[ a ghost ]
inspired by ♪

Yesterday Oh Sehun cried his eyes out in the middle of the night, with no one to hear him and no one to care.

-xXx-

i. waking up will get easier

Today Oh Sehun would not move out of bed, but rather let the clouds roll by, staring at the crème colored ceiling without a second thought. He would not think about the list besides him, listing the reasons why he needed to move, he would only think of the same crème colored spot on his ceiling that was identical to the rest.

Today Oh Sehun would pull himself up with nothing but hope and a slight bounce off the bed. Oh Sehun would walk through the same kitchen with the same gray jacket and blurred eyes, praying today would be different. He would not eat and become weaker once more, only hastening his already deteriorating condition of sadness. He would not admit that he was depressed, sad, or lonely, rather just accept it was just a bad day and that tomorrow would be better.

Today Oh Sehun would slip on his shoes and grab his keys, walking out the door looking pale and empty, both inside and out. Sehun would shuffle his way to the front of his apartment and walk out with the scars on his heart and all over his body. He would recall the wise words he had discovered long ago before he became the way he was now.

Today Oh Sehun would not go to school, he would not indulge in the same fantasies his friends held, mostly because he was too far lost to ever go back to those days. Oh Sehun was too far lost in his sleepless nights and midnight terrors to remember what was considered normal. He would walk across the street to the convenience store, looking tired and frail, but refusing to admit that something was indeed wrong. He would walk out of the store and head towards the opposite direction of his house, already accepting this life as a reality.

Today he would shift his eyes wearily at the boy who walked past him as he wandered aimlessly, unsure but continue to walk with his usual drink and snack in hand, not caring about anyone or anything. He would continue to walk aimlessly and not think, enjoying the exiliartion of traveling to a new place and being alone. He would ignore his friends worried calls about how he missed his math  test that day, or how they needed to make sure he was alright, because they didn’t want him to do anything stupid again.

But today, like yesterday, Oh Sehun would not care, and unlike yesterday, he would not go to school because today would have been exactly a year since his entire mess started. It would have been exactly a year since he met Kim Jongin. He would keep walking until he reached the park, a nice breeze trying to blow all his troubles away. The matters concerning “Kim Jongin” and his unfortunate and tragic romance would not concern him.

And yet again today he would remember everything he had wished he had not, the pain of yesterday never leaving, and his love story turning into just another ghost story.

-xXx-

ii. keep breathing and show Kim Jongin you can survive without him

Tomorrow Oh Sehun would wake up remembering his untimely romance with “Kim Jongin.” He would turn onto his side and cry his eyes dry, and remember everything from Jongin’s scent, to the way his lips curved when Sehun would blush. He would recall everything that led to their untimely downfall, including their drastic end, Kim Jongin promising Sehun that what he was seeing wasn’t true, that the man besides him meant nothing to him like Sehun did. And Sehun would let all the pieces of his trust and faith go, the last string cut.

Tomorrow would not be the day where Oh Sehun could forget. But he would push himself out of bed and force himself to move, waiting for the day to end before it even began.

Tomorrow Oh Sehun would think about his first and last lover who had changed the world for him, who had promised him everything and taken away just that. Oh Sehun was not a man of many words, and with his already misguided and warped sense of reality stacked upon his lack of faith and trust lost in love, felt rather unsure on everything in his world. With no ignorance to cushion the fall of his break up, and no one to rely on, Oh Sehun was left, with nothing.

Tomorrow Oh Sehun would continue to go on with the motions of school, listing the reasons why he had to continue to breathe and function. He would not take these reasons seriously as he read them in his mind, only remembering the way Kim Jongin looked when Sehun walked away, angry tears streaking his face and yelling at Jongin to never come back.

Which is exactly what Jongin did.

Find Kim Jongin and make his life a living hell.

Tomorrow he would try not to think about where Jongin was, or what he was doing, or how he planned on fixing his almost healed yet still broken heart. With no way to contact Jongin, Sehun would sit at lunch with his friends and dream up ways to wander away outside of school, where someone would never find him. There, Zhang Yixing, a new transfer student would come sit at the table and with the group everyone nicknamed “EXO,” invited by Tao and Kris.

Tomorrow Zhang Yixing would look at Sehun quietly, and Oh Sehun back, knowing him as the familiar face from yesterday at the convenience store. There, Oh Sehun’s mind would wander back to the vanishing Kim Jongin, who had disappeared without a trace. Kim Jongin was Oh Sehun’s ghost story.

Tomorrow Zhang Yixing would not talk to Oh Sehun, but sit with him in silence after school. He would not try to comfort Sehun with words already known, but comfort him with the words provided by the silence, which is exactly what Oh Sehun wanted to hear. Oh Sehun would open his mouth hesitantly, and introduce himself tiredly as always, “I’m Oh Sehun, kind of a downer, complicated, and a little ed up.”

Tomorrow Zhang Yixing would nod and introduce himself as well, somewhat aware that Oh Sehun was not a happy individual. “I’m Zhang Yixing, or Lay. A listener, not too complicated, ed up but recovering.” There Oh Sehun would let out a small smile, a sign of a ed up friendship.

Kim Jongin would still be his ghost.  

