I'm sorry! I really am. That took like forever! It was supposed to be a quick oneshot and then it wasn't anymore. I should proofread one more time but I'm too tired now and I have lost all faith in this story. I still hope you all like it though. <3

I am basing this story mainly on the characteristics of my son. He’s diagnosed with ADHD/autism. So I promise I didn’t just randomly make up behaviours. =P But yea, just ask me if you are wondering about something. =)

‘Daddy! Daddy! You’re not wearing your necklace.’

Hyukjae spun around from where he had been facing the sink, toothbrush still hanging from his mouth, in time to see his 6 year old daughter enter through the open bathroom door. He never closed it, he knew she would just open it again and if he locked it she would pull on the handle until he opened it himself. Her schooluniform was neatly ironed and her long hair was pulled up in a ponytail keeping the black strands away from her face. He watched as she walked towards him with a determined pout on her full lips, her hand holding the necklace she’d made him in school the day before. He had hoped she’d forgotten about it, he tried to hide it from her without making it seem like he was trying, but of course she would find it.

‘Daddy, you promised yesterday you would wear it.’ Her voice was starting to come out far too highpitched for his liking.

They didn’t have time for another tantrum, they were already running late. Yesterday’s outburst had been enough and the only reason that he had managed to calm her down then had been because he found the necklace in her schoolbag and praised her for her good work. She had been overjoyed that he liked it, instantly forgetting whatever was making her angry before, and in a weak moment of being caught in the desire to keep her placid he agreed that he would wear it to work.

Quickly finishing brushing his teeth he snatched the necklace out of her hand, watching her beaming smile as he slipped it over his head. He decided he would take it off when he had dropped her off at school and then put it back on before picking her up.

***

The clock struck eight just as he managed his way into his cubicle, greeting his co-workers on the way before dumping his body onto his swivel chair and quickly logging in to his computer. He took a sip of his coffee, sighing as the warm liquid made its way down his throat. The quick stop at the café had been necessary if he was going to be able to make it through the day. He would rather not subject himself to the horrors of his company coffee machines. His boss walked by just as he was struggling to get his headset on with one hand, the other one still holding his paper cup. He managed a quick bow, ending up with an earpiece sticking into his eye but his boss didn’t seem to notice as he kept walking to his office. Hyukjae had been late too many times already and he was just waiting to be reprimanded. Thankfully today seemed to be a good day.

He got through the first two hours without much difficulty and when the clock struck ten he was so hungry that he half ran towards the cafeteria almost knocking over people on the way. He paid for his food and turning around he spotted a table with a group of co-workers at the other side of the cafeteria. Getting closer he saw that one of the men was Donghae. He passed his desk every morning as it was close to his own. The man always seemed to be smiling and today wasn’t any different. Although Hyukjae wasn’t all together sure of why it was at this moment so obviously directed at himself walking towards them and setting his tray down on the table.

‘I like your look today Hyukjae. It’s very umm…. Pretty.’ Donghae giggled.

As the rest of the table burst out in various forms of laughs, Hyukjae looked down his body expecting to find his fly open and his boxers showing. He did however not expect to find that he was still wearing his daughter’s necklace. He felt himself blush as he lifted the long necklace over his head, making the glitter covered macaroni twinkle in the overhead lighting. Quickly stuffing the entire thing in his pocket, he glared at Donghae, wishing they could have known each other well enough for him to be able to punch him on the arm.  Instead he clenched his hands under the table cursing the man in his mind. They all knew he had a daughter and the ladies at the table spent ten minutes gushing over him for being a good dad, asking him to show them pictures of her. 

Break was soon over and on the way back he slowed his steps to wait until Donghae caught up with him. They had been working for the same company for over a year, yet they hadn’t really spoken much before. He did have a vague memory of them hitting it off at the company Christmas party, and judging from the pictures posted on the officeboard some days after they had even been dancing together sometime during the evening. To be honest he didn’t remember a lot from that night, and after a hesitant inquiry he learnt that neither did Donghae. As the shorter male caught up with him Hyukjae turned his head to send him a small glare.

‘You could have told me earlier you know. You even greeted me when I came into work!’

Hyukjae hated being singled out, he hated being embarrassed, something that had happened way to often growing up. He was ready to punch the man when Donghae laughed again, one of those laughs that always left Hyukjae wondering how the man could be so carefree.

‘I’m sorry Hyukjae. You ran by me in such a hurry this morning I honestly didn’t see it.’ He smiled apologetically to him.

Sending his co-worker a sceptical look he decided that he would believe Donghae this time. It was his own fault for forgetting to take it off anyway.

‘Well at least now I know why the coffeshop clerk was smiling at me the entire time I was there. And here I thought she was just interested in me.’

His statement made Donghae laugh even harder and Hyukjae was staring at his perfect rows of white teeth when a strong hand hit him on the shoulder making him almost fall forwards. The hand still on his shoulder pulled him back up again and stayed where it was until they reached Hyukjae’s cubicle.

‘Maybe it was both. You did look really good in it, the pink glitter really brought out the brown in your eyes.’

Hyukjae spent the rest of that day with the mental image of a smirking Donghae winking at him before leaving to take a seat by his own desk.

***

‘ !!!’ Hyukjae was swearing under his breath, hoping that his daughter was too wrapped up in watching cartoons on his Ipad and repeating phrases from it to hear anything coming from the driver’s seat. He had picked her up after work and everything had gone smoothly until in the middle of the grocery store Micha had noticed he wasn’t wearing his necklace. He quickly searched through his pockets only to realize he had taken it out and put it on his desk at work. This of course meant only one thing if he wanted to avoid an episode in the middle of the store, and he really wanted to. After finishing shopping in lightning speed he put his daughter in the car, threw all the bags in the trunk and instead of going home like he wanted to, he drove towards his work once again.

The building was empty when he swiped his card in the card reader and punched in his code to unlock the door. He knew there would still be some people on his floor working the late shift but the rest of the building was mostly empty. Micha was overjoyed at being there and she wouldn’t keep still for a minute as they took the elevator up to the 8^th floor. He had to stop her a couple of times as she tried to push all the buttons in the elevator, especially the pretty red emergency stop button. She burst out of the elevator as soon as the door where open, away on her adventure to find his desk while he ran behind her trying to catch up before she disturbed someone in their work.

He managed to gather her up, like a small giggling ball in his arms and he couldn’t help but smile with her. She had been nagging him so long about coming to see where he worked, he couldn’t blame her for being exited. He carried her around the floor, absentmindedly nodding towards a few of his not so close colleagues who were looking at him questioningly from over their computer screens. Since she had taken a right just after exiting the elevator, they had to walk around the floor past the small lunchroom with the vending machines. Quickly manoeuvring her in his arms, he made sure her back was turned towards them otherwise they would be spending the next ten minutes looking at everything inside. And then he would have to pay for something because there would be no way of jut leaving without trying them. They finally reached his desk and she was jumping in joy as he put her down in his swivel chair and twirled her around a few times watching her laugh as her world spun.

‘Again! Again Daddy!’ she called out to him in a voice that was bordering on becoming too loud for their environment. She would never have any trouble making herself heard with that pitch, he thought. He shushed her gently, explaining that people were working so she shouldn’t be so loud and then opened his bottom drawer to retrieve the necklace.

‘Will you wear it tomorrow again daddy? And the day after that? Isn’t it nice daddy? Weren’t you happy when I gave it to you?’

