maybe this time
maybe this timeTwo friends lost in unspoken hopes and misunderstandings
It’s been nearly seven hours since they stepped into the plane.
Krystal cracks an eye open, sight slightly blurred from a long, long nap. The seat beside her is empty - Jessica must’ve gone somewhere to buy snack (or lunch, or late-night dinner, it depends on what time zone she should be using now). Her vision eventually turns to normal as she takes a peek through the small round window, only to be disappointed to see nothing but clouds that moisten the glass and makes the view hazy. She slumps back on her seat and brings her blanket closer to her face, hoping she’d feel drowsy enough to fall asleep once more.
But she couldn’t. Not when Jessica comes back with a steaming cup of noodles and the aroma is floating in the air.
“Want some?” Jessica offers but Krystal merely shakes her head. “Suit yourself.”
She shuts her eyes close and decides to take off to wonderland for a while. Krystal often wonders how it would feel like coming back to Seoul. She wonders if their home still looks like how she had left it. She wonders if her things are kept in the places she remembers putting them into. She wonders about their mom and grandparents, whether they’re doing well while they were away. She wonders about her friends because social networking isn’t enough for bonding time. She wonders about almost everything related to her previous life. For almost five years of being Krystal, she wonders how it would feel like to be Soojung again.
She wonders, wonders, wonders until she feels the exhaustion. We’ll be back for a vacation, she remembers Jessica’s words a week ago and she realizes she should not tire herself out from overthinking.
Three more hours
She hugs her pillow tighter and falls asleep for the rest of the trip.
“My goodness, could you even get lazier than you already are? Walk faster!”
Krystal grunts, “This is all your fault! Had you been generous enough to fix my neck’s position while I was sleeping, I’d be feeling perfectly fine by now!”
“I was sleeping too! And please, you’re a grown up now. You can’t have a nanny to tuck you in bed and watch over you from time to time. What are you, a five year old?”
“Look at you picking up a fight with me! Who’s the kid now, anyway?”
“I wasn’t the one who’s been so grumpy ever since we landed! Obviously, it’s you and your annoying self!” Jessica spats as she continues to look for a familiar face around the airport.
“I see you two haven’t changed a bit.” Both of them turns around and finds an eye-smiling friend they haven’t seen in a long time.
“Tiffany!”
Jessica lunges towards her and wraps her in a tight embrace while Krystal hugs her from behind. “Okay, girls, I’ve missed you too. You can stop crushing me now.” And so they let go. With bright smiles plastered on their faces, the atmosphere is undoubtedly better than a few minutes ago. “Let me guess, you two are squabbling about petty matters again.”
Jessica laughs while nodding, “We’re arguing who’s the childish one between us. Gosh, can you believe it?”
“It has always been you,” Krystal murmurs almost inaudibly.
Tiffany hears it nonetheless. She chuckles, “Okay, first of all, you two should stop yelling in English. People might think you’re swearing or something.”
“Right,” Sooyeon responds, this time in Korean, “Miyoung.”
“Come on, I’ll bring you home so you two can rest. We’ll catch up in the car.”
“Wait, you drive?”
Miyoung grins, “Yes, Soojungie. I have my license now.”
“How is that possible?”
“Well,” she fishes out her keys from her pocket and twirls it around her finger, “some things stayed while some changed after you left, you know?”
Baekhyun hates traffic.
Traffic kills time and it makes him frustrated because those minutes of being stuck in a road are minutes that he’ll never get back. It frustrates him even more because there’s nothing he can do but to honk and stare. He glances at the vehicles in front of him, pondering whether the drivers share his irritation. He looks at the advertisements on buses, on posts, his mind thinking of random commentaries he’s sure he’d forget anyway.
And when he runs out of anything to bother, his thoughts drift into series of flashback, this time he remembers the most recent ones because this day is particularly strange in his opinion. He remembers Kyungsoo’s outburst during their break at choir practice (which is strange since he rarely lets his temper take over him). He remembers hearing Sehun’s endless rant when he found out his favorite bubble tea shop had been closed, thus, bugging him for a free drink in the little café he and Chanyeol recently opened. He remembers one of their employees telling him that some high school girls came asking for Kris’ number (he learned later that Kris lost over some stupid bet and Jongin dared him to become a barista for three hours).
