Decline

 

 

 

Ever since his birth, he has been sick.

Sick.

Such a disgusting word.

As disgusting as his whole life.

 

He is just a child.

However, his mind is the one of an old man.

Tired.

Tired of day, tired of night, tired of life.

Of everything.

 

He looks out of the window.

Today is his first day at school.

I do not want to, he thinks.

Then he stands up and goes.

 

 

 

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Kyungsoo's life is upside down, all caused by one freaking incident.

Also know as his birth.

His parents were never meant to have a child at such a young age and so, he has always been a burden to them.

Now, as Kyungsoo is already fourteen years old, it is to late to build up a loving relationship.

At least that is what he thinks.

His caretaker Junmyeon is convinced otherwise and believes that this strange household can still grow into a disgustingly sweet family.

His opinion is supported by the family doctor.

'Love and affection can heal everything!' is what Zhang Yixing always preaches, and it makes Kyungsoo laugh.

His father is still busy as ever with his stupid company. Also, he is very strict and doesn't seem capable of showing any emotion. At all.

As a child, Kyungsoo was positive that his daddy was a robot. Because there is no way a human being can work this much without even getting tired.

Kyungsoo has never seen his father asleep.

The relationship with his mother is just slightly better. Although they share the same passion – music – and also many happy memories, mommy has always stayed a bit distant.

Maybe because Kyungsoo is his father's child.

 

Both of his parents argue a lot.

But Kyungsoo must admit that it has gotten better. A lot, actually. Or maybe, it's just his attitude.

Junmyeon has taught him to recognize the purpose of their snickering.

Sometimes, it is because they are annoyed by each other.

Sometimes, it is because they want each other's attention.

Sometimes, it is because they want to express their affection.

 

The relationship of Kyungsoo's parents is really very weird and strange, but Kyungsoo is used to it.

So he has come to let them be and appreciate the good moments instead.

 

Seriously, without Junmyeon, Kyungsoo would have never been abled to do so, accepting his fate and making the best of it. That is why he is very grateful to his caretaker.

But there is a person Kyungsoo is even more grateful to.

And that person is Kai.

 

 

 

<> <> <>

 

 

 

Junmyeon is the one who brings him to school.

Of course.

Kyungsoo knows that his parents would never do so.

His father, because he is busy with work.

His mother, because she is busy as well.

He doesn't know with what.

 

Actually, Kyungsoo likes Junmyeon a lot.

The elderly man is really nice to him and treats him like his own son.

Then again, it is his job.

But Kyungsoo likes to think that Junmyeon really cares for him.

That he enjoys reading out fairytales to him, or poems, and that he wants to calm him down when he cries.

Therefore, Kyungsoo wants to be teached by Junmyeon for a longer time.

Until he knows everything so he does not have to attend school.

 

When Junmyeon shoves him into the class room with an angelic smile on his face, Kyungsoo knows that this will never happen.

 

Kyungsoo is scared.

He has never had contact to other children close to his age, caused by his fragility and vulnerability to diseases.

Even if that would have been the case, Kyungsoo is an introvert boy.

He does not sense the need to interact with other persons who are not part of his family.

 

As he observes his classmates, he remembers why.

 

They are loud.

Frenetic.

Wild.

 

Kyungsoo is nothing like that.

He just wants to go home and listen to Junmyeon and another romantic poem.

Instead, he watches as the rebellious teenagers run, bounce, even bicker around with each other and scream out of joy.

It scares Kyungsoo.

This is not the reality he wanted.

 

Intimidated, Kyungsoo stays on his seat.

All alone.

Until another boy heads towards him.

 

Kyungsoo can directly tell that the other one is the opposite of himself.

While he wears a new danish sailor suit, hair combed and face clean, the boy seems kind of.... shabby.

His suit – the colour not determinable - is missing a few buttons and therefore has a lot of patches. Additionally, the sleeves are too short.

Not to mention the messy hair and the unwashed hands which seem to have dug in the dirt.

 

Nonetheless, Kyungsoo cannot help but notice the boy's frame and his facial features.

Beneath the unappealing external, or to be more specific: the first impression of the boy's appearance, there is a beautiful face, combined with elegance, dignity and composure.

Aristocratic.

That is the word Kyungsoo first thinks of.

 

“Good morning, my name is Kai. May I seat beneath you?”

 

And Kyungsoo realises that this term is more applicable than he has thought.

The way the boy speaks and how polite and self-confident his voice sounds....

Immediately, Kyungsoo finds himself admiring it.

 

“Please feel free to do so”, he answers politely with small and shy but noticeable smile.

Kai smiles back.

