Two people don't blend in well because the other one is probably thinking differently of what the other thinks. Two people don't blend in well because probably they both have different judgment. Kyungsoo and Junmyeon have different impressions. One is in love and the other seeks for more laughs. One thinks differently because he sees this whole thing going around a teenage love, but the other sees this whole thing as just another friendship dispute.

 

And Junmyeon can't do nothing but sigh in defeat.

 

"J-junmyeon.." Kyungsoo steps a little closer to the other, worry and guilt rendered in his voice. "Don't take this thing seriously, I mean... after your competition, we three can go back watching the movies on the cinemas you missed."

 

And Junmyeon sighs even more. Kyungsoo why are you dense. Kyungsoo why are you so stupid. Not an inquiry but a fact.

 

"Y-yes Kyungsoo.. I'm..." in love with you, hating you, hating Jongin and hating everyone because I want to go back 30 minutes ago in time. He swallows with all his might. His palms sweat, he clenches his jaws. He didn't expect this will be the scenario where he will be confessing all his feelings.

 

He breathes in, and out.

 

"I'm jealous." And before Kyungsoo speaks of friendship s again, he puts his hand in front of the other as a stop sign and continues to speak.

 

"I.. I'm jealous of Jongin, and you because..." He feels his hand and his voice shaking. He brings up his hand and covers his mouth,  chewing his lips as if he tries to resist whatever words will come from his breath. He has to say it, now or ne-"

 

 

 

"Junmyeon, are you.. do you like me?"

 

And he feels that he wants to disappear for now, he wants to dig a hole and escape this sorcery he's been at. Of course, Kyungsoo isn't stupid.

 

He steps back a two, then stop. Steps back again then stop. 

 

Screw everything.

 

"I like you." He mutters under his breath. "I turned out liking you a lot more than I originally planned." His words seem disjointed. And he hopes the other can't hear him.  He can feel the other's surprised (surprised?) expression, he can feel the other's frowned eyebrows, the other's confusion.

 

"I like you." He once again said. This time he spoke with much more confidence, backing out all the doubts he has, heads up.

 

"I like you." He repeats again, this time to hear his own self finally confessing to the doe-eyes. He cannot believe he's hearing his own, rusty voice.

 

"Okay no, screw that, I love you damn it! I love you Kyungsoo!"

 

 

What a way to ruin friendship, Junmyeon.

 

He steps back again, only this time to turn his back on Kyungsoo and makes his way to his (their) room. Kyungsoo follows. He staggers his way on the small suffocating living room.

 

He has to escape.

 

There's no point in running, Junmyeon.

 

"Why didn't you tell me?"  Junmyeon's heavy steps come to a halt. Kyungsoo stops as well. Kyungsoo's words come out soft. He sweats even more. He didn't expect Kyungsoo's response to be like this. He pushes his hair back up and let out a sigh.

 

"Why do I have to?" He answers nonchalantly, indifferently and calmly, and in an instant, he hears Kyungsoo sighing sharply, and he's mad.

 

"Because why the hell won't you?" Hearing these words from Kyungsoo, he instantly turns around and faces the other. He speaks to the other's silent disenchanted face.

 

"It won't matter anyways." Junmyeon responds.

 

"Why?!"

 

"Because that's nothing of your concern!"

 

"How the hell it's not something of my concern?!"

 

"Because it doesn't matter to you!"

 

"How did you know?!"

 

"You'll look at me in another way!"

 

"Stop making conclusions and making bad impressions of me!"

 

"Nothing's gonna change!" Their voices are too loud, they couldn't care less about the passers-by that can hear their argument. "Nothing's gonna change right? So what if I told you?!"

 

Kyungsoo tightens his teeth. The doe-eyes look down obscurely, slowly and responds nothing. Junmyeon can see sadness painted on the other's face. Junmyeon sees pain. This is painful. Everything is. Junmyeon turns the knob of their room, and goes in. Kyungsoo still follows.

 

"Junmyeon, don't walk out on me-"

 

"So what if I told you, huh? Would you start to understand how I feel? Would you even understand why I kissed you that night? Would you stay away from Jongin because you already know it's hurting me whenever you guys are together? Would you even think of me more? Would I have a portion of your heart? It won't change anything, right Kyungsoo? You won't return my feelings, right? It's not as if you'd tell me you'd give a chance, it's not like you'll return my feelings-"

 

"I would!"

 

He felt stunned.

 

He fastens a breath. No. Kyungsoo can't like him back. Kyungsoo is the type of person who values friendship, who values Junmyeon and Jongin. Kyungsoo cannot possibly like him back. No.