But of all the many ludicrous things he has ever heard today, he thinks Chanyeol’s words are the most distracting. I heard she’s coming back this winter. I don’t know if she’ll stay here for good though.
She’s already occupying his thoughts, from the moment the news broke out this morning until he’s back in his apartment, feeling numb and dead tired – partly because of work, mostly because of her.
He knows he shouldn’t be this nervous, this confused, this excited.
But when midnight strikes and before he drifts into a deep slumber, her smile, her laughter, memories he thought he had long forgotten suddenly haunt his mind because he knows it won’t be that long before she comes back in his life and meet again after a long time.
How have you been?
“Yo, Baek.”
“Yes?” he answers distractedly. It’s a Sunday. Baekhyun usually spends his whole day in Luhan’s place (both home and office) for relaxation and free food that Tiffany brings over. He’s in the middle of practicing twelve wedding songs that Luhan’s customer specifically requested and he’s a little perfectionist in his own way that’s why he’s preparing six months in advance. Apparently, he’ll be playing the piano in that special ceremony (much to Yixing’s protests, but Luhan consoled him by promising he’ll have him play on his wedding someday instead).
“Turns out she arrived yesterday. Jinri asked me to pick her up from work then we’d visit Soojung. Join us?”
His fingers halt from pressing the keys. It takes him three seconds to respond. “I’ll pass this time. Just say hi to her for me.” Baekhyun prays that Chanyeol isn’t feeling nosy today.
“I see what’s going on here.” Chanyeol’s tone holds a mischievous weight evident in his wide grin and Baekhyun knows exactly what he’s implying.
That he’s too worried about meeting her. That he’s too nervous to greet her. That he’s too confused on what should a person like him do when an old friend is back in town, the same old friend whom you had no communication with ever since she left, dear old friend he still treasures despite the misunderstandings lingering at the back of their minds but never had the chance to talk about it.
But he’s not worried at all (he thinks).
“I’m glad you’re not blind enough to see that I’m doing some work here.”
He sees Chanyeol returning the guitar in its case before walking towards the door. “Hm. I’ll get going then.”
“Goodbye.”
The sound of piano resumes and just when he thought he’s finally free from distractions, Chanyeol reminds him why he’s such a good pal. “I’ll tell her you missed her so much you can’t wait to see her,” he yells before running out of the room.
Baekhyun prays once again, hoping Chanyeol’s not being serious about that.
Their first meeting happens at Jinki’s birthday party and to say it’s uncomfortable would be a complete understatement.
It is her who noticed him first. Soojung sees him chatting animatedly, same old Baekhyun except for his now dark brown hair but she thinks his motorcycle imitation never gets old. She sees the way his eyes squint when he finds something funny, the way his wide smile hasn’t changed that she catches herself slightly smiling as well. She decides she’s content in partly observing from a distance for now, partly socializing with people she hasn’t greeted yet.
Somehow, they’re side by side once dinner is served (she’s pretty sure some of their nosy friends are behind it) and she wishes for time to run faster because they’re running out of topic to talk about yet the main course still isn’t on their table. They’ve talked about college, occupation, something about professional life she never thought they could converse in a serious manner, of course with long awkward silences in between. She tells him how photography is her life now, she’s worked for one company abroad but resigned since she can’t stand perfectionist bosses. He chuckles and looks like he’s about to say something but nothing comes out, she thinks about why he’s possibly holding back to crack a joke then realizes the same could be said about her. She learns that he’s part of some choral group, joining several contests across the country, sometimes in another country, that he recently opened a small café with Chanyeol and he invites her to visit so she nods because she doesn’t know how to say that she’s happy for him, for everything that he’s accomplished, she just simply doesn’t know. And even though she’s learned new things about his life, she feels something’s lacking, she knows this isn’t normal.
