There was one habit you could never neglect whenever you woke up by yourself in the large bed. His absence felt like a huge hole in your chest and since you couldn’t see him today, there really was only one way to solve it… the fancafé. Lazily you logged in, sleepy eyes getting smaller when the bright light of your smartphone hurt them. And there it was, the biggest shock you had ever had in your life: UNKNOWN GIRL ANNOUNCES SHE IS DATING JUNG DAEHYUN. What?  As BAP’s fan you felt shock wash over your body seeing the picture of him and that girl kissing. Just like the other fans you felt confused and surprised at this sudden new information. But the biggest emotions were there because you were pretty sure Daehyun had been your boyfriend up until last night. What just happened here?

Never in your life did you get dressed so fast and made your way over to his dorm. Normally you weren’t supposed to meet him, but you knew he was home at least until lunchtime; if you wanted to talk to him today it had to be now. Without hesitation you used the key he had given you and stormed into their living room, only to find the two of them together on the couch laughing over some photo album. “Daehyun.” you spoke, your voice the first signal towards him that you had entered. He had been so absorbed in talking to her, and you could see his surprise as he looked up to meet your eyes. “_______!” he spoke, both him and the girl turning their attention on you. “Yes, it’s me, you know.. your girlfriend.” You replied harshly, fire in your eyes as you looked at them. Seeing her now you remembered her… She was his ex from Busan. You knew they were still friends and you never had a problem with that before. After all, there wasn’t a problem with boys and girls being friends and they did break up for a reason. You were sure enough of your relationship with Daehyun to not care about whom he was friends with. He could be trusted. But seeing as she turned up out of the blue and decided to publicly share a picture of her and Daehyun kissing… it didn’t exactly look so innocent anymore. .. “_______, don’t misunderstand.” Daehyun then started, obviously alarmed by the tone of your voice. Unfortunately he picked the wrong words to say. “Excuse me?” you started. “Don’t misunderstand? How exactly should I understand this then? It is all over the news that you are dating her… She even confirmed so!” you snapped, your voice cold and harsh. You felt anger boil inside of you that had been building ever since you discovered the picture. How did he dare to act as if all of this was okay?

“She just said she was sorry, ______. Hyeri just got angry because I didn’t return her calls and all… so she lost her temper.” Daehyun spoke, giving the girl next to him a comforting smile. She instantly smiled back excitedly. Blegh.  How could he be so ignorant to her obvious attempts to win him back? This wasn’t excusable so easily. “Oh so because she lost her temper, it’s okay to drag you into a scandal?” you hissed again, frustrated by his inability to see how serious this whole ordeal was. He just brushed it off as if it was a minor nuisance. “Excuse me, ‘she’ is here too. You could talk to me.” Hyeri spoke, her dark eyes focused on you now. You could see the anger in the girl’s eyes, but you were pretty sure even more rage was reflected in your own. Hyeri never made it a secret that she didn’t like you. You weren’t from Busan, you weren’t girly enough, you ate too much, etc etc… Even though she never said it to your face, you could easily see it in her eyes or understand the subtle hints she dropped. Needless to say, you didn’t quite like her either. And if there ever was a second you perhaps liked her a little bit… all of that was erased now. “You want me to talk to you? Fine, I’ll talk.” You started off while folding your arms over each other. “Did you ever think about what this would do to his career? Did it ever cross your tiny brain that your little spurt of anger might blow everything Daehyun has worked for? For all you know the company will end the contract! BAP might lose some fans over this scandal if fans get worked up about it! Did you ever think of anyone else but yourself?!” you snapped at her with narrowed eyes. A slight hint of guilt appeared in her eyes, you could easily spot that as she nervously fidgeted with her fingers. Of course you didn’t expect her to admit that, so you weren’t surprised when a smirk flashed across her face and she tried hard to look cool.

