“Yah hyung, where’s Haneul noona?” Maknae Donghyuk enthusiastically asked but I just ignored him. I walked past him and went straight to bed.

I’m hurt. I’m broken. I’m paralyzed or maybe even dead.

I wish that everything’s just a dream, a bad dream. And I wish someone would wake me up from it.

The next morning

Waking up felt very different, usually she would call and she’ll let me listen to her sweet voice. Next up, she’ll command me to stand up and go wash up, like she could see what I’m doing. After washing up, I’d call her again and we’d talk while we both eat our breakfast. But now it‘s different and I think I should get used to it.

I miss her voice.

I went out of my room to eat breakfast. I guess the other guys are already gone, I usually hear Bobby hyung tell his corny jokes every morning while Junhoe and the rest will just ignore him. Everyone, including the WINNER hyungs, finds those jokes corny, but my Haneul laughs heartily whenever she hears them.

I miss her laugh.

I went straight to the YG Training Centre after I ate my breakfast. I found the hyungs, Donghyuk and Junhoe listening to the song I made a few days ago. It was the song that I made for my Haneul, for our 3rd year anniversary next month. But I guess I’ll just have to throw it away.

“This is awesome Hanbin-ah. She’ll definitely love this,” Jinhwan hyung commented.

She’ll love it; she loves everything I write for her. But now, I don’t think so.

“Hyung, could you throw that away for me?” I asked him blankly.

I love her, but if she wants me to forget her, I should. No, I’ll try.

“What are you talking abo—”

“The evaluation’s due next week, we have to practice. We have no time for those kinds of things.” I cut Junhoe off, harshly. I didn’t mean it; I just don’t know how to break the news to them. They know everything about my relationship with Haneul and they love Haneul as their sister. Funny, I’m their leader but they threatened me once about breaking Haneul’s heart.

“Yah Kim Hanbin, once you break our Haneul’s heart I’ll definitely cut your throat,” Jinhwan hyung said.

“Hanbin-ah, I’ll ask my parents to roast you alive and serve you to crocodiles once you break our Haneul’s heart,” Yunhyung threatened.

“Yo B.I. try to break my no. 1 fan’s heart and your stage name will turn into D.E.A.D.” Bobby hyung threatened, but he still flashed me his bright smile.

“Hanbin hyung, you’re going to kiss my muscles once you break my Haneul noona’s heart,” Donghyuk firmly said.

“Yah, hyung or not I’m going to show you the other side of Goo Junhoe once you break Haneul noona’s heart,” the scary maknae said.

Everyone went to their positions then we started to practice. During breaks, some asked me questions about Haneul but I decided not to answer them. These went on for days.

One day, when we decided to go to the convenient store near our building, I saw her. I saw Haneul, the girl I love, the girl that I’m trying to forget.

“Hyung, look Haneul noona’s inside. Let’s go,” Donghyuk said, excited to meet her noona.

“Just buy me the usual, I’ll just wait for you guys out here.”

“But don’t you want to see noona?” Junhoe asked.

I looked away and spoke, “No.” They didn’t argue anymore. They must’ve sensed that I’m not in a good mood.

Everyone went inside the store except Bobby hyung. I looked at Haneul once again the