When I sat down and start eating, I saw a shilouete of her-sitting on the opposite side of me like we always did.

*flashback*

We just moved in this apartment and got everything cleaned up right away. "Hyewon-ah~ I'm hungry~" I said and back hug her. She giggled and tried to pry me off. "Dinner's ready~! Let me go so that I can prepare~" I let her go and helped her prepare. We both sat down and start eating. "Hyewon-ah..." I called. She looked at me in the eyes, "yes?" "Let's... stay together forever..." I said and hold her hands. She smiled and nod. We interlaced our finger and stares at each other.

*skip to the next day at Woolim*

I walked in the building, wearing the scarf and mittens she made me. I looked at the peoples in the lobby, looking for Infinite or at least TASTY. Then, I saw Jiae coming out of the canteen. "JIAE!!!" I yelled, she seems to notice but once she saw me, she had an annoyed look. "What?" "Have you seen Infinite or TASTY?" "I don't know, why don't you ask your girlfriend?" She retorted at me. I felt shocked at the sudden outburst. She then storm away.

"Sunggyu? What are you doing?" I heard someone called me, and it was Jungyeop sajangnim. "A-ah.. aniya... I'm looking for everyone..." "wait, they didn't tell you?" I looked at him, completely confused. "Tell me what?" "They asked for a 2 month rest... well, I agreed! Since you all doesn't have any schedule!" I quickly thanked him and ran to my car. Once I was inside, I called Sungjong-knowing that he would answer me no matter what. "Hello?" "What do you want hyung?" He said harshly at me. "Where are you? Why did you guys go without me?' "Because you screw big Kim Sunggyu." And with that, he hung up.

I looked at my phone in disbelief. I scoffed and dash back to my car. I called Hyewon's phone, "*beep* *beep* *beep* hell-" "HYEWON? IT'S SUNGGYU I-" "I'm currently not available, leave a message after the beep, and I'll call you back! *beeeeeeeeep*" I throw my phone to the seat next to me. "Crap!". I drive back to our apartment and quickly went inside. I saw Nurungie once again on the sofa near the window. "Nurungie, come on... you gotta eat..." he looked at me and obeyed me. I put his food and water on a bowl and he just eat it slowly.

I tried calling everyone but they always either hung up on me or not answering at all. I grew frustrated and unconciously, a single tear roll down on my face.

/skip to 31 days later because I'm a lazy author 8"D/

I've been depressed for over tge past month and Nurungie has been depressed also. He was constantly getting sick but that wasn't anything serious.

One afternoon, suddenly Sungjong came to our-my apartment. I quickly grab his shoulder, "WHERE IS SHE? WHERE!? please tell me... I'm dying inside..." Sungjong sighed and put my arm down. "That's why I'm here hyung... she told me to tell you where she is..." he sighed and continue, "she's in Gyeonggi... to be precisely, she's going trough a brain tumour teraphy." I was so shocked on what Sungjong has told me.

"Sh-she w-what?" Sungjong explained to me. And by the time he was done, I was on the floor-crying. After I regain myself, I stood up, "I'm going to see her." "B-but Dongwoo hyung h-he-" "I don't care about Dongwoo! What about her huh!? I need to see her!" Sungjong sighed and gave up. After we packed, we went inside the car, bringing Nurungie along and drive.

After what seems like forever, we finally arrived at Gyeonggi and we drive to the hospital. We went to her room, but as I walk inside, I saw the bed was being covered by the curtain and we saw everyone was sitting on the sofa, looking at the bed worriedly. But then, Dongwoo saw me and he tried lunging at me. Luckily, Myungsoo, Woohyun and Sungjong held him back before he could punch the daylights out of me. "You bastard, you shouldn't have come to her life... you shouldn't have pained her... I SHOULDN'T HAVE LET HER BE WITH YOU!!!" I stood there, shocked at him. The 3 brought him outside, I walked slowly towards the bed and realized the gloomy aura and how quiet it was.

I looked at the bed and I saw her, with injections here and there, pale faced, and a tube going down . She was deep asleep. I went beside her, I pulled a chair and sat next to her. I caressed her face and I felt tears streaming down my face, and soon I realized that I was crying desperately for her to wake up.

/10 days later/

It's already 41 days since I last saw her awake, alive in our apartment. Since 10 days ago I was here, the members told me about how much she missed me and ask stuffs about me. Sungjong said that she sometimes cry herself to sleep.

Dongwoo brought Nurungie to his mother's house due to the hospital was forbiding animals inside.

I caressed her face, I peck her cheek. The tube in was replaced by a mask due to her condition is no longer that critical. I whispered on her ear, "baby, it has been 41 days like what you've promised... please wake up and see me... you know, sometimes I thought that... what I gave you, it wasn't love... maybe I did that so I thought that we're reachable..." I burried my face on her pillow and suddenly I felt a hand on top of my head, I looked up and saw her smiling at me.

She took off her oxygen mask and she whispered, "when you weren't here, I felt that the lights and the music in me is turned off... 모두한 꺼지넸어(everything is turned off)..." I shrieked and yell for everyone to come and see her awake. As we chat, no one noticed that she wasn't wearing her oxygen mask anymore. "Everyone, I want to thank you all for staying with me... it has been... a... long... happy... journey w-with... you.. all..." then suddenly, from the monitor her heartbeat dropped down and we all panicked. She took my hand and smiled, "our love... is like a song... write... about... it..." she said. I cried, "n-no! It's not over! You can't die! Stay with me! You've promised me that we'll get married right? T-that we'll h-have our own children right?" She smiled as a tear fall on my palm. "I... love... you..." she said.

Soon, doctors and nurses ran to her bed. I was pushed aside. "N-no..! W-wait! Don't separate me from her! LET ME TROUGH!" I was trying to catch a glimpse when suddenly, Dongwoo and Woohyun pulled me aside. What shocked us is the sound from the heartveat monitor, it beeped loudly and went to a straight line.

The doctor cane to us and took off his mask. "W-we did the best we could... but I guess God miss His daughter..." then, when they walked out, we sprawled on the sides of her bed and cried. I look at her face as tears streaming down my face. She was so pale, but she was very beautiful.

And so I remembered what she told me... I made our love to a song...

A song about our mistake...

About that 41 days...

THE END.

Sorry if it's too crappy or too short ㅠㅠ and pardon my grammar and vocab.