She’s been using her eyes more than she expected, she guesses she’ll just figure out things without asking him; trivial, random, silly things because that is what’s normal for them. She notices he’s grown taller, her mind tells her that they’ve both grown taller, she should be teasing him that there isn’t even much of a difference and he would retort back that he’s taller nevertheless. Soojung thinks that’s how their first meeting should’ve went, with them trading insults that aren’t meant to hurt, teasing the rest of the crew with untold secrets they managed to dig up before, reminiscing about their prankster life, just simply fooling around like old times but she realizes that past is past and everything has changed.
They don’t interact anymore for rest of the night.
“We’re perfectly fine!” Baekhyun vows for the nth time. They’re inside his car, Kyungsoo on the passenger seat, his other two supposed friends at the back. Given their nonstop interrogation, he’s starting to regret his offer to drive Jongdae home. It doesn’t help that Sehun decided to tag along. He wonders if friends really grill each other out.
“Sure. If being awkward is your definition of fine,” Sehun says sarcastically. “We were not even that close before but I managed to talk and joke with her comfortably.”
Jongdae joins in the grilling session, “Yeah, you were quite a pair back then, planning mischiefs here and there. Whatever happened to the partnership?”
“Okay, there were times that we’re silent.”
“You mean all the time?” When he receives no answer, Sehun decides to press on further because Baekhyun being disconcerted isn’t very common. “I have to admit, watching you two being awkward is rather entertaining.”
“Shut up.”
“It’s true! I’m pretty sure everyone who watched you two felt tensed, even I felt tensed at one point. It’s a good thing we, your friends, have a very apt sense and knows better than to embarrass you any further,” Sehun argues.
Baekhyun wonders if he’s supposed to thank them for that.
“Come to think of it, they’re worse than two drunk people who just woke up and found out they had one-night stand,” Jongdae smirks, Sehun claps in agreement while laughing profusely.
No, there’s no way I’ll thank them. “How on earth did I end up sitting beside her during dinner anyway?”
“Oh I know,” Jongdae answers mysteriously, “maybe you just followed your heart.” Jongdae burst into giggles while Sehun chokes on his water, inevitably spitting a few droplets on his pants. Kyungsoo seems amused as well but thankfully, he doesn’t plan to to death since the two are already doing an incredible job.
“Whatever.”
Kyungsoo sighs, shaking his head. “You’re impossible. I wonder how Soojung’s dealing with this.”
“We’re perfectly fine!” Soojung whines but Jinri isn’t easily moved. “Besides, we’ve already sorted out things before I went to San Francisco.”
Jinri laughs because her best friend is pissed and positively in denial. “Yeah right. Of course, you guys made up during that time. You had no other choice!”
“What the hell do you mean by that?”
“Seriously? Calling him an hour before your flight? Obviously, you guys had no choice but to be civil at the very least. All you two ever did was to say good luck on your life and goodbye.”
“What?”
“But admit it, you had so much to ask and so much to tell yet you couldn’t because there was a freaking plane you had to board! God, and here I thought you were the mature one between us. Looking back, you were just as stupid as I was!”
Soojung gapes, not wanting to believe that Jinri just called her stupid.
“Am I right? Or am I right?”
She hates it when Jinri knows she’s damn right.
They have managed to avoid each other for more than a week.
(It’s been exactly nine days but they won’t admit they have been counting. When will they ever admit?)
Baekhyun wakes up from the constant ringing of the doorbell accompanied by impatient knocks on his door. It takes all of his early morning willpower not to yell at the unwanted visitor during this time of the day. He lazily slips out of his bed, goes in his bathroom to at least fix his dishevelled hair in attempt to look decent enough.
He scoffs. Barging in his apartment at this ungodly hour is nothing close to decent.
“Dad?”
“Wow, I thought your morning look had improved over the years. You still look the same shabby kid to me.” His dad reaches to ruffle his hair. There’s no point in looking decent then.
“Dad, you should’ve called me before coming. I didn’t even prepare anything. Wait, are you spending Christmas with me?”
“That’s right. Got a problem?”
“Yes.”
“And what is that?”
“We should celebrate somewhere, not in Seoul. Perhaps, back in Yanggu! Besides, I’ve got no space to let you sleep in.” It isn’t entirely a lie since his flat is a mess at its current state. Maybe that’s why his partly conscious mind still isn’t taking any action yet to usher his father inside.
