Joonmyeon was all alone in his office. The company building was slowly emptiying. He was probably one of the last few to leave. While everyone was busy preparing for their long holidays, Joonmyeon stubbornly stayed behind burying himself in other's pile of work. Joonmyeon might be a little too nice, finishing up his colleagues reports and completing some leftover datas, when they asked him for a favour. But that was his purpose. Burying himself fully in work in hopes of forgetting. It has been six years since everything changed his life. Six years of re-living nightmares. Six cursed years. Without him.

 

Six years ago, Joonmyeon wasn't the man he was now. He was a cold person consumed with such bitter hatred for a woman called mother. His mother was the cause of his sorrow, which led to spiralling depression. No one believed a young man at the age of twenty became 'mental'. No one believed that his mother was a monster disguised as an angel. She was the most hateful creature he ever knew, capable of making one live in nightmares. She had forbid him from loving, befriending people. She was always there watching him, monitoring his every move. One misstep, a single mistake was enough.

 

Who needs love to succeed? Only foolish people fall in love, she once said.

 

Was it wrong for Joonmyeon to love? He loved Jongin so much, he'd rather die than live without him. Jongin was different from him. While Joonmyeon was an isolated child, not allowed having friends, Jongin was a social butterfly, mingling and flirting around with people. He was generally good with people, a natural. Joonmyeon was awkward and shy with people. Conversations never came easy for Joonmyeon. He had a hard time trying. But when it comes to Jongin, everything was fluid and smooth. Joonmyeon could pour his heart out Jongin without hesitating. How they met was a strange thing. They were brought together by fate. Two different people, opposite personalities, become one through their love for music.

 

 

They met back in university when Joonmyeon was majoring in business administration while Jongin was pursuing law. Jongin was busy prancing around, greeting people with cheery hellos and warm smiles when he came across a sweet melodious voice playing an awfully sad tune. He immediately stopped in his tracks and walked closer. He was entranced by the voice and the sad song. It broke his heart into bits when he heard every word sung by the person. It tugged at his heartstrings. Jongin decided to greet the person - he was sure it was a guy - and plucked his courage. But when he looked inside, that person had already left. He was a second too late. He soon discovered that everyday at noon, the guy would be there by the piano in the auditorium, singing the same depressing song. Jongin would sneak in and sit at the last few rows, listening to him. Jongin was deeply attracted to the guy. He was angelic sitting by the piano under the spotlight. Everything about him was breathtaking, ethereal.

 

Then one day, Jongin heard a voice calling out to him.

 

"To the boy in the last row."

 

Jongin was sure he heard it. And again, he was gone just before Jongin could react.

 

Eventually, Jongin caught the guy sprinting into his lecture late. Apparently both of them took the same minor classes. Music. He found out that his 'Piano Boy' had the most beautiful name. Joonmyeon. And the name fitted the angelic looking boy perfectly.

 

With a simple "Hi, what genre of music do you like?" Their conversation branched out to many other topics like favourite band, movie and ice-cream flavour. Family was a forbidden topic which Jongin steer clear of. He learnt by experience that Joonmyeon wouldn't answer and chose to remain silent. However, as their relationship grew over time, family secrets and confessions were poured out. Jongin eventually found out everything about Kim Joonmyeon. And Jongin finally understood. Kim Joonmyeon was a fragile flower. A true beauty which needed to be preserved. His innocence was so pure and Jongin didn't want him to be tainted. So Jongin protected Joonmyeon from everything including the monster mother of Joonmyeon's. It was a huge mistake on Jongin's part, declaring his love for Joonmyeon without shame to Joonmyeon's mother and reprimanded her to stop controlling Joonmyeon around. A powerful woman like Mrs Kim wouldn't let anyone get in her way at things.

 

Jongin was merely a tiny pest she could get rid of with the snap of her fingers. And that was what she did. Only to leave her precious son paralysed and Jongin unhurt. They said karma will bite you in the . It was indeed true in Mrs Kim's case. Unfortunately, she planned out a way to get rid of Jongin again. And she succeeded to wipe his existence out of the Earth's surface without any interference. Jongin was gone. Memories of him perished out of everyone's mind except for one. So broken was the heart. Such tremendous sorrow Joonmyeon felt, to know that the boy he loved was gone. His bitter hatred for his mother grew. But he bottled it up because he wasn't the type to fight back. However, there was no more Jongin to cry on. No more sweet words or touches or kisses. Neither were the promises they made.

 

After Jongin died, Joonmyeon lost hope. He couldn't walk. But he wanted to. He needed to walk away from the life he had. However, therapy wasn't helping. He gave up too easily. He was too involved in his emotions that his thoughts weren't straight. He was diagnosed with depression. On a few occasions, he tried inflicing pain and commiting suicide, the only way left to leave the suffering behind. Kim Joonmyeon was a lost cause. Not until he was moved out of his prison like ward into another ward with another patient around his age. His psychiatrist and doctor believed isolation was the reason why Joonmyeon was constantly thinking about dying and killing himself. By being around another patient, Joonmyeon was exposed to human interaction at a daily basis.

 

The first thing Joonmyeon hated was the blinding smile that was etched on the other patient's face. At one look, he knew he despised that guy for that very reason. He had smiled when Joonmyeon can't. That guy looked like he had every reason to smile while Joonmyeon could only cry. He despised happy smiling people and with that guy as a roommate, Joonmyeon hoped he wouldn't kill him by the end of the day.

 

Before things could get any better, Joonmyeon found the second thing he hated about the nutjob in the next bed. It was his constant chatter that made Joonmyeon agitated.  In his annoying squeaky voice, the guy introduced himself.

 

"I like potato chips. Lays are the best. The nurses call me Lay.. One because I lay in bed all day. Two, I absolutely love Lays potato chips and lastly, I'm always tired if you pronounced it in mandarin, it means tired. That pretty much sums it up."

 

By the end of the speech, Joonmyeon turned away, unbothered by the continuous stupid chatter.

 

"He's right. You're not one to talk, right Suho?" The Lays guy asked.

 

Joonmyeon froze. A new fresh tear was bleeding. His heart was wounded once more.

 

Suho.

 

It was Jongin's nickname for him. How did Lays know that nickname? It was a coincidence, Joonmyeon hoped. He remained silent.

 

"I guess I have to agree with you on this, Kai," Lays mumbled to himself, loud enough for Joonmyeon to hear.

 

Kai was Jongin's nickname only close friends knew.

 

After minutes of silence, Joonmyeon voiced out shakily, "How do you know Jongin's nickname when you don't even know him?"

 

"I see him all the time," Lays answered with a yawn. He stretched his arms out like a cat before sighing lethargically. "He's always by your side no matter what."

 

Joonmyeon looked at him rather confused. The nutjob must be a real whacko to say those things they feed him. But how does he know? How do they know Jongin's promise?

 

Joonmyeon rolled his eyes and snapped, "Yeah right potato chips."

 

"The name's Yixing."

 

Joonmyeon snorted mentally. As if I needed that.

 

Kim Joonmyeon was wrong. Dead wrong. Only if he knew.

 

 

After a few days being 'roommates' with Lays, Joonmyeon was mentally sharpening his knives. That guy really got on his nerves by mentioning Jongin's pet name throughout the day. Kai said this, Kai said that, followed by the mindless blabbering. But Joonmyeon managed to maintain his cold demeanour. He barely looked at the annoying guy.

 

However, on a Saturday morning, Lays provoked him in ways he felt was forbidden. He didn't want to know what exactly happened to Jongin. But Lays told him as if it was the most interesting tale ever. It irked him a lot.

 

"Kai told me that he was abducted on his way home," Lays blurted while munching on breakfast. Few bits of eggs flew all over the place, thanks to Lays for talking with his mouth full. "He was brought to a warehouse where they tortured him. Every time they electrocuted him, he would still say he loved you. Honestly, they weren't trying to make him hate you or anything. They just were satisfying their sick pleasures. The last shock was the one that killed him. He lasted for seven. The last thing he said was 'Joonmyeon'" Lays continued casually.

 

Joonmyeon slammed his tray on the makeshift table. His coffee splattered all over his shirt. But he was too blinded with rage to even care about the searing pain. "Can you stop it? Stop saying anything about Kai! I don't want to know!" Joonmyeon yelled at the top of his voice. His face was red, veins on his neck were showing.

 

"I'm sorry," Lays apologised meekly, shocked at the sudden outburst.

 

"Just don't say stupid meaningless things like that which hurts me," Joonmyeon sounded exasperated. "You can't even see the dead. It's impossible," he cried out.

 

"But I really can see ghosts. I'm seeing Jongin right now!" Lays exclaimed. "I was born with a third eye," he sighed tiredly.

 

"Just don't bother me anymore," Joonmyeon said hoarsely and turned away, facing away from Lays. He tried wiping off the coffee stains of his shirt.

 

Everyone, who knew his ability to see ghosts, would call him 'freak'. Or they might just find him strange. Some wouldn't even believe him. And Yixing was getting tired of that.

 

Yixing felt defeated. His shoulders slumped forwards, his head hung low. And he was pouting like a child, upset because he ice-cream melted. Only this time, the boy he'd been waiting for - together with Jongin - shut him out entirely. The doctors told him to try and befriend the hopeless kid. He did try his best. But nothing was going to change it seemed.