Hyukjae had barely answered one of her questions when she interrupted him with new ones and for a couple of minutes he was explaining to her all about his headset, and computer, and how the phone worked when someone called in. Micha’s eyes were sparkling as she took in the information before crawling under his desk to see how all the cords fit together. He was quick to yank her out from her spot again, too afraid at what her nimble fingers could do to the network. She couldn’t stand on one leg, but given a screwdriver she could disassembly any electronic device like a pro. The day she had found his toolbox had resulted in him having to buy a new DVD player, and random stuff around the house fell apart when he touched them.

‘Hyukjae!?’

He abruptly spun around at the voice coming from behind him, hands still clasping his daughter’s ankles, lifting her upside down from the floor and she burst into another fit of giggles at being whirled around in the new way. He must look like an idiot he thought as his eyes landed on Donghae who was standing on the pathway that divided the cubicles from one another, with a not altogether sure but still amused smile on his lips. Before Hyukjae had a chance to say or do anything, Donghae had taken a step forward and bent down making his faces levelled with Micha, who was by now twisting her entire body to be able to look at the stranger.

‘Hello!’ Donghae gave her a toothy upside down grin.

‘Hi!’ Micha raised her hand to give him a small wave.

Hyukjae slowly lowered his daughter to the floor and watched her scramble to get back onto her own two feet to properly greet the man now sitting on his haunches in front of her.

***

‘Really Donghae! What did you do to it?’ he knew he was whining but he didn’t care ‘The screen is completely messed up!’

Bending over the desk, in his mind Hyukjae was screaming bloody murder at his colleague for somehow managing to mess up his computer to the point of no return and then asking him to fix it.

‘Where you playing games on facebook again?’ he turned his head to glare at the man currently entertaining his daughter by tossing her up in the air and catching her again while she was screaming of laughter. Donghae flinched visibly at the look he was given but just returned it with a smile.

‘Absolutely not! You know perfectly well that facebook is not allowed on the office computers Hyukjae.’ He lectured him while lowering his daughter back onto the floor. ‘Of course I wasn’t!’ he added, grinning and winking at the little girl

Hyukjae could hear them talking about Micha’s school behind his back as he did Donghae a favour and deleted his internet browsing history. Donghae was asking her if she had a boy she liked at school, making her laugh at him by wiggling his eyebrows in a according to Hyukjae all too suggestive way for a six year old to understand the meaning of. He turned back to the computer, set on making the damned things work and get home as soon as possible. He still had groceries in the car, and he had to feed Micha and get her into bed on time. One step wrong in their schedule could mean horrible things for the next day.

‘Daddy has a boyfriend!’ a small but strong voice exclaimed all of the sudden and Donghae watched in awe as Hyukjae spun around quicker than anyone he’d ever seen before, his face turning a deep shade of red. Micha continued without noticing her father’s attempts at hushing her. ‘…but he doesn’t come over anymore… But mummy has a boyfriend!’

Her face shone up again at the thought that she knew someone who had a boyfriend, and she spent the next couple of minutes giving Donghae a very detailed explanation about her mother’s boyfriend named Daejung and their previous trips to the amusement park. 

Hyukjae tried to gather himself up the best he could while listening to his daughter talk. He had never lied to her about being biual, even though she was so young he and Hyoyeon had long since decided that they would raise her as open minded as they could. It had taken him a long time to introduce his boyfriend to Micha, and he only did so when he was sure that they were in a serious relationship. They hadn’t worked out though, and explaining about breakups to a six year old wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. He had been single for over a year and a half now but she still asked when uncle Kibum would be coming to visit. His face was starting to cool down even though he still felt terribly uncomfortable having his secret slipped out like that. He had not intended for her to spill his private life to a work colleague, especially Donghae who he didn’t know would keep the secret or not, but once she got going there was no stopping her. As soon as he noticed she had once again swapped from her mother to her father and was currently telling Donghae about that one time when Kibum slept over and made her pancakes in the morning, Hyukjae was quick to change the subject and tried steering his daughter into a conversation about cartoons. How a child could have that good of a memory from something that happened over a year and a half ago he would never understand.

‘Do you have a boyfriend?’

Hyukjae was on the verge of just sinking through the floor in embarrassment as Micha managed to talk over her father and direct the question at Donghae, giving him a perfectly innocent look while at it. Opening his mouth to apologize to Donghae and explain to his daughter that not every man liked boys just because her daddy did, he barely had time to sputter out a beginning before the man turned to him with a big grin. He was still looking Hyukjae in the eyes as he answered Micha’s question.

‘No, not right now.’ Hyukjae could have sworn his blush came back with vengeance in a split second.

Then Donghae turned his attention back at her and smiled. They kept talking for a while. He was telling her a story that sounded an awful lot like red riding hood, only the girl was dressed in a school-outfit suspiciously like her own and instead of a wolf there was a big troll. Gathering himself together as best he could, Hyukjae decided he had done enough for the computer to work sufficiently until an actual tech could look over it.

‘Alright, just let it re-start and it should work fine again.’ He told Donghae while trying to avoid looking directly at the man. Thankfully Donghae had enough tact to notice his embarrassment and settled for bringing up a discussion about their new intern whom everyone hated and Hyukjae was grateful for the respite. They talked while Donghae’s computer rebooted and Micha was enjoying playing with the mess that was Donghae’s desk.

‘How can you work like this?’ Hyukjae asked him when his daughter pulled out a small windup toy from under a stack of papers.

Donghae just laughed as Hyukjae scrunched his nose up at the clutter.

A little later as the elevator door closed on the Hyukjae and his daughter, Donghae’s waving hand fell to his side and his wide grin faded to a small smile. Micha was adorable and she looked so much like her dad. She even made the same facial expressions as him when she concentrated. He chuckled to himself when he remembered the horror on Hyukjae’s face at being outed by the girl. If he had not been so happy about finding out that the man like guys he might have felt bad about it. He was still laughing softy to himself as he sat down by his desk ready to get back to work. As he put his headset back on and connected the first call his eyes roamed over his desk where everything was now, thanks to Micha, all neatly lined up according to its size. They sure were an interesting family.

***

‘Oh my god Micha get back to bed!’ Hyukjae’s voice was raised in frustration and felt mere moments away from shouting at the little girl.

She had been running and jumping around like a bunny for hours and even though it was a weekend tomorrow Hyukjae still wanted her in bed on a proper time. A time that they had by now passed with at least an hour and a half. She seemed adamant on not holding still and this was the 8^th time he put her back in her bed and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last one.

He had read her a goodnight story, he had kissed and hugged her and cuddled her for half an hour but no matter what she would still come up with new reasons not to sleep. “Daddy it’s too warm, I have to go to the bathroom, I’m hungry, it’s too dark…” He knew this would be one of those nights when she wouldn’t sleep for hours.

By the time he had put her back into her own bed 17 times they were both beyond frustrated and tired. It had come to a point where she was using his increasingly bad temper to get out of bed just to spite him, keeping herself awake by making him angry, because by now he was yelling at her. The only problem was that it took Hyukjae a few more times carrying her back into her room before he realized what she was doing and by then he was already sobbing dejectedly.

Taking a big breath, he tried to calm himself down enough to be able to talk without yelling. He and Hyoyeon were always telling each other about situations like these, trying to give one another support and tips on how to best handle the six year old and he knew he would call her tomorrow for a talk and venting. But for now he needed to get his daughter to sleep and he settled for the easiest way.

Even though he hadn’t intended on sleeping until later he quickly went into his room to change to his sleepwear before going back into Micha’s room to gather her pillow and cover. He stopped on the way out to pick up her discarded stuffed animal that was this week’s best friend and then he brought it all with him to his room. It took about a minute for her head to pop out from behind the doorframe to his bedroom and she sleepily rubbed her eyes as she ran towards his bed and climbed under her covers that he had placed next to his own. There was at least one sure way of making her fall asleep and letting her sleep next to him in his bed was it. Soon they were both asleep under the thick covers, Micha clutching her stuffed animal and one of Hyukjae’s hands in her arms.