“Not even for me?” Baekhyun’s jaw drops, his eyes filled with shock and confusion. His dear grandmother happens to be hiding on the side, few steps far from his doorframe. “I’m not a ghost. Close your mouth.”
“How-
“Are you letting us in or we’ll drive back to province?” His grandmother chuckles then hugs him. “Happy holidays, Baekhyun.”
After a few sweeps and tosses of his cluttered stuffs to the side, they’re having breakfast courtesy of Baekhyun’s dad. Along the way, Baekhyun learns from him that they had left the province by a car during dawn for a very apparent reason: his grandmother is excited to see him (which was quickly denied but he likes to think otherwise). His mother, on the other hand, will be spending holidays with his brother, together with the new extension to their family. Baekhyun argues that they should be celebrating altogether but Dad reveals they’ll be out of the country and they can’t leave Grandma alone.
“Still, you didn’t have to travel all the way here. I could always go back by myself. It’s a long drive, I’d rather you let me travel than getting yourselves tired from the journey,” he insists before sipping his cup of coffee.
“Aw, you’ve been a lot more caring recently. Is that a sign that you finally got someone?” Grandma wiggles her eyebrows at him as he chokes on his drink.
“Sorry to disappoint you but it’s not. And what? I’ve always been the compassionate type.”
She shoots him a strange look, clearly in disagreement with what he just said. As if to mock him further, his Dad speaks up, “You shove Jongdae towards the lake when I said he sang better than you.”
“When I was twelve! And he knew how to swim so it’s fine,” Baekhyun defends.
They share a laugh and proceeds to finish their meal. It isn’t too long before Dad speaks up again, “Anyway, your halmeoni wants to go shopping.”
“Right now?”
“No, on Christmas day.”
Baekhyun agrees since he doesn’t have any plans on what to do yet. It’s only two days left before the said date, he thinks being with family is the best way to celebrate. Nothing can go wrong during holidays, he thinks.
They say surprises are common on Christmas day. Their second meeting coincides with it.
“Yah, Baekhyun, she looks familiar. Isn’t that your pretty friend back in high school? Soojung was it?”
Baekhyun stiffens. He doesn’t know if his grandmother has really good memory or she must be mistaking someone for Soojung. He convinces himself that it’s the latter because, chances are, he’s lucky today and he’ll get anything he hopes for.
But then he remembers he’s never really good at chances.
Last minute shopping before Christmas isn’t a trend for Soojung but shopping on the day itself is. She’s been roaming around the mall since the afternoon, finally, a time with herself alone. Night comes by quicker than she expected, she’s been enjoying this day too much to notice that there are still surprises that awaits her.
She’s busily looking at some silver accessories inside a jewelry store Sunyoung once told her about when a soft, a little throaty voice, which she identifies coming from someone old, reaches her ears. “Excuse me, you’re Soojung, right?” She’s greeted by a warm smile and momentarily, she’s stunned.
“Halmeoni?”
“Why is everyone so shocked whenever they see me? Baekhyun, did you tell something to your friends?”
“I didn’t do anything!”
Soojung isn’t very sure how to react, her mind is panicking because he’s here, his grandmother’s also here and she thinks everything is bound to be awkward later on.
“Is he telling the truth, dear?”
“H-huh? Oh, yes. He didn’t tell anything,” she answers with a poorly convincing smile. We haven’t even talked properly.
Her left hand is grabbed and now being caressed by somebody’s wrinkled palms. “It’s really great to see you. Come on, join us for dinner.” Her shopping bags are taken from her grasp by Grandma and orders his grandson, “Baekhyun, hold these.”
“Ah, no, no it’s fine,” she reaches for them but Baekhyun already takes a hold of it.
Their eyes meet and it’s him who smiles first. She still doesn’t know how to react. “Just follow what she says, you know better than to make her sad. I bet she’s really hungry right now.”
It’s only when Grandma pinches Baekhyun’s cheek and he lets out a yelp, she feels a little at ease. Maybe, it won’t be so awkward after all.
