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Taeyeon stood in the corridor, mouth slightly agape. Her eyes were fixated on a single person, her heart constricting painfully as if the air had thinned. The lights were a dreamy florescent white, bathing that girl in an ethereal glow. Why? Did they change the lights? Or was it her eyes? She rubbed them, then blinked a couple times for added insurance. Everything was the same though, - ohmygod, a laugh - well, maybe, save for her heart that was beating impossibly faster.

Her shoulder moved forward involuntarily then - someone had bumped into her - as she finally snapped out of her reverie. Shoving her sweaty hands into her pockets, she missed them altogether. Was she quite alright? No, she didn't think she was. But the girl then looked in her direction and everything was splendid. A smile then. Now she was spewing rainbows, probably. And as if perfection was not amply emphasised, it turned into one of those award winning eye smiles where she thought she'd become a messy lovestruck heap. Shaking her head, she dispelled the thought from her mind. At least she was a cute messy lovestruck heap? Taeyeon shook her head again.

She was losing it.

Then her rationality blurred again and her mind went blank. (Or so she'd like to think)

Definitely losing it.

Taeyeon's lips formed a thin line as she swirled around, breaking eye contact. As much as it pained her, she needed to get out of there, fast.

The lights seemed to lose their glittery dreaminess as she padded dejectedly to one of the practice rooms. They were now irksome, bright and painfully glaring.

Taeyeon looked at her reflection smiling bitterly. Her eye bags were terribly defined and her skin had paled. Stress, was it? She closed her eyes and started on her song. It stopped mattering a long time ago.

Rain,

Waiting for the rain.

A parched flower in the midst of weeds,

Crying out undeservingly.

Made for each other but never meant to be,

that's me and you.

The last word lingered on hauntingly. It was a short song she composed by herself, incomplete, yet almost whole. They were her feelings, strung together with soft notes. Each meant nothing, but collectively, they meant everything.

She slumped onto the welcoming floor. Though... It wasn't everything anymore. The mocking voices of others, the judging glances and the fake smiles bore into her weakened soul. She felt small, vulnerable. Alone. And they were omniscient, always there, always hurting her. Taeyeon clenched her teeth as tears started to flow down her cheeks. She was tired. Indescribably so.

When Taeyeon arrived back in her room, she slid harshly onto the bed. The comfort that it should've brought didn't come, instead, all it reminded her of were her wretched silent tears. The dim light from bathroom illuminated her nearly bare desk, the inanimate object too, seeming to mock her cowardice.

You can't give up on a dream you spent four years preparing for, they said.

Taeyeon smiled bitterly. What was a dream for a person who was no longer living?

She in a deep breath, then let it out in a harsh huff. If this was called living, she was almost sure she was doing it wrong.

"TaeTae, you're back." A figure stepped out of the bathroom, her mushroom like hair poking out messily.

Taeyeon hummed an affirmation as she pulled the sheets over her head, hiding her tear stained face from the one person that could heal her most. She laid there, unmoving, unspeaking, but still, the sheets were pulled away.

Exposed.

The tears bordered her eyes and she blinked, willing the sadness away.

"TaeTae."

Then she snapped, the tears flowing torrentially as she leaned closer into the embrace of her friend. Friend. The word itself stung her even more. Her arms involuntarily s around Tiffany's waist, pulling her closer. Just for tonight, she'd allow herself this. Just for tonight, she'd let her walls fall.

After her shoulders finally stop heaving and her body had ceased trembling, Taeyeon spoke.

"Pany?" A soft whisper.

"Hmm?"

Taeyeon sharply inhaled. "Talk to me."

"What do you wanna talk about?" Tiffany moved stray locks of hair away from Taeyeon's face, smoothening out her mussed hair.

"I don't know." Taeyeon's voice was a diminuendo, fading softly into the light caresses of the lover she would never have.

Tiffany laughed lightly then, patting Taeyeon on the head. "Go to sleep then, don't you want Santa to come?"

I'd give up all my presents for a few more moments with you.

"I do." The response was burdened, her courage once again weighed down and whisked away.

Taeyeon looked up, and by chance, by dreaded yet hope laden chance, Tiffany had looked down. Their noses were barely touching, and that single second felt almost painful, it was too quick to prolong, yet too dangerous to extend. Too close for a mistake, yet too far for an accident. Their eyes met in a symphony of feelings, mixed yet almost similar, almost mirroring. Taeyeon recoiled sharply as if scorched. What feelings? She couldn't have feelings.

She wouldn't have.

"Goodnight, Tiffany." The words came out in a single line, framed by a single tired breath. Her arms had unlatched themselves from the other girl, and she turned to the opposite site, hugging herself as she silently allowed herself a few more tears.

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