***

‘I want to wear my princess dress!’

Hyukjae flinched as the first toy of the day got thrown into the wall. It was Thursday morning and he was trying to get Micha ready for school. She had been all set to go, bags packed for the day and in a good mood since she would get to spend extra days with her mother who was picking her up after school to take them on a mini vacation on Jeju. Everything had been fine and for once they were making good time. He took his eyes off her for a second to pack their lunchboxes, and when he called her saying it was time to go she had somehow managed to change out of her uniform to her Halloween costume, a frilly pink dress with the tiara and shoes to match it. Hyukjae cursed himself for not knowing better and making her stay with him in the kitchen. The minute he saw her in the dress he knew they were going to be late because she was hell bent on wearing it and the school would never allow it.

He had spent at least fifteen minutes trying to reason with his daughter, explaining that uniforms had to be worn in school and no exceptions were made. He tried to tell her about the rules that were set, how if she didn’t wear her uniform the teachers and headmaster would be mad not just at her but at him and her mother too. When that didn’t work he told her that he would call her mother and ask her to pack the princess dress she had at her place so she could wear it on the vacation, but no matter what he said, no matter how much he tried nothing got through to her. She was wearing her dress no matter what he thought of it and her pouting lips and tearful eyes did nothing to better his mood.

Knowing that they had to move soon he gave up and simply undressed her, enduring her screams and kicks and threats of never talking to him again. Ten minutes later she was still standing in front of him dressed only in her underwear and socks. Every time he had put a new item of clothing on her she took another one off and he could feel himself becoming frustrated enough to the point where he really just felt like wrestling her to the floor and pin her down while he redressed her. It wouldn’t be the first time it had happened.

Instead he packed her uniform into her bag, put on his shoes and jacket and gathered up all of their things including her own shoes and jacket all while trying to hold on to her arm to make sure she didn’t run away again.

She was screaming while he dragged her out of the apartment, still only dressed in her underwear. She scratched his hand that held onto her arm while they were waiting for the elevator and let her body slump down onto the floor until he had to bend down and pick her up to get her inside the elevator. She didn’t calm down enough for him to talk to her until they had already reached the garage. Once there he knelt down on the dirty asphalt, and gathering her in his arms he once again tried to reason with her, doing his outmost to keep his voice calm and not scream like he wanted to. She let herself get dressed while sniffling into the tissue he had given her and they finally managed to settle everything into the car and drive to school. She was still angry and he desperately hoped one of her teacher’s would be able to distract her with something because right now he was far too tired to himself.

***

He entered his workplace an hour and a half late, with a lump in his throat from holding back his frustrated tears. Most of the time he would manage to calm down after her outbursts, but sometimes he felt like a child himself. He also wanted to say to hell with it all and scream until his lungs hurt. He had tried to calm down in the car on the way there, but the stinging scratch marks on the back of his hand and the fact he had in his hurry left his phone at home and had to go back for it just left him feeling even worse.

As he had been dropping Micha of at her school her teacher had cornered him with a look he knew all too well. That sad, pitying, the world is a horrible place look. He hated it! It made him want to gouge their eyes out. Do you have a moment Mr. Lee, they would say. He didn’t have a moment, he had no damn moments to spare, but he knew that if he didn’t make time they would make a fuss. Needless to say the teacher hadn’t made his morning any better. She had been concerned for a while now she said, Micha was spending long days at school and for a young girl with her “difficulties” as they liked to call it, the teachers weren’t sure it was for his daughters best interest to be left there for so long. It wasn’t the first time he had been told the same thing, and most likely it wouldn’t be the last.

What was he supposed to do he wanted to ask them? Quit work? He couldn’t get fewer hours because then he wouldn’t be able to make the rent and he was lucky to even have a job to begin with. He had spoken to his boss a long time ago, explaining to him about his situation and he was lucky enough to have a boss who understood. But that didn’t mean he approved of Hyukjae being late all the time, and Hyukjae already knew he had to make some serious changes to his and Micha’s morning routines if he wanted to keep his job. He had called his boss that very morning when he had realized he would be late and the man had told him not to rush but take his time. Hyukjae had almost cried in gratitude for that. But the teachers didn’t understand. Didn’t he want what was best for his daughter they asked? Was there no-one else who could watch her? It didn’t matter how many times he had told them there was no-one. All his relatives worked or were incapable of handling a small child with her energy and it was the same on her mother’s side. When he was finally released with a last sigh and sad shake of the teachers head, his entire body was tingling with supressed anger.

He was fully set on working his off for the rest of the day and then some, but before that he needed coffee, even if he would have to make do with the horrible stuff from the lunchroom. Donghae was there when he entered the room with heavy steps. The man looked up from where he was sitting at the table reading a newspaper and gave him a big smile. Since the conversation they had had a couple of weeks back when Micha had ungracefully outed him, Donghae and him had started talking more. He would say that he saw them as relatively close by now, but still mainly professionally. They only ever spoke within the office and mostly about work-related matters, but sometimes Donghae managed to steer the conversation onto a more personal level and Hyukjae had lost count on how many stories he had told the other man about his daughter. Donghae seemed genuinely interested and Hyukjae didn’t deny himself the satisfaction about bragging about that one time that Micha managed to make tea all on her own. He hadn’t told Donghae any details about her though, and he stayed well clear of the bad stories. Their relationship was not one where he could pour his heart out over things like that.

Dropping down onto one of the plastic chairs he did his best to appear cheerful while stirring too much sugar into his coffee.

‘Hey.’ His co-worker greeted him from across the table and Hyukjae raised his head enough to look at the man while greeting him back, his lips straining from the forced smile. They spend a few minutes in silence, Donghae seemingly reading his newspaper and Hyukjae trying to calm down enough to be able to work. Apparently his attempts to seem normal weren’t enough since Donghae gave him a questioning look at the sigh he let out before leaning forward and bringing a hand up to Hyukjae’s own that was cradling his Styrofoam cup.

‘You look like you had a rough morning.’ His tone was gentle just like the fingers one of the deeper scratch marks on the back of his hand.

Hyukjae pulled away from the sudden touch making his hot coffee spill out not only over his own hand but also Donghae’s and the man swore before reaching for the paper towels that were placed in a holder on the table, almost missing the way his colleagues face dropped even more at his cursing. He quickly wiped of their hands and the table before standing up to pull Hyukjae with him to the sink. There he washed the man’s hands carefully with cold water, trying to work out why Hyukjae was letting him do it in the first place. His apathy clearly showed something was amiss.  

After drying his hands carefully and inspecting them for burns, Hyukjae seemed to bounce back enough to realize what was happening around him and he quickly thanked Donghae before settling back down by the table.

‘So do you want to tell me about it?’ Donghae said as he too sat back down.

Normally he wouldn’t pry, but Hyukjae looked close to tears and during the last couple of weeks Donghae had gotten to thinking of him as his friend and he wasn’t going to leave him in obvious distress. 

Hyukjae seemed to be weighing the pros and cons of telling him. He opened his mouth just to close it again a couple of times before finally telling him he just had a rough morning getting his daughter to school. On the verge of telling him he got it, that he understood what the man felt, Donghae realized he really didn’t. He had no clue what being a single parent was like. Instead he settled on telling him what he did know.

‘You’re a great dad.’

He smiled at the baffled expression of the other.