They are sitting side by side over dinner, Soojung feels like it’s some kind of déjà vu except that they’re in a seafood restaurant and a grandmother is sitting, observing in front of them. Not too long after, his father arrives and looks a little surprised to see her as she bows for greeting. Once they’re settled down, he asks if Baekhyun had planned all along to introduce his girlfriend on Christmas day but he’s met by widened eyes and a simple ‘she’s not my girlfriend’ where Grandma snorts at. She wonders what’s inside her mind.
Things take its turn into opposite direction because this dinner is relatively fine, undeniably better than their first one. Soojung thinks it’s because of a certain curious grandmother that won’t stop asking her about anything plausible, not that she’s complaining but in fact, she likes it because for some reason, Grandma would manage to pull in Baekhyun to the conversation. She doesn’t really know how it started but she realizes, when desserts are already being served, that they are being normal this time – debating over petty things, exchanging sarcastic thoughts, kicking each other’s shin until one howls in pain (it’s usually him) and along the laughter and knowing glances they share, she feels something inexplicable she’d rather not think about by now.
(Krystal won’t have to wonder how it feels like to be Soojung again because now she knows that it feels like home.)
Perhaps, Tiffany’s right. In her five years of absence, some things have changed but she’s glad that somehow, Baekhyun’s still the same – cute, witty, same old friend she fell in love with—uh oh
But she won’t admit that to anyone, not even to herself. She didn’t bother before, what’s the point of doing it now?
“You don’t have to drive me all the way home, there’s a bus stop at the next street, you can drop me there,” she mutters.
“You heard her. I better make sure you’re back safely or she’ll cut off every inheritance I may get from her side of the family.”
“Ah, so you’re doing this for your future riches? How thoughtful, really.”
Baekhyun smiles and he honestly thinks he wouldn’t be able to cease smiling throughout the ride. It’s strange to think he’s thankful whenever he sees the stop light, that he doesn’t mind if there would be traffic along the way only if it would mean to spend another second with her.
They finally reach her house and he parks just in front of the gates. His smile slightly falters because he isn’t sure when they would meet again, he isn’t even sure if she wants to meet him again.
He doesn’t know how long he’s been staring at the steering wheel but when he turns to look at her, he gets a bit surprised to see that she still hasn’t unlocked her seatbelt and more importantly, she’s looking at him with that beautiful smile.
“What? You finally think I’m pretty,” she smirks.
“You’ve always been beautiful to me.” He leans in before he could hesitate, he cups her face with both hands before he could think twice, he presses his lips onto hers before he could change his mind. Even though he knows that he’s never really good at chances-
Screw chances, this is the last one I’ve got.
She’s frozen because this might be the most unpredictable thing Baekhyun ever did to her. His hands are touching either side of her face, his palms are cold but she thinks it’s nothing compared to how warm his lips are. Her mind can’t truly think about anything else, except for how he’s nibbling her lower lip and it’s making her crazy.
Suddenly, she feels his hands drop to the sides and he slightly pulls away, their lips still almost touching and it’s only then she realizes that she was not responding to his kisses so she places her right hand at the back of his head and makes sure their lips meet again. With her eyes closed, she hopes that he can somehow grasp, as she brushes her lips to his, how much she’s missed him through the years.
And as it gets deeper, Soojung knows she’s close to falling, she knows she’s being lost in this new sensation and hopes to keep this until forever, with their lips against each other, moving in sync and she thinks his kisses feel so good, so perfect-
Beep. You have one new message.
She backs away abruptly, her heart pounding so damn fast and her eyes are wide, panicking, looking at almost everything but him. With her shaking hand, she clumsily fumbles her phone and curses about why it isn’t on silent mode, why Sooyeon texted her, just why did they have to stop. “I- I’ll go now. Thanks.” She grabs her shoulder bag and moves out of the car.
“Wait, you forgot these,” he calls and hands her shopping bags through the window. She reaches out and takes a hold of it, her hand accidentally brushing his fingers and she wonders since when did Baekhyun affects her this much to feel some kind of electricity she knows is non-existent.
“Thank you. Goodnight, Baekhyun,” she smiles before walking to the front door. It takes all of her remaining energy for her legs not to give up, her hands still shaking as picks up her keys that fell to the ground. She wants nothing more than to lock herself inside her room and wonder, what will happen now?