 

"Try again." A whispery voice said.

 

Jongin was pestering him again.

 

"No, I said," Yixing hissed.

 

"Try harder this time."

 

"Fine," he grumbled angrily. "You win this time Jongin," Yixing grabbed his pillow and covered his ears before sleeping.

 

The next day, Yixing tried to apologise but it seemed like Joonmyeon was avoiding him. Nonetheless, Yixing tried to get his attention relentlessly by talking to no one in particular. Or maybe to Jongin.

 

"Let's watch running man, alright? I want to see Jaesuk-ssi and Haha-ssi fighting again. They're such a comical duo. Damn, I wish I could play. Only if I wasn't this weak and tired all the time," Yixing muttered under his breath, reaching out for the remote control. He turned to Joonmyeon, who was snuggling in his comforter, wiping his tears away, and asked cheerfully, "Do you want to watch as well?"

 

"No," he heard a grunt coming from the bundle.

 

"Oh I wasn't asking you. Sheesh. I was asking Jongin," Yixing rolled his eyes dramatically.

 

Just then, Joonmyeon snapped up, staring intensely at him while clenching his trembling fists. "What is your problem?" Joonmyeon was stressing on every word. Yixing knew he'd pissed Joonmyeon off but he needed to step over the line to get a response from him.

 

"What?" Yixing shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, acting all innocent. "It seems like I need to say Jongin's name to get your full attention," he smiled thinly.

 

"I could kill you right now," Joonmyeon snarled. His whole body was rippling with anger.

 

"Go ahead," Yixing challenged, folding his arms. "See if I'm afraid."

 

When Joonmyeon made no move to attack, Yixing snorted, "You don't dare do you?" He raised his eyebrow. "You still have that tiny piece of sanity in you not to hurt anyone innocent," Yixing taunted.

 

"Innocence seems tainted when you refer yourself as one," Joonmyeon snapped angrily. "You are not so innocent."

 

"Great words my friend," Yixing applauded, purposely infuriating Joonmyeon.

 

"We are not friends," Joonmyeon hissed, glaring at him.

 

"Oh we'll see," he chuckled in reply. "You get all riled up so easily. That's your weakness. You don't know how to control your emotions well enough," Yixing glanced at the boy on the other side of the room. "By the way, this is our longest conversation. Congrats, Joonmyeon. I know your name, you know mine. We are already friends."

 

Joonmyeon let out a cry of frustration before going back to ignoring Yixing. That made Yixing smile triumphantly. He found Jongin by the window next to his bed. Jongin was smiling.

 

"He don't usually talk to anyone."

 

"You've told me," Yixing whispered, turning on the television.

 

"He must've found you comfortable."

 

"Or absolutely annoying," he rolled his eyes.

 

And so, Yixing continued watching tv shows with the company of his ghostly friend, Jongin. It was much better than watching tv all alone.

 

 

 

A few days later, Yixing found Joonmyeon ignoring the pleas of his doctor to continue his therapy. Yixing knew what was to come anyway. And he was right about getting called up to the office by Joonmyeon's doctor. He knocked on the door gently before a firm voice called him in. With his head down, Yixing grabbed the seat in front of the doctor.

 

"You know why you're here, right?" The doctor spoke in a grave voice which Yixing hates. The doctor casually flipped data and reports of Joonmyeon's slow progress. He wasn't looking at Yixing as he spoke.

 

"Yes, father," Yixing answered softly, still not daring to look up. His fingers trembled slightly out of fear.

 

"You said that you wanted to help this boy. Why isn't he changing then?" Dr Zhang questioned, anger flickering in his eyes. He slammed his fist on the mahogany desk.

 

"I need time, father, to earn his trust. Just give me more time," Yixing pleaded.

 

"I'll give you all the time you need but I want to see improvements in that boy, alright?" He said sternly. Dr Zhang wore a serious look on his face which meant business. Yixing had no choice but to agree. He nodded meekly. "You may leave now," Dr Zhang pointed at the door.

 

Without hesitation, Yixing stood up abruptly and left without greeting.

 

Outside the office, Yixing met Jongin. He was waiting by the vending machine. The boy kept pestering him but Yixing wasn't in the mood to entertain him until Jongin said something which stopped him in his tracks.

 

"What?"

 

"You don't have much time left."

 

"Don't you think I know that, Jongin?" Yixing muttered unhappily. "I'm goddamn trying, okay? No one ever gave me two s before. No one cared."

 

Jongin remained silent as Yixing started walking away towards the ward slowly. Yixing steadied himself against the wall as he walked. He did realise he was getting weaker since Joonmyeon entered the ward. It was his price to pay when he wanted to 'help' Joonmyeon. As he passed the physiotherapy room, he saw Joonmyeon throwing a hissy fit, frustrated because he didn't have the strength to walk. That boy gave up too easily for his own good. A small smile made it's way to Yixing's lips before he carried on walking - somewhat staggering - back into his shared ward.

 

Later that evening, while eating dinner quietly, Yixing stared at Joonmyeon who was looking at visitors and nurses walking around.

 

And so Yixing asked in a gentle voice, "Is there something you've wanted so badly right now?" He was unsure whether Joonmyeon heard him because there was only silence, well except for the occasional slurping of porridge. Yixing's shoulders deflated from the lack of answers. It was getting him nowhere.

 

"Walking," came the soft reply. It was barely audible but Yixing caught the word perfectly.

 

"Have you tried hard enough?" Yixing glanced at Joonmyeon before picking up the soggy piece of chicken.

 

Joonmyeon only turned to glare at him.

 

"You should, you know. Try harder," Yixing murmured with his mouth full. "Jongin says try harder," he whispered, not wanting Joonmyeon to hear.

 

Joonmyeon pursed his lips, thinking deeply, as if debating internally about a dilemma which was plaguing him. "I'm sorry," he finally apologised. Sincerity was evident in his voice.

 

Yixing looked at him questioningly. "For?"

 

"For snapping at you few days ago," Joonmyeon busied himself with his dinner, trying avoid eye contact.

 

"I've forgiven you long time ago," Yixing gave Joonmyeon a sweet dimpled smile.

 

Joonmyeon's face morphed into a frown ever so slightly. Yixing caught the subtle change but chose not to question him about it.

 

Joonmyeon felt his heart throb painfully against his chest. It had been so long since it was beating that way till it hurts. And Joonmyeon despised the feeling. The feeling he had been trying so hard to push away. Mother's words were ringing in his ears.

 

Only foolish people fall in love.

 

He didn't want anyone to get hurt because of his foolishness. Not even Lays - Yixing. He knew his mother was capable of hurting people because of the power she attained from his dead father's wealth. He knew better not to get on her bad side. So as quickly as those feelings came, he pushed them far away.

 

Joonmyeon pledged his love for Kim Jongin and no one else was going to replace him from his sacred heart. No one was able to. Not even Yixing.

 

However, Joonmyeon realised he was slowly starting to open up with Yixing. It was easy, he thought. As easy as it was with Jongin.  As soon as that thought crossed his mind, Joonmyeon frowned. He wasn't supposed to feel anything for anyone else except for Jongin. Wasn't Jongin his soulmate? People said there could only be one soulmate in their whole life. But... what was Yixing suppose to mean in his life then? Friend? Companion? Those words sounded foreign for him. He never had friends before. He only had Jongin. And Jongin was gone.

 

"Are you okay Joonmyeon?" A gentle voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

 

"Huh? What?" He was dazed.

 

"Are you okay? You look pale," Yixing sounded really worried.

 

"No, nothing. I'm fine," Joonmyeon said frantically, shaking his head.

 

"Alright," Yixing looked unconvinced but he let him pass. "It was nice talking to you anyway," Yixing's genuinity caught him off guard.

 

"Yeah," he trailed off distractedly. Yixing chuckled lightheartedly which caused his heart to thump faster. "It was..."

 

Joonmyeon was telling himself that it was wrong. It was absolutely wrong to feel anything for Yixing. Because that honestly meant that he wasn't being faithful to Jongin. Jongin's last words were declaration of his love for him. Jongin died loving him. And knowing that was burdensome for Joonmyeon. It was a reminder for him to keep loving Jongin as well, that he can't move on to love someone else. His frustration was mounting. Everything was mother's fault. If she accepted Jongin, his life wouldn't be so twisted and complicated. Just because Jongin was a poor orphan on a scholarship at Seoul University, his mother hated him.

 

Mother didn't believe in love. Her marriage with father was based on business. Nothing more. And because of that she wanted the same thing for Joonmyeon. But that wasn't what Joonmyeon wanted. As foolish as he was, he wanted to marry the person he truly loves. He didn't care what mother thinks.

 

Joonmyeon despised his mother's principles and wanted to go against her beliefs. The only thing left that drives him to wake up everyday. He wanted to rebel. To go against his mother. He had enough of her restrictions. But he was such a coward. He didn't want to leave anyone hurt anymore. No more.

 

That feeling, Joonmyeon chose to lock it away and push it into the deepest of part of his heart. It was a good choice, for him and Yixing. No one will get hurt this time.