‘Really you are. Your daughter seems amazing. And the way you interact with her is just equally amazing. I really don’t know how you do it. It must be difficult at times.’

He wasn’t lying. He had loved seeing the dad side of Hyukjae. It was different from how he was at work, and still so…him. He fit perfectly in both roles. But he had also been Hyukjae’s co-worker long enough to have seen him on not so good days no matter how much the other tried to hide it. He wasn’t blind to the many late morning of the other, or the slightly haughty look that would come over him from time to time. This was definitely one of the worse days.

Hyukjae seemed speechless but apparently Donghae had struck a chord with something he said because the man’s eyes had begun to water slightly.

‘Donghae…’

Hyukjae didn’t managed to get anymore out. Instead he tried to subtly wipe away a stray tear threatening to spill down his chin.

 ‘It’s ok to fall apart sometimes Hyukjae.’ Donghae told him in a low voice while watching him with a concerned smile but Hyukjae really just wanted the other to leave him alone. He didn’t need anyone to be nice to him right now, it just made him want to cry.

‘I have to get back to work.’ He said, standing up abruptly from his chair. He hadn’t taken more than a few steps outside the small lunchroom before Donghae caught up to him and pulled him by his arm, steering him in a different direction. By now Hyukjae was too tired to fight him anymore and he could feel the tears burning in his eyes as he tried to shield his face so his co-workers wouldn’t see it.

‘Siwon!’ he heard Donghae call out to one of the seniors. ‘We need to take a short break, Hyukjae is feeling sick.’

Hyukjae never managed to catch Siwon’s answer before Donghae had dragged him out into the hallway and in to the elevator. Where were they going?

‘Donghae, what…’

Donghae just shushed him while pressing the button for the 10th floor. They rode in silence as his tears started to fall down his face and the elevator swiftly took them two stories up. When the doors opened, Donghae grabbed his hand and once again pulled him with him. He barely had time to register the empty hallways before he was dragged into a handicap toilet, the door was promptly locked behind them and then he felt himself being wrapped up in Donghae’s arms. His surprised gasp came out muffled from where his face was buried in a soft sweater and as the strong arms around his torso pulled him even closer, he lost it.

He cried for a long time, he wasn’t sure how long. All he knew was that Donghae was holding him tightly, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, telling him to just let it all out and so he did. For the first time in what felt like forever he let someone comfort him. It had been years since someone held him when he cried, before he and his ex-wife split up. He’d never cried in front of Kibum. Maybe because the man had exuded such a sense of calmness that he never felt the need to or maybe because he didn’t want his boyfriend to see him so weak. He really didn’t know or care at the moment. The thought crossed his mind that he really didn’t know Donghae well enough to be doing this, but he couldn’t stop. When his tears eventually died out Donghae released him enough to grab some tissues for him to wipe his face with and he blushed as he realized what had just happened.

‘I’m sorry…’ He started but stopped once more when he couldn’t think of a way to finish his sentence.

Donghae just smiled at him while brushing away a damp strand of hair from his forehead.

‘Don’t be. You really looked like you needed to let go for a while. Actually you look like you need a hell of a lot more, but this is all I can do… for now.’

Something about that promise “for now” had Hyukjae blushing again. Because it was a promise, he could see the seriousness in Donghae’s eyes.

They stood in silence for a while before Donghae left to wait for Hyukjae outside, giving the man some much needed time to gather himself in private. Hyukjae was grateful for how his colleague seemed to know what he needed without him having to say it. Fixing his appearance as best he could, he still had traces of crying on his face but they would go away fairly quickly, he stepped out only to find Donghae leaning against the opposite wall waiting for him. When Hyukjae drew closer he threw an arm over his shoulders and pulled the slim male towards him as they made their way back to the elevator. He spoke animatedly the entire way and Hyukjae welcomed how once again Donghae managed to change the subject without making it obvious that he was trying.

‘Only like five people work on this floor during the off season. I like to use it as my hideout. They have a really comfortable couch in their lounge, and when I ask nicely the lady with the giant glasses and the crazy hair lets me drink their coffee.’
Donghae kept up his rambling all the way back onto their own floor until a wide grin spread on Hyukjae’s face and he felt himself finally relaxing completely.

***

He had spent the rest of that day hard at work, barely taking a break even though he knew his boss wouldn’t mind. He didn’t feel as though he needed a break and he desperately wanted to make sure he spent his time as efficiently as possible after missing the entire morning.

Siwon had only asked him if he felt alright when he and Donghae had returned from upstairs, and he had assured him he did and was ok to work without any further issues. Donghae had left him with a squeeze of his shoulder and a wink and then returned to his own desk. During lunch Hyukjae had been so wrapped up in his work he’d forgotten all about eating and Donghae who seemed to be keeping tabs on him from across the office space had simply walked up to him and put a soft drink and a salad on his desk. It hadn’t matter how much he had protested that it wasn’t necessary because the other had simply starred him down and asked him if he had brought any lunch for himself. Hyukjae was honestly not even sure if he had brought his wallet since he hadn’t reflected on the matter yet. After this day he really didn’t know how to thank the man properly.

It was late when Donghae approached him again, well after both of them were set to quit for the day. Hyukjae was packing up his things, feeling that he had gotten enough overtime done to make up for the time he lost and right now he wanted nothing more than to get home. Donghae was clearly on his way home as well when he walked up to Hyukjae’s desk. He already had his jacket on and his bag was slung over one shoulder.

‘How come you’re still here? Didn’t you get off like an hour ago?’ Hyukjae asked him while switching his computer screen off.

‘I could ask you the same thing you know.’ Donghae told him with a small grin.

They settled into the same pace, walking slowly towards the elevator.

‘My final caller dragged out for a bit and then I got stuck talking to Siwon about my schedule for next week.’ Donghae said.

Hyukjae gave him a small questioning look, not sure if it was ok for him to ask why Donghae needed to discuss his schedule this late when it was usually planned on set times during one day each month. The other probably noticed that he was wondering because he went on to tell him about how he needed some time off for a funeral.

It wasn’t anyone close to him he said when Hyukjae offered him his condolences. It was an acquaintance of his mother but Donghae wanted to be there for the woman and since he had to travel all the way home to Mokpo he needed a couple of days off. He was afraid the funeral would remind her too much of his dads passing.

Hyukjae wasn’t sure how to react to all the new information he was receiving about the man. Donghae usually seemed genuinely happy, like he didn’t have a care in the world but Hyukjae realized that maybe he wasn’t the only one hiding parts of himself. Donghae told him that his father passed a long time ago and there was no need for Hyukjae to look so destroyed about it and he laughed at Hyukjae faintly red cheeks as they entered the elevator.

‘Is Micha with her mother tonight?’ he said while pushing the button for the bottom floor.

Hyukjae gave him a quick glance before turning to face the closing doors.

‘Yes. She went with her mum to Jeju for the weekend.’

‘Oh. That’s nice…’ Donghae trailed off and Hyukjae shifted to watch him from the corner of his eye. Clearly the man wanted to say something else if the way he was fidgeting was anything to go by.

 ‘So since you don’t have to pick her up… do you maybe want to do something? We could go get a drink or something.’

Hyukjae stayed silent while the elevator moved swiftly down finally signalling with a ping that they had reached their destination. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend time with the man. Donghae was nice, he really was. But he had spent the morning crying all over the others sweater and he was tired to the core and a bit ashamed of himself. Donghae was still giving him a hopeful look as they stepped outside and Hyukjae turned towards him.

