December 31^{st 2013}, 10:20PM.

As time ticked by, be alert that the world moves but you can choose to either move along with it, or not.

Gasping for air, Hakyeon reached out for the other’s hand only to find it fading away from him. Hakyeon was begging him to save his life. No words were heard.  The hand began to stray further away from him. Hakyeon blinked back his tears and bit down on his lip, wondering whether he was left alone for the hundredth time.

He fell on his back, something sharp piercing through him.

Seconds later, he opened his eyes wide and his hands went to his throat, as if trying to reach out for something that was choking him. Hakyeon breathed heavily as beads of sweat appeared on his forehead.

‘It never ing changes.’ Hakyeon thought to himself.

He rests his head on the headboard of the bed. Gazing up to the ceiling, Hakyeon wanted to cry to himself every morning. He then lets his eyes roam around his room; it has always been dull and shady.

 No rays of light were ever seen in Hakyeon’s room. Traces of black-inked markers were found on the walls. Thousands of dried wet-tissues were found placed below the wall.

He was driving himself to the edge of his own sanity.

He got up from his bed and walked towards the wall. He sat down right in front of the wall and began rocking back and forth. Muttering incoherent words to himself, Hakyeon brought his knees to his chest and hid his face.

Trembling, Hakyeon took out a marker from his pocket and bit the cap of it. He spitted the cap out and wrote out something on the wall. He wrote it small and smudged so that anyone with a sane mind couldn’t read it with ease.

“Last.”

After a moment, he looked at the four strikes that he marked out on the wall. He then drew a line across it.

“Strike.” Hakyeon mumbled.

Hakyeon then glanced at the clock. It was 09:00AM. It always has been 09:00AM. The clock was spoiled, and Hakyeon couldn’t be bothered fixing it back. Groaning to himself, Hakyeon picked himself up and dropped back down onto his bed.

He wanted the world to just stop turning, to stop moving on so that the world would forever stay at 09:00AM.

With heavy steps, Hakyeon walked to his bathroom. There were no doors; only translucent robes covering the entrance. He pulls his pants down slowly, only to reveal fresh scars. It was as if it happened moments back, but Hakyeon knew better.

He the tap, letting cold water flow down the showerhead. It seems that Hakyeon was so used to the scars, that he didn’t even flinch as the cold water hit him. He doesn’t know what has gotten into him because all of the sudden he started crying again.

He realized that when he was crying, the tears that flow down his cheeks were eventually washed away along with the cold water that was flowing from above.

It was worthless.

Crying doesn’t even make sense for Hakyeon.

Nothing makes sense for Hakyeon.

Not anymore.

-

Hakyeon resisted looking at the wall that was covered with his marking. He glanced at the clock immediately after leaving the bathroom. It was still 09:00AM. After a cold shower, Hakyeon carefully put on his clothes, getting dressed for the day. It was his black-studded jacket, along with his torn jeans. Except that it wasn’t torn enough to let anyone see his scars.

He walked out of his apartment, remembering to lock the door behind him and noticed that there was a woman walking in an apartment diagonally opposite his.

“Are you my new neighbor?” Hakyeon asked politely.

The women glanced at Hakyeon for a moment and tilted her head sideways. It felt like bullets were fired through her eyes. She was gazing Hakyeon and her lips were parted for a moment. She didn’t know what to say.

“Mom, what are you looking at?” A little girl came out of the apartment, looked around and laughed while dragging her mother in.

“Rude as always.” Hakyeon grumbled silently.

He walked down the stairs reluctantly, not wanting to feel the chilly air that was awaiting him outside. Reaching the end of the stairs, Hakyeon took a step onto the pavement and he wasn’t welcomed by snow. Instead, the warm, sweet air engulfed him.

Hakyeon bit down his lips, feeling the urge to cry again.

“I should have known.”

Instead of wailing out loud, Hakyeon cried in silence.

Times were changing. Instead of winter, it was warm. Instead of snow falling down, the leaves of the maple tree were.

Besides, it was never winter, ever.

 He couldn’t accept the fact that the world was indeed moving. It was moving. He didn’t want to move along with it.

God wanted Hakyeon to face the truth. Hakyeon wasn’t ready. Hakyeon cursed the Gods, while he silently cursed himself as well.