 

"Tell Jongin I love him," Joonmyeon would say everyday, to remind himself about his dead lover. And Yixing's face would frown ever so slightly before nodding.

 

It was strange for Yixing to be his middleman although it was important to subtly reiterate that no one could replace Jongin. He didn't want to believe that Yixing was telling the truth. But the sincerity in Yixing's voice when he delivered the message made him believe that Yixing really could see Jongin.

 

"Aren't you afraid?" Joonmyeon asked timidly.

 

"Pardon me?" Yixing blinked innocently.

 

Joonmyeon cleared his throat and repeated, his voice shakier than how he wanted. "Aren't you afraid?"

 

"Of what?"

 

"Ghosts."

 

"I've gotten used to it. It's nothing now," Yixing shrugged nonchalantly as if he wasn't bothered at all.

 

"Oh," was the only thing could say. Yixing's lips curled into a faint smile as he looked at Joonmyeon's reaction.

 

Honestly, it hurts Yixing bad that Joonmyeon was still so in love with Jongin despite how hard he had tried to make him forget. It breaks his heart into pieces to see the person he loves get caught up with someone dead. And that someone was a ghost he could see unfortunately. Little did he know how Joonmyeon really felt for him.

 

Slowly, Joonmyeon noticed that time flew past quickly with Yixing by his side. The dimpled boy would often crack lame jokes which left him with an aching tummy. Lame jokes were Jongin's favourite jokes to tell. Previously, time flew by when he was in Jongin's presence. However, now, Yixing could do that as well. A part of him was upset that he could move on so easily, the other part of him was glad he had someone else to depend on.

 

Yixing would follow him for therapy because he was bored. While Joonmyeon was trying to walk, he would say words of encouragement to push him on. That warmed his heart. At least someone else still cared. Even though he would collapse tiredly in frustration after a lot tries, Yixing was smiling at him with his thumbs up.

 

'You did good' was the phrase which Joonmyeon had gotten used to. It gave him some hope that he could walk one day.

 

It was mid-October when Joonmyeon saw the jarring difference in Yixing. He had been so caught up with himself till he wasn't aware of Yixing. Yixing was always pale and tired all the time. He rarely followed Joonmyeon for therapy anymore. But he would still put in effort to praise and encourage Joonmyeon. He would still smile sweetly with his dimples showing - Joonmyeon's favourite smile - at the end of the day. The smile would set the butterflies in Joonmyeon's heart free. It would make his heart flutter in a warm way. And finally, Joonmyeon had come to terms with his feelings for Yixing. Thinking about it made his chest tighten.

 

One evening, during a rainstorm, Joonmyeon asked Yixing something that had been pestering him. "I've told you a lot about myself. Or maybe Kai told you. It's your turn now."

 

"You really want to know?" Yixing said incredulously, shocked by Joonmyeon's sudden interest about his life.

 

Joonmyeon nodded his head. More like a bobblehead, Yixing thought to himself as a chuckle rumbled through his chest.

 

'"I will tell you only once. So listen carefully, little child. Grandpa shall tell you a bedtime story," Yixing began, using the best storyteller voice he could muster.

 

"Once, there was a boy who was said to be cursed. He was born with a third eye and a heart which heals. His ability to heal was both a blessing and a curse. He could heal people only to cause harm to himself afterwards. As the boy grew older, he healed many, those around him. But his heart slowly grew weaker. He couldn't be cured. It was then, he saw his gift as curse. However there was that one boy who convinced him that the gift he had was a blessing, that it would do good to others no matter what. That boy secretly fell for the healer but left because he had to move. The healer was heartbroken. He never got to confess. He was too late."

 

"Then things started to take a toll on him. His health got worse. The healer's parents wanted him to follow their path in the medicine field and sent him to a medical school in hopes that he could find a cure for himself. The healer honestly didn't want to. He wanted to pursue music instead. After a few months in the foundation programme at the medical school, the healer made a bold choice to quit medical school. He enrolled in a college which was niche in arts to pursue his dream. His parents disowned him and threw him out. The healer managed to cope with help of his newly found friends who sheltered and fed him."

 

"However one day, he made a huge mistake of healing his friend who was terribly sick. It took a toll on his health. And he was hospitalised. His body had shut down and he didn't wake up for thirteen days. Doctors couldn't diagnose a sickness which caused him to slip into a coma once every few months. Because of that the healer wasn't able to finish his studies. He was only waiting for the right time to come. Until he found a new meaning in life," Yixing added with a sad smile etched on his face.

 

"He decided to heal one last person before his life ended. Like what the boy, whom he once loved, said. He had to make himself useful," Yixing muttered. When he looked up, he saw Joonmyeon snoring lightly. Yixing sighed tiredly.

 

"The special person he had been wanting to heal. His name was Kim Joonmyeon."

 

Yixing slid off his bed and walked over to Joonmyeon's bed. He pulled the blanket and tucked Joonmyeon gently. He stopped for a while, staring at Joonmyeon's angelic face before lightly his unruly hair. After a moment of silence, Yixing began speaking in a whispery voice. This time in a first person perspective.

 

"I know you used hate me for smiling. I know you still despise people who smile like they've got everything in the world to smile for when you don't. But waking up to another beautiful morning is what I have left. Can't I smile because of that?"

 

"You don't have to go to sleep worrying whether you'll wake up the next day. I might die in my sleep. Nobody knows. For me to wake up in the morning, it makes me smile because God still wants me to live life. To heal someone once more, make myself useful. All I know is that it's not my time yet. You're the one left, my last mission."

 

And with that, he slipped into his bed and fell asleep smiling.

 

Joonmyeon woke up the next day with a tear rolling down his cheeks. Honestly, he didn't know why he was feeling so forlorn. He turned to find Yixing smiling faintly as he slept. He couldn't remember what happened the night before. He fell asleep before Yixing could finish his story. He heard a soft yawn and when he turned, he saw Yixing sitting upright with his legs dangling on the edge, smiling at him.

 

"Did you have a good sleep?" Yixing asked in a cheerful voice.

 

"I don't honestly remember when was the last time I slept so well," Joonmyeon mumbled. "But the thing is, there's this sadness in me that I can't get rid of. Why?"

 

"Well, you didn't stay up to listen to my life story. You know I'm not telling you the second time," Yixing abruptly changed the topic as if avoiding him.

 

"Yixing, you're avoiding my question," Joonmyeon scowled.

 

"I'm not telling," Yixing poked his tongue out childishly.

 

"Fine," Joonmyeon huffed in displeasure, folding his arms.

 

Yixing was wandering aimlessly around the hospital, getting some fresh air. But Jongin was continuously following him around like a lost puppy. It irked him a lot. With Jongin around, gone was his personal space. He didn't have his moment of peace.

 

"He doesn't know anything, Yixing. You have to tell him."

 

"Then what? I bet he won't understand a word. Why bother telling him at all?" Yixing grumbled. He was frustrated with Jongin's constant pestering.

 

"He doesn't know that the moment he stepped into the ward, he's connected to you spiritually. He doesn't know that a part of his feelings are being influenced by yours."

 

"He won't understand how I heal. He just won't," Yixing felt a piece of him breaking. Joonmyeon won't understand.

 

"Does he even know that your parents are his doctor and psychiatrist?"

 

"No," Yixing whispered, his head hung low in embarrassment. "I can't tell him that."

 

"But you have to explain that you heal differently from your parents. He needs to know that he's the life out of you. Yixing, you're dying."

 

"That's my point. I'm dying so let me be. I really want to help him. If he's the life out of me, so be it. I love him, Jongin. I don't mind," he reasoned in a small voice.

 

"Alright, Yixing. I understand."

 

"Thank you, Jongin," Yixing was relieved. At least Jongin stopped bothering him with questions anymore.

 

Yixing continued exploring the hospital, every nook and cranny until he reached and found the rooftop. There wasn't anyone around which made it easier for him to slip into the rooftop. He found a shady area and slid down, leaning against a pillar. He carefully removed something beneath his shirt and held it in front of him. His prized possession. The only thing left his parents didn't manage to take away from him. He flipped the pages of a very worn-out book. Yixing started humming an unfamiliar tune and started scribbling quickly. He was writing his feelings into a ballad. A song meant for Joonmyeon. He secretly hoped one day he could sing it to Joonmyeon. Maybe it won't happen. Maybe he'd be dead by then. Only God knows his fate.

 

Eventually he made his way back to his ward only to hear a lady speaking to Joonmyeon in hushed voices. He chose to stand outside of the ward and eavesdropped their conversation. It seemed like that lady was Joonmyeon's mother and she sounded extremely upset. He saw a glimpse of Jongin's panic-stricken form by the doorway. It made him worried for Joonmyeon.

 

"You're coming home with me," her voice was shrill.

 

"No mother. I prefer staying right here while going for therapy," Joonmyeon refused.

 

"Therapy? You aren't improving one bit," she shrieked. "Stay at home. Mrs Kang will look after you," she persuaded him in a gentle voice. It was a 180 change.

 

"No. Mother. I will stay here till therapy is over," Joonmyeon insisted.

 

"Why?"

