Try feeling how I feel. Try being in my place where all you used to feel was happiness but now it all turns into sadness. I see my man on stage everyday being y and all even if it's only through my laptop screen. I fangirl about him, who stole my heart for the very first time. We used to be friends, protecting each other well I'm the ONE who tried helping him when guys started to approach him coz that kid was a loner. I tried talking to him hoping he will think of me as a friend but no he never did. I was a year younger than everyone in my class. I skipped grade coz I'm Caucasian-Malaysian but migrated to Korea when I was 7. Girls went crazy over him while I had to carry his bags. Yes I know a girl carrying a guy's bag is ridiculous but I volunteered. Unfortunately he went on training to debut with EXO. Some people said that he's a nice kid but some said he's a devil. For me Jongin is my first love even when I'm now 18 I've always wanted Kai to speak to me at least once. He only nodded everytime. Even on my birthday whichever as on the same month as his, he pushed me away when his "girls" surrounded me. I don't know if he did that to warn me or help me. He even laughed when I got slapped by a girl coz I cling onto him too much. And that was the time I snapped out of it. Kai and I were never meant to be. I took out all my photocards and albums of EXO, I even took out a very rare picture of us which was took by an accident. As usual he was looking like he's sleepy or somethi