“Okay, you’re becoming weirder and weirder for the last two days. What happened to you?” Soojung hears her sister asking one night when she’s slouching on their couch, her eyes fixated at the ceiling. Sooyeon must’ve noticed how she’s frowning one second then smiling at the next and she can’t really blame her if she’ll start to think she’s downright crazy.
“Something happened.”
“Obviously.”
“It’s weird.”
“You’re weird.”
“Maybe I am.”
Sooyeon turns her head to look at her. This isn’t the Soojung she knows. “Who are you?”
She groans, “I’m somebody’s friend few years ago but now I doubt that label still applies.”
There are times when you need to be alone; to think, to remember, to realize and Baekhyun thinks it’s his time now. He is stuck in another traffic once again but this time, he isn’t glancing at other vehicles nor at advertisements outside. He doesn’t even bother to neither be pissed because he found out Sehun tricked him and that bubble tea shop didn’t actually close nor does he care about Jongin losing the bet this time.
He’s thinking about Soojung. It can’t be helped, he reasons, because he’s inside his car and the memory of his little stunt just won’t get out of his mind. The thought of her kissing him back, the way her fingers ran through his hair as she deepens the kiss that night, just the simple thought of them being that close is enough to send his blood racing. It’s a different kind of kiss, he thinks, unlike those he had from his previous relationships and Baekhyun realizes that what makes it so special is because of Soojung herself. Baekhyun thinks he won’t ever forget how undeniably right her lips feel against his.
But there’s another thought that awakens his every doubt. He remembers the look on her face when they pulled away, the look that tells him that she’s bewildered, that she felt guilty, that she didn’t know what she’s doing and just the simple thought of her, possibly regretting her actions is enough to crush his one and only hope.
That, maybe, she’s in love with him just as he’s madly in love with her.
He wishes he’s not too late for realizing that just now.
“You’ve wasted five years of running away from it, but in fact, one day you’ll be bound to face that something you’ve been disregarding,” Sooyeon tells her and she thinks maybe, she’s telling the truth she herself doesn’t admit, “You can’t ignore something you’ve been waiting to have all this time.”
“Something’s bothering you.”
Baekhyun looks at his grandmother, who’s uninterestedly flipping channels on screen. “I’m sorry?”
She shuts the television off and says, “Something’s bothering you, I can tell.” She gestures him to sit beside her on the sofa and he obliges. “You still haven’t eaten that pasta you brought home, unless you’re capable of being full by merely looking and smelling, I say you have a problem. Now spill.”
He stares at her, sending that gaze that he knows she could still read after all these years. It’s the look he would always give whenever they would have a little private chat like this.
“Fine, you won’t tell names,” she sighs, but he’s still intently looking at her, “and gender?”
Baekhyun snorts, “I’ll keep everything anonymous for my own sake.”
“Whatever floats your boat. Get to the good part already,” she demands.
He recalls everything but he isn’t sure where to start. “I’m confused,” he rakes his fingers through his hair, “about something I did to someone. And to think I don’t even know what we are in the first place, I just… I don’t really know.
“Sooj- that someone left when everything was blurry, you know, questions hanging in the air for five years yet now that we’ve finally met, I can’t bring myself to talk, to ask and maybe, to say ‘I’m sorry’.
“And then I did that and it just made everything worse. Sometimes I wish that I could turn back time and make everything less complicated because… I missed spending my time with that someone. I missed us.”
Silence ensues, both being lost in their thoughts. He’s staring at a black screen in front of them but his mind is somewhere far away. Grandma, on the other hand, is looking at her grandson, a small smile gracing on her lips.
“Baekhyun,” she finally calls.
He looks up, “Yes?”
“Time flies and no matter how much you want it, time won’t turn back. But people are different. People may fly away from you but sometimes, you’ll find them again, they will turn around and maybe, they will become a part of your life once more. Maybe. Because in this case, it will depend on how much you want them to be.”
Then it hits him.
He smiles.
Baekhyun thinks that the older ones really have a knack to enlighten the younger ones.
“But there are exceptions,” she adds.