 

"You know why. I never want to live with a witch like you," Joonmyeon snarled. A deafening slap was heard. Yixing's breath hitched. He knew Joonmyeon's pale cheek would leave a mark. "You're a monster."

 

"Alright. I'll let this one slide, child," she clenched her teeth in anger.

 

Child? She still thinks Joonmyeon is a child, Yixing thought.

 

As she stormed out of the ward, she bumped into Yixing. Yixing bowed and apologised hurriedly before entering the ward. Mrs Kim raised her eyebrows and dialled someone in a rush.

 

"Find out about the boy who's staying with Joonmyeon."

 

Yixing crept in slowly, tiptoeing a little. He felt the need to give Joonmyeon some space to breathe. He knew it was suffocating to have parents breathing down his neck. And he understood Joonmyeon well. Joonmyeon's frustration was tangible. Yixing could feel the scary amount of suppressed energy Joonmyeon had, like a timebomb waiting to explode. So he let Joonmyeon be while busying himself with his favourite drama.

 

Yixing had this sort of ability to discern feelings of those he was spiritually connected with. He knew exactly what Joonmyeon felt. Bitter rage, revengeful, raw hatred, sorrow however there was this strange feeling, quite different from others. It was a warm feeling. Yixing wasn't exactly sure whether it was genuine happiness or just love. But of course, he tried to ignore the strong flow of emotions Joonmyeon had because it was his inner thoughts. Inner thoughts are meant to be private, usually something people don't want others to know.

 

"Yixing," a voice called out to him brokenly. It tore Yixing's heart apart to hear Joonmyeon so sad.

 

"Yes, Joonmyeon?" He asked in a concerned voice.

 

"Could you possibly... sleep with me? For tonight only?" Joonmyeon sounded unsure.

 

It wasn't like Joonmyeon was trying to get into his pants. Yixing knew Joonmyeon needed love and comfort from someone he trusted. And so he agreed, silently slipping under Joonmyeon's comfy blanket. His heart thumped faster when he caught glimpses of Joonmyeon's tear stricken face. Joonmyeon still looked beautiful nonetheless. Reaching out, Yixing wiped away Joonmyeon's tears with his thumb only to have him sniffling once more.

 

"Was it wrong?" Joonmyeon's voice cracked a little, merely a faint whisper.

 

"What do you mean?" Yixing was clueless.

 

"Jongin, I meant. Was it wrong to love him?" Joonmyeon waited patiently for an answer. His sad eyes were shimmering in the dark.

 

"No. Love can never be wrong, Joonmyeon. Because love is what your heart feels. It's what your heart desires.  Love can turn anyone into wonderful beings, into superheroes with their own superpowers. That's what love does. What Jongin did to you," Yixing answered in a soft voice and ended with a sad smile. It pained his heart to know Joonmyeon still loved Jongin that much. Joonmyeon looked slightly convinced with his reply.

 

"Can love change?"

 

"Over time, under different circumstances, love do change."

 

"Do you still love that boy?"

 

Yixing pursed his lips. "Not really. He still lurks in my memories because I miss him. But then someone else has taken my heart away."

 

Joonmyeon's eyebrows were furrowed. He was frowning. "Who's that person?"

 

"Well, he's someone you know very well," Yixing sang teasingly when he sensed Joonmyeon's growing jealousy.

 

Joonmyeon puffed his cheeks out, unhappy with the vague answer. But then, they fell into comfortable silence, both just staring at each other. Their rhythmic breathing was calming, just the slow thump-thump of hearts.

 

After a moment of silence, Yixing carried on, "Well do you still love Jongin?"

 

Joonmyeon fiddled with his hospital gown, playing with his fingers to avoid Yixing's intense gaze.

 

"Do you want me to send your love for Jongin?" Yixing prodded him again.

 

Joonmyeon looked quite agitated at that point but his voice was terribly calm. "Didn't you realise, Yixing?"

 

"You know I don't notic-" Yixing was immediately cut-off by a pair of soft plush lips molding against his pliant ones. Yixing's eyes widened momentarily, startled by Joonmyeon's surprise attack, a bold move. He couldn't move. He felt a spark which ignited the flames in him. It was as if electricity zipped through his veins. And he could feel some sort of drowning happiness and relief coming from Joonmyeon.

 

When Joonmyeon pulled away with a soft pink hue tinting his cheeks, he gazed at Yixing tenderly. "If love were to give me superpowers, I'd be flying. And not simply walking, Yixing."

 

He leant in closer, lips just inches away from Yixing's and whispered, "I love you, Yixing." He captured Yixing's lips in a passionate kiss once more.

 

Yixing trembled. Finally, those untouchable lips he'd been wanting to kiss was molding perfectly against his. Yixing felt warmness spreading throughout his whole body. His heart was swelling with pure joy. Never have he felt so loved before. He gave his dazzling dimpled smile.

 

"And I love you too, Joonmyeon. Way before I met you."

 

Hearing those words, Joonmyeon could only smile like the happiest person on earth.

 

Mother was wrong about love.

 

Love doesn't make one foolish. It makes one feel blessed.

 

The telephone rang, an irritating repetitive sound which Mrs Kim despised. Yet to hear that sound meant good news for her. She had been anticipating for that phone call for almost a week. The boy she bumped into. She needed to know who he was.

 

Clearing , she picked the phone up and began in her sophisticated voice, "What have you found?"

 

"Do you really want to know, Yunae?" The raspy voice sneered.

 

"Just tell me right now. It's my son we're talking about. If that boy does anyth-"

 

"They're an item now. That boy, Yixing and your precious son," his mocking tone was annoying Mrs Kim.

 

"What do you mean, Yuchun?" She snapped unhappily.

 

"Remember that kid Jongin? Well, Joonmyeonnie replaced him," he replied curtly.

 

"It can't be," Mrs Kim gasped. No. It can't. Joonmyeon can't be in love with a boy like him. She had to protect her baby from anyone. Who does that boy think he is? "Yuchun can you do me a favour?"

 

"Yunae, I'm not doing any of your dirty work," he said angrily and hung up on her.

 

She slammed the phone in utter frustration and started throwing a fit. Mrs Kim pushed her things off the table and huffed.

 

"I'll never let Joonmyeon get what he wants," she muttered breathily. A wicked smile plastered on her face. Son or not, Joonmyeon must be taught a lesson.

 

Joonmyeon woke up to the beautiful strumming of the guitar. His eyes fluttered open and a contented sigh left his lips. There was a melodious humming coming from across the room. He peeked and saw the most breathtaking sight ever. Yixing was sitting by the window, strumming his guitar, totally immersed in his thoughts. The sunlight filtering through the windows shined on Yixing's back, creating an ethereal glow which surrounded him. Joonmyeon smiled, a warm tingly feeling spread throughout his entire body. It feels as though his soul was healed by the mellifluous tunes Yixing strummed.

 

"Yixing," Joonmyeon called out, his voice was tinkling like a bell.

 

"Oh, did I wake you up, sleeping beauty?" Yixing asked teasingly.

 

Joonmyeon giggled, a little lovesick. "Not really," he gently got off his bed, planted himself on his wheelchair and wheeled himself closer to Yixing. "You know, I could just.." he trailed off.

 

"Just?"

 

"I could just capture you looking so beautiful sitting right there and lock it in my memory," Joonmyeon held his hands out and pretended he was taking pictures of Yixing.

 

A chuckle rumbled from the depths of Yixing's chest cavity. "Are you my stalker now?"

 

"Oh don't be so full of yourself," Joonmyeon sat on Yixing's bed and hugged the pillow Yixing used. He took a whiff of the pillow and sighed, "It smells so you."

 

"Okay you're definitely a stalker," Yixing laughed heartily.

 

"I'm being serious. You smell so nice," Joonmyeon pouted quite childishly for a twenty year-old.

 

"And what do I smell like, Mr Stalker?" Yixing batted his eyelash and asked teasingly.

 

"A fusion of vanilla and white musk," Joonmyeon whispered, loud enough for Yixing to hear. "You've got feminine written all over your face."

 

"Hey! At least I don't stink," Yixing put his guitar aside and jumped onto his bed next to Joonmyeon.

 

"Yah!" Joonmyeon glared and poked his tongue playfully.

 

Yixing began poking Joonmyeon's sides, which coincidentally happened to be his sensitive spots.Joonmyeon squirmed, bursting into fits of giggles. Joonmyeon flipped Yixing around and straddled his hips.

 

"I could get used to waking up to this," he leaned in and whispered by Yixing's ear, lips brushing, teeth grazing his earlobe.

 

"To what?" Yixing squeaked, a little breathless. His face turning scarlet red.

 

"To this," Joonmyeon inched closer. Yixing squeezed his eyes shut, anticipating. He felt a warm pair of lips molding against his with such great longing. "I love you, Yixing," he sighed.

 

"I love you too, Joonmyeon. Every bit of you. You're just so so ravishing. And irresistible," Yixing pecked his lips. "I love you here and here and here," he kissed Joonmyeon's forehead, neck and collarbones. "But I love your heart the most."