“Jeez, Daehyun, I didn’t know you liked your women so dramatic.” She started off, making you ball your hands up to fists. How dare she act as if you were overreacting? She was the one who faked a relationship because he didn’t return her calls! She was the one who told the whole country she was having a relationship with your boyfriend, because she got sad! Who was the dramaqueen here? “Hyeri, please. Just understand this from her point of view. You did just claim to be my girlfriend, you wouldn’t have liked that either in the past.” Daehyun tried, finally deciding to somewhat pick your side. It made Hyeri look at him with wide eyes. “That doesn’t give her the right to insult me! I never wanted to hurt your career and she’s acting as if I did it on purpose! You know how I get when I’m sad…” “Oh please.” You cut off her words, not caring if it was rude. “I’m ‘sad’ now too and I’d very much like to pull those fake extensions out of your hair, but do you see me do that? No, because I’ve learned something they call ‘self-control’. It really isn’t that hard.” You sneered. You knew by insulting her you would only make things worse. But it felt too good to not do it. “Besides, we both know what you’re trying to do her Hyeri.” You added coldly while her eyes widened at your harsh words. 

“Is that so?” she spoke, a sudden cold look coming into her eyes as she looked at you. You were aware of the fact that if she could’ve gotten away with hitting you, she would’ve tried. “Girls please..” Daehyun started, but you could hear in his voice he had no idea what to do or say right now. Hyeri took a step closer to you, her eyes narrowing. “You think you know everything ______. You’re so sure of yourself and everything you have… And so afraid when there’s a little obstruction that might prove you wrong. But are you sure… really sure, it’ll be you?” she spoke. You were watching her closely, and in truth you expected her to be like this… You always knew that it would go like this eventually. She wasn’t just here because she missed Daehyun as a friend. She was trying to get him back…It had been her plan for a while now. And as she spoke the last question, you felt the jab landing straight where she had aimed for… making your heart ache. Would it be you? Would he pick you? Suddenly rage flooded over your entire body like a tidal wave. You wanted to punch something and release all of this anger. Never had you been insecure about his love for you. Daehyun wasn’t one to cheat or to lie about how he felt. He was an honest and trustworthy guy, but you knew he also cared for Hyeri. They had been a couple before and although he told you he broke up with her because ‘it didn’t work anymore’. Who was there to say it couldn’t work again right now? What if he decided to be with her if she offered it again? You took a deep breath, refusing to let her see the fear you felt inside your heart. Nor did you want to give in to the urge you felt to slap her. “Are you?” you returned her question, seeing her shock when you looked semi-calm.

“Girls, please don’t fight, okay? We can easily solve this and just talk it out between all of us….” Your boyfriend started as he stepped between you and Hyeri. But you knew that in that moment, both of you had decided talking was out of the question. “No, I’m done talking Daehyun-oppa.” She confirmed what you had expected. “I’ll put this as clear as possible right now. It’s me or her. Whichever you choose; in the end I expect her to be out of my life. Whether this is both you and her who will disappear or only her, that’s up to you.” Hyeri said, turning to step away and walk to the front door. “I’ll be in my hotelroom if you need me. Don’t bother coming if you pick her.” She concluded before she disappeared.

The silence that followed had been the most heartbreaking one you had ever been through. It was as if you could hear the clock tick with every second that passed; ticking away the seconds of the life you had shared together with Daehyun. How could he say nothing…. “Daehyun…” you spoke, shocked at the fact he hadn’t screamed out your name right away. Had she been right? Did you have to doubt everything you had felt so secure about? Would it be you in the end…. Or her? “_____… please I…” his voice cracked as he spoke, eyes tearing up instantly. No… He couldn’t… He wouldn’t… “Why aren’t you saying anything? How can you … I thought …. I thought we… I love you …” never had you voice sounded so weak as it did right now.  Tears welled up inside your eyes and drenched your cheeks within seconds. They had been there since this morning; waiting to come out after all of this would be over. You had expected to be in his arms to end this nightmare together. Not once did you expect to be crying on your own, fearing that he wished it was another girl he was holding. But no, you felt the coldness surrounding you as you stood there. No warm arms, no loving Daehyun that slowly rocked you back and forth and told you he loved you. There was no comfort coming from him… Only him speechlessly staring at you with pain in his eyes as you turned away and prepared to run. Only to freeze as your eyes met those of Bang Yongguk.