 

He feels tears surfacing his eyes, he swallows the mass on his throat. A tear makes way out. This is not good. He faces up, attempting to resist more tears. Futile. He tries to make things less tense by making his voice a bit forcefully slow, and calm.

 

"You." He points out his index. "I'm sorry but, you should stop talking to me that way as if you love me."

 

Junmyeon turns his face and blinks anywhere, anywhere as long as it isn't Kyungsoo. Why did Kyungsoo follow him? Why won't the other let him be and go out and meet Jongin or Baekhyun or any person?

 

"And you, Junmyeon should also stop talking to me selfishly." He hears Kyungsoo's voice crack. . What has he done.

 

Kyungsoo presses his fist against his mouth. He bites his knuckles, and after few seconds he can hear the music major sniff. Oh .

 

Junmyeon stiffens and freezes. Kyungsoo starts again.

 

"You.. I.." Kyungsoo catches his breath, and continues, he shuts his eyes, tears flow on the doe-eyed face. "I'm not that kind of person who shoves someone away."

 

Shame.

 

Guilt.

 

And Confusion. Junmyeon wants to smack himself for being so stupid.

 

He rests his hands on his waist, he can't bear to see Kyungsoo tearing, and that it's because of him. He looks down as he hears the other whimpers more.

 

I'm sorry.

 

"Stop making bad assumptions of me because I will never shove you and the things you did for me away!"

 

"It's the truth."

 

"What do you know about how I feel right now?!"

 

"I don't need your pity!"

 

"No one is pitying you!"

 

"You just don't want to tell me flat that you hate me!"

 

"Your logic is pretty flawed!"

 

"You just don't want to dump me because you don't want to hurt my feelings!"

 

"Shut up!"

 

Junmyeon can't resist the pain anymore. Both teenagers stop, face down and breathe. Junmyeon breaks the silence.

 

"Kyungsoo, I'm sorry-"

 

"I like you too Junmyeon, but not the same way as you do."

 

And everything gets more painful once again. 

 

"..yet." Kyungsoo continues. What? "Why do you think I kissed you back that night? I won't do that if there's nothing beneath, right?"

 

"Don't force yourself. Don't pity me."

 

"No one is forcing me." The exchange of lines is much less tense right now.

 

Kyungsoo bites his cheek and speaks once more.

 

"I'll make my way there, Junmyeon. Just give me time and I'll make it." He sniffs. Kyungsoo sounds as if he pleads for Junmyeon to wait for him, as if telling Junmyeon to stay at the end of the line.

 

Junmyeon feels he's the worst person ever. He feels like he's forcing the person. No, he never wants to force Kyungsoo, and he never wants the other to like him back just because the person feels obliged to do so.

 

"I've always had a thing for you, too, Junmyeon, but I don't love you yet."

 

Junmyeon can't get himself to believe what he's hearing. What? Kyungsoo likes him too? He's giving him a chance? There are so many gray areas on this argument.

 

This is wrong. He can't accept this reality.

 

Everything is ed up right now.

 

This is wrong in so many ways. He doesn't want the other to feel he's at expense for everything.

 

Or maybe he's just in denial that he also wants the person to love him back. Or maybe he just can't believe, because it just sounded too good to be true.

 

 

 

How do you look at someone you love, and tell yourself it’s time to walk away? He got that line from a movie the three of them watched together in this same damned room he's standing at right now.

 

Calling himself biual is a sort of assurance, that he can also fall for girls, not just for Kyungsoo, that he can move on with his life and have a family of his own.

 

 

 

 

It's been a week since that "little" episode occured in the dorm room.

 

"Duude, why so gloomy lately?" An annoying Baekhyun clings his right arm to Junmyeon's.

 

"Will you stop doing that?" Junmyeon frowns and gets woahed when he turns his body and sees another another arm holding Baekhyun's left hand.

 

"...Oh uhmm yeah, it seems that you were right, Junmyeon." Baekhyun scratches his head and Junmyeon swears he sees that very visible flushed red cheeks. "I want you to meet Chanyeol."

 

He acknowledges the giant guy's presence by smiling and nodding as they made an eye contact.

 

"It seems that you've finally found someone to pull you down whenever you want to chase skirts and guys." He's enjoying this. He smirks and grins as he teases the other, and finds the giant chuckling along as well.

 

"Ahh Junmyeon stop that!" Baekhyun lets go of his clinging right arm to Junmyeon's and playfully slaps him. Junmyeon chuckles.

 

A noisy guy and a ..... mature one? Nice. Junmyeon makes an assumption.

 

"So how did you guys meet?" The couple takes a seat across him and faces the chair towards him, as a talk is about to ensue.

