It didn’t take me long to realize.

Last day of school before Christmas, there was a party right after a show put up by one of the classes a year above me. It started out sort of lame, but quickly involved to something hilarious and entertaining. The show wasn’t all that long, but the whole time, there was only one person who had my attention. Daehyun. I couldn’t get my eyes off of him. This was my first year on this school, his second. Ever since I first saw him, he was all that was on my mind. I could barely even look up at the stage when he was there. Every single thing about him was perfect. His appearance, his personality, his voice, even his name. we were relatively far in our relationship already. If it could even be called a relationship.

It started out a few weeks, maybe months, after I saw him for the first time. Since then, I would always look after him in the hallways. After sneaking around and looking after him for some time, I finally managed to pull myself together enough to give him the note I wrote. It went something along the lines of:

Hi! You probably haven’t noticed me before, but I wanted you to know that I think you look really cute, and I hope you want to be friends. I’m sorry if you think this is weird, but I just had to tell you. It’s totally cool if you don’t want to talk to me. I hope this at least brought a smile to your face.

Junhong.

I remember being so nervous. After it was given to him, I ran away as fast as I could. I couldn’t calm down the rest of the day. Luckily it was right after my last class, so I could go home and be nervous.

When I opened my laptop and saw that he had added me on facebook, I swear my heart skipped a beat. My face hurt from smiling. So far, so good. Of course I didn’t expect much just from that, but it got better. We started talking over facebook, just getting to know each other a little better. We had surprisingly lot in common. Then I decided to get it over with, and tell him about my crush, just in case it wasn’t obvious enough. I ended it all with, “I hope you don’t think it’s too weird. It’s cool if we can just be friends, too!” to which he replied that he didn’t think it was weird at all. Why? Because he was gay.

I couldn’t believe my luck. But here we were. And I sure was getting my hopes up. Maybe something could actually happen between us.

But that party crushed my dreams. Shattered them to pieces, even though it started out good. We had only talked in real like once, but today, he actually talked to me. It was just a simple “hey. Did you enjoy the show?” I panicked and only manage to nod, but god did it make me happy.

My friend went home shortly before the party started. Wasting money on the bus wasn’t a thought that appealed to me, so I waited for my parents to come pick me up. It would only be a few hours, not so bad, right?

Wrong.

I had never been the party-type, and I wasn’t so close with anyone who was actually there, so I sat alone. All the time, I was waiting for Daehyun. I was waiting for him to come over and ask me why I was sitting alone or maybe even to join him and his friends. I spend most of my time daydreaming about what could happen. Maybe our first kiss…

Half an hour passed. Then an hour. Still, nothing happened. Sitting there alone got me thinking. What would someone like him, do with someone like me? It took just a second for me to go from smiling to myself, so almost crying.

That’s when I realized what a loser I was.

That’s when I realized, that someone like him would never go for someone like me, and it made me want to cry.

Shortly after, my dad called to tell me to come out. Finally, I picked up my stuff and hurried out.

On the way home, I tried so hard not to break down. When they asked, my reply was “I’m just tired,” they didn’t question it any further.

After I got home, I spend a few hours on my laptop, trying not to think about it, without luck.

Just as I was about to sleep, my phone announced that I got a message. With a sigh, and not too much hope, I picked it up and read the message.

From: Daehyun

Hey. Did you go home?