Wufan had been ignoring him for almost two weeks now, and the only thing stopping him from trying to end this silent treatment was his pride. After all, he had told him, countless times, to " off"- so off he did. Sometimes, he would say awful-sounding things, like "you're not wanted here", but then he would say "I'm just kidding", so that was ok. But sometimes he didn't, and Chanyeol could feel his hostility, that he really wasn't welcome. And it confused him. Either way, he was too proud to beg him to start talking to him again. He hated being ignored, especially without any apparent reason, but what he hated more was losing fights, and he was adamant on winning this one. It killed him to not know why, and he couldn't ask anyone for fear of seeming like he cared too much. No one could know. Especially not him. He was tired, so tired of fighting (or the lack of) when he didn't even know what started it. He just started ignoring him one day and he was just too tired to always be the one to speak first. He felt like he was always the one to take initiative, and he was starting to wonder if Wufan even considered him a friend. So he just stopped talking to him to see if he would speak first.

With all the anguish and misery piling upon him he felt the overwhelming temptation, numerous times, to just break down and cry. But he couldn't, he couldn't, not when he was never truly alone, not really. And he couldn't risk showing weakness. Tears were a sign of weakness. So he took to taking the five minutes' walk to the park behind the school just so that he could be alone in peace. He would shed a few tears, yes, but the river there somehow calmed him, every time.

He was insecure, so insecure. No one knew that because he never showed it. He made himself seem carefree precisely because he was so insecure and had to hide that insecurity. So he built walls to hide behind. And he didn't trust anyone enough to let them in.

-

He finally gathered up the courage to ask Baekhyun to help ask if he was mad at him. He knew Wufan would instantly know the question came from him and not Baekhyun- he wasn't stupid- but he was too depressed to care anymore. He had been miserable for days now, so much that he was starting to retreat to his room and wallow in his misery and loneliness. He knew that if he didn't do anything to improve the situation he might just fall into depression and that was the last thing he wanted. He had a family history of depression, so there was a larger chance of him falling into depression, and he had seen enough victims of it to force himself to act. And what would be the worst that could happen? Learning that he hated him? He was already ignoring him, and contrary to popular opinion, ignorance wasn't bliss. He would much rather know that he hated him than think if he did.

So Baekhyun, like the good friend he was, asked Wufan. Baekhyun was one of the few people there he could trust. He felt exposed and vulnerable that Baekhyun had access to one of his deepest, darkest secrets, but it was a calculated risk and one he was willing to take.

It turned out that no, Wufan wasn't mad at him, but yes, he was purposely not talking to him because he "was an " and that he kept "doing " that made him pissed and he didn't want to get pissed. He refused to say anymore, but that was enough for Chanyeol. It wasn't good news in the slightest, but it cleared up the confusion and he instantly felt better. But it made him think.

Long ago, he had a huge fight with his friends, and he was the one to blame because they were tired of him being an and generally being mean. But what they didn't know was that his being mean and insulting was his way of protecting himself, so no one would know, that underneath his facade of an uncaring, insensitive , he was exactly the opposite. He cared too much, and that made him feel weak and vulnerable. He hated that. He never knew it ended up hurting the people he loved, though. Once he realised that, he was willing, to a certain extent, to change. After much argument and discussion with his friends, he finally understood that his friends were people he could trust with his deepest, darkest secrets, that he could show his true self to and not have to worry about them judging him, because they wouldn't.

Before these friends, he used to be more of a loner, and didn't exactly have any close friends, so he didn't know how to act when he finally got some. Gradually, he learnt to open up to them, to trust them, and they had been inseparable ever since. Time and time again, he was hurt by other so-called "friends", but he always had them to fall back on, and that was all that mattered.

He thought the old, insecure version of him was long gone, but when he transferred to a new school where he knew no one, his insecurity resurfaced and took hold of him and all his fears, and once again built up walls and defences. He made new friends, but he wasn't sure if they really liked him or not. He clung to them, but at the same time he was so afraid of them knowing about his flaws, of being looked down upon and laughed at, of being hurt again, that he became, once again, cynical, purposefully disdainful, to the point that it drove Wufan away.

And he realised that he had made the same mistake he made so many years ago. His method of self-defence was beyond stupid- he knew that- but then he was too scared to do anything else. He already had been forcing himself to take those defenses apart, bit by bit, because he didn't want to hurt anyone- but he didn't know he already had. And he was a proud person, and it took immense effort for him to swallow his pride and apologise, but it was probably high time for him to do so. So he did.

"Look, I know that I can be a real . I try hard not to be but sometimes I can't help it. I can be real nice sometimes, I swear. And if you must know, sometimes I'm too proud to apologise and I hurt people without realising. But I'm sorry ok? I do remember, clearly, what you said- 'And to be honest I give a about what you say'- and I'm already trying my best not to say or do anything too insulting anymore, but I tend to get carried away sometimes. We all do. I know a lot of stuff I did was really douchebaggy, and I apologise if I had hurt your feelings, because I didn't mean to. It's just that, sometimes... it's easier to pretend to not care than to care too much, you know?

Laugh all you want. You don't have to do anything. You can keep on not talking to me if you want. I told you this because I just want you to know I'm not that much of an . And, if possible- I want my friend back."