 

"We met each other since..... grade school?" Junmyeon was expecting to hear the words we met this weekend, or last night.

 

"We started as friends and.... " Baekhyun flinches and glances at the giant. "Okay this is awkward why the hell am I telling the story?" The three expresses amusement.

 

"We started as friends..." Baekhyun's words echoes in Suho's mind.

 

We started as friends, too.

 

They waved their goodbyes as they step out of their building, him walking alone and the couple hand-in-hand. 

 

He feels the humid, hot air brushing along his cheeks, he also feels the cold, sad, chilled vibe his spine gets. He heavily walks as he passes through the crowd, waves and smiles at few friends that shouts his name,

 

50 meters away and he spots his silver sedan, waiting for him across an old, filthy wood furnished bakery shop. He s his pocket and searches for his keys. He swirls it at his finger until he reaches close.

 

He's been using this for the whole week. He winces as he notices dust all around the glass. You need a car wash, tomorrow maybe? He contemplates.

 

He drives to somewhere far from his school, where there are no loud students, where there are no skyscrapers around, where there is no newspaper stand near, where there is no Kyungsoo. He drives his way back home, where there lies his late puppies, where there is a mother welcoming him home, and where he can start his life again.

 

He puts his feet on the clutch pedal, moves the shift knob up and turns the steering wheel as he makes it in a corner. He finds himself getting sad, he finds himself getting depressed, he remembers and drowns himself of thoughts how that "episode" of him and Kyungsoo ended. He's been drowning himself of thoughts ever since last week. He remembers sadness. He remembers black and white filtered scenes of him and the other guy. He remembers the sad, blurry sad smile he sees on the other's face.He remembers how he walked out on Kyungsoo and went somewhere airy to open and burst the pain his chest was going through. He remembers how sad that day is, he remembers how that day changed 3 quarters of his whole life. He remembers the scene when he came back next morning, he remembers how Kyungsoo dropped his knees and cried words of the sort "no Junmyeon, please don't do this" when he muttered the words "I'm moving out."

 

He needs to find and make way back to his old self. And he decided he can move on where there is no Kyungsoo. He somehow wants Kyungsoo out of his life, literally and metaphorically. He's no fool, of course he knows he can't easily do that. He's been calling himself words, immature, selfish, stupid, shallow, coward. Yes, he's too coward to face the morning and meet the eyes of his former dorm mate.

 

His decision may be unintelligent.

 

But who cares? Not me.

 

He is a teenager. His life is already ed up, anyway.

 

His thoughts cut off as he swings the door open and his mother embraces him. He tries to respond with an honest smile.

 

He lazily walks up the stairs and turns to the corner, opens his room and gives in to the warm feeling his bed gives off. He faces his window as he stares into nothing, when memories rushes back. He remembers the monthly cooking lessons Kyungsoo gives to him and to Jongin. He survived the college life because of that. Too bad he misses the cake lesson for this week, which is his favorite, European Sponge Roll. He remembers how they made plans for the next month's school festivals, too bad he can't join them.

 

He's knows he's undoubtedly lying if he says that he doesn't even regret his decision one bit. But this is for the better, he thinks. He's a teenager. He's giving himself another week, or maybe a month to forget things. He hopes.

 

He's also knows he's undoubtedly lying if he says he'll get better in no time. This is for the better, for me and for him.

 

So can't we just laugh and joke around?

Remember cuddles in the kitchen, yeah to get things off the ground~ He sings to himself.

 

 

Now, if their story is really cliche, he's waiting for the sequel. He wants to skip time and go fast forward, maybe 10, 15 or 20 years from now, where a high school reunion will ensue. He badly wants the sequel now and see if there's really a chance of him and Kyungsoo. His heart hurts just by thinking that the last week will be their last.

 

He wants to take a peek of the next 10 years, and see if he managed to forget him, did he and Kyungsoo become a couple, is Jongin gay, did Jongin and the other end up together instead, would he have a family by that time, he badly wants the answers to his fruitless questions right now.

Is he stupid? Yes.
Is the decision smart? Maybe.
Will he go back to the dorm where he left his toothbrush and few shaving cream? No need.
Will he go back to the dorm where he left his heart? Defintely no.
Does he regret knowing Kyungsoo and Jongin? Hell no.
Were the 5 years of friendship wasted? He isn't sure.
 

Junmyeon decides to leave the past.

 

Flash back reoccurs every now and then. He crawls to his bed, takes a nap and hopes for a brighter, better tomorrow.

_________________________________________________________________________

 

this story can be also viewed here in tumblr!

it has ended! thank you for the few ones who appreciated this!