 

"It belongs to you and only you," Joonmyeon sang as he rolled over and snuggled next to Yixing. His head fitted perfectly on the crook of Yixing's neck. Yixing hummed in reply, his deft fingers tracing across Joonmyeon's silky skin, his collarbones and arms before intertwining their fingers.

 

Those gentle and loving gestures warmed Joonmyeon's cold heart. He felt loved, and mostly important. At least he had a reason to continue living life to the fullest.

 

"Yixing, did you know Jongin way before you met me?" Joonmyeon voiced his thoughts after immersing himself in the comforting silence they created.

 

"Yeah, he was lingering around, finding you actually. Until I met him by accident. And he told stories about how he met you and how he loved you," Yixing replied with twinkling brightness in his eyes. As if he was genuinely happy. "His descriptions of you were so vivid, I longed to meet you. I had a dream, actually, of meeting you. You can say I fell head over heels for you."

 

"Now, that you're mine, I'm never letting you go," Joonmyeon wrapped his arms around Yixing's thin waist, enveloping him in a warm embrace.

 

"So will I, Joonmyeon," Yixing whispered with a glowing smile etched on his face.

 

Being with Yixing healed his soul. He felt alive every time he was around Yixing. Only if he knew he was the reason for Yixing's failing health.

 

Only if he knew he was the life out of Yixing.

 

On a Wednesday afternoon, Yixing had unexpected visitors walking in with bouquets of get-well-soon flowers. It was Baekhyun and Luhan. They were both wearing sad smiles on their faces when they saw his worsening condition. They sat by his side and waited silently.

 

"How did you guys sneak in? Did my parents caught you guys?" Yixing was puzzled. And extremely curious. His parents actually banned his friends from visiting him since his condition was getting worse. It has been months since Yixing saw them.

 

"Your parents actually called us," Baekhyun answered in a raspy voice. Yixing missed Baekhyun's annoying nagging back in the dorm. Listening to his voice made him feel all better.

 

"Oh," was all Yixing managed to say. He was still confused. He turned his attention to Luhan and scrutinized him closely. "Are you feeling better Luhan?"

 

Luhan looked dazed. It took Baekhyun to call his name softly for Luhan to break his gaze away from the window. He stared at Yixing, a little distracted. "Huh?" It seems as though he hadn't heard Yixing.

 

"Are you feeling better?" Yixing repeated the question patiently.

 

Luhan remained silent for a while. His eyebrows were furrowed as if deep in thought. A few moments later, he answered in his soft voice, "I'm feeling better," he trailed off, turning his attention back to the window.

 

Baekhyun heaved a long sigh and shook his head sadly. "He's still a little off. Still not the Luhan I used to know." Baekhyun patted Luhan's head lovingly. "It's not your fault, Yixing. You tried your best at the expense of your own health."

 

Yixing felt guilty for not being able to heal Luhan well enough. Luhan still suffers from mild amnesia and frequently collapse due to post-traumatic distress. And Yixing felt utterly disappointed in himself because he wasn't strong enough to heal Luhan. The mere thought of his failure to aid his close friend was frightening and extremely upsetting.

 

"So.. you're helping another one?" Baekhyun raised his eyebrow teasingly. Yixing wore an alarmed expression. And Baekhyun answered the question which was bothering him right then. "I've heard from people, Yixing. I have eyes everywhere."

 

"I bet my parents told you," Yixing rolled his eyes.

 

"Sheesh, you totally ruined the moment," Baekhyun sounded sarcastic. "But seriously Yixing, be careful, alright? You might get-"

 

"I know, I know. Why is everyone telling me the exact same thing?" Yixing muttered unhappily.

 

"Just...reminding you," Baekhyun mumbled, biting his lips. "Before we go, I just want to tell you he's back, Wufan's back," Baekhyun added reluctantly. "Come on Luhan, visiting time is almost over," Baekhyun put his arm around Luhan's waist and ushered him out.

 

"Wait, Baek!" Yixing called out. "I need a favour from you."

 

"What is it?" Baekhyun gave him a weird look because Yixing rarely asked for a favour.

 

"Could you... get me a pair like those?" He pointed towards the intricate looking silver rings around Luhan and Baekhyun's ring finger.

 

“Couple rings?" Baekhyun stared at him bemusedly.

 

"Yeah, couple rings. A simple one would do," Yixing smiled sheepishly.

 

"Alright, I'll come back within a few day then," Baekhyun said and left together with Luhan.

 

Right after the couple left, Joonmyeon came in on his wheelchair from his physiotherapy. His eyes fell upon the huge bouquet of flowers laid on the desk next to a weak looking Yixing. He narrowed his eyes and asked, "Who were they from?"

 

Yixing felt a strange emotion coming from Joonmyeon. Was it doubt? "My friends came in today surprisingly. And those flowers were just gifts," Yixing answered carefully.

 

"Oh," Joonmyeon said after reading the small gift card attached to the bouquet. "From Baekhyun and Luhan," he murmured. He put the bouquet aside and hopped onto his bed.

 

"Any news to tell me?" Yixing sounded interested about Joonmyeon's physiotherapy session.

 

"It went horribly well," disbelief was written all over his face. "They said I am improving. Honestly speaking, that's weird to know."

 

"It's good that you're improving, Joonmyeon."

 

"Thanks Xing," Joonmyeon was glad to have Yixing by his side. "But still weird," He muttered under his breath.

 

"December's coming," Yixing sighed as he looked out of the window.

 

"And soon it'll be snowing," Joonmyeon sang happily. All traces of doubt vanished when December was mentioned. It meant Christmas was coming.

 

Yixing chuckled at Joonmyeon's childish excitement. "You really are excited."

 

Joonmyeon casted a blithe smile, radiating such lively energy around him. "I can't wait to spend my Christmas with you. We'll kiss under the mistletoe like everyone else does," he clasped his hands together dreamily.

 

Yixing was admiring Joonmyeon's side profile. His pretty long eyelashes, his twinkling eyes like stars in the night sky, his perfectly sculpted nose, and his lips, warm and soft. Like marshmallows, Yixing thought amusedly. And Yixing wasn't willing to share any of that with anyone. Joonmyeon belonged with him. Not to him. Because Joonmyeon wasn't a property for him to keep. Not for anyone either. Joonmyeon was a person who has feelings, a pure soul and a good heart. He definitely deserved someone better.

 

Unlike me. I'm dying, Yixing told himself. He bit his lips and abstained himself from tearing up at the thought of him dying and leaving Joonmyeon broken once more.

 

Death didn't frighten me. I was fearless, not afraid. Because death was my written fate. But now, after meeting you, the mere thought of death scares me. I don't want to leave you all alone.

 

Pushing those horrid thoughts of leaving Joonmyeon, Yixing forced his eyes shut and sleep, having no appetite for dinner.

 

A pair of intricate rings with beautifully carved words scrawled on the surface of the silver rings were placed before Yixing.

 

"It's beautiful," Yixing gasped as he held the box out. He looked at Baekhyun with a genuine smile. "Thanks Baekhyun. Thank you so much."

 

"Anything for Xingie," Baekhyun gazed fondly at his friend. The idea of losing Yixing pained him greatly. And so he decided to make the best of his time with Yixing.

 

"I'll pay you back. Don't worry," Yixing said.

 

"Nahh.. it's a gift. I bought it for you. I can never repay the gratitude I felt when you helped Luhan," Baekhyun patted Yixing's shoulder. "He'll be happy. I'm sure of it."

 

"Who do you mean?"

 

"Joonmyeon-ssi," Baekhyun said simply. "And I'd like to meet the man who made my friend all lovestruck."

 

"What? No. No. No," Yixing shook his head vigorously.

 

"You're starting to sound like Luhan when he refuses to take his meds," Baekhyun groaned. "Can't I meet him?"

 

"Never," Yixing wagged his finger.

 

"Please..." Baekhyun did a little aegyo at the end. It always worked on Yixing.

 

"How about no?" Yixing folded his arms, unimpressed.

 

However, luck was on Baekhyun's side when Joonmyeon wheeled in right after. Baekhyun scrutinized the guy and was nodding his head.

 

"Not bad Xingie. You've acquired good taste for guys from me," Baekhyun whispered into Yixing's ear.

 

Yixing glared at him. "Joonmyeon, this is Baekhyun. Baekhyun, this is my Joonmyeon." Joonmyeon turned pink when Yixing stressed on ‘my’.

 

"Hi Joonmyeon, I'm Baekhyun. Nice to meet the guy who made my friend a lovesick idiot," Baekhyun held his hand out for a handshake.

 

"Um.. Hi," Joonmyeon looked uncomfortable but he still shook hands with Baekhyun, albeit reluctant. Baekhyun's handshake was firm. Too firm. Joonmyeon could almost hear his threat. Hurt Yixing or I'll kill you. Something along those lines. "Where's your other friend Luhan?"

 

"Luhan? He's at the bakery right now," Baekhyun narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

 

"No. It's just that I saw both your names on the gift card few days ago. Yixing forgot to thank you for those beautiful flowers," Joonmyeon felt uneasy when Baekhyun became defensive.

 

Baekhyun visibly relaxed a little. But the tension was still there.

 

"I'll go now. See you soon Yixing. Nice to meet you Joonmyeon," Baekhyun gave an awkward smile and left in a hurry.

