It had been raining for days and the mood of the people around me seems to have dropped considerably…including me. I have already finished the chores and was free for the rest of the day. (Bias' first name or nickname), as always was in the room he made into his studio creating wonderful music. I, on the other hand am sitting inside in the room we share, watching the raindrops fall through the window.

I have always loved the rain… it looks like teardrops falling from the sky… and somehow I feel comforted to know that the sky cries for me. I chuckled at my own thoughts. Maybe its just the weather that made me feel even more lonesome than I do on ordinary days… or is it?

Well, it has been six going on seven years since we were formally engaged… three years since I decided to move into the house based on his mother’s recommendation... I’ve waited but nothing changed. I thought initially that I can wait forever just to make him mine but its taking too long and with each year that pass, a part of me is slowly ebbing away…

I should be used to this I know with being the older but duller sister whose younger sibling shines like the stars in the sky. Everyone doted on the perfect daughter and I was left in the background waiting for whatever was left for me to take. Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate my sister, I admire her because she’s smart and strong and pretty. It’s just that I can’t really lean on her as I am supposed to be the older one. Besides, she didn’t want to be born perfect…she just is. I don’t hate my parents as well… they may be a little out there but I feel that they love me in their own way and for that I’m thankful.

I did think that fate had finally smiled for me when the very man I fell hopelessly in love with was the eldest son of my father’s best friend… I was really happy when they said we were to be engaged as per their agreement when they were young. Surprised, that I was but I was more scared of his reaction as he sat dumbfounded in his seat, not saying anything. Of course my intuition was right… painful but right.

I admit that I am average in almost everything looks and skills wise unlike my younger sister who surpasses me in looks and everything except the talent in piano and violin. I’ve always thought I would never want anything more than what comes my way until I met him…

I never had anything I wanted so much in this world… except for the love of the almost perfect man named (Bias'  name)..

I walked away from the window and sat on our… no… his bed… Hahaha… what is this? Am I turning crazy? I’m speaking to myself… Is this the result?  I hate being pitied and yet, I pity myself. Tch. This is so lame and yet I can’t seem to do anything about it. Is this the point when I had to go and make a decision?  Should I hang on or should I let go? I know I had been selfishly hanging on to the hope that one day… he might come to his senses and realize that he had been in love with me all along. But deep inside I know that it will always be just wishful thinking...

I suppose it is that time. I have hated and yet waited for this time, the time for him to choose to be with a girl who can bear his future children and support his dream. I have done all that I could to make this engagement work, even if I knew that in the end it will still be like this.

Ah…seems I could not prolong it any longer… it’s time to free him… I could say that I love him… too much that I am willing to let him have his happiness at the expense of mine.

I stood and took the only picture we have together. He was beside me… smiling that adorable smile of his… if only he could smile like that for me. Then I would be finally be happy.

I shook my head to shake the weird thoughts starting to form in my head.  I have decided and I have to finally stick to this… for his happiness.

I sighed deeply as I took one last look at our photo together.  I’m sorry … I just love you too much… I was selfish… I hope you can find happiness… the one that you really deserve.

I returned the picture to the book I always have with me and placed it in one of the luggages I have prepared. I hafe already fixed my things cause I’m moving out soon … I smiled, a small fake smile I showed everyone to let them know I’m okay… and from the bedside drawer, I took a folded paper neatly tucked under some of my things and opened to read it like I did several times today…

“Dearest (Bias' first name or nickname),

By the time you read this letter, I should be out of this house. I apologize for not saying this face to face but I don’t know when you will have the time to hear me out since you are busy with a lot of things.

First I would like to apologize… I know I forced myself on you when I moved into the apartment. Sure it was your mother who agreed but still it wasn’t right for me to just cohabitate with you like I co own the place. I returned everything to their proper place and removed all the things that have any relation to my living there so you shouldn’t worry anymore. The things I bought with you are inside the big box beside your PS3, please sort out what you need and you may throw out what you don’t need.  I kept the silk shirt you gave me on the first birthday I celebrated in here as well as the teddy bear I pressured you to give me when you won after I dragged you out on the arcade three years ago. I hope its okay for me to have these at least.

I would also like to apologize if you weren’t able to be with the person you love because of me. I’m not sure who she is but I kind of saw an email when you left your desktop computer unlocked while you where fixing snacks in the kitchen. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anybody that we were together for some time so you don’t have to worry about making this a big deal. Ahaha… sorry, I kinda overheard you and your best bud talking about me… so just give me the word if you need me to deny anything and I’ll even talk to her if you need me to.”

And lastly thank you. For being patient with me and not directly being rude during this 6 years… we weren’t the closest but you were the best roommate I can ever have.

Don’t work too hard okay? You always forget to drink your vitamins. You need to socialize more… get out of your room every now and then. I can no longer remind you of that everyday so please…

Please stay happy and healthy always. I hope one day you’ll find the girl your heart is waiting for.

Signed,

(Your full name)”

I bet no one would have guessed that I have had this letter ready for over a year… I chuckled and neatly folded the paper. This is it…I hope everything would be set for the new apartment I rented. It would be a lot smaller than this but at least it is mine.

I opened the door and placed the spare key and the note on the bedside table. 

I will soon be out of this room…the room which had seemed to be mine for some time… I’m going to miss this room… but there’s no backing out now.

I carried the luggage that was waiting in front of the apartment door and took one last look around the apartment area… and closed the door.

“This is it… goodbye.”