I'm Ready To Get Hurt

Main Characters: Lee Hongbin Park Minjae (OC)

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Dear Diary,

It has been two years when she left me. But I can still clearly remember the words she said… “I’m sorry but we’re over, Bin-ah. Our relationship is all for a bet. I won already, that’s why I don’t need you anymore.” I was so pained by then and maybe still in pain. I don’t know. I just cannot forget her face… and her voice… and her smiles… especially now that she’s back.  

Hongbin

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“Hyung, I saw her again.”

Everyone in the room stopped anything they’re doing, when I spoke. Their eyes are all on me as if I did something wrong.

“What?! Where? When? How?” Hakyeon-hyung is the first who reacted.

Wonshik who were seating by the table stood and approached me too. Sanghyuk and Jaehwan-hyung also turned off the play station to listen to me. Even Taekwoon-hyung put off his earphones this time.

“She’s in the same school as ours.”

I was in the basketball team of our school. I was the last one to go home because I did extra shooting. When I was exiting the gym, I saw her. I saw her walking out of the library with books in her hands.

“Did she saw you? What did she say to you?” Wonshik said.

I shook my head as a sign of no. it was just me who saw her. I am afraid that she’ll see that’s why I ran fast out of the school and went here.

“What are you going to do now?” I was surprised Taekwoon-hyung spoke to me.

And it hit me. I don’t know what to do now that she’s back. Will I approach her? And if I do, what will I tell her? I hate her. I despised the way she dumped me, yes but… a part of me always wanted to be with her. Even though it will be a lot painful, I wanted to stay by her side.

“Suddenly, all the things I felt come rushing to me once again. I don’t know what to do.” I managed to say before I finally broke down and cried.

Things are happening again. It was just like this that day. I cried the whole night while my friends were hugging me. It felt like it all happened just yesterday.

We were quiet in our sanctuary when there came a sudden knock on our door. It was rare for someone to know this place. Not even our families knew this, except for the ones we brought here once.

It was Sanghyuk who opened the door when I was calming myself. It might be urgent for someone to go here at this moment.

“Hongbin-hyung…” was all Sanghyuk could say when he opened the door.

All of us were in state of shock. Of all people we know that can go here, I never thought that she’s the one. She didn’t know this place. I never told her about this place.

“Park Minjae,” I told as I stood. Everything that surrounds us suddenly was gone. It was like me and her, staring at each other’s face… checking the things that changed, maybe.

My heart is ramming into my chest. My hands are shaking. How could this really happen to me? Why would it happen to me?

“Ehem,” Jaehwan-hyung finally cut the silence. “I think we need to get out of here for a while. Call us if you need something, Kongie.” Hakyeon-hyung spoke as he drag the boys out of the room.

Now it is only us, standing in this four-walled room.

“Have a seat.” I said and also take mine.

We were still quiet for minutes after that. I’m lost to all the words I wanted to say. All the thoughts I kept all these years are jumbled up in my mind right now.

The silence was finally over when she said, “I’m sorry if I followed you all the way here.”

She followed me? That meant that she really saw me at the school.

“I’m afraid to whatever you will say to me after all that happened, but I really need to talk to you, clear things to you.”

This time, I don’t know what to think. I really cannot understand what she’s talking about.

“When I saw you earlier, I thought that this is my only chance. If I let it pass, I can no longer talk to you. And I will be forever haunted for not even apologizing properly to you.”

The way she talk right now pains me even more. I can see that she’s hurting. It’s as if, she was more hrt than I am.

I still cannot speak and so she continued, “I know you will not believe me, but I loved you way back then.”

And as if my lips has its own mind and told, “You loved me? Are you kidding me?”

She reached out to touch my hands but I rejected it. Then she cried. I was fighting the urge to embrace her in my arms. No, not until I hear her say, “It’s true that it was all for a bet. At first, it was all for a game. I agreed because I needed the money to pay for my tuition. My friends offered me that and I told myself that it will be easy. I just need to befriend you and make you confess to me but I was wrong. You were the most cheerful person I’ve ever met. All the time I was with you, I can forget all my worries. It was hard not to love you, Hongbin.”

I cannot control my own emotions and cried too. I never imagined I could hear these things from her.

“I tried to stop the bet and forget it to stay with you. But they didn’t let me. They will not lend me the money. And so I had no choice. I gathered every bit of my energy to dump you. They succeeded in breaking us, especially you. I was so sorry that time that I decided to transfer to another school. I never got the money they promised they’ll give me.”

I cannot fight it anymore and I hugged her. I don’t know it is all true but I don’t care. She’s hurt, I’m hurt but I love her. I need her.

“Hush, don’t say anything more. What important is you’re here now. I don’t care if you will leave me again someday but I just want to stay like this for now.” I said as I caress her hair.

We were both crying for countless moments until she broke the hug and said, “Hongbin-ah… I’m really sorry. Do you still love me in spite everything?”

I caressed her face and looked straight into her eyes, “I never really stopped loving you. I was in hurt everyday thinking of you. But now that you’re here, I’m more than ready to get hurt by you again and love you even more.”

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Dear Diary,

All the things happened days ago seemed surreal. It was like a year happened in just a day. I can never be more thankful than I am now. I am ready for everything now that Minjae is with me again.

Hongbin

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