 

Both of them feel that this is the beginning of a wonderful friendship.

 

 

 

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Ever since, both his mother and Kyungsoo himself have loved music; she masters the violin while he was is currently learning how to play the piano. They oftenly introduce the pieces they have rehearesed together to the family, and that with a lot of passion and dedication.

Additionally, Kyungsoo has had an obsession with poems, mostly romantic ones, despite his young age. And there is especially one that has kept him engaged, taken from the book 'Des Knaben Wunderhorn'*. It's about an old, swaybacked little man who only did bad things, being everywhere, breaking vases and eating the mush, stealing the wood and laughing at oneself, an atrocious creature that will make little children cry. At the end, it demands others to pray for him.

Kyungsoo has thought a lot about this problem.

And finally, he has come to a solution.

“Junmyeon”, he says, “I don't think that the little man does all this because he is evil. Maybe, he is just sad, and afterwards, he is even sadder... And when you pray for him, he doesn't have to continue those dark doings.”

Kyungsoo speaks those words with a calm and kind determination, and a few days later, Junmyeon catches his child in care praying for the swaybacked, little man.

 

The next day, his father asks Kyungsoo to perform a poem.

Kyungsoo panics.

It's not that he doesn't know the lines he was taught by his caretaker, he remembers them perfectly, he can recite each word – but he's not good at presenting it I front of an audience, even if it's just his parents and Junmyeon.

His father does not care, though, he loves to examine his son. So, Kyungsoo has to obey.

He is standing in front of the three adults, his little hands clenching on the fringe of his perfectly cleaned shirt.

“So?”, his father starts. Kyungsoo doesn't respond at first. Then, he starts to slowly relax, as far as possible at least, and mumbles with a soft voice: “Schäfers Sonntagslied*... By Uhland.”

But his father does not approve.

“That, my dear son”, he critisizes, “is not how you do a presentation. First of all, you have to start with a bow. Secondly, you have to stand freely, speak freely, too!”

Kyungsoo obeys again, eyes filled with agony.

“And now, raise your head and let your arms hang. Just like this. Please, go ahead.”

The father knows exactly what he does to his son, he knows that his little boy is suffering but he wants him to gain strength and masculinity.

“Ich bin allein auf weiter Flur*”, Kyungsoo still manages to say, and that is when he breaks.

Thick tears spring from his big, round eyes and his voice cracks.

“Well, this is no pleasure!”, his father responds harshly. “Why are you even crying like a little girl? Do you plan on always starting to cry when speaking in front of other people?”

And with those words, he leaves.

'Never', Kyungsoo thinks desperately, 'never will I be able to talk to others!'

And with that, Junmyeon leads him to his room where he takes care of him like he always does.

 

 

 

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This little, shabby fellow has wooed, with fire, with tempestuous, aggressive masculinity, for the grace of the silent, exclusively dressed Kyungsoo, that cannot be ignored.*

 

Kai is a nice boy.

His full name is Kai Earl Mölln and he lives alone together with his father and hundreds of animals on their small estate.

As they are the last ones of their stock, there is no need to preserve their reputation and they're happy this way.

 

Kai's father is known as a crank, running around in peasant clothes and living of chicken and vegetable breeding. He owns dogs as well.

Nonetheless, he is a good man. He adopted Kai when he found him straying around in the streets of them nearby city as the child had lost his parents.

In order to provide a good life to Kai, he employed a household help, and life went well this way.

Even though those three were a bunch of non-related people, they had formed a family

And they still are.

Kyungsoo likes that and envies Kai a little bit.

He wishes that his parents would be the same way.

But he knows they won't, so he just enjoys visiting his best friend – eventhough neither Junmyeon nor his parents truly approve of their friendship. They say that those 'strange people have no manners and will have a bad influence on Kyungsoo'.

For once, Kyungsoo doesn't care, though.

In fact, he's visiting him normally mostly once a week. Junmyeon has at least come to understand and tolerate under the condition that Kai also visits Kyungsoo's house (and the caretaker manages to let this happens most of the time). He still makes sure that Kyungsoo is treated nicely and doesn't get too dirty, though. But that is okay, Kyungsoo thinks, it simply shows that he cares for me. And so, he tries not to overdo it which is actually not hard because he has never been a daring person. Kai has to convince him to do stuff most all of the time, like climbing on trees or playing with the dogs outside.

Everytime they both are at Kyungsoo's and have finished their homework, they will listen to Junmyeon who will read fairytales out to them.

One day, though, Kai has started to narrate his own tales. They were short at first and simple, but soon, the got more and more complex and Kai has become rather good at randomly creating stories that are thrilling, due to the fact that they are dealing with the harsh reality yet presenting her in a completely new and mysterious, almost wondrous way.

