S O O Y E O N

Ever since I entered this world, I knew him. I know him from head to toe, inside out. He knows I've been head over heels for him since we were three, I know he would rather marry a tree than me if I were the last person on Earth. I'm 19 years old, he's 20 years old. Long story short, I started school early. 

I wasn't exactly beautiful. If braces, glasses, and horrid fashion count as beauty, then I'm hotter than the Kardashians combined. Don't be shaken by my outer appearance. If I wasn't given a loud personality, I'd pass for a nerd-geek. 

Our parents are good friends and although they've considered an arranged marriage, Luhan didn't agree. On my 18th birthday, Luhan shook his head and grumbled out: no. I, on the other hand, was ecstatic. But his parents were fair people (unlike most wealthy families) and they (or at least Mr. Lu did) complied with what he wanted.

Mrs. Lu loves me...I'm aware. So that day he disagreed, she poured out tears and nearly rearranged his jaw location. For one thing, Luhan's mom is a ball of sunshine. To see a happy-go-lucky woman punch her son square in the jaw is rare. Mr. Lu, however, was fine with Luhan's decision.

"So, son. I've been thinking. Maybe it would do their company well if you marry her."

"Her? Why?" Luhan angrily retorted.

"Well, the Lims are falling short. They need help and you know how much they've helped us."

Luhan grunted before refusing marriage and stomped off to the snack bar.

It was amazing how his parents have asked him about that topic so many times in my junior and senior year of high school. It was so frequently mentioned that the question seemed normal. Every time his parents would blow up a storm talking about marriage, Luhan took it as a signal to leave the room. At least that was just his behavior after sophomore year high school. But if his parents asked us when we were five years old, heck I'd be happily married this second.

"Luhan, someday you'll take over my company." Mr. Lu stated as he knelt down to reach Luhan's height. 

"Ba-ba? What's so good about being the top guy in the business though?" Luhan said as he turned to me and laughed.

"Well, there's a lot. First, you are honored and given power but remember to--"

"Be kind and generous. Yadayadayada. More, Ba-ba!" Luhan whined as he made me giggle.

"Uhh...You will have a beautiful wife. Someone to support you in everything."

"And a nice family?"

"Yes, I guarantee it. Tell me now my boy, who do you want to marry?" Mr. Lu joked but Luhan answered shamelessly.

"I want to marry Sooyeon, Ba-ba!" he said as he cheerily hooked my arm around his.

If you were to ask me about school I'd tell you that from elementary to mid-university, it was one monstruous rollercoaster. In elementary and middle school, we were organized into table partners through surname in alphabetical order. I am Lim Sooyeon. He is Lu Han. 

"Luhan oppa! You're my partner?! It'll be so much fun!"

"Yeah! I can show you my drawings now!" 

"Then, you can see mine!"

"Okay, kindergarten students. Let's start the year!"

Instead of us moving to different rooms, the teachers were the ones who moved door-to-door. It was like that even since kindergarten. You see, my elementary school is extended to eighth grade so it is called Sun-Sin Elementary Middle School. Each grade level was organized into three batches: below average, profficient, and gifted. Each batch had a class. So in all, there were 21 batches, meaning 21 classrooms (excluding the storage room, supplies room, main office, principal's office, etc.) So I was placed in gifted alongside Luhan for all seven years. 

We were partners every year but after third grade, things changed. He hung out with boys instead of one girl. We talked less and we'd only greet each other from time to time. Yes, we were partners but not much happened. 

 After feeling so lonely, I sought out a friend. For half of fourth grade, I searched and searched for a girl who would match me well. I was so close to giving up until a girl from Busan transferred: Baek Hyori.

"Aigoo, God why do you hate me?" I mumbled as I continuously hit my head against my desk.

"Alright everyone since we have a new student, we'll go around saying our names and a fun fact of ourselves. Understand?"

"Yes, we understand," the class said in unison.

Soon, it was my turn. 

"I'm Kim Jiyoung. I like eating chocolate."

"I'm Kim Jongin. I might make you fall for me," he chuckled as he winked at her. Hyori simply shrugged and mouthed, "Not interested."

"Oy! Kim Jongin! We talked about this already! No flirting!" Cho-seonsaengnim said as she tugged at his ear, dragging him to her table.