‘I’m sorry Donghae. I just… I really just want to go home and sleep tonight.’ He said in an apologetic voice. He felt like he owed the man a lot but at the same time he wouldn’t be good company right now. But Donghae just smiled at him while grabbing his hand to pull him out of the building.

‘It’s ok. You had a long day, you should go home and rest.’ He said before they were parted for a few seconds by the rotating doors. As Hyukjae stepped out into the cool evening air his hand was again grasped in Donghae’s.

‘We can hang out another time.’ He said and the pure smile on Donghae’s face had little bursts of energy shooting through Hyukjae’s tired body and he was happy that the man hadn’t been discouraged from wanting to hang out with him

‘Well, I’m going to go catch my buss.’ Donghae let his hand drop after a small final squeeze and he started slowly walking away from Hyukjae. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?’

Hyukjae was still standing where he was, firmly rooted to the ground just barely being able to nod in answer. He felt he should say something but he didn’t know what or where to start. Donghae had turned around to see where he was walking and Hyukjae smiled a little at how childish the other looked with his backpack slung over one shoulder and a slight skip in his step.

‘Donghae!’ Hyukjae shouted after him.

The man spun around to face him once more.

‘Thank you… for today.’ Hyukjae continued a bit lower now that he had the brunette’s attention. Donghae kept his gaze for a while, smiling broadly at him and Hyukjae raised a hand to rub his neck in an embarrassed gesture. Then with a small wave of his hand Donghae turned around and kept walking along the pathway next to the road. Hyukjae watched him until he rounded a corner before turning to walk to his car.

Yes he was tired, but he wasn’t sad, he didn’t feel resigned anymore like he had that morning. Instead he felt happy. He still might not know Donghae that well but even with the embarrassment he had felt over breaking down in front of a colleague he had also felt like the man was someone he could trust and be himself with. Someone he wanted to spend more time with. He wasn’t sure why Donghae had felt the need to comfort him or hold his hand but he knew that he didn’t mind it in the slightest.

Driving home that night he let his mind and body relax into the wonderful feeling of the possibility of making a new friend.

***

Hyukjae was fidgeting with his phone. He didn’t seem to be able to keep still, something that normally was reserved for his daughter. Usually he didn’t get nervous that easily and he didn’t see why he should be now but the feeling in his stomach told him otherwise. He was sitting on the edge of the tub watching Micha brush her teeth, her newly washed and still damp hair hung down her back, just brushed my her dad. He had asked if she wanted it braided before she went to bed and she happily told him no. In Hyukjae’s mind all that meant was having to spend ten minutes the next morning de-tangling everything again and he was having none of that. Instead he got up from his seat to fetch the hairdryer lying in its designated basket in one corner of the bathroom and plugged it into the nearest socket.

‘Are you finished?’ There was a fondness to his voice when he looked at the six-year old trying to smile proudly with a mouth full of toothbrush and toothpaste. She looked so cute he didn’t even comment on the fact that she dribbled toothpaste all over the floor and the front of her pyjama top.

Hyukjae took the toothbrush from her to brush her teeth one more time, knowing she wasn’t good enough to do it solely on her own just yet. They made quick work of drying her hair and changing her top and soon she was tucked into bed with a relentless grip on him. After a minute of struggling, Hyukjae gave up and simply laid down next to her on the mattress. The bed was small and even with him not being the tallest person out there he still had to bend his legs to be able to fit.

He nuzzled his nose on her chin, breathing in the scent of her pineapple shampoo and he instantly felt calmer. Tomorrow her mother would pick her up around lunch and take her to the zoo. Hyukjae had taken her there a few months back and she had loved it, talking about nothing else for two weeks afterwards. Now her bedside table was covered in books about animals and she was going to be a zookeeper when she grew up.

‘I love you more than I love rainbows.’ He whispered, playing their game just like they did every night.

‘I love you more than I love hamburgers.’ Came the sleepy response from bed.

‘I love you more than….’ Hyukjae was searching his brain for something he hadn’t used it a while. ‘Cookies!’

She giggled at him while wrapping her soft arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

‘I love you more than how far it is from here to the sun daddy.’ She wriggled in his embrace and he tightened his grip trying to get her to stay still.

 ‘And I love you more than the moon. Now you need to go to sleep, we have to be up early tomorrow so we can eat a big breakfast before you go to the zoo.’ The minute the words were out of his mouth he regretted them.

‘I’m going to see the monkeys’ daddy.’ Micha giggled sleepily.

She spent a good couple of minutes explaining just what the animals had done last time she saw them, even though he had been right there next to her when it happened. By now he had lost count of how many times she had told him about the tiger that roared and the lamas that spit.

Eventually he managed to get her quiet again and feeling her breath against his neck as she exhaled, he tried to get comfortable next to her without moving too much.

‘Goodnight sweetie.’

‘Goodnight daddy.’

If there was one thing that Hyukjae loved most in the world it would have to be when his daughter hugged him. Her small skinny arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him closer was the best feeling anyone could have ever felt, he was sure of it. But sadly it could get very uncomfortable very fast, like now with his neck craned in a weird angle, legs bent and his daughter holding him in a vice like grip. But he didn’t dare to move as it would only disturb her, he just prayed she would fall asleep fast.

‘Daddy…’

‘Mm…’

‘It was really funny when the cat runed around the house and then he stepped on the rake.’

‘Ran around the house.’

Correcting her sometimes wrong grammar or use of words came natural to him and he didn’t even realize he had done it until she repeated what he had said before continuing on with her story in a fast pace.

‘Ran. And the dog was angry and he chased him and…’

It took him a few seconds to figure out what his daughter was even talking about, with his tired mind trying to spring into action once more.

‘Micha. We are not talking about cartoons right now ok. You need sleep. Now good night!’

‘But…’

‘No! Sleep.’

Micha tried a couple of more times to tell him about the cartoon before he gave up and let her. Having finally gotten to say what she wanted she let her head fall back onto the pillow and a small hand came up to sleepily rub her eyes. The silence lay as a thick blanket over them and Hyukjae felt the full day of work catching up to him, making him sleepy. His eyelids where dropping and his breathing started to even out.

‘Daddy…’

His eyes flew open again.

An hour and about thirty ‘daddy’s’ later a very tired Hyukjae made his way out of his now peacefully sleeping daughter’s room. He desperately needed a long shower and a cup of tea before he fell asleep standing up. There was still the laundry to do and he needed to iron Micha’s dress for the next day. He also had to clean as having a living room floor strewn with toys and a bathroom that looked like war after Micha had finished her bath time, did not mix well with either Hyukjae or his daughter. His instinctive desire to have everything around him organized had only served him well in dealing with his daughter who needed more of a minimalistic environment. Too most children, clutter was a way of life, and it would have been the same for Micha if Hyukjae didn’t have a strict cleaning regimen. The problem with clutter, in Micha’s case was that it meant she was unable to focus. Rather too much of anything gave the same result. He briefly noted that this also meant that the apartment would be clean for when Donghae came to pick him up. Even though the man would most likely see nothing more than the hallway it was still comfortable to know.

A couple of hours later he finally fell into bed, his clothes dropping to the floor behind him as he was too tired to put them away or care about any sleepwear. His last coherent thought revolved, not as usual around his daughter and their morning schedule, but rather on Donghae and whether or not the two of them would like the movie they were set to watch the next day.

***

It hadn’t mattered how many times Hyukjae had told the Donghae that he didn’t need to be picked up and they could just meet outside the movie place. The man had been adamant. If he went past Hyukjae’s place anyway he might as well pick him up so they could go there together. Hyukjae had noticed after the handful of times hanging out with the other, that the man was, for lack of better words annoyingly stubborn at times.