 

"That went well," Yixing's voice was laced with sarcasm. Joonmyeon could only smile tiredly.

 

"He's your friend no matter what Yixing. Love may disappear easily, but not friendship," Joonmyeon took out his worn out copy of The Little Prince and began reading it avidly.

 

"Joonmyeon," Yixing appeared next to him all of a sudden. Joonmyeon sqeaked in shock. Yixing took the book out of his grasp and put it aside.

 

"You scared me," Joonmyeon put his hand on his chest.

 

Yixing got what he wanted, Joonmyeon's full attention. He pulled out the small box, opened it and held it out for Joonmyeon to see.

 

"Couple rings, Yixing?" Joonmyeon smiled sweetly. "They're beautiful and so delicate," Joonmyeon was contented. He loved the rings. He took one out and read the inscription on the innerside of the ring. “Always,” Joonmyeon read aloud and nodded delightfully.

 

"Here, let me put it on for you," Yixing took Joonmyeon’s hand and slid the ring on his slender finger.

 

“I love it. Thank you Yixing,” Joonmyeon gave him a peck on his lips.

 

"I'm glad you loved it," Yixing wrapped his fingers around Joonmyeon's fingers and kissed it tenderly.

 

Yixing slipped under the blanket, next to Joonmyeon and cuddled with him. Joonmyeon snuggled closer into Yixing's warm chest and hummed in content.

 

The clicking of heels was heard down the hallways, a fast and repetitive sound which turned heads of staffs, visitors and patients alike. Shock was written all over their faces as a woman walked past with her chin up. Her hair was tied into an elaborate bun, with her thick makeup and strong perfume. She walked hurriedly in her designer heels, looking all elegant in a glamorous chiffon dress. In her hands held a studded clutch worth thousands. No wonder she turned heads as she strutted down the hallways. She was Kim Huiseong’s widow, now the CEO of the most powerful conglomerate. Kim Yunae, Kim Joonmyeon’s mother.

 

She made a sharp turn to her right and entered the first ward. Mrs Kim was informed that her son was alone right then. Of course she had a plan to get Joonmyeon away from the boy. And she was executing it with the absence of Zhang Yixing.

 

“Joonmyeon,” her stern voice reverberated throughout the silent room. The boy looked up with eyes widened in horror. “You’re coming home with me right now,” she ordered firmly.

 

Recovering from shock, Joonmyeon answered defiantly, “I told you, I’m not going home with you.”

 

She shot him a murderous glare and said in a cold voice, “You wouldn’t want him hurt, do you? Just like that rascal Jongin.” She added with a wicked smile, “I know what’s going on between the both of you.”

 

“No, don’t you dare hurt Yixing,” he stared aghast at his mother’s obvious threat. “How could you be so cold-hearted? Have you no feelings?”

 

“Yes. I don’t have any. Does that bother you?” She had a strange calamity in her which was utterly frightening to Joonmyeon. Joonmyeon was rendered speechless by his mother’s words. “If you don’t want him hurt, then come home with me.”

 

“Does it satisfy you when you gotten rid of Jongin? Huh?” Joonmyeon asked with tears in his eyes. His eyes bear such strong emotions which made Mrs Kim slightly affected. “ Answer me!” His veins were visible when he yelled.

 

“It never was my intention to finish that boy off. I wanted you to cooperate but you wouldn’t listen,” emotionless like a mannequin was how Mrs Kim looked like as she spoke to her son.

“You hurt me. You murdered me deep inside when you did that. How could you mom?” Joonmyeon forced himself to look at his mother in the eye as he wiped stray tears. “How could you!”

 

Hearing Joonmyeon’s words, she glanced at him. He was crying uncontrollably. It tore her heart slightly when she saw how miserable Joonmyeon was. Every mother, no matter how cruel they are, would still be affected by their child. She gave him a pitiful look when he was busy wiping away his tears. However, she had to keep her facade on no matter what. The only way she knows she’s in control. And her face morphed into her usual cold look. “I’m giving you ten seconds before I call Mr Choi to get you.”

 

“Mom, I’m pleading you. Let me stay here please,” Joonmyeon begged in a broken voice. “I’m begging you. A son to his mother.”

 

“Your time is almost up,” she turned her back on him and walked out of the door. She paused for a moment and whispered to the bearded man standing by the corridor, “Get him home. Safely.”

 

The man bowed respectfully and got two others to help him get Joonmyeon. Mrs Kim walked further away but Joonmyeon’s incessant cries and screams as they dragged him away shattered the wall she built around her. She leant against the wall and broke down in tears for the first time after the death of her beloved husband. Everyone thought she married Kim Huiseong for money and not out of love. They were wrong. She loved him but he cheated on her. That turned her into the cold heartless woman she was now. She didn’t know what she did was hurting her precious baby. She had to do it. To protect him from suffering the same fate as her.

 

She never meant for that Jongin kid to die. But Jongin was that woman’s son with her Huiseong. Kim Jongin was abandoned at an orphanage because that woman didn’t want him. She had to do something to prevent that sin of a child from defiling her baby. They were practically brothers. Half-brothers to be exact. Killing Jongin was an accident. Joonmyeon didn’t need to know that. She wiped her tears harshly and continued walking to when her car was parked.

 

“Take me home,” she commanded.

 

When Yixing came back from his long mindless walk, he was surprised to find Joonmyeon’s bed empty. Strange. Joonmyeon didn’t have therapy that day. “Joonmyeonnie?” He called out but there wasn’t any reply.

 

The head nurse walked in with a solemn look on her face. “I have some news for you.”

 

“What is it?” Yixing had a bad feeling from the pits of his stomach.

 

“Joonmyeon went home. We’ll move you to a single ward under your parent’s instructions,” the head nurse gave him a pitiful look.

 

Yixing felt a harsh blow on his chest. His Joonmyeon left without telling him.“What about Joonmyeon’s therapy?”

 

“They’ll get another therapist to visit him at home,” she replied softly.

 

Yixing’s heart ached in a peculiar way. It was hurting in ways it never did previously. He clutched his chest as if to ease the pain. His grip on the makeshift table grew tighter. His knuckles were turning white, his lips were turned  blue. Yixing began perspiring, his face ghastly pale. He was getting strange withdrawals with no apparent reasons. Was it because he was too attached to Joonmyeon?

 

Yixing remembered the crazy old lady from the next apartment. He remembered her blabbering about the dangers of getting attached to the people he was healing. She said it was forbidden. He wasn’t supposed to get so attached. But of course, Yixing thought it was just her usual crazy talk and waved it off. He didn’t believe in superstitions. However, her last words gave him shivers.

 

“Your future, I can’t see it.”

 

Was he dying?

 

A week without Yixing was killing Joonmyeon little by little deep inside. He grew thinner, pale and sickly. His eyes were sunken, he was constantly tired. Just like a zombie, unkempt. He barely touched his food, always losing his appetite. He stubbornly stayed in his room, laying in bed most of the time, skipping his physiotherapy. Joonmyeon wasn’t trying to live anyway. He would stare at the ring on his left hand all day, thinking about how Yixing was coping without him. The ring couldn't fit snuggly into his bony fingers anymore. It kept slipping off. So he wore it as a necklace under all the layers of clothes. Joonmyeon didn’t bother living anymore. What was the point in living without Yixing by his side?

 

Until his mother brought in a young man around his age to meet him. He was tall. Much taller than Yixing. He had a dimple on left, quite the opposite of Yixing. He wore a huge grin on his face. If Joonmyeon was in his straight mind, he might’ve been slightly captivated by the man’s charming aura. But he was too busy thinking of his Yixing to even give the man a second look.

 

“Joonmyeon, this is Park Chanyeol, the successor to Park Enterprise,” Mrs Kim introduced the gangly man in her sickly sweet voice.

 

“Get out!” Joonmyeon roared. “You promised not to bother me if I went home. Get out!”

 

Mrs Kim turned a deep shade of red. She forced a smile to Chanyeol and lead him outside. “ Wait for a moment alright?” She said. And Chanyeol nodded.

 

He could hear the conversation between Joonmyeon and Mrs Kim.

 

“I don’t care if you’re still hanged up on that Yixing boy. You’re going to forget him and be with Chanyeol.”

 

“No. You told me you won’t bother me if I went home.”

 

“You’re getting engaged with Chanyeol. No buts! This conversation has ended.”

She walked out with such grace, poised and turned to Chanyeol with a fake smile, “Joonmyeon would like to meet you now.”

 

Chanyeol saw through the lie. He had no choice but to agree. He too was forced by his mother to meet Kim Joonmyeon for business purposes. He too had to leave his lover behind. He understood Joonmyeon and now he wanted to meet the guy to explain.

 

Joonmyeon was sitting on his wheelchair by his full length windowsill, staring at the snowy field ahead of him.

 

“Hi,” Chanyeol said timidly. When Joonmyeon made no efforts to respond, he continued, “I’m forced into this engagement thing too if you’re wondering. I have a lover whom I was forced to leave behind. If you don’t want this, we could totally fake it and go on our separate ways right after.”

 

“What was his name?” a soft voice spoke. Chanyeol almost missed the hushed whisper.