Taking his jacket off and hanging it over his shoulder, Hakyeon sniffed the warm air. Even though he hated it, he loved the scent of the lovely autumn atmosphere. Hakyeon walked sloppily towards a café, not that anyone bothered to pay any attention to him.

The people that are walking by, everyone still look the same to him.

Hakyeon settle himself down on a chair and look at the crowd that is passing by. People walking in all sorts of different directions, unaware of what’s going to happen in the coming future. He sighed and looked at a man that in standing beside his seat, staring down at him.

“Excuse me?” Hakyeon looked up and proclaimed coldly.

“You’re sitting on my seat.” He softly murmured.

“Just sit across me. It wouldn’t hurt.” He sighed.

Reluctantly, the man sat across Hakyeon and placed his latte down on the table before settling himself. Hakyeon knew what could possibly happen next. Biting down on his lips, he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“Taekwoon.” The man softy spoke again.

“Hakyeon.” He didn’t bother asking for his name again and look to his side, glancing at the people walking by.

“Isn’t there any other place you could sit?”

“It was destined that I’ll come here, Taekwoon. Besides, it hurts looking at your face again.” Hakyeon mumbles to himself.

-

It was an endless round of torture. Hakyeon was walking alongside Taekwoon in silence. No words were shared between the two. Hakyeon didn’t say anything. This time around, he didn’t want to say a word.

Taekwoon was merely following him around even if he didn’t say anything.

No matter what happened, it was still meant to be.

Hakyeon fought back the urge to let his tears flow out yet again. Unluckily for him, Taekwoon noticed.

“Why does it seem like you always want to cry.”

“Tears flow out of these eyes every time I walk out of my room, Taekwoon.”

“Without fail?” Taekwoon passes a Kleenex to Hakyeon.

He chuckled in amusement, looking at the wet tissue.

“Without fail, every single day.” He wiped his face and soon places it in his pocket.

“That must be hard. Are you experiencing a heartbreak?” Taekwoon smiled as he jokingly teased Hakyeon.

He stopped himself for a moment and continued walking without answering Taekwoon’s question. He just left Taekwoon behind and undoubtedly curious.

Taekwoon lurked behind Hakyeon while dragging himself to follow him around. It wasn’t just a vibe, Taekwoon feels as if he should be near someone like Hakyeon. To him, Hakyeon looks like a troubled man.

“Taekwoon.” Hakyeon called out to him.

Taekwoon hummed in response.

“Why don’t you just go the other way?”

“Why should I?”

“Because I don’t want you close to me.”

“I can’t help it. I just have to.” Taekwoon shrugged and pats Hakyeon’s back, “Besides, you need me.”

“Be careful of your words, Taekwoon.”

Taekwoon simply grabbed Hakyeon’s hand and not a word was shared between the both of them. They walked to each ends of the street, not fully knowing where they would go.

What hurts Hakyeon the most is, he didn’t let go of Taekwoon’s hand, when he should.

“It fit yours very well, Hakyeon.” Taekwoon chuckles.

“What is?” Hakyeon asks, even though he knew the answer to the question.

“Our hands.”

It hurts.

It just hurts so much hearing those words coming out of his mouth.

-

Exhausted, they both sat down on a bench. With their hands both feeling warm against each other, Hakyeon lets out a loud sigh. Hearing that, chills were sent down Taekwoon’s spine for no apparent reason.

“Why are you always silent?” Taekwoon braced himself to ask Hakyeon.

“I wasn’t.”

“Wasn’t?”

Hakyeon just shook his head. Taekwoon decided not to press on any longer.

“It’s uncomfortable here. I want to leave.” Hakyeon said, with a stoic face.

“But I’m tired.” Taekwoon whined.

“No one asked you to follow me around, Leo.” Hakyeon widened his eyes when he realized he said Taekwoon’s nickname.

“Excuse me?”

Hakyeon kept quiet. Tension was felt in the atmosphere. It felt like centuries for Taekwoon in the silence but Hakyeon silently counted in his head. He knew that a few seconds –or the latest, minutes, Taekwoon will talk to him again, bombarding Hakyeon with questions that’ll make him annoyed.

Hakyeon closed his eyes and grinned, awaiting his questions.

And of course, they came.

“How did you know?”

He kept quiet, waiting for him to go on.