"What do you mean you aren't interested?" he yelled before he was fully at Hell (aka. Dam-seonsaengnim's desk)

"I-I'm Lim Sooyeon. I like ramyun and H.O.T!"

"Really? I love Hee-jun oppa!" she squealed in joy.

"I love Tony oppa!" I said as she smiled.

So every year I was his partner but it never changed the fact that I was only his little sister in his eyes. After sophomore year in high school (after the 'incident'), he locked himself up in his room every time I came over. He'd barely try to speak to me or even greet me. All he's ever told me was, "Pass the japchae" or "Great. You're here." 

So partners through kindergarten, first, second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth grade. However, middle school was different. The first day of seventh grade, I woke up and was excited to once more be his partner. But a transfer student from Beijing moved in and her name? Lin Jiahua. Within two steps onto the school area, she captured every boy's eye and heart, including Luhan's. 

I was then partnered up with Kim Jongin, which wasn't so bad. He's handsome, every girl's dream but Luhan is far more intelligent: IQ of 200. You may be wondering, How was Jongin placed in the gifted batch? His father's pockets are deeper than Snooki's vag---. Mr. Kim was the top contributor to the school, the CEO of Kim Inc. Luhan's family is richer but they were already committed to other organizations that they didn't have enough surplus money to give to the school.

Jongin is a nice guy but let's face it, the only thing he's good at doing is making girls' wet. That smirk, those pearly whites, and cute orbs. The guy's a natural treasure box of pure charm.

Ninth grade was a mess. Jiahua and Luhan decided to stop the flirting and go official. Ever since they started dating, it seemed as if he'd skip every Lu-Lim family dinner for Jiahua. And every time I'd pass him in the halls and make eye-contact, he'd immediately shift his attention over to a random person or object. It never meant I stopped loving him. I admired him from afar and smiled even if it hurt. Yes, I'd go over for our family dinners. 

"Where's Luhan?" I curiously questioned on BBQ Tuesday.

"Ugh. He's out with that no good girl. I wish you were his girlfriend, sweetie."

"Honey!" Mr. Lu scolded Mrs. Lu.

"Whatever," she grumbled as she continued to chug down on her soju.

Hyori knew I wasn't being myself because apparently, my corny jokes and fits of laughter died down to the point where I could barely even let out a giggle or tease my friends. My long sleeve shirts were becoming more suspicious and the bags under my eyes had become evident. My clothes seemed to be more baggy by the hour and my energy had loosened up a couple notches.

One day, I found out that my friends confronted Luhan and told him I was going mad. They told me they saw a trace of shock for a mere second but snapped out and told them that unfortunately, he didn't know me anymore. 

"Yah! China boy!"

"Mm?" he asked as he looked up from his phone.

"I've had enough of Sooyeon's moping!"

"What do I have to do with it?"

"Quit it. I know you know she likes you."

"Yeah I do. But I just don't feel like loving her back. I have a girlfriend and we're happy with each other! What do you want me to do, cheat?"

"No but--"

"I'm afraid I can't help you. I just don't know her anymore. Years passed and we changed."

With these words lingering in me, all the jumbled up things in my head were eating up my being so I fainted in class. I only earned a glimpse of it but Luhan shook me vigorously before shouting, "Sooyeon! Please!"

"So let's return to this theorum..."

I tugged at Luhan's sleeve. 

"What do you need?" he whispered.

"I n--"

"What?" he asked as he couldn't understand me.

"I neeeedd---" I slurred with barely open eyes as I pulled at his sleeve harshly.

"Well, what is it?"

I coughed and hacked up, letting out the virus in me. I looked down at the table, the place I had been coughing at. The table was covered in blood and tears.

"Help," I croaked before crashing off my chair and out of my glasses.

"Sooyeon! Please!"

"So Einstei--Ms. Lim!" Han-seonsaengnim blurted as she rushed to my aid.

"Luhan! I need you to carry her to the nurse," she stated after checking her pulse and breath.

My eyes fluttered open just a tad bit. He ran me off in bridal style to the nurse's office and in a blur, I could see his panic-stricken, sweaty face. I dreamt of dying like this, Luhan. To die in your arms. But I guess God didn't want me to die so soon because I woke up with no sign of Luhan but a clear sign of Nurse Bae. 