 

“Oh Sehun. He’s an intern in my father’s company,” Chanyeol replied with a sad smile.

 

“I guess our lives are meant to be ruined don’t they?” Joonmyeon sounded tired. Chanyeol could sense that he had already given up in life.

 

“Yeah. Our love life was meant to be ruined,” Chanyeol muttered bitterly. Joonmyeon responded with a tiny smile, just the slight curl of his lips.

 

Yixing’s days were lonelier and emptier. Baekhyun and Luhan might’ve been visiting him but it felt different without Joonmyeon’s presence. It wasn’t the same. Joonmyeon’s presence was comforting unlike Baekhyun’s. But Yixing didn’t say a word. He was glad that at least his friends visited him to fill the emptiness in him.

Yixing was scribbling in his exercise book, jotting lyrics down as he hummed a sad tune. Baekhyun and Luhan have yet to arrive. And so Yixing was busying himself with his unfinished song,occasionally strumming his acoustic guitar, totally immersed in his thoughts. He didn’t even hear footsteps of people entering his room. Not until that person cleared his throat.

 

“Zhang Yixing,” a deep resonant voice filled the air. It was rich and warm like those expensive chocolates Yixing loved. There was something strikingly familiar about that voice which made Yixing stop whatever he was doing.

 

Yixing looked up to find the person he’d been missing since high school. The person he once loved. He stared agape for a moment before whispering, “ Wufan.”

 

“I’m back,” Wufan smiled, his eyes twinkling.

 

“Yeah, I heard from Baekhyun. How did you know I was here?” Yixing raised his eyebrows questioningly “Wait, don’t tell me potty mouth Baekhyun told you,” Yixing narrowed his eyes.

 

Wufan chuckled, “He did. He told me you missed me.”  There was a smug air around him.

 

“I did but…” Yixing trailed away sadly.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Wufan was concerned. He dragged a chair and sat right next to Yixing.

 

“It’s nothing,” Yixing turned away. He kept his notebook and guitar away then snuggled deeper into his blankets.

 

“Baekhyun told me things, you know. You can talk me if you want, I’ll listen,” Wufan nudged Yixing and urged him to talk.

 

“I just miss him, Wufan,” Yixing muttered.

 

“Joonmyeon, you mean? The guy you’re healing?”

 

“Mmhmm. You know I don’t have much time left. And I have yet to heal him fully.”

 

“Yixing, you’re not dying. You can’t. You’re strong.”

 

“I am dying, Wufan. Nothing can cure me.”

 

“You just can’t.”

 

“I’m sorry, Wufan,” Yixing apologised timidly.

 

“What for? There’s no need to apologise, Yixing,” Wufan ruffled his hair gently. Yixing held Wufan’s hand in a friendly way.  

 

“How’s life?” He changed the topic in an attempt to lighten the mood.

 

Wufan answered gladly, ”I’m engaged, Yixing.” He pointed to the silver ring on his left hand proudly.

 

“Congratulations, Wufan. I’m so happy for you,” Yixing said genuinely.

 

“Maybe I’ll bring him over soon? How’s that?”

 

“I want to meet him,” Yixing nodded eagerly.

 

“Alright, I’ll visit you soon. Goodbye for now,” Wufan kissed the top of his head and left.

 

Yixing sighed. He was glad Wufan was back.

 

A few days later, Baekhyun and Luhan rushed to the hospital after receiving an emergency call from Yixing’s parents. Apparently, Yixing had collapsed when he was wandering around the hallways. He was getting weaker with each passing day. He could barely walk anymore. He was wheelchair bound because of that. Baekhyun and Wufan took turned pushing him around the hospital. Yixing would be strangely silent, dazed most of the time. Other than that, he wouldn’t bother talking. Sometimes, Yixing would write lyrics in his book and sleep right after. He got lethargic easily, thus his days spent was short.

 

“What have you been working on, Yixing?” Wufan would ask but Yixing wouldn’t reply. Wufan’s fiance, Zitao would accompany Wufan during his visits. He was a man of less words. And Yixing like the soothing presence Zitao had when he was around.

 

One day, Yixing spoke in a croaky voice, “I need to meet Joonmyeon urgently.”

 

“Do you even know where he lives?” Zitao asked skeptically.

 

Yixing nodded. “It’s in the Gangnam district. Here it is,” he handed a torn piece of paper with Joonmyeon’s address on it.

 

“Alright, I’ll go with Zitao right now. Anything you want to tell him?” Wufan waited patiently.

 

“I just want him to visit me. I have personal things to tell him,” Yixing whispered tiredly.

 

Wufan nodded and left briskly with Zitao. They got into Wufan’s sleek black BMW and sped off. Wufan had a bad feeling about Yixing. When he arrived at the doorstep of the majestic house, the biggest one in Gangnam, he rang the doorbell with a heavy heart.

 

A young man opened the door. “Yes, may I help you?”

 

“I’m looking for Joonmyeon-ssi,” Wufan asked politely.

 

“Hold on,” the man said. “Joonmyeonnie,” he called out. After a few moments later, Joonmyeon came to the front door onhis wheelchair.

 

“Yes, how may I help you?”

 

“Yixing wants to meet you,”

 

“Yixing?” Joonmyeon’s face morphed into disbelief. He looked reluctant. “I can’t go now. I’m really sorry. My mother’s home,” he panicked. “Tell Yixing I’m sorry.” Joonmyeon hurriedly closed his door but Wufan stuck a foot out, preventing him from closing his door.

 

“Yixing is really ill, Joonmyeon. You have to come,” Wufan pleaded.

 

Joonmyeon looked torn between following Wufan and staying home. He looked at the man standing next to him. “Chanyeol, do me a favour please.”

 

Chanyeol willingly helped Joonmyeon into Wufan’s car quickly and accompanied Joonmyeon to the hospital.

 

“We have to be quick. I don’t want my mother to know,” Joonmyeon whispered.

 

Wufan nodded and stepped on the gas pedal. They sped through the highway, reaching the hospital in  a hurry.

 

Joonmyeon was piggybacked by Chanyeol quickly into Yixing’s ward where Yixing was in a deep sleep.

 

Joonmyeon’s heart was torn into bits when he saw how  deathly pale Yixing was. He sat gently by Yixing’s side. Yixing was perspiring, beads of sweat trickling down his forehead. Joonmyeon wiped away his perspiration lightly, afraid he would wake Yixing up. He planted a soft kiss on Yixing’s forehead. As if responding to that kiss, Yixing’s eyes fluttered open. A small smile made it’s to Yixing’s haggard face.

 

“Joonmyeon,” Yixing’s voice was only a harsh whisper. “You’re crying.”

 

Unbeknownst to Joonmyeon, tears were rolling down his cheeks. “I’m just so happy to see you, Yixing,” Joonmyeon cupped his mouth, trying to believe that Yixing was there beside him. “It’s you.”

 

“Don’t cry Joonmyeon,” Yixing said hoarsely, wiping Joonmyeon’s tears away weakly.

 

“I missed you so much,” Joonmyeon closed the gap between them and pushed his lips against Yixing’s chapped ones with great need and longing. Yixing smiled into the kiss. He missed Joonmyeon’s closeness. Joonmyeon rested his forehead against Yixing’s and sighed contentedly.

 

“You’re getting thinner, Joonmyeon. Have you eaten?” Yixing managed to say.

 

“I can’t do anything without you.”

 

“Don’t be foolish, Joonmyeon. Look at you. You’re so bony,” Yixing murmured

 

“You’re getting frail, Yixing. Have you eaten?” Joonmyeon directed Yixing’s question back at him.

 

Yixing chuckled dryly. “You got me.”

 

“I always did, Yixing. I got your heart.”

 

Joonmyeon climbed on to the bed, next to Yixing with Wufan’s help. He snuggled closely into Yixing’s chest and hugged him tightly. The beating of their hearts created a steady rhythm, a perfect lullaby for the young lovers. Both Yixing and Joonmyeon fell into a deep slumber.

 

“Where’s Joonmyeon?” Mrs Kim stopped the maid as she walked down the stairs.

 

“He went out with Chanyeol-ssi in a hurry,” the maid stammered.

 

“Where did they go?” She raised her eyebrow threateningly.

 

“The hospital. To visit someone,” the maid added quickly, fearing a punishment.

 

Mrs Kim’s eyes widened in horror. That boy was trying to meet Yixing, she thought. She ran down the stairs, getting her thick fur coat and entered the car. “Bring me to HwangHae General Hospital. Now!” she barked. The chauffeur nodded meekly and started driving.

 

Her phone rang, interrupting her frenzied thoughts. “Mr Choi, I need you to bring Joonmyeon back. Right now,” she ordered and cut the call off.

 

Joonmyeon could hear shouts and scuffles happening outside the ward. The awfully loud noise interrupted his sleep. He sat up and wondered how Yixing was still sleeping soundly despite all the ruckus. Joonmyeon groaned when the door slammed open. The sound was deafening. Just then Joonmyeon felt someone dragging him away from the bed. It all happened in slow motion. He remembered trying to reach out for Yixing, who woke up in shock, eyes widened in horror because of the sudden chaos filling the ward.