“This isn’t funny, Hakyeon. I barely know you. How did you know my nickname?” Taekwoon pulls his hand away from Hakyeon and shakes his arm.

Hakyeon merely faced Taekwoon and smiles, not giving him any answers still. Seeing all his features once again, they were hauntingly beautiful.

“Don’t just stare at me like that. Answer me.”

“Some things can’t be answered on the spot itself, Taekwoon.” Hakyeon replies Taekwoon, using his real name.

“Why so?” Taekwoon didn’t budge.

“Because time will explain everything.” Hakyeon sat up and faced the scenery.

“I want time to stop so that you would understand everything, Taekwoon. But I can’t control time. God controls it. But somehow, I am in an unexplainable situation right now.”

Hakyeon smiled all of a sudden.

“You’re wrong.”

Taekwoon stood up and talks to Hakyeon’s back that was facing him.

“You could always explain the situation that you are in right now. You just need to release those thoughts that have been cramping up in your head. It’s not like I will forget about it. Those thoughts will always stay with me, Hakyeon.”

“I’m sorry but things doesn’t work that way any longer for me, Taekwoon.” Hakyeon turns around and pats his shoulder.

“You’re so negative, Hakyeon.” Taekwoon scoffed.

“And you’re sounding like a girl, Taekwoon. Stop nagging already, my ears hurt.”

“It’s almost the end of 2013, are you seriously going to just be like this?”

Hakyeon froze.

-

After being stranded in his room every single day with the clock showing that it’s only 09:00AM, Hakyeon has no idea what time it really was, what day it really was or worse, what year it really was.

He didn’t want to know either way.

He didn’t want to know what day it was, what year it was because he was afraid.

Taekwoon noticed Hakyeon freezing himself again.

“What’s wrong?”

After remembering the deathly hell that was all over his room, Hakyeon decided to make a change.

He decided on something.

He decided he would do something crazy.

Yet, he knows that his decision this time around, would save him.

Save him from living.

“What’s the date right now, Taekwoon?”

Everything was changing.

Every second is being re-written differently.

History is starting to change.

“It’s the 31^st of December, don’t you know?”

Bells were ringing in Hakyeon’s head.

Pressure was pressed against inside his brain.

It was malfunctioning so badly. He couldn’t think well.

“What’s the time?”

Hakyeon has to know.

31^st December was always the last day of a certain year.

He just has to know how much time he has left.

“11:30PM. Why?” Taekwoon started to look at Hakyeon nervously.

Hakyeon smirked.

“Certainly enough for me.”

Taekwoon blinked in confusion.

“Taekwoon, do you know who I am?”

It burns inside of Hakyeon to do what he was about to do next. Tears started streaming down his eyes without warning.

“Taekwoon.”

“Hakyeon.. We’re just strangers..”

“We’re not strangers, Taekwoon.”

Hakyeon kept on coming closer to Taekwoon. He didn’t have much time and he wanted to do this before 2014 starts for him.

“We were meant to be together. Usually, after our talk on this bench, you would fall in love with me. You would want to kiss me. I would kiss you back.”

“That isn’t supposed to happen.” Taekwoon backed away.

“It’s going in a fast pace right now because I can’t think well. I can’t think of anything better to say. I can’t think of a better way to explain this.”

Taekwoon rushed forward and hugs Hakyeon tightly.

Taekwoon has no idea why he did that.

He just wanted to comfort Hakyeon.

He looks so stressed out.

Even though Taekwoon was scared, he knew he had to comfort Hakyeon either way.

“Hakyeon, it’s going to be a new year tomorrow. Why don’t you spend it with me instead?”

“I can’t, Taekwoon. Now, listen to me right now.”

“Hakyeon, please. You’re scaring me.”

“I’m scaring myself and no one else, Jung Taekwoon.”

Hakyeon said Taekwoon’s full name, not bothering about his shocking expression that was plastered on his face. Taekwoon was about to speak but Hakyeon cuts him off.

“I’ve been in a terrible trance, Taekwoon. I’ve seen you for the last 1 year, and I didn’t even noticed. I didn’t notice because I didn’t want to know that it was real.”

“What was real?”

“I was never alive.”

“What?” Taekwoon looked at Hakyeon, blinking his eyes multiple of times.

