Until when are you going to treat me like this ?

Until when are you going to ignore me like this ?

Until when are you going to make me to keep patient ?

Until when are you going to make me to wait for you ?

How long will I have to cry over you ?

How long will I have to feel this wound ?

How long will I have to endure ?

Until when ?

Please answer me , I beg you ..

Until when ...

***

Pain .

Sore .

Tightness .

I can not breathe .

Till when ? ?

How long will I have to feel it ?

Until when are you going to torture me like this ?

Do  you not know if this is very hurt . Here , I felt extremely hurt . Here in my heart . Can you feel it?

No. .

You'll never be able to feel it. You would never know it was like this . It's stifling . Making me hardly to breathe .

Please, Im begging you , stop to hurt me like this . Stop to ignore me . Look at me . Talk to me . What is it that hard to do?

Until when are you going to torture me like this ? 
When are you going to stop treating me like this ? 
Do you not know that I miss you ? Don't you know ? Should I scream ? Should I tell the world that I miss you a lot ?

I miss you, Kim Myungsoo .

Did you hear it ? You heard it , right? If you really hear it , please answer me . Replied me, Kim Myungsoo ! Answer me . I beg you . Pleaseﾅ.

***

The tiny body slumped instantly to the ground. A bitter reality that he received make him seem so fragile . He is alone now . That is what he describes for himself . No more people who he loves so much . They have left . And now , he is doubting the only people that he think will be able to always standing beside him.
His shoulders up and down signaled that he is still crying . Don't know how long he had been crying like that. He is in that position for 5 hours . Crying in the same place and in the same position for 5 hours . Anyone who saw it - they who were passing by in front of him - look at him with pityingly  .His crying sounded so sad. Mixing his emotions into one in his cried.  It was heart-wrenching to hear .

" Why ? You have promised me not to leave me , but why are you even swallow your words  .. "he monologue, He said out loud what in his mind and heart,what his feeling inside. He hit his chest so hard .

" Pain . Here, it is very hurt  . Huh ~ appo . Jeongmal . How could you do this me ? " still talking to itself.

People passing by in front of him began to whisper .

"Poor boy . Look at his eyes swollen like that . "

" Why does he have to cry like that ? Is he abandoned by his lover ? "

" Tsk ~ stupid boy . Why cry for a man who left him . "

" His lover is went too far to make this boy cry like that . "

He , a beautiful boy ,is so motionless . He's keep quite.  Ignoring what these people said. Become deaf to everything he said . His heart is too hurt  to listen to them .

" Wae ? Wae ? Why did you leave me ? Why ? I hate you . I hate Kim Myungsoo . I hate you . Hate you , Huks .. "

***

Walking slowly with a blank stare into a house . Small sob escaped his plump lips but no single tear that falls from his eyes . The tear was up for crying over his lover .

He entered the house's yard with a tiny step.  Smile bitterly while looking at the blooming white jasmine and cherry blossoms. 

[ " Sungyeol-ah, well , you see this ? The flowers are already blooming . Look at how beautiful the flowers were , "shouted a handsome man who seemed very eager welcoming Spring .

" I see , Mr.Km . Very pretty and I really liked it, " said Sungyeol softly . He step forward towards a bench and put the sandwich he had just made .

" But you're prettier than them , Sungyeol -ah . "

" Jinja ? "

" Eum ~ after white roses , what flower do you want me to crops ? " Ask the handsome man, hugging his boyfriend from behind .

" White Lili . " ]

Walking slowlu  and stops right in front of the pot, he squatted in front of the pot , holding the plant in front of him .

" White Lili . I love it . Even it knows how I feel right now , " staring wistfully at the wilted lili.

He took a deep breath in and started to move his legs, went into the main room in the house . For a moment he just close his eyes , his hands touching and squeezing his chest . Pain . The pain was increasing rapidly . The smell of the room was still the same . Even he could feel his lover is still  there .

" Myungsoo - ya ... " he said very softly and still closed his eyes .

[ " Sunyeol - ah , do you like this house , right? "

" Sungyeol-ah , later, every morning you will make me some coffee and I 'll read the newspaper while sipping coffee of yours here . "

" Aaa ~ But this is the living room huh ? Never mind , we will be displaying all about us in this living room . So , when there is a visitor coming here, they will see how harmonious and lovingly we are. I assure you , they would envy us , Sungyeol-ah . " ]

That voice . He could still hear a melodious voice of the man.  A laughter  that he can still feel. He could also feel his presence .

" Are you here, Myungsoo ? Are you standing beside me right now ? Do you see me Myungsoo - ya ? Answer me Kim Myungsoo , " still closed his eyes but it just winds that he can felt .

I see you,Lee Sungyeol .

***

I really can not face it  anymore .
I really can't be able.
I'm tired .
I'm tired to always be like this .
It's too hurt me and I could no longer bear it .
I'm tired .
Mianhae .

***

He was still with  his little step , still with empty stares and swollen eye went  into a room . He turned the  knob slowly .

Mints .

A smell of mints greeted him first . His favorite fragrance . His lover smell . He miss him .

" I really miss you . Are you satisfied hurting me, Kim Myungsoo ? "

He started walking to explore the room. A room with a king-size mattress . The first room and probably the last one to witness their love .

