If Only

So, you might know that eight girls came to me on Christmas Eve and started watching movies, drinking and eating on my grave, right? To be honest, they were very noisy.

A cemetery is a solemn place, not a place to have fun and chatter. You know, if they were not related to me, and if I was a mean ghost, I'd appear to them and scare their asses off.

Enough with the complaining, and I'll go to the main reason why I'm talking to you, whoever is reading this. You might ask: Why exactly am I buried six feet below the ground? Or, why did I die?

If you're interested, here is my story:

I was on my way back to the dormitory after a long day of Star King filming, and as Girls' Generation's leader, I had a lot of things in mind.

Did the girls eat well? Are the girls at home? Are they safe? Did Jessica handle the group well?

It's hard being the leader, I know almost every leader of a group would say that. It's hard getting scolded at by the manager for a group member's fault, and it's hard managing a group with a lot of members.

Whoever is reading this might think that my life is easy. You may think that because I'm famous and I've got a lot of earnings from recordings or OSTs, but, despite all that, my life, is never easy. Don't even get me started with the group.

I'm not saying that I don't like the group, it's just, I'm kind of thinking that I need a day-off. A day of not being Girls' Generation's leader.

So, back to reality, I was on my way to the train station to catch the train going to the dorm when someone called me.

I took my phone out and looked at the caller's ID, it was Sunny.

" What do you want, Lee Sungkyu?" I asked as I answered the call.

" Unnie, we ran out of vodka." she replied.

" So, you're asking me to buy for you?" I asked her.

" Yeah." she cutely replied.

I sighed loudly, because her aegyo never works on me.

" Sunny, the store's like out of my way, and anyway, I'm planning to take the train, so, I can't pass by any store." I replied.

" Aw, please unnie." Sunny pleaded.

For some reason, I really felt like hanging up on her, but, a leader would never do that.

" Okay, fine. " I said.

" Yes! Thanks unnie!" Sunny cheered.

" You ." I said as I hung up.

So, I left the train station and looked for a cab. I was on the street trying to hail a cab. Some people were clicking their cameras on me, and I on the other hand, ignored them, just like what most idols would do.

Once I finally hailed a cab, I hopped in it and slammed the door shut.

" Where to, miss?" the cab driver asked.

" Um, any liquor store." I replied.

" Getting drunk tonight?" the cab driver asked.

" Probably." I replied.

The driver just nodded his head and continued driving.

" Fasten your seatbelt, please." the driver reminded me.

" Nah, I don't feel like it." I replied.

" Okay then, so, it wouldn't be my fault if you get all nauseous back there because I'm warning you, I drive fifteen miles over the speed limit." the driver warned.

" Don't worry, ahjussi, I can handle motion sickness." I replied.

The driver chuckled, so, I think he understood that he could drive faster. He drove faster indeed.

I was stating at the night sky for about five minutes before I felt something vibrate in my bag.

I took out my phone and checked on who was calling, thankfully, it wasn't Sunny anymore.

" Sica?" I asked.

" Unnie, where are you?" Sica asked.

" I'm on my way to the liquor store, Sunny told me to buy some vodka." I replied.

" Okay, unnie." Sica said.

" Sica, take care of them, okay." I reminded her.

" I will, unnie." she replied as she hung up.

I kept my phone in my bag and rested my head on the headrest.

The driver was still driving fast, ad even much faster when he tried to beat the red light.

" It's stop already, the light's red." I reminded the driver.

" Exactly why I'm trying to drive faster." the driver replied.

I just snubbed and ignored him. But, instead of just ignoring him, something else caught my eye.

On the left side of the intersection, was a fast-approaching ten-wheeler truck.

" ! There's a truck!" I yelled.

" I know, we can beat that." the driver replied.

" You're seriously not stopping are you?" I asked.

He shook his head.

" Oh My God! Stop the cab!" I yelled.

" Don't worry." he replied.

I'm not a math person, but, I calculated, by the time we reach the center of the intersection, the truck hits us head on. And guess what, I was right.

The truck hit head on with the cab. It sent us flying for a few seconds before gravity did its job and pulled us back to the ground, the cab turned multiple times, causing me, the only one not wearing a seatbelt, flying to each side of the car. Once the cab came to a complete stop upside down, my eyes remained open.

I didn't hear anything at all, except for the sound of my own heartbeat and breathing, and the last words I said:

" So Nyu Shi Dae, saranghae."

Afterwards, my world went black.

I died on the spot. And I also died not doing everything I can. But, I was able to tell Jessica the most important thing I should tell her as a leader: Take care of them.

Everything's too late, as much as I want to go back in time and spend time with girls, I know I can't. I miss them so much, and I know that they miss me too. I can feel it, I can feel their longing for me, and they just express that longing through happiness.

You know, I thought to myself, If only I could go back in time to be with them, I think I would. If only I took the train instead of the cab. If only I wore the seatbelt. If only the cab driver didn't speed up and beat the red light. If only I survived, nothing like this would have happened. IF ONLY.