“Every single time I walk out of my door, I keep seeing the same thing over and over again. I fall in love with you over and over again.”

“I keep saying the same things over and over again, I know what’s going to happen next.”

“But the fact that I know I’ve been stuck on 31^st December for about a year, I think it’s about time I change. I need to leave.”

Taekwoon dropped his hands to his sides and looked at Hakyeon dead in the eyes.

“No.”

Hakyeon blinked back his tears. He was surprised by Taekwoon’s surprise.

“You’re going to spend the New Year with me. I won’t let you go.”

Time is painfully ticking by.

“I won’t remember this conversation, Taekwoon. It wouldn’t be the same.”

Tick, tock. Tick, tock.

“I have no reason of letting you go. We just met, and I want to know more of you.”

The bells are ringing in his head again.

“I have to go, Taekwoon.”

“Where?!” Taekwoon raised his voice.

Hakyeon couldn’t bear to tell him what he was supposed to do. He saw the tears coming out of Taekwoon’s life after all the time he had seen him for a year.

After the essential repeats of seeing Taekwoon again and again, Hakyeon has never seen Taekwoon cry. Before he dies, he actually made his loved one cry.

Hakyeon loved Taekwoon so much before. He didn’t care he was experiencing the same thing over and over again. His nightmares, his pain, his misery and his scars, they all didn’t matter since Taekwoon was there.

It was such a bad explanation. Their past can’t be explained.

Hakyeon came closer and kisses Taekwoon on the lips.

“I’m sorry. Everything is different. It’s going to be a different year anyways. You can live on and you wouldn’t have to bear to burden of someone any longer. On the other side of the world, you’re probably happy right now. I’m just stuck in a year when I am not supposed to.”

“Don’t go. If we stay together for a while more, we can experience 2014 together.” Taekwoon gripped onto Hakyeon’s arms.

“We’ll meet someday, Taekwoon.”

“Are you sure?” Taekwoon trembles.

“I can’t be sure. But I have to go.” Hakyeon smiled for the final time, giving Taekwoon one last kiss.

“Who are you, Hakyeon?” Taekwoon stuttered as his lips left the other.

Hakyeon tiptoes and presses his lips against Taekwoon’s forehead.

“I’m just a figment of your memory.” He whispered.

Hakyeon ran, leaving Taekwoon behind. He ran as fast as he could. He took the initiative to steal someone’s phone and check what time it was.

11:50PM.

Hakyeon had enough time just to reach back to his house. His footsteps faltered, as he felt something wet dropping on his nose. He looked up to the sky, squinting his eyes, as if he was trying to see something.

“It snowed..” Hakyeon smiles.

He ran all the way back to his apartment with a smile. It snowed. It finally snowed.

Though he could still feel his own tears staining his cheeks, Hakyeon hurried back home.

-

Panting as he arrived, Hakyeon looked around his apartment where all the markers were stained on the wall and the dried wet-tissues was left. He took the recent one out and took his marker.

He wrote something on the tissue and folded it nicely, placing it in the corner of his bed.

“Moment.”

Hakyeon then wrote something on the wall, expressing it with his final love for Taekwoon.

“Spent with you.”

“The year will start, soon. The year will start, and I’m going to be free. The choices I’ve made were all wrong, thinking that if I did nothing, something will change.”

Hakyeon had 2 minutes left.

“But I’ve learnt that, I just had to sacrifice some things just to move on.”

He picked up the knife that he used to scar himself over the time he spent procrastinating.

“Even if the things, or people those are dear to me. I just have to learn to let go.”

Hakyeon smiled.

“Besides, it’s a New Year.”

Hakyeon positioned the knife on his neck.

“Happy New Year, Jung Taekwoon.”

He sliced his neck, taking his final breath with a smile.

Hakyeon’s eyes were positioned at the wall.

Finally, he was able to read all of his markings on the wall with ease.

The hundreds of that were on his wall, indicating the full year that he were repeating his life over and over again.

“You have a choice to move with the Earth, that is, if you are dead.”

-

The clock strikes 12:00AM on Taekwoon’s watch.

It was officially 2014.

He never knew what happened the minute before 12:00AM.

But he knew Hakyeon would keep his promise.

Taekwoon would wait for another year just to see him again.

He hopes so.