First Kiss
First Kiss"And cut!"
Taeyang hurriedly leapt up, off of the prop bed that he had been lying on. He could hear the director and the team of producers congratulating everyone for having finished filming the music video for Big Bang's second single, "My Girl", but he really didn't feel like celebrating. He was far too distracted and troubled by the twisting feeling in the pit of his stomach and, instead of joining everyone else at the refreshments table for their hour-long break, he abruptly left the room, not bothering to excuse himself. Ironically, no one even seemed to notice the star of the music video, heading toward the door- they were all too busy praising Lee Suh Ra¹, the lead actress, for having added some extra "passion and emotion" to the music video, by kissing Taeyang.
The empty hallway was significantly more quiet than the filming room, full of people, was, but the young man hardly noticed the difference. He was on the verge of panic; his body was beginning to go into shock at what had just happened.
Needing an enclosed area to think and to try and come to terms with the shocking event, Taeyang retreated to the men's lavatories, relieved to find that, at least, he was the only person inside. It would have been uncomfortably awkward, had anyone else seen him in his current state, with a pale face, shaking hands and an extremely uncoordinated mind.
Acting on immediate instinct, he rushed to a sink, opened both the hot and cold water taps full blast, and, almost frantically, pumped some liquid soap from the soap dispenser on the wall and immediately brought the gel-like substance to his lips. He scrubbed and scrubbed, trying, desperately, to wash away the feeling of his first kiss; that had been unexpected and unwanted.
-----
"Have you seen Taeyang?" TOP inquired, standing at the table of refreshments, with his fellow band members.
They hadn't really been really been involved in the music video that was supposed to be "Taeyang's solo" *, but had come to the studio, anyways for support.
Seungri paused, having just selected a blueberry muffin from the table, and looked around the somewhat crowded room.
"Maybe he went to wash up," he suggested, when he couldn't see the older man amongst the production team and actors.
TOP nodded, not truly convinced. It wasn't like the usually responsible Taeyang to simply get up and leave, without telling anyone, first.
"I'm going to look for him," he notified his band mates, unable to ignore his feelings of concern for his suddenly missing friend.
And so, not really knowing where to start first, but prepared to search the entire complex, TOP walked out into the hallway, with a mission to find Taeyang.
-----
Only when he had rubbed his lips so hard that they were red and had used so much soap that he could taste its bitterness in his mouth, did Taeyang stop washing his lips. On still trembling legs, he made his way to the paper towel dispenser and pulled out several pieces more than he needed.
He was rooted to the ground, facing the dispenser with his back to the washroom door, and absently wiping the rough, brown paper over his raw lips. He stared at the floor of the washroom, lined with small white and turquoise blue ceramic tiles, and replayed the kiss that he had just received over and over in his mind.
It wasn't supposed to have happened. No where in the script for the video had it instructed for Taeyang to be kissed. In fact, he had involved himself in the plot for the music video specifically to ensure that there would be no kissing involved. Up until now, he had never been kissed before, and it just wasn't something that he was yet ready for.
Despite the fact that Suh Ra was a friendly young woman, who had made him feel comfortable during the more intimate scenes of the music video, he couldn't help but to feel slightly angry with her. Had she really such little self-control and respect for his feelings that she had simply taken the liberty of kissing him without his consent? And the director had tricked him. He had told Taeyang to lie absolutely still and the young man, not suspecting that his management team would be so cunning, had simply obeyed, closing his eyes for added effect.
How shocked he was, indeed, when he felt a pair of lips on his.
Not wanting to be unprofessional, but inwardly panicking, Taeyang had fought the urge to push her off. Thankfully, this had been the last scene that they filmed, otherwise, he didn't think that he would be able to film the rest of the video.
He felt soiled, weak, vulnerable and exposed. And, even though his logical mind was telling him that there was nothing he could have done to prevent the situation, he couldn't help but to feel as if he was at fault.
It wasn't until he pulled the paper towel away from his lips and threw it in the rubbish bin, that he realized that he had started to cry.
-----
TOP had been searching the building for over a quarter of an hour, but still had not found Taeyang.
With a small sigh, and beginning to think that he was being a little paranoid (Taeyang was an adult, after all, and could look after himelf), TOP decided to return to the filming room, considering the possibility that Taeyang was already there and was now wondering where he was.
He was just about to retrace his steps when, as he passed, he heard what was without a doubt the sounds of soft hiccups and sobs coming from the men's room.
TOP was indeed glad that he had not quit his search when, upon rushing into the lavatory, he saw Taeyang sitting on the floor beside the garbage can, with his knees drawn up to his chest and his head resting in his folded arms, no doubt hiding a crying face.
"Youngbae?!" TOP exclaimed taken aback by the sight, and deeply concerned for his friend.
Taeyang looked up, his heart dropping in his chest, as he realized that his moment of despair was no longer private.
He felt pathetic. Here he was, a grown man, crying on the floor of a public bathroom because his first kiss had just been stolen. He might even have felt a little embarrassed if his own mother had found him in such a state, let alone one of his band mates, and TOP, at that. He had always viewed the older man as being the epitome of stereotypical masculinity- certainly not one to be reduced to tears by a music video mishap, and someone who had definitely been kissed before.
Taeyang stiffened as TOP, who was now sitting next to him, placed a comforting hand on his back.