-xXx-

iii. look ahead because you have a new friend

Next week, Oh Sehun would walk with Zhang Yixing to his convenience store, where he would walk with him aimlessly, because a-little-ed-up Zhang Yixing enjoyed the silence and understood Sehun was not the type of person to want to be fixed.

Next week, Oh Sehun tell Yixing of “Kim Jongin,” and how he loved the way he smiled or held his hand, or how promised everything would be okay as they both ate take out from the resturaunt besides school. He would speak about the way Kim Jongin made him feel, and even though their romance was long dead, how alive it made him feel.

Next week, Oh Sehun would not stay in bed but pull Zhang Yixing outside of school, smiling as he spoke of all the things he would do once school was over, traveling the world and seeing the most amazing and wonderful sights, slowly forgetting about Kim Jongin. There, Zhang Yixing would smile and nod, commenting how nice it would be to do just that. Oh Sehun would add more reasons to his list as to why he should keep living.

iv. walking with Zhang Yixing in the park

Next week, Oh Sehun would slowly begin to feel a little less empty on the inside and outside, still just as pale and ed up, but his eyes would be a little lighter than before. He would attend class and talk a little louder during lunch, sitting besides Yixing and allowing a laugh or two to escape his mouth. There his friends would smile, and hope this Sehun was to stay.

Next week, Oh Sehun would begin to eat a little more, and wake up a little earlier, somewhat excited to start the day. He would roll out of bed and think of his ghost story, before getting his breakfast and tucking it away into the corner of his heart when he would see Yixing.

His ghost story was slowly fading, his heart still jaded and hurt, but starting to mend.

-xXx-

v. burn all of kim jongin's things and take a chance on something new

Next month Zhang Yixing would invite him to walk with him in the morning, Oh Sehun still quiet and broken, making Yixing think that this Oh Sehun was to stay. Zhang Yixing did not mind Oh Sehun’s personality, as long as he felt better then he didn't mind.

Next month Oh Sehun would furiously smash all the photos of Jongin he had left, crying and throwing everything in a fit of rage, leaving Zhang Yixing to pick up the broken pieces of glass and his heart. Oh Sehun would cry in his arms and the two would stay that way the entire night, comforting each other and their ed up ghost stories.

Next month, Oh Sehun would promise Zhang Yixing that he would never do that again, and that although he would always be jaded and scared, a little less ed up because of him. Zhang Yixing would smile and walk with Sehun to school, his heart fluttering.

Next month, Zhang Yixing would reveal a part of him he had wished to forget, something that would drive he and Sehun even closer together.

Oh Sehun was slowly getting better.

-xXx-

vi. zhang yixing is here, so always be happy

A year later, Oh Sehun would talk louder, smile more often, and slowly become the person he once was before Kim Jongin. He would drag Zhang Yixing out everywhere, and eventually admit how much he liked him.

Oh Sehun’s ghost had almost disappeared.

A year later, Zhang Yixing would take Oh Sehun out on a date, and toast to their less ed up nature since a year ago. Oh Sehun would smile and nod, the butterflies in his stomach making him scared. He would never forget Kim Jongin’s harsh words, but chose to focus on Zhang Yixing’s kind ones.

A year later, Oh Sehun was almost completely healed and not counting his middle of the night panic attacks, was a fairly happy individual, finding his purpose in life to stand right besides Zhang Yixing. Zhang Yixing would comfort Oh Sehun and his panic attacks, knowing he and Sehun were meant to be.

-xXx-

vii. taste sweet revenge and never taste it again

4 years later, Oh Sehun would meet Kim Jongin once more, but decide to stay with Zhang Yixing and not kill Kim Jongin. Oh Sehun would not shed tears as Kim Jongin stood outside his doorstep, wondering who in the name of sweet hell would be ringing his doorbell at this time in the middle off the night. Oh Sehun would just stare and grit his teeth, tightening his fists and ready to throw a punch, before deciding against it and just continue to stare at the man who broke his heart.

4 years later, Kim Jongin would blatantly call out to Oh Sehun who stood on his door step, calling out a groggy "Who are you?", causing Oh Sehun to rethink his resolve to not punch the , before doing just that, spatting out something along the lines of 'I hate you you bastard,' and 'When I show up again to throw a brick to your face don't be surprised,' before walking away and never looking back.

4 years later, Oh Sehun would finally let go of his ghost and turn to Zhang Yixing, his loving boyfriend and soon to be husband. Oh Sehun would smile and take his hand, and list another reason why he should stay alive. Oh Sehun was still the same, downer, complicated, and a little ed up guy he was before, but at least he had a listening, not too complicated, ed up but recovered Zhang Yixing.

4 years later, the two would graduate University alongside EXO, before deciding to tie the knot and live their life together. On that day Oh Sehun would pull out a wrinkled piece of paper that listed all the reasons he should stay alive. 

viii. Because the ghost is gone, and this love story is one to stay.

Oh sehun’s love story was not a ghost story.

-xXx-

[ oh sehun's reasons for living ]

i. waking up will get easier

ii. keep breathing and show kim jongin you can live without him

iii. look ahead because you have a new friend

iv. walking with zhang yixing in the park

v. burn all of kim jongin's things and take a chance on something new

vi. zhang yixing is here, so always be happy 

vii. taste sweet revenge and never taste it again

viii. because the ghost is gone, and this love story is meant to stay