June 21st marks the first day of summer in the year 2013.

 

June 18, 2013

When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city to see a marching band.

 

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

 

Howon sat in his hospital bed, listening to the tick of the clock while tapping his fingers in rythm. 

He didn't have much longer, he knew he didn't. He was weak, and was using all his willpower just to live for his best friend and his usually strong lover who spent every night at home crying over his illness.

 

Howon sat and remembered how when he was younger, before his father died, he took him to a parade. The men there looked strong, fearless; just as his own father had described them.

 

A knock came on the door and it opened slowly, revealing Howon's slightly older partner. "You're awake."

 

"Why wouldn't I be? You always come around this time. I can't miss you."

 

Sunggyu took a seat next to Howon's bed, grabbing his cold hand and engulfing it with his own warmth. "Are you not scared? Aren't you scared of dying?"

 

Howon pondered and sighed at the elder. "Of

course I'm scared. I'm scared of a lot of things, but death is the last thing I'd be afraid of."

 

"Howon-"

 

"I'm not scared, hyung. Being sick is so painful and sometimes I wish it would go away. Apparently the only reason for me not to be in pain anymore is to die." Howon sighed and squeezed Sunggyu's hand. "There's other things I have to worry about. How you'll be when I'm gone, how Mama will cope with having no one left. If you'll ever love someone else after me, if that someone else can make you happy. If you'll forget me. If you'll be able to carry on."

 

Sunggyu nodded and held Howon's hand tighter. He couldn't bare to lose him.

 

June 19, 2013

He said, "Son, when you grow up, would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned?"

 

Sunggyu visited again the next day, like he always did. 

 

"What makes you so strong? So unafraid?"

 

"My father. When he was still alive, he took me to see a parade and told me that these men are savoirs. That they're stronger than anyone else. He told me that when I die, I'll join the Black Parade. Father is there now. He's being a savior for the broken."

 

June 20, 2013

He said, "Will you defeat them, your demons, and all the non-believers– the plans that they have made?"

 

"I promised my dad to be strong. And I promise to be strong for you too. Don't be afraid. I'm here always to protect you from those that are out to get you. I really don't have much longer."

 

"Don't leave me Howon."

 

"I'm not leaving, I'll never leave you, even if you

leave me." Howon said weakly, wiping the tears from the elder's face. "I'm gonna be right here with you."

 

Sunggyu broke down into more tears. "I love you."

 

"I love you too."

 

Sunggyu stayed the night that night.

 

June 21, 2013

Because one day, I'll leave you, a phantom to lead you in the summer, to join the Black Parade.

 

And that day did it mark the first day of summer, Lee Howon's heart monitor drew into a flat line; he left to join his father in the Black Parade.

 

Sunggyu broke into tears the moment he woke and heard the monitor. He held onto Howon's lifeless and cold hand tightly, wishing he would feel some kind of movement. He didn't. Sunggyu lost him. Forever.

 

Sunggyu was dragged out of the room by the nurses eventually so they could take Howon to the morgue. 

 

June 22, 2013

We'll carry on, we'll carry on, and though you're dead and gone believe me, your memory will carry on.

 

Sunggyu proceeded to lock himself in his and Howon's apartment, just laying in bed as crying, inhaling the scent of his lover that was once there. Sunggyu's heart hurt but he knew Howon was watching over him. He knew he was praying that he'd be strong. 

 

"If you'll forget me."

 

Sunggyu couldn't forget Howon. He was all he had in his life and the only thing he loved – he'd never forget all the things they've done together. He'd treasure all the thing's they've done and make sure that his memory will carry on. That everyone remembers him when he's dead.

 

June 23, 2013

We'll carry on, and in my heart I can't contain it, the anthem won't explain it.

 

2:30PM

 

Sunggyu walked into the church that was filled with only a few people, to which Sunggyu assumed were close family and friends. The service began and Sunggyu took a seat next to a man that looked like he had been mourning over Howon's death, just like he had. At the end of the funeral service, Sunggyu turned to the man, who had seemed to be crying.

 

"Are you alright?"

 

"I'm okay... Losing Howon's just one of the biggest things in my life."

 

"I know how you feel. But he's up there now, in the Black Parade, watching over us and protecting us."

 

The man knew he had heard that before from Howon. "What was your relationship with Howon?" The man asked, wiping his tears and standing up to meet Sunggyu's eyes.

 

"His partner– his lover. Yours?"

 

"Best friend since childhood. What's your name?"

 

"Sunggyu, Kim Sunggyu."

 

"Nice to meet you, I'm Nam Woohyun."

 

June 28, 2013

So paint it black and take it back. Let's shout it loud and clear, defiant to the end we hear the call to carry on.

 

Sunggyu sat at the table, waiting for Woohyun to arrive, hands wrapped around his warm mug filled with coffee. He tapped on it silently to the rythm of the clock. 

 

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

 

Woohyun sat down across him with a coffee in his hand, ready to talk with Sunggyu again like he always did every morning.

 

"How are you?" 

 

"Howon told me that we should all carry on."

 

"I thought we agreed on not speaking of him?"

 

"Why would you not want to?"

 

Woohyun was silent. "Go on."

 

"We can't stay in the past forever. We can't mourn over Howon's death forever. We have to carry on, and make sure everyone else does as well."

August 20, 2013

Do or die, you'll never make me. Because the world will never take my heart. Go and try, you'll never break me. We want it all, we wanna play this part. (We'll carry on)

 

Sunggyu and Woohyun began to see each other, they began dating and falling in love with each other.

 

Sunggyu loved Woohyun, yes, he carried on like Howon had told him to, but he still felt horrible. Like he was cheating on Howon.

 

But from above, from the Black Parade, Howon was watching over him, and he was happy. That Sunggyu had found someone while he was gone — little did Sunggyu know that Woohyun was just like Howon's reflection. Sunggyu was just falling in love with Howon again.

 

August 25, 2013

Do or die, you'll never make me. Because the world will never take my heart. Go and try, you'll never break me. We want it all, we wanna play this part. (We'll carry on)

 

Sunggyu and Woohyun walked to the cemetery, hand in hand, each carrying a bouquet of hoya flowers, Howon's favorite.

 

"I'll go first." Woohyun nodded and stayed behind as Sunggyu walked ahead.

 

Sunggyu bent down and placed the flowers by the tombstone, getting on his knees with tears on his eyes.

 

"Hi. I miss you, a lot. I'm dating your best friend now, isn't that funny? He's just like you, and sometimes I feel like I'm dating him just because I miss you. But he really does make me happy. Are you being a good soldier? It's been a while since you passed. It's fall now. You've been protecting me well. Thank you so much. I hope you're doing well and I hope you continue watching over me until I join you. I love you and always will."

 

June 21, 2014

Your memory will carry on.

 

June 21, 2014. The one year death anniversary of Lee Howon.

Little did Sunggyu know, Howon was up there fighting his demons, all the non-believers; he was in the Black Parade, protecting his lost lover, cheering him on as he loved another.

 

You carried on.