He becomes confused all of a sudden. “Like what?”
“If the people you want back in your life is already dead,” Grandma says as-a-matter-of-factly, “You wouldn’t want them haunting you every night, trust me. Is she dead?”
“No.”
He doesn’t miss the glint in her eyes as she pats his back reassuringly. He also doesn’t miss the fact that she knows that that someone is a ‘she’. “Son, then there’s no problem at all.”
“So how was it?”
Soojung raises an eyebrow, “How was what?”
“The kiss, of course!” She watches as Sooyeon giggles at her flushed face and so she grabs the nearest pillow and thwacks it to her over and over. Her sister doesn’t have to know that it’s the kind of kiss she wouldn’t trade for anything else.
Maybe this time, they can be more than just friends
“Jinri, where are you?”
“What the hell do you want?”
“Are you crying?”
“I’m in a freaking airport.”
“Why would you cry in there?”
Soojung listens at her loud sobs, occasional choking and dramatic laments on how Chanyeol is going to Japan, how he’s leaving her all alone, how they won’t get to spend New Year ’s Eve together, how he might find someone better. She nearly hangs up to leave Jinri in her own sappy world if not for a distinct voice she’s been dying to hear since their last encounter.
Relax, Jinri. I’ll make sure he won’t do anything stupid in Japan.
Baekhyun’s comforting words to Jinri brings a whole sense of discomfort to Soojung. She grabs her coat then runs down the stairs, checking her wallet at the same time if she has enough bills to pay a cab. She nearly trips on her way out because Sooyeon’s voice appeared all of a sudden, asking why she’s in a hurry at nine in the morning. She doesn’t bother to answer and storms out of their house as fast as she could. She won’t let another stupid farewell scene to happen at the very same airport, not like what she did five years ago.
She runs from one corner to another, scanning every faces that her eyes land upon.
Soojung’s never a morning person. Often than not, she’d swear at anything she finds irritating, maybe she’d swear at everything because for her, mornings are supposed to be an extension of her sleeping time. Normally, she’d be lying on her bed until Sooyeon whacks her repeatedly with a pillow but she guesses she has made an exception today, save from muttering profanities, of course. Soojung blames the weather for being so damn cold, the taxi for being slow, the security policy in this airport because the entrance line is frustratingly long. She manages to go inside without exploding her temper and so she begins her quest while still blaming other people for all the trouble she’s experiencing this morning, just to find him. She blames Jinri for not calling her earlier, she blames Chanyeol for not telling her anything at all, she also blames Baekhyun for not being tall enough-
But she takes back everything the moment she spots him standing near the departure line.
Byun Baekhyun, we need to talk.
There’s a strong grip on his wrist and now he’s being dragged by someone. He thinks of putting his hapkido skills into use but thankfully, his sense of smell works faster than his fighting instinct, or else he would’ve kicked his ‘kidnapper’ in no time. Baekhyun sneers at his own ability to recognize Soojung’s scent after all these years. She didn’t change her perfume, that’s why.
Before he could frown as to why in the world he still remembers, Soojung snaps at him and talks, albeit panting, like she won’t have tomorrow to spare.
“Listen, I’m still kind of mad at you for ignoring me for the last three days. Wait, no, I am mad at you! But you know what? I am so tired of thinking about what I’ve done, what you’ve done and what we’ve been doing all this time. It’s so frustrating and-
Baekhyun is visibly lost on whatever she’s doing right now. He could only watch as she takes both of his hands, clutching them together with hers. He’s still not sure what to make of this whole situation.
“-I’m sorry.”
What?
“I’m sorry, Baekhyun.” This time, she’s facing him. Her eyes are slightly red and he guesses she’s holding back her tears. “I was just… I don’t know. I was really stupid, not letting you know that I was leaving before. But that’s because I was really, really mad at you. At everything.
“I thought we’re fine all this time because, five years ago, you came here right after I called you. We said goodbye properly, you said take care and I did tell you the same thing. We even hugged before I checked in and that’s when I felt reassured that I would leave Seoul smoothly, without my conscience reminding me of something I’d regret. I believed everything’s alright between us but you know what? It’s not. Not for me, at least.”