An hour earlier, Hyukjae had waved goodbye to his daughter, his ex-wife, and her, from what Hyukjae had recently been informed, fiancé. He was happy for Hyoyeon. She and Daejung had been dating for well over a year and a half now and Micha loved him. From the handful of times they had interacted for a longer period, Hyukjae knew that he liked the man as well and any lingering romantic feelings for Hyoyeon had long vanished and he was left with the same type of love he had felt for her before they got together, back when they had simply been friends. They had been apart for a long time now and for her to finally move on and maybe even have the chance of having another baby like she always wanted to, it made him happy. It also made him feel a little less bad about their own relationship not working out.

An hour earlier the weather had been great, the forecast had said cloudy but warm and Hyukjae had been getting ready to go to the movies. He and Donghae had hung out a few times already, both with other co-workers and alone. But it had never been more than lunch or after work drinks. The other day Hyukjae had let slip that Micha was going to the zoo which Donghae wasn’t slow on figuring out meant he had a free day.

He didn’t waste any time in asking Hyukjae to go with him to a movie he wanted to see and since Hyukjae had actually been keen on seeing it as well and it was the last weekend it was playing, he had said yes. It wasn’t until after that he started to question his decision. At first he had been pleased to make a new friend but now he was worried. Making friends when you were young and still in school was easy, making friends as an adult, especially for Hyukjae who was practically unavailable every other week, was not easy. He might as well be on the moon when he was with his daughter because socializing with him was impossible. He had already lost a good amount of his friends from just not being able to hang out anymore and after the divorce when he was alone with Micha a week at a time it just made things worse. He figured those people were probably not that great of friends to begin with but then again it didn’t make it any less painful.

To spend time with Donghae during lunch was one thing, they had a time limit there, and they could talk about the day’s work. To have drinks after work with co-workers and find themselves alone when everyone else left for home was also ok. They could still go home whenever they wanted, claiming they needed sleep before next day’s work.

But a movie, during the day, on a Saturday made Hyukjae nervous. Would they just watch the movie and part ways? Donghae had mentioned getting something to eat afterwards. What if they ran out of things to talk about? He didn’t really have any excuses to go home because the other knew he didn’t have his daughter and they didn’t work on Sunday’s. He felt comfortable with Donghae and a part of him wanted to keep their relationship as acquaintances solely for the fact that if they became closer friends it might just blow up in his face when the man discovered that Hyukjae wasn’t that much fun to hang out with.

He was stopped in his thoughts when his phone rang and he picked it up immediately when he saw that it was ex-wife calling.

‘Hyoyeon? What’s wrong?’

A chuckle came from the other end of the line. She had always told him he worried too much.

‘Nothing’s wrong Hyukjae. Have you looked outside?’

Moving towards the window Hyukjae noticed how much darker his apartment seemed all of a sudden and he realized why when he looked outside only to be met by dark threatening clouds filling the sky.

When the hell did that happen?

He didn’t realize he had said it out loud until he got an answer.

‘Like ten minutes ago. Is it raining there yet, because it is pouring down over here?’

‘No. but it looks like it’ll start any minute now.’ He said, hoping that Donghae was not walking to his place like he had said he would. He was supposed to turn up within the next half hour but Hyukjae wasn’t sure if the rain would stay clear for that long.

He talked for a bit more with his ex-wife. The trio had decided to call it a day and go home instead and Micha had been disappointed so Hyoyeon was trying to think of something to appease her with. After a few minutes they hung up in case Donghae tried to call him, but not before she had wished him good luck on his “date” as she called it. He threw a rather colourful insult her way.

Hyukjae paced his apartment for a while, throwing worried glances out his windows. He typed in a quick message to Donghae, asking where the man was and telling him that it looked like it would start raining any minute now and just when he clicked send it did.

All of the sudden it was like the sky had opened up and water started to pour down smattering against his windows and making outside seem even darker than before. If Donghae was out there he would probably have run for shelter by now and either Hyukjae would have to pick him up or risk missing their movie. There was no telling how long it would take for the rain to stop. He could call the other and ask, but he had already send him a text message. He was sure Donghae would text back as soon as he saw it.

Ten minutes later Hyukjae was starting to worry. Maybe calling the other man wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all. They were running late already after all. He was scrolling through his phone to find the number when there was a knock on his door and he threw the device onto the couch before half running towards the sound, catching himself mid step and slowing down enough to check his appearance in the mirror one last time before opening the door.

Donghae’s dark brown hair laid plastered against his head and face. A few stray strands were sticking up, like the man had tried to run his hand trough it but given up. Tresses clung to his cheekbones that were tinted red and his laboured breaths clearly told Hyukjae that the man had been running. He just hadn’t been fast enough to escape the rain.

‘I’m sorry I’m late.’ The man on his doorstep blurted out with a crooked smile.

‘Donghae! You’re soaking wet.’ Hyukjae stepped aside to let the other in. He watched as Donghae let his eyes wander and take in what little he could of the flat from his spot by the door. Hyukjae was standing next to him, not really knowing what to do until he noticed Donghae visibly shiver in his damp clothes.

‘Take your shoes off.’

 Donghae gave him a confused look.

‘But we will miss the movie if…’

‘Take your shoes off and come inside Donghae. You aren’t going anywhere like that. Do you want to catch pneumonia?’ Hyukjae’s tone of voice was the same he used when Micha was misbehaving and it left no room for Donghae to talk back. The man just gave him a surprized look.

Hyukjae watched him in silence as he bent down to untie his wet shoelaces. His hands were red from cold and it took him some time before he managed to undo the knots and place his shoes in the spot Hyukjae indicated.

‘Come on.’ Hyukjae pulled on his sleeve to make him follow.

‘Where are we going?’

Donghae’s voice was soft and curious, but he also seemed a little bit apprehensive, walking after Hyukjae’s rigid form.

‘You are taking a warm shower and I am finding you something dry to wear. And then when you are finished you can tell me why you thought it was a good idea to go running around in the April rain.’ Hyukjae turned to give him a pointed look.

If Donghae hadn’t been so baffled by this new side of Hyukjae, he would have laughed at the way he was being lectured as a child. Instead he let Hyukjae lead him inside a cosy looking bathroom where stickers of ducks on the tile wall were clashing with the otherwise neat and organized white and navy themed space. Hyukjae left him to fetch a towel and some clothes. He really didn’t know what he should get the other to wear, so in the end he settled for sweatpants and a t-shirt. He also grabbed a pair of warm socks because if the damp imprints of feet on the wooden floor were anything to go by, then the rain had seeped into Donghae’s shoes as well.

When he returned to the bathroom Donghae had stripped himself of his jacket and sweater and Hyukjae could see that his white wife beater was also somewhat wet. It didn’t even seem like the man had tried to stay out of the rain at all. He took off his clock, putting it on the sink next to the small hourglass that Micha used to tell time when she brushed her teeth, and Hyukjae dropped the pile of clothes onto the toilet seat.

‘Shower and change. I’ll go find you a thick sweater to wear.’

He was out the bathroom before Donghae could answer, not really keen on staying as the other had moved on to take his top off. He sincerely hoped that the man’s underwear was at least dry because he was not about to lend him any. Certain lines were not negotiable to cross.

I took Donghae ten minutes to finish his shower, Hyukjae knew this because he was constantly checking the clock on his phone while pacing the living room floor. They were supposed to be at the movies now, buying popcorn and candy but unless they rushed like crazy and he drove them there they wouldn’t make it on time. And probably not even then. Finding a parking spot in the centre of town on a Saturday was a hopeless case. He sighed to himself as he made his way into the kitchen where the water cooker had just finished boiling the water.