"I see you're awake, Ms. Lim," she said as she smiled warmly at me.

"Am I okay?"

"You were sleep-deprived, lacked food, and not breathing. Tell me, Sooyeon, are you okay?"

"I guess not, ma'am."

"Look, I won't tell your parents about this but if you need someone to talk to, I'm here."

"Thank you." 

My parents are too busy anyway.

"You know if Luhan hadn't brought you here in time, you'd be gone."

"Why is that?"

"You weren't breathing but your heart was still beating but very slowly. You were lacking circulation too. It seemed as if you didn't have enough food in your system either."

It was then did I reveal my scars, hiding underneath cloth. It was then did I admit I starved myself. It was then did I tell Nurse Bae it was hard to sleep. It was then did I think I was going mad. Nurse Bae convinced me to see my doctor and it was then did he tell me I had MDD or major depressive disorder.

So every day after school that year, Hyori, would go home and prepare everything for a cheer-up session. She'd even call my private maids and request to be picked up and driven to my house. She'd bring roughly seven packs of ramyun, three bags of prawn crackers, a pot of seolleongtang (ox-bone soup), five leek pancakes, and another pot filled with dakjuk (chicken porridge). 

I got back my fat. Using the cream Nurse Bae gave me, silky smooth skin returned. The 'incident' huh? So second to last day of sophomore year...

I was walking to the basketball courts to put away the balls and the equipment. I groaned as I lugged around the heavy burdens. I heard a voice, too familiar to miss. I immediately hid behind the walls.

"Luhan, honey, there's something I want to tell you," Jiahua looked up at him with teary eyes.

"Well, don't cry. Baby, after high school, we'll get married, live in a penthouse, have beautiful children, and---"

"Luha--"

"And then we'll open up our own---"

"Luhan."

"Should we put up a--"

"LUHAN!" Jiahua shouted.

He paused, looking at her tearful eyes. She panted and tried to catch her breath.

"Lulu, I don't know how to say this but--"

"But what?" he said as he stepped forward to take her hands and look her in the eye.

"I leave for Beijing tomorrow."

"Wha--"

"Let me finish."

"I'll come with," Luhan breathed out.

Great. More rounds of utter depression.

"I'm pregnant."

She's what?!

"But baby, I used a con-"

"It isn't yours," she blurted.

"What?" Luhan looked at her in disgust before dropping her hand.

"I was drinking. I know I'm underage but I took my sister's credit card. I was so sad about how my parents can't pay the bills and I met Sagi."

"You still cheated on me! Who cares if you were drunk! Never in a million years would I have thought goody-two-shoes Jiahua would have a baby that isn't mine in her womb!" he shouted, tears already flowing down.

"Lu--"

"No! I lost my ity to you, my first kiss, my heart. Everything to a woman who cheated," he breathed out.

"Please!"

"No!"

After he cooled down for a few minutes, he began speaking again.

"How will you take care of this baby?"

"You know how I was offered a modeling career but I turned them down because of college? Well, I have no choice but to reconsider the deal and earn money to raise it," she sighed.

"Well it's your fault. Now you gotta pay the price. We're over," he huffed as he wiped his cheeks.

"Luhan, I have one more request before we're over. After this, you can get what you want. We'll be o-o-over," she croaked.

"What is it?" he said, before halting in his tracks. He looked over and softened as he looked into her eyes.

"A farewell kiss."

Luhan breathed in before leaning in to press his lips onto hers and cup her cheeks.

Everything shut out from there. I didn't listen to their conversation from then on. I panted, my chest heaving up and down. The beads of sweat were marching down my cheeks and I hid until they left. After that, with a heavy heart, I put away the equipment. I pitied him. He loved her so much...why did she do it?

So that happened and now the bright and always cheery Luhan was no more. He adopted a new attitude and quite honestly, I missed Lulu. 

He doesn't need to love me back for me to care for him with all my soul. He loves me, he loves me not.

(A/N: Please don't think I'm an anti-Kai. Truthfully, Kai is my second bias and will be an important character soon. If you haven't subscribed yet, please do so! Thank you for reading. I will update soon^^)