 

“Yixing,” Joonmyeon screamed and choked on his spit. “Let me go!” he tried to struggle free from the iron grip Mr Choi had on him.

 

Chanyeol came in, looking all battered up, and threw a punch on Mr Choi’s right eye. His grip on Joonmyeon loosened and Joonmyeon managed to escape his grasp. Joonmyeon crawled over to Yixing and enveloped him in a tight embrace. “Yixing, I’m so sorry,” he cried, salty tears falling on Yixing’s shirt.

 

“It’s okay. You’re going to be okay,” Yixing comforted him and tightened the hug. Yixing was reading some sort of prayer, chanting the same thing over and over into Joonmyeon’s ear. Joonmyeon felt Mr Choi lunging towards him, and this time, he was dragged away harshly. Mr Choi tore the young couple apart. Yixing held on to Joonmyeon with the little energy he had left.

 

“Yixing!” Joonmyeon screeched as he felt, Yixing’s grip on his arm growing weaker. “Don’t let go.”

 

Yixing gave him a sad smile and whispered, “I love you, Joonmyeon.” Yixing lost his grip on Joonmyeon, falling unconscious.

 

Joonmyeon thrashed around under Mr Choi’s grip, screamin Yixing’s name like a madman. As he was carried out of the ward, Joonmyeon saw doctors rushing in to aid Yixing. He saw how brutally beaten up Chanyeol was including Yixing’s two friends, whom he just met.

 

He was flung into the car, next to his mother.

 

“You’re the most cruel person I know,” he hissed. His face was stained with tears, something Mrs Kim hated to see.

 

His left cheek stung from the deafening slap he received from his mother. “Drive us home,” she commanded.

 

Joonmyeon was confined within the walls of his room. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner was served. He couldn’t leave his room. Neither can anyone enter. It was heavily guarded. Chanyeol was never seen again nor heard from. Just like the old times, Joonmyeon was isolated. Days flew by terribly slow without anyone to talk to. And Joonmyeon was craving for any human contact possible, to make sure he was sane. The little piece of sanity left in him was yearning for Yixing.

 

Without anyone’s knowledge, Joonmyeon tried walking with his therapist’s help. It was the only way he could walk away from his mother, the only way to meet Yixing. There was a strange energy in him which enabled him to recover faster. He tried again and again, not giving up easily like Yixing said. He could balance himself within days and slowly he could somehow walk. It was an achievement. Joonmyeon fell much lesser. He wouldn’t collapse right after. He was improving extremely quickly. Joonmyeon begged his therapist to lie in her report, to tell his mother that he wasn’t improving. She reluctantly obliged, fearing for her life. But she did help Joonmyeon in the end. In less than a month, Joonmyeon miraculously recovered and was able to walk again, although a little weirdly.

 

Joonmyeon hatched a plan to run away from home and live with Baekhyun and Luhan before finding a stable job for himself. And so in the middle of the night, on Christmas eve, Joonmyeon slipped out of the house unseen and ran for his life. He ran and ran until he found the bakery Baekhyun had mentioned before. The lights were still and so he entered.

 

The door chimed when he pushed open. “I’m sorry but we’re closed,” a cheery voice came from behind the counter. Someone was busy bending over, trying to repack the shelves.

 

“Baekhyun, it’s me, Joonmyeon,” he said rather loudly.

 

The man looked up and gasped. “You can walk?” Baekhyun squeaked.

 

“I need help,” Joonmyeon ignored Baekhyun’s question.

 

“I can try.”

 

“Let me live with you for a while till I get myself a job. Please,” Joonmyeon begged in a desperate attempt.

 

“Alright,” Baekhyun agreed without much questions. “You finally had the guts to leave that hell hole of yours,” he added sullenly.

 

He was led to an apartment right above the bakery. It was just a small homey apartment. Baekhyun lead him to the guest room. “Make yourself at home, Joonmyeon,” Baekhyun ushered him in.

 

Joonmyeon thanked him genuinely. He was glad Baekhyun could help him. He knew his mother would get people to track him down but for now, his location was unknown to his mother. He needed to get to Yixing fast.

 

The telephone rang in the early morning of Christmas and being an early riser, Joonmyeon picked it up. It was a frantic call from Wufan.

 

“Baekhyun? Is that you? Yixing’s in critical condition. He hasn’t woken up from his coma yet. His vital signs are terribly weak. You have to come now,” Wufan’s words slowly sunk in. Yixing was dying. “Hello? Baekhyun? Are you there?” the phone slipped out of his grasp.

 

Joonmyeon sprinted out of the apartment in his pyjamas and flagged a taxi. His mind was reeling. Yixing, Yixing, Yixing, Joonmyeon chanted under his breath. Wait for me Yixing, Joonmyeon thought.

 

Joonmyeon had a bad feeling in the pits of his stomach. He grew restless when there was a traffic jam fifteen minutes away from the hospital. This is bad. Without a word, he got out of the taxi and dashed towards the hospital. When he finally arrived, he found Wufan embracing his fiance in a tight hug. Wufan was crying. Bad thoughts swarmed in his mind.

 

“Wufan, how’s Yixing?” Joonmyeon panted, breathing noisily from all the running he did. Wufan gave in a sad look. “He’s alright, right?” Joonmyeon knew the answer but he couldn’t accept the harsh reality.

 

“He passed away minutes ago. I’m sorry Joonmyeon,” Wufan choked back his tears.

 

“He can’t be,” Joonmyeon shook his head. Tears were forming in his eyes. “No, he’s still alive.”

 

“Joonmyeon, he’s gone. Don’t fool yourself anymore,” Wufan’s was hoarse from all the crying.

 

And Joonmyeon crumbled to the ground hopelessly, cupping his face. He cried, all broken. His heart ached in the most torturous way. Yixing was gone. His Yixing was dead. Joonmyeon never felt pain that intense. Somewhere deep in his heart, was torn into pieces. Joonmyeon felt a great loss, as if an arrow had punctured his heart. It hurt so bad. He curled up into a ball and shed bitter tears.

 

He was going to share the good news with Yixing but he was all too late. Slowly he found out the truth about Yixing, who he really was, how he healed him. It was the same story Joonmyeon failed to hear when Yixing told him previously. He found out he was the one who was killing Yixing bit by bit. Yixing had been healing him with the expense of his own life. Baekhyun explained in great detail how Yixing had been suffering since young because he healed too often. As years passed, people continued telling him that he was a miracle, to be able to walk within a month. But they didn’t know how Joonmyeon lost his beloved one.

 

Joonmyeon had gotten what he wanted, to walk out from his life. To be able to walk. But he had lost someone most dear to him. Yixing. It wasn’t a miracle. It was a curse to know how he practically killed Yixing, silently, slowly just like poison. A curse he re-lives on December every year.

 

Six years had passed since then. Joonmyeon finally left the office building, trudging in the harsh snow. He walked through the streets of Seoul and eventually reached an isolated place. The graveyard. Joonmyeon sat in the cold next to Yixing’s tombstone. He ran his fingers along the frozen marble and took out a worn out looking book.

 

“Yixing wanted you to have this,” Wufan passed him a worn out exercise book. Joonmyeon took it slowly.

 

Joonmyeon flipped to the last page where, amidst the messy writings and doodles, there was beautiful message Yixing had been wanting to send across. And so Joonmyeon sang aloud just for Yixing.
 

For Joonmyeon, my Miracle in December

Miracles In December

I’m struggling to find you who I cannot see

I’m struggling to find you who I cannot hear

I see things that I couldn’t see before

I hear things that I couldn’t hear before

After you left me, I have grown a power that I didn’t have before

The selfish me who has only thought about myself

The me who didn’t know your feelings and ignored it

I couldn’t believe myself that I have changed this much

Your love can still move me like this

If I just think of you, I can fill this world with you

Because each snowdrop is one tear drop that belongs to you

But theres just one thing that I can’t do and it’s to make you come to me

I hope I don’t have this miserable power

The selfish me who has only thought about myself

The me who didn’t know your feelings and ignored it

I couldn’t believe myself that I have changed this much

Your love can still move me like this

Stopping the time, (I) go back to you

I open this book of memories and I open up your page

And in the book I’m in there, in there with you

The small and weak person, because of your love

Just like this for everything (my whole existence)

I changed the whole world

The me who didn’t know how to be thankful for love

The me who thought that the end was the end

To the image of you who wanted me to be, I fixed myself everyday

I think my love will continue on forever

Stopping the time, (I) go back to you

I open this book of memories and I open up your page

And in the book I’m in there, in there with you

The things that I met that winter

I’m struggling to find you who I cannot see

I’m struggling to find you who I cannot hear

“I still love you Yixing,” Joonmyeon whimpered. The strong winter gales were blowing relentlessly. “Always,” his voice a mere whisper against the howling of the wind.

 

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Hey guys, I'm back with a fic. It's dedicated to all the followers of Sulay Sg. I'm sorry for posting 2 days late. 13k of word vomitIt's supposedly a Christmas gift but anyways, pardon me for the abrupt ending and mistakes ♥

Here's the download link for those who wants to download http://www.4shared.com/file/JjtmLT6z/When_December_Comes.html