Donghae emerged from the bathroom in time to see Hyukjae put down a mug of tea on the living room table. He told Donghae to sit down while he fetched his own cup and his co-worker gratefully sunk down into the soft cushions. A navy hoody landed on seat next to him and he quickly pulled it on before he turned to thank Hyukjae with a smile.

‘I’m sorry for making us miss the movie.’ Donghae told him.

‘It’s fine.’ Hyukjae felt slightly at edge over the new turn of events and tried his best to relax on the couch next to his co-worker.

‘And thank you for letting me use your shower and borrow your clothes.’ The other added with a silly grin.

‘That’s ok. I owed you anyway for helping me out earlier at work.’ Hyukjae managed to grin back.

Donghae smiled faintly at the memory. They hadn’t really discussed the incident since it happened. Donghae knew Hyukjae was still embarrassed by it, and he didn’t feel like he should pry. Probably the man had just been having a rough time and hadn’t been able to keep it inside. God knows Donghae had those days too.

Silence fell between them as Hyukjae sipped on his tea that was really too warm to drink just yet. Donghae seemed pleased with just cradling the cup in his hands and blowing on the hot liquid, making warm air hit his face. Hyukjae took a breath, willing the awkwardness away.

‘So! Aren’t you a little too old to run around in the rain.’ He said with his best authoritative voice.

Donghae’s head spun around his way and at the sight of his pout, Hyukjae couldn’t help but laugh. It just made Donghae pout even more.

‘Whaaat. You told me Micha runs around in puddles all the time.’ He whined.

Hyukjae was, as always flattered that the man remembered things he had told him. Donghae seemed to really like children and he had been raving in the office about how cute Micha was and rubbing Siwon’s face in the fact that he had meet the cutest girl in the world and Siwon hadn’t. Hyukjae had to spend the rest of that day trying to stay clear of Siwon who all of the sudden thought it would be fun to plan a family weekend get together for the employees.  

‘That’s exactly my point. She’s six Donghae, and you’re what… 23, 24?’

Donghae gave him a quick somewhat proud smile.

’28 actually.’

Hyukjae half groaned and half chuckled.

‘That makes it even worse.’

Making fun of Donghae’s childishness quickly turned out to be great fun now that Hyukjae knew how old the other really was and it wasn’t long before they were laughing together like old friends. In amidst the laughs, Donghae still tried to maintain his offended pout whenever he could. Half an hour later the tea had been finished and Hyukjae realized that he still hadn’t gotten an answer to why Donghae was late in the first place.

Apparently there had been quite a few reasons, the first one being that Donghae hadn’t been able to find his wallet when he was leaving his flat.

‘Then I got caught in the rain and I figured I would wait it out but I was already late so I had to get moving again. And… then I got sort of lost... Did you know your apartment complex is really hard to find!’

Hyukjae let out a questioning hum and leant further into the soft cushions while Donghae exploded into a detailed description of how he had been confused because the house was more beige than grey like Hyukjae had said it was and how the roads around his place were confusing. Hyukjae was just watching him amused at the lively gestures coming from the man before Donghae changed the subject again.

‘So… We missed the movie. What should we do instead?’

***

Donghae had suggested they’d cook, since he was, as he put it, always hungry. Hyukjae had eaten earlier, but only a light lunch. The promise of a giant tub of movie popcorns had been all his stomach could think of. It was still too early for dinner but they both agreed, after some poking around Hyukjae’ fridge and pantry, that they had to go to the store first.

Shopping with Donghae had been an awful lot like shopping with Micha, except Donghae didn’t spend time putting lost items back in their proper place, organizing the shelfs, and begging Hyukjae to buy a brand named, expensive detergent because the commercial had said it would make the clothes cleaner than any other detergent. And of course one should always want to have as clean clothes as possible. But the energy was there, the silly smile at the display with bananas and monkeys and the concentrated face in front of the cookie section. Hyukjae found himself liking his co-worker more and more. Usually he stayed away from the more energetic people since life with Micha always went in triple speed, but the energy was just one side of Donghae. He seemed like the type of person who was everything at once. Childish yet grown up, mature, calm, energetic, silly, serious. It was an interesting phenomenon to be around.

Thankfully they only needed a couple of small things which Donghae paid for since he had been the one making them miss the movie, and then Hyukjae had to literally drag him away from the fish cake stand that was just outside the store.

Making dinner with someone else for a change was a lot of fun and Hyukjae realized how long it had been since he had just that. Donghae turned out to be a pretty good cook and since he himself wasn’t half bad, they managed to put together a huge meal. Hyukjae would have leftovers for days to come and he groaned as he sank back into the couch with his hands resting on his full belly. They had opted for eating in the living room since it felt more relaxed than the kitchen, and having the TV on as background noise had prevented any embarrassing silences. It was when he randomly checked his phone for any new messages, that Hyukjae realized what time it was. It was half past six and he and Donghae had by now spent almost the entire day together. It was also almost time for him to call Micha like he always did when she was away. He hadn’t planned on still being with Donghae at this hour and the man looked pretty comfortable on his couch. It didn’t seem like he had any plans on leaving any time soon.

‘You keep looking at your watch. Do you want me to leave?’ Donghae’s word made him aware of the fact that he was fiddling with his phone, lightening the display to tell the time before turning it off again.

If the horrified look Hyukjae sent his way wasn’t enough to tell him he was wrong, then the exclamation that followed would have surely settled his worries.

‘No! No God… I’m sorry Donghae. I was just… I was trying not to forget what time it was cause I have to call Micha and sometimes I forget and then she sulks for days’ He gave his friend a sheepish look.

Donghae instantly looked happier and gave him a bright smile.

‘Ok. What time do you usually call her?’

‘At around seven... so now basically.’

‘Ok. So call her…’ Donghae said seemingly fine with just continuing to watch TV.

‘Can I stay though?’ he added quickly. ‘We could watch a movie after or something.’

Donghae’ extremely expressive eyes looked at him pleadingly.

‘Sure. I just have to tell her goodnight before she goes to bed otherwise she’ll get upset.’

‘Ok.’ Donghae smiled at him while he got up from the couch to gather their plates. ‘I’ll wash the dishes and you’ll call her.’

Hyukjae watched him put their things in the sink before moving on to wetting the dishrag to clean the table thoroughly. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and hesitatingly scrolled to his ex-wife’s number. He didn’t want Donghae to leave but he also felt sorry for the man for having to wait while he was on the phone.

‘Uum, It might take a while. It’s difficult to get her to stop talking once she starts.’ He said apologetically.

‘It’s ok, take your time, I’ll wait.’ He said with a smile before crossing the kitchen again to rinse out the dishrag and start washing the dishes.

Standing in his living room with the phone pressed to his ear, he watched Donghae move around on the other side of the kitchen island that divided the spaces. He really should have known better because the minute Micha got to talking she told him all about her day, leaving him just enough room to hum along in her story. It didn’t take long for his co-worker to finish washing their things and soon he was drying his hands on a kitchen towel while looking around the kitchen to see if he had missed anything.

Hyukjae was trying to get a word in the conversation when Donghae moved towards the fridge to put away the leftovers that he had placed in plastic containers. He turned to look at Hyukjae and gave him a silly grin at the sight of Hyukjae’s blatant gesturing towards his phone. Micha was indeed a talker. Closing the fridge, Donghae didn’t move from his spot. Instead he seemed to be admiring a picture that Micha had drawn of a red flower. She had been very proud of that picture and demanded that it be put where they could always see it.

