ღLovable Jerk
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Review for: lovelybones98 ღ Reviewed By: Vicky97
Book Review 10
Title:
I think that the title fits your story very well! After all, you further establish the fact that Jackson and Mark and total douche bags in almost every single chapter. ^^ Many authors do not hold steadfast to the notion of their titles, which I think is really important, but you’ve portrayed the story beautifully with this.
Presentation:
I really like the cover page, and I thought that the background was really punk-y and it really brought out the playfulness of your story. However, the background got a bit distracting after a while due to the really bright fonts. On a whole, the theme was really great! Perhaps you could tell your designer not to have clashing colours the next time round.
Description and Foreword:
I thought that the description was really apt , short, and sweet. It depicted your short storyline really perfectly and I think that the lyrics from Got7 complemented the storyline very well.
Language:
Basically, you have a few adverbial and tenses mistakes. I have amended some from the previous chapters, and scanned the back chapters. I couldn’t finish amending the entire fic, I hope you understand. J Some mistakes do affect the meaning of the sentence and disrupt structural flow, but as a whole, they don’t really bring much confusion to the idea you are trying to get across.
“Well, we are going to a club, not at school.” She said and took her purse.
“Oh, look how y are these new girls those new girls are.” Mister Kim said jokingly and we laughed bowing to him.
We grabbedflagged a taxi and went to the most popular club in Seoul … It was a really nice and fancy club with good music and a lot of hotties, hehehehe.
I went to a club before but I did not really enjoyedenjoy it … I am not that type of girl thatwho enjoys dancing like a freak onagainst freaking loud music.
As I expected, the music was as loud as I remembered from the first time I went to a club. When we got in, the atmosphere was somehow better this that time though.
I went to the table she was pointing at and sat down waiting for her … but in the end she did not show up … However, it was sweet of her that she sentto send me a message at least.
… have fun on your own … if I need something I will let you know … if you do need something … Do not search for me. Love you!
[It is always important to have good sentence structuring, and I guess to represent text messages, the best way would be to have it in bold, which is exactly what you did, and have it in stanza form, like what I have done below.]
Have fun on your own! I’ll let you know if I need anything.
But if you need anything, don’t search for me!’
Love ya!
[sign off]
Everyone around me was crazily dancing dancing crazily and having fun while I was just bored and my head started to hurt.
After all, Jackson still had a part of him from the past inside. And when I think he used to be all innocent and cute and friendly … And nowNow, he was drivingdrives a fancy car, splashed dirt on Eunyeong, and acted like he didn't know her and even danced with hot girls … What a boy he became.
“Aren’tAm I not heavy? ” I asked.
“No … surprisingly … ” He said with a smirk on his face, I suppose.
“I am not in the mood for clubbing today. ” He said as he smiled and got into his apartment.
I let out a smile without me knowing it [a stray smile] and went in too. [I think in this context, ‘a stray smile’ would be a really nice and subtle way to put things because you want to leave readers with a warm and fuzzy feeling.
“That jerk is kind of hot. ” [Since this is the end of a chapter, you could consider adding a bit more description of what the characters are feeling, instead of explicitly stating the obvious.]
Chapter 7
“You are such a sometimes … But still you are mine.” He said and smiled, making me shocked.
[Once again, you tend to rush your endings quite a lot. I think that ‘making me shocked’ is way too abrupt, and it kinda spoils the flow of emotions for me. Maybe, you could describe shock in a different way. For example, you could try: He smiled. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of _____/nostalgia/etc. This helps formulate possible ideas for your readers, and it makes them want to read on too!
Characters:
Initially, I thought that 4 characters were sufficient enough to make it a really deep and interesting story. However, as I read on, it got a bit bland because it felt like the many girl-meets-guy-at-the-club story. Of course, your story had a few sensual spots that were pretty good, I must say. I would also appreciate it very much if the characters themselves had a stronger personality, in terms of their beliefs and whatnot. I guess in this story, it really is meant for light reading, and it’s definitely something I would read at the coffee shop, or late at night. It is very fun to read, honestly.
Flow:
You had a very clear and strong story line, which made reading really easy t o follow. You also didn’t have excessive difficult vocabulary, which is definitely a bonus for all readers out there. I must also say that I thought that you tried to rush too many parts into the story, and especially at the endings, where the rush kinda destroyed the mushy-gooey feelings I want to experience. Overall, I thought that you did a great job planning the storyline, although many parts of the story were rather cliché, and I could tell what would come up next.
Plot:
I think your story plot is very much of a ‘The Heirs’’ and the usual American styled rom-com mashed up kind of story. Where the girl and the guy would meet at the bar and they get stuck at a motel/hotel. It’s really what appeals to the masses, but I guess to make your storyline really strong and memorable, you could have the two girls come up with stronger personalities. In this story, they were also the usual chicks guys would want to mess with in real life. If this was a drama, you’d get great reviews. Overall, I found your story rather engaging. Good Job!
Overall Enjoyment:
I finished entire 14 chapters :D It’s the usual kind of chick flick that I like to read to give me those feels, and I think I’d give you a pass on that one! Moreover, I thought that you really brought out the Jackson and Mark player vibe, which is kinda cool, and I think all Got7 fans will really enjoy reading your story. I really would have appreciated if your story was a bit longer! I think that’s why some fans of your story didn’t really expect the rather short and abrupt ending. Maybe you guys could do a sequel to this story. :)
A/N:
I am so sorry I couldn't finish your request a long time back! >< I hope you guys are okay with this one :D
I hope you are satisfied with the review. If there’s anything that you would like to clarify, or would need me to further explain, please do contact me. All the best! <3
Please don't forget to credit back to this shop :D With a link please :) Comment after reading and an upvote will be nice :) Thanks for requesting!
-Vicky <3
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