"What's wrong?" He asked the younger, softly.
Taeyang didn't want to say anything, out of a need to protect the very little amount of dignity that he felt he had left, but he knew that it would be useless to lie. And a little part of him, who had already been crushed by the weight of feeling so violated, wanted him to share his broken-down emotions with someone else, in the hopes that the burden might be lightened.
"I-I"ve...n-never been kissed b-before..." he choked out, not looking at his hyung.
He was waiting for TOP to tell him that the music video kiss wasn't a big deal and that he was being overly sentimental, or that, even worse, his elder would laugh at him for never having been kissed.
"What?!" TOP exclaimed, suddenly understanding why his dongsaeng was so upset. "You mean that kiss during filming was your first?!"
He actually felt outraged at the fact that Taeyang had essentially been exploited. The producers and the director had taken advantage of him, simply for the sake of making a more marketable product. They, clearly, hadn't once considered Taeyang's feelings and were now preparing to make a moment that should have been a special, private occassion with someone that he loved, displayed for all to see.
Battling the urge to storm into the filming room, destroy the footage and give the management team a piece of his mind, in a rather violent manner, TOP pulled Taeyang into a hug, instead.
"I can't believe they would do something like that!" He fumed, as he let Taeyang cry quietly against his shoulder.
"Please don't say anything, hyung," Taeyang looked up, for a moment, sniffling a little. "I don't want you to get in trouble with management."
"But they can't do things like that to people!" TOP continued, absolutely infuriated. "It just isn't right!"
"I know...but it won't help if you make a scene and get suspended," Taeyang reasoned. "Promise you won't do anything."
"...Alright...I won't say anything but only because you asked me not to and so that I can stay with the group and make sure they never do anything like this to you, again," TOP somewhat reluctantly agreed, tightening his hold on Taeyang.
The younger smiled, feeling a little better that, at least, someone was aware of the situation and didn't think that he was overreacting.
"Come on, " TOP started, taking Taeyang's hand and pulling him off of the ground. "Let's clean you up."
He had Taeyang sit on the counter top of the sinks, like a small child, while he tore off a piece of paper towel from the dispenser, and soaked it in a little cold water. With gentle hands, much more so than Taeyang's own frantic ones had been, he dabbed at the younger's residual tears, then washed his lips with care.
Taeyang closed his eyes, feeling that TOP was much more effective at washing away the feeling of the kiss than he had been. When the elder had finished, he opened his eyes slowly, meeting a pair of warm, dark eyes that were cautiously observing him.
The two had suddenly fixed their gazes on each other, for what seemed like a few minutes, rather than a few seconds. Taeyang could feel his heart rate speeding up, and he knew that a healthy blush was flushing out his features. He wasn't exactly sure why he felt compelled to do so, but he moved closer to his hyung, and closer still, until he had lightly pressed his lips against TOP's.
TOP felt his eyes widen, in shock. He didn't want to move, or do anything, for fear of harming the little china doll that Taeyang currently was, in his fragile emotional state, but when the younger's lips remained pressed to his own, waiting for some kind of response, he found himself unable to refuse.
Ever so gently, he moved his lips against Taeyang's, guiding the inexperienced young man. Taeyang caught on quickly, however, and soon, they were truly kissing, with TOP's arms around Taeyang's small waist and the latter running his finger's through his partner's hair, his legs, which had been hanging off of the counter, now wrapped around the other man's waist.
They leaned their foreheads together for a moment, trying to catch their breath as they pulled apart.
"B-between you and me...can we say that that was my first kiss?" Taeyang asked, quietly, pink rose splashed across his cheeks.
TOP smiled, reaching up to Taeyang's left cheek bone with his thumb.
"Of course. And now, I'm going to give you your second one."
Note:
Hi there! :) I hope I did an alright job with this story; it's my first time writing about Big Bang...Sorry if I got some details wrong. ^^'
I had the idea to write this after reading about Taeyang's first kiss being on a music video. I kind of felt bad for him, actually. Of course, I don't know the details, or the circumstance of the situation, but I couldn't help but to feel a little sad that he had lost his first kiss to someone he probably didn't know very well.
Call me old-fashioned, but I'm more of the opinion that a person's romantic "first times" should be with someone that they actually have feelings for. I'm sure that most people would feel at least a little uncomfortable if they were to kiss a complete stranger, or someone that they weren't romantically involved with and I find it a little depressing how easily those basic human feelings can be cast aside in the name of marketing. Again, I'm only basing my "facts" on articles that I came across on the internet, but it sounded like Taeyang wasn't aware that he was going to be kissed. I imagine that it must have been shocking, or even somewhat traumatising for him to have been approached like that, all of a sudden.
(1) I believe that was the actress who kissed Taeyang ^^' This story isn't meant to be a personal attack at her.
(*) I'm not too familiar with Big Bang's work, and I'm not sure if they were involved in the music video. I read that G-Dragon was, but there was also a "My Girl Part 2", apparently. I apologize if some of the things I mentioned in the story are incorrect ^^'
Thank you for taking the time to read :)
x Angela
PS: Since I've been asked, for those who were unaware of this incident, I typed "taeyang first kiss" on Google and came across:
http://www.asianpopcorn.com/default.asp?display=Taeyang_shares_first_kiss-7050
and
on the last link, it is article #10
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