Hyukjae realized too late that Donghae wasn’t just looking at the six year olds drawings. The fridge was also where he put up all the doctors’ appointments for Micha, his work schedule, her mothers work schedule, his and Micha’s big daily schedule, recipes in waiting to be picked up at the pharmacy... Donghae was basically looking at his entire life mapped up in neat lines. He hadn’t even realized that when they were cooking earlier. He was hit by the sudden feeling that this would be it, this would be his life. Like so many others before Donghae would eventually come to understand that Hyukjae led a busy life. There was hardly any free time on the schedules before them. He knew the other was clever enough to piece together the things he was seeing, and even if he might not figure out the exact situation he would probably get damn close. Hyukjae really didn’t have time for making new friends.

The conversation with his daughter lasted for almost half an hour, ten of which were spent trying to convince her to give up the phone to her mother. When Hyoyeon and Hyukjae with joint effort finally managed to make the girl say goodbye Donghae had long since abandoned his exploration to throw himself belly down on the couch where he was now playing what sounded like flappy bird on his phone.

He moved to make space for the other when he heard Hyukjae finishing the call and quickly put his phone away again.                                                                                                                                             

‘It sounded like she had a good time to today.’ He commented with a smile, even though he hadn’t actually heard anything the girl had said to her father. ‘You hardly got a word in.’

‘Yea. That’s pretty normal for her though. She likes to talk.’ Hyukjae chuckled.

‘It’s really amazing though Hyukjae.’ Donghae told him.

‘What is?’ Hyukjae asked as he sat back down next to the other.

He could tell that Donghae was serious when spoke again.

‘How you find the strength to do it all. She’s a great kid.’

Somehow, even though he had been told pretty much the same thing by others, it still meant a lot more when coming from Donghae. Maybe it was the sincerity with which the man had spoken or maybe it was the penetrating gaze has was being subjected to. But Hyukjae could almost feel himself tearing up. It reminded him of when Donghae had comforted him at work. There was something about the man that made him show his true feeling without even meaning to. 

‘Thank you.’

Silence fell between them for a while but Hyukjae could tell that Donghae wanted to add something more. He decided that rather than wait for the man to ask, he might as well tell him himself.

‘She has autism and ADHD. We found out when she was about 4 and a half. She started having trouble at day care so they suggested we go talk to someone about it. And they told us.’

Hyukjae didn’t miss how Donghae’s hand brushed against one of his own as they sat facing each other on the couch.

‘That must have been hard.’ He said

Hyukjae sighed as he answered him honestly.

‘It was hell. But we managed to get through it.’

Donghae asked him a few questions, but tried not to pry too much. Hyukjae seemed to be reluctant to talking about it even though he could tell that at the same time the man seemed to really want to get it off his chest. He sort of found it endearing really, even though he knew he shouldn’t.

‘Are you ok with it?’ Hyukjae’s question caught him off guard.

The other seemed a bit nervous and Donghae wasn’t completely sure why.

‘Ok with what?’

‘With Micha. I mean with her problems and stuff…’ Hyukjae trailed off seeing Donghae perplexed look.

‘Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be?’ came the loud reply.

‘It’s just….’

Hyukjae wasn’t sure how to explain himself without sounding like a complete idiot. He was overanalysing stuff again and it never did him any good. In the meantime Donghae was waiting patiently for him to continue. Pulling in a deep breathe he decided to just tell the other man what he felt.

 ‘It makes it really hard to hang out with people you know, and others usually don’t want to hang out at home with me when I have her, they want to be out in a club or something. Hyukjae stopped to take a breath. ’Not that I’m never out in clubs, I mean I love dancing. It’s just that I can’t go very often and I guess they just got bored of waiting because now I don’t really see my friends that much anymore and I just got to know you and I thought it might be better if you knew from the start because I’m not really that fun to hang out with since I can’t meet up very often and…’’

Hyukjae’s words trailed off as he realized Donghae was slowly leaning closer and closer with a small smile until he was close enough for Hyukjae to see the pores of his skin.

‘What are you doing?’ Hyukjae almost whispered to the man.

‘You were rambling. I thought I’d kiss you and shut you up.’ Donghae stated in a matter of fact tone, like it was perfectly normal and Hyukjae was the weird one for questioning it.

After a few seconds he leant back again and Hyukjae breathed out a small sigh of relief.  

‘I think you’re making this more difficult than it has to be Hyukjae. It’s kind of like your pushing me away before I’ve even had the chance to become your friend. It’s not that big of deal you know. Besides we see each other at work every day, we will always have time to meet up.’

On one hand Hyukjae wanted to protest against it “not being a big deal” because this was his daughter they were talking about. It was a huge ing deal. But Donghae did have a point, and Hyukjae was well aware of the fact that he might be overreacting. But it had been a long time since he felt like spending time with someone, and deep down he knew he was scared of being walked out on again. He knew however that he didn’t want to push the other away.

‘Ok… you’re probably right.’ He admitted eventually making Donghae grin at him again.

‘Of course I’m right! I’m awesome.’

‘And very much full of yourself.’ Hyukjae added with a laugh, instantly feeling more relieved.

‘So no kiss?’ Donghae asked him suddenly

Hyukjae just glared at him.

‘OK! Then a movie it is.’

It was already late when Hyukjae was saying goodbye to Donghae. The man had grumbled over having to put on his still damp shoes until Hyukjae had laughed at him and told him it was his own fault for being caught out in the rain. His co-worker had promised to wash and bring his clothes with him to work as soon as he could but Hyukjae reassured him that there was no rush.

Standing in the hallway Hyukjae had found himself being cornered when Donghae suddenly faced him and closed in once again. Hyukjae was on the verge of raising a hand to cover his mouth when he felt the soft press of Donghae’s lips against his cheek.

‘I’ll see you on Monday.’ Donghae said.

And then he was out the door before Hyukjae could recuperate more than enough to let out hum. Hyukjae managed to hold it until he had closed the door and locked it before he lost it and started to laugh. He was still giggling softly to himself as he slipped into bed an hour later, tired but happy after a full day with his friend.

***

The air was crisp and the blue autumn sky had Hyukjae smiling broadly as he led his daughter by her hand through the park. They were looking for a good place to sit down so they could eat their snack that he had bought for them. Micha had spent a good hour at the playground and now both she and her father needed some alone time so they had made their way to the quieter end of the grounds. They managed to find a free bench right next to another one where an elderly couple were sitting. The pair was holding hands and enjoying the sun that still gave warmth even when all the leaves where turning in colors.

Hyukjae gave them a polite smile before focusing on getting his daughter to sit still until she had at least finished her sandwich and had something to drink. She had been running around a lot and he knew that if he didn’t get food into her it would be just a matter of time before her mood fell. When she had happily stuffed more than half the sandwich in at the same time, she wasted no time in jumping down from where she was sitting and running over towards a bin on the other side of the isle they were sitting by. Something seemed to have caught her interest as she bent down to explore further on the ground. Hyukjae was keeping a careful lookout for her as he packed away the remnants of their snack. She was incredibly quick and had disappeared before when they had been outside. It was a feeling he never ever wanted to experience again. She was starting to stray a little too far away and he zipped up the backpack he had brought, ready to follow her.

Hyukjae looked at his daughter, knowing that her eyes would never see the world the same way others did, but to him, her perception of the things around her was something incredible.

‘What’s she looking at?’ the old lady next to him asked, watching as his daughter beamed and laughed at seemingly nothing in front of her.

As Micha called out to him urgently telling him to come see this daddy, Hyukjae picked up their bags from the bench before turning around to smile at the woman.

‘A million little things.’