By now, this is what Kyungsoo likes most about Kai; listening to the little earl's thoughtful yet vivid, warm voice. Junmyeon also like those hours when the little boy just sat there with the cutest, most concentrated facial expression, being absorbed into the story.

 

By and by, Kyungsoo's father has come to accept the boy's friendship as he can observe how they influence each other in a positive way.

Kyungsoo soothes, tames and purifies Kai, the boy who loves him so dearly and tenderly, the one who admires his white hands and even lets Junmyeon wash him and comb his hair just to play with his new best friend.

In return, Kai will show him how to be a 'normal' boy, how to be free and wild, the way his father wants Kyungsoo to be – although this is just an utopia that will clearly never be fulfilled.

 

Nonetheless, their friendship remains until today, and it will do so until forever.

 

 

 

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“I swear, this Roderich Usher is the best character that has ever been thought of!”, Kai quickly says, “I've been reading for the whole lesson, and I wish I could be just as good as Edgar Poe...”

With the years, Kai has begun to write, indeed. He also loves to read, obviously, and he does so a lot, too much, in fact – what are homework compared to books?

Kyungsoo has read Kai's newest creation, a whole tale, pages filled with burning fire, passion and thrilling, wondrous events, and he loves it.

He is sure that Kai will become a great writer, and he tells him.

“You think?”, Kai asks with a content smile because he knows that Kyungsoo means it. “Well, I'm sure that you'll become a great musician, too.”

Suddenly, Kyungsoo gets all serious and then, he slowly shakes his head: “No, Kai. I don't think so. I could never be one.”

But Kai is convinced otherwise, and he is is strongly opinionated in everything he does. “What are you even saying, of course you can!” And when Kyungsoo does not answer, he puts an arm around his best friend and repeats: “Of course you can. And you will, because I'll watch over you.”

They're at a strange age: Kai blushes* and Kyungsoo does not dare to look at his best friend.

 

They keep walking like that.

 

 

 

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Kyungsoo is at the age of fifteen when his father dies, and he is sixteen when his mother decides to leave the country and return to her mother country.

His aunt has run off to marry her fourth husband, his grandparents have already been dead since a long time ago and his uncle is lunatic.

Junmyeon and Kai are the only people who are left and who can help Kyungsoo through this difficult time, and so they do.

Junmyeon actually intended on renting a small flat but the boys convinced him to come living at Kai's; the house still has a lot of unused space and since Kai's father knows both Junmyeon and Kyungsoo and he loves his son dearly (and is easily influenced by the housekeeper), he finally lets them occupy a room each.

Junmyeon has agreed on helping out the house keeper, pretty much like he is already used to, and Kyungsoo was abled to take his beloved piano with him.

Despite the chaotic situation, despite the fact that he's hurting like every child would after being abandoned by its parents, Kyungsoo feels strangely safe and content, because he knows that the two people he loves the most are with him.

And eventhough he will be still plagued by nightmares for a long time, he has mentally finished that chapter.

 

A new one shall begin.

 

And so it does, with the first morning at Junmyeon's and his new home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes

 

*Des Knaben Wunderhorn – can be translated to 'The Boy's Miracle/Wonder Horn'

* Schäfers Sonntagslied – in English, it would be 'Shepherd's Sunday Song'

* Ich bin allein auf weiter Flur. – I am alone on the wide meadow.

* Kai blushes – The conversation is a bit different but he really blushes, and he also really (at a different time) puts his arm around him, like wtf.

* This little, shabby fellow has wooed, with fire, with tempestuous, aggressive masculinity, for the grace of the silent, exclusively dressed Kyungsoo, that cannot be ignored. - Directly translated (as accurate as possible), otherwise without words. Just let that sink in.

 

 

 

Additional Remarks

 

Woah, that was really hard to write... Like, really. Especially, because Hanno/Kyungsoo actually dies at the age of sixteen and always talks about how he wants to die and stuff...

So I kind of censored his morbid thoughts and just took a few scenes from the books which I found interesting.

Still, fun fact: When Hanno/Kyungsoo is about to die in the book, Kai takes his hands and kisses his fingers...

I swear, the author ships them so much.

Sadly, they only appear at the end (yeah, my fav characters of the book ;P).

Still worth it, don't you think so? :)

Actually, I imagined that Taoris are Kyungsoo's parents... But their behaviour is... well, not that good, so I just left it at that.

And who could be Kai's father and who is the housekeeper...?

Yeah, sue me, it's Chenmin, in that order. XD

...I wonder if I should do a sequel...

 

Thank you for reading! ^^