“Come.” The older male said, taking you by your wrist and walking off to another room of the dorm. You wanted to protest and yank yourself free, but somehow the look in his eyes felt comforting. Especially the cold glare he gave his fellow band member before he took you with him into his bedroom and sat you down on the bed, told you Yongguk was on your side. “I can’t believe he just did that.” Yongguk said his voice colored with remorse. Obviously he was also shocked. “He didn’t do anything, that’s what actually the problem.” You replied; your own words enough to make you tear up yet again. Streams ran down your face while you were pulled to Yongguk’s chest in a caring embrace. The two of you had always been good friends and you were happy to have him here to console you. And even more so, to stand by your side as the knocking on the door rang in your ears, together with his voice. “_____-ah….Hyung… Please let me in?” Daehyun spoke, his voice hoarse and sad. You instantly shook your head, making Yongguk reply with a firm ‘no’. “Please, Hyung. I want to talk to her.” He pleaded. “She doesn’t want to see you right now, Daehyun. And I can’t really blame her…” Yongguk sighed. In return a silence sounded and in that moment you felt something tug at your heart yet again. Did he leave? Was this it? Had he decided that it was over? But then…

“I am here now, aren’t I? I’m not with her. I am here, jagiya. Isn’t that clear enough?” Daehyun said, and you could easily hear he was crying himself. Your entire body froze; shocked by the message in his words… He was here. One look at Yongguk was enough to have him get up and unlock the door for the other. “Talk. I’ll be right in the kitchen _____-ah, if you need me. Yell please.” Yongguk said before leaving the two of you alone. Who would have ever thought you would feel comforted by the thought of having Yongguk around to save you from Daehyun? Everything about this day seemed beyond surreal and you felt your heart quiver in anticipation for what he was about to say.

“____-ah, I am so sorry.” He said, but that very sentence already had you feel the same frustration from before again. “You doubted.” You instantly replied, a coldness to it that signified you weren’t planning on letting him go easily. After all, yes- he stayed and yes- he might choose you. But the fact that he had needed at least 20 minutes to figure that out was more than upsetting. “You don’t understand…” he muttered. “Oh I very well understand, she’s pretty isn’t sh-“ “No, you don’t!” Daehyun broke off your sentence with a strong voice you weren’t really used too. You had fought before, but this… “You don’t understand!” he continued on as you stared at him in shock. “I didn’t doubt what you thought I doubted! I was trying to grasp the idea that a close friend of mine, someone I considered to be nothing more than a friend at this point, suddenly presented me with such a heartbreaking choice!” he spoke angrily, though you felt it was aimed at Hyeri, not you. “I was speechless how she could do this to my life… I mean, the picture stuff and all was already really crazy but I was willing to forgive her that because I truly thought she had done it only because she missed me as a friend, okay? I never… I didn’t know…” He mumbled, groaning lightly as he buried his face in his hands. “How could you not know, Daehyun.” you sighed sadly. “I don’t know….” He whined, looking up at you with red eyes. “Maybe because I only had friend-like feelings for her, you know? Ever since I fell in love with you I’ve never had any feelings for another woman. I thought she knew that…I thought both of us were past the whole dating thing from the past. It didn’t even cross my mind she could still have feelings for me…” he told you. “Well clearly…” you mumbled, understanding coming to you. Now you finally saw your Daehyun again, the boy you had fallen in love with and that loved you back. You believed what he just told you, knowing that Daehyun was indeed the type of guy to not see when a girl was in love with him… And you couldn’t blame him for being shocked that she had given him such a choice. “Yeah yeah, I know.” He sighed, sadness in his eyes as he looked at you. It was so heartbreaking; it made you reach out for him, pulling him into a hug.

The hug lasted for a while, no words coming between the two of you. Until Daehyun’s whisper slowly reached your ears. “Did you really think I wouldn’t pick you?” he asked, shocking you slightly. “I…It’s just that you didn’t say anything and you looked so hurt…. She got to me okay?” you replied, feeling guilty. “She does that, doesn’t she? Even I feel like crap now for dropping her.” He admitted, making you pull back and look into his dark beautiful eyes. “It’s her loss, really.” you said, putting your hand to his cheek in a sweet way. Daehyun nodded in response to you. “I know… But I can’t help but feel sad too. I did lose my friend after all.” He admitted, while taking your hand in his. “I understand. But she’s the one who made it happen. She’s the one who tried to break us apart…” You said, and at the mention of that, Daehyun’s grasp on your hand tightened. “But she didn’t succeed… right?” he spoke, the last part hesitantly as if he wanted you to reassure him of it. “That’s right. Because you’re still here.” You agreed, before he spoke; “And I’m here to stay…forever.”