[ "Sungyeol - ya , this place will be the witness of our love , " said the handsome man while showing his beautiful smile .

" Get your ert mind lost , Kim Myungsoo ! "

" But you like it,don't you ? Come on , baby , come here . You look y tonight . Let's make a lot of babies tonight . "

" YAH ! Kim Myungsoo ! " ]

" Myung , you really made me mad . I hate you , " he said with a sad smile,remembering memories with men named Myungsoo . Taking a picture frame on the desk that located next to the mattress , he was smiling wryly saw the photo . Two men posing with aegyo respectively where the handsome one looks more cute when compared to him -the pretty one .

Turning to his bed , he sat there and the soft mattress . Then he lay his exhausted body on the bed with side to the left and right hand caressing the left side of the mattress . Trying to feel back again the handsome man's  presence .

" When are you going back eum ? I can not stand it anymore , Myungsoo-ya . "

Wait a little longer,Sungyeol-ah .

***

Opening his eyes slowly and stretched his tired body , he got up from his position . Stand up slowly and stepped to leave. In the doorway , he turned for a moment to look at the room one last time .

" It must be ended soon . I can't stand it anymore . I'm tired . "

He began to walk slowly to another room . He took a few strands of white cloth . He walked back to his room , close all the furniture with the white cloth.

" I'm sorry , I really feel tired . I can' t wait too long . I'll join you or I might go first. Mianhae , " his mouth said out a sentence in a voice that sounded quite gloomy . Sounded so desperate and tired . Wiping the tears not to fall , covering his mouth with the back of his hand, he walked to the back of the room. Doing the same thing with which he did before .

Walking down in the stairs slowly . He looked at the frames on the wall . A Sad smile and a small sob paint on his tired face.

" Maybe we will not be able to do the same thing and feel like that again , " he spoke at the photos that hanging on the wall.

Sungyeol-ah

Walking out of the house , Lee Sungyeol paused a moment to look at the house for last time . He could feel his Kim Myungsoo was in that house.Looking at him through of  glass in living room . Sungyeol painted a small  smile for the first time after the incindent that happened one year ago .

" Kim Myungsoo , I 'll go and I'll let you go . "

***

Maybe it is enough up until here .

It's beyond my limits .

I really can't wait any longer .

If indeed we are destined , destiny can bring us back,right ?

Or The Paradise that you told me every night is our meeting place ?

***

[ " Lee Sungyeol , there is one story that I will tell you tonight , " said the handsome man .

" What's that ? " Ask the pretty man .

" Paradise . You want to hear it ? "

" Eumm . Tell me what is Paradise ?. "

" Paradise is a place that created for two people who love each other . The place is more beautiful than the most beautiful parks in the world . More beautiful than a flower garden that we frequently visit . In that place , they are who loving each other will never be sad . There are only happiness that we are created to love each other sincerely . The place will not be able to separate those who love each other . A place that will bring together two people who love each other when they are apart . The place where we will always be together with our loved ones . "

" Does such a place really exist in this world , Soo-ah ? "

" Of course . When I went left first, please live in peace without feeling sad , because after that we will surely meet at that place . Paradise . "

" We will be together forever in there ? "

" Eumm ~ "

" But here, we are also together forever,aren't we ? "

" Different., This place is a paradise only if you're here , but without you the best paradise , without you it's a hopeless world . If there are places that will forever be a paradise . I will always be happy with you there . Paradise in there is a beautiful place , it's totally different with the paradise that exist in this world . " ]

***

Paradise .

I will meet you there .

You 'll talk to me there

Paradise .

I will no longer feel the hurt there .

I'm not going to cry there .

As you said ,

Paradise promises a happiness for us .

Wait for me there , Kim Myungsoo .

Or maybe , I should once again be the one who is waiting there .

See you in Paradise .

Nan jeongmal saranghae .

-Lee Sungyeol-

***

Tap tap tap ..

A quick footsteps fill the hospital corridor together with some paramedic who bring a motionless body.

" What happened to this boy ? ," asked a doctor when they arrive in the ICU .

" It seems he attempted suicide by taking some pills, sleeping pills , doc , " a nurse explained to the doctor who immediately took an action against the girls who were critical of it.

" What's the name of this boy and  is there a  family that we can contact ? The situation is really serious . " The doctor asked

" From the identity and photographs that I have found , named Lee Sungyeol and the only family is Kim Myungsoo . "

" Who did you say ? "

" Kim Myungsoo , doc . "

***

At the same time ..

Tit tit tit tit tit tiit titititit

Irregular cardiograph sound filled the room . A doctor and several nurses  entered the room .

" Nurse , quickly check his blood pressure , " the doctor orders . The nurse is told to act immediately .

The patient slowly opened his eyes . Blinked slowly trying to adapt to the incoming sunlight .

" Sung .. sung ..yeol .. ya , Sung .. yeol . Lee Sung .. Yeol .. , " the first word that he mentioned quietly after less than one year being unconscious .

" Lee Sungyeol .. " he called again .The nurse who is in the room was widened her eyesin surprise . Not unexpectedly , patients who are convicted will not survive finally woke up .

" Doctor ..doctor.. patient named Kim Myungsoo just awake.Doctor ! "

*~~*

i have to end it here

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thank you for reading ^^

with love,

Pooh~