Passengers of flight B6J24 going to Japan-
“Look, I’ll not ask you to forgive me right away but I want you to know that I’ll wait for that day where we could go back to normal. You know, talk and laugh about anything, just like what we used to do when we were young. Most especially talk, yeah, we need to talk about us and the, um, you know about that,” she smiles nervously.
“About what?” Baekhyun isn’t sure whether he’s becoming more and more delusional because his mind’s auguring something good, his heart’s beating a little faster than the usual.
“Never mind.” She pushes him away but he doesn’t budge, he admits she is kind of cute right now and he kind of like seeing her being a little flustered while blushing. “Don’t you have a flight to catch? You should go! Go!” Soojung pulls him towards the departure line again but this time, he grabs her wrists and looks straight into her eyes. Maybe, this is the moment he has been waiting for.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
She blinks.
“Say that again?”
“I’m not going anywhere, Soojung.”
She nervously laughs, “You see, plane tickets aren’t cheap nowadays so you should go.” Attempting to free her wrists from his tight grip happens to be a futile move. “Baekhyun…”
“I don’t have a flight to catch, I’m just here to send Chanyeol off. Look, I don’t even have any luggage with me.”
What the hell?
“Are you kidding me?”
“No, why would-
“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!” She’s enraged, but mostly embarrassed because who wouldn’t be? “I’m wearing flip flops, for God’s sake! And it’s freaking winter!” Soojung shouts, then hits him, shoves him at one side and then hits him again and again. She wonders why he’s not stopping her at all.
She can see him pursing his lips into thin line, obviously trying hard not to laugh at her and she thinks it’s better this way. “How could I tell you? You’re spurting seventy words per second,” he retorts.
“You could’ve interrupted me-
“I can’t. You looked so serious, I didn’t have the heart to stop you at all.”
“Still, you-
She feels sudden warmth spreading through her system because his arms are now wrapped around her, their heads side by side. Soojung thought that moments like this are supposed to happen in slow motion, like every romantic scene in cinemas but instead, his hug came fast and leaves her rooted on her spot. That moments like this should feel like the world has stopped yet all she sees are people dragging their suitcases, an obvious sign that the world continues to go on as it is. That moments like this are expected to have a soft melody playing in the background but she only hears an announcer’s voice for flight reminders.
But it doesn’t mean that she fails to recognise her own heart thumping fast, doesn’t mean she forgets to bear in mind how it feels like to be in his loving embrace, doesn’t mean that she can’t hear his breathing which reminds her how he’s close to her, how he’s here, how this moment is finally happening.
Soojung realizes, when her smile is already wide before she thinks of doing so, that even though this moment isn’t as how she thought it’s supposed to be doesn’t mean that she feels anything less than happy.
“Soojung.”
“Hmm?”
“I’m sorry. For everything that happened before.”
“It’s okay. I’ll forgive you if you’ll forgive me.”
“I don’t have to. I know you love me, anyway.”
She breaks free from the hug, judging from her incredulous expression he can see that she is annoyed and Baekhyun laughs and he realizes he’s never been this happy. He thinks his laugh never sounded this merry, he thinks he has never felt this way before.
“Unbelievable. I’m going home,” she grunts and walks away from him but he reaches for her hand and intertwines their fingers.
This time, they know better than to let go.
“Alright, let’s go home.”
a/n: this is unbelievably long bc i don't do 6k fics but this is baekstal we're talking about and i've been crazy about them since day one. i now commend anyone who tried reading up to this point wow thank you so much ;__; special appearances by their chingus and baek's dad and halmeoni lol i wasn't really sure how to portray them orz please forgive the incoherency in most parts. this was written during xmas week (when i was high on sweets and holiday stuffs that's why this ended happily) and was supposed to be posted on the last day of december, i'm so sorry i know you won't feel the xmas vibes anymore bc it's already 2014. i guess meeting my own deadline isn't my style and the recent dating news of yoona and sooyoung came in like a wrecking ball and wrecked my shipping heart which didn't really help me in finalizing this fic. anyway, i hope this isn't that bad bc i had fun writing it??? comments, questions and violent reactions are welcomed :]
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