I didn’t need to ask to know that Avii was upset. My dear sister’s lower lip stuck out sorely and her head was resting on her arms. She made occasional tsch sounds. A definite sign of fussing.

“What’s wrong with you?” I was reading some scores.

She scoffed, “nothing.”

“Didn’t ma tell you what will happen to little girls who lie?” I rolled my eyes at her apparent disappointment at something. Whatever it is.

“I think you mean little boys,” she corrected me pointedly for a quick moment before returning to her state of despair. I reached over and tousled her hair irritably. I hate it when she tralalas in her own thoughts and refuse to speak.

“Come on, if you don’t talk about it. I’m going to look for your appa.” Instead of spilling her guts out dramatically at me, she perked up at the mention of her appa.

“Let’s go,” and she started running in the direction leaving me behind.

“Aish, I should have known.”

Although I was secretly pleased as well. She has just presented me with a valid reason.

~*~

“BABOO~” When she saw her appa, she immediately ran up and kind of pounced on the older girl.

“Babo!” Came an equally enthusiastic response from her appa which in actual fact is a girl not a boy. They hugged each other for a while and I sat there scowling. It’s warm, I bet. It’s warm.

“Dramatic,” and she shot me a dangerous look which made me shut up.

“Hi Junsu,” her voice sounded a little catty but I knew her better than that. She’s not catty. If she’s mad, she gets plain evil and plays these mind tricks on you which I hate but am at her mercy of.

Still, I wanted to talk to her.

“Hi,” I muttered and was proceeding to ask her how she was when she turned towards Avii who was tugging her sleeve in a self-piteous way. I bit my lip in to control myself from screaming that I was the one who should be getting her attention instead.

But when it comes to choosing between us siblings, she always picks.

“Yes Avii?”

“I’m upset,” Avii pouted and my girl chuckled. She pinched her cheeks and . “Wae yo? Because Taeyang’s not in the country?”

“Yes, and I don’t know why I’m so bothered. I mean, I shouldn’t even be feeling upset,” she threw her arms into the air and seemed rather exasperated. Though Eun was running her hand through Avii’s hair like a lover but I kept my mouth shut because I knew I was it was just me being jealous.

“That’s cos’ you’re in love with him, dumb.” The words shot out of my mouth before I knew it. Both girls stared at me in surprise but surprisingly, Eun stared longer than my sister. She seemed to be studying my sudden maddeningly state but I saw the corner of her lips tick and I knew that she had assumptions about what happened. I have to ask her later.

My sister’s stare had evolved into something of a ravenous killer look. “You want me to hit you?”

“No,” I added quickly. She scowled for a quick moment but that look quickly faded back to her pout.

“Do you think there’s anything wrong with me that I’m missing a guy whom I haven’t seen for three days?”

I sighed perfectly understanding what Avii was talking about right now. Here I am, sitting in front of her and yet I actually miss her. They turned to me again. “What’s wrong?” She cast me a look of disbelief.

“Nothing.”

“That’s a big sigh,” she pointed out, her lips pursed together at one side. She was skeptical, obviously she didn’t believe me.

Meet Eun, my nemesis.

My sister looked bored and she suddenly jumped up and walked away towards Ivan instead. “Oppa! Pina Colada please!”

That’s right. Eun worked at a bar.

“Where are you going?” I yelled at my sister. I was under the impression that she wasn’t done with her conversation and whining yet. She turned around with the same expression that Eun has and with her hands on her hips.

“Well, obviously, you and Eun have scores to settle. I don’t want to interfere,” with that she pranced towards Ivan who not only had her Pina Colada ready, he also brought out the jar of cookies he keeps aside for her. The last thing I heard was her squeaking and then I returned my attention to her.

Well, obviously I guess. Though I didn’t expect having to deal with the problem right now.

I turned to her and she was slightly smirking now as if acknowledging the whole situation. “Come on,” she gestured to outside while putting a cigarette to her lips.

I followed her out feeling like the follower I was in the relationship which in every guy’s perceptive is rather degrading but what can I say? I’m all hers.

I watched as the smoke emerge out of her cigarette and found myself not saying anything as we walked out. She puffed consistently.

And I tried to recall a different time, of course, I couldn’t. I only saw faint traces of fading memories of her being my sweet always-there-for-me neighbour while I was the boy who fooled around with girls.

Suddenly, the cigarette stench grew faint and I felt her tight grip on my wrist.

“I’m crazy,” I felt like I was in a phase of surrealism and disbelief. My vision seemed to go out of focus and all I could perceive of was her blurred figure before me, pulling me along as we walked away from the noisy streets of Seoul into the back alley. We reached a narrow step of stairs heading up to the second level of dusty off-red building.

My vision refocused when I realized she’s let go of my wrist.

She sat down and pat the seat next to her. I looked at it, it was apparent that the steps were not built for two persons to sit together on any step. But I sat there anyway and I was right. It was a tad too cosy for a warm summer day like this.

I felt her crouch to the front a little and I followed suit. Shifted my body behind her a little so we would be more comfortable. Both of us must have felt compelled to move but we didn’t oblige to it.

Despite my attempts to make more room for her, she finally slips her hand over my shoulder, pulling me closer.

I knew she enjoyed the closeness.

“Why?” She finally asks me.

I shrugged as if I wasn’t bothered, “I didn’t finish. I’m crazy about you and I don’t know why.” That was probably the longest string of words that I’ve spoken to her for quite some time now.

She laughed, carefree while I felt dissatisfied. “Maybe because you love me?” She teased.

“Are you trying to tell me that you don’t feel the same about me? Subtle much?” I eyed her.

She as obnoxious as she can get, gives me a mysterious smile and shrugs her shoulders. I find myself saying, “I do envy what Taeyang and my sister have,” she gazed at me not understanding, “It’s pure.”

It dawns upon her. She slips her hand around my waist and my toes tinkle at her touch. I had problems with her at the start of our relationship because she was very slightly haptophobic which meant that she wasn’t exactly comfortable with me being intimate with her.

It was bad because when I hugged her, it felt like I was hugging a dead body. She would be limp and our bodies would not really touch. And when I kissed her, she sometimes twitched away because she was afraid that I would start using my tongue.

It only got better once when I almost got into an accident and she pulled me away in time. That was the first time she hugged me tightly.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about us,” I announced which kind of startled the easiness we had settled into. “I think we have a lot of issues.”

She waits for me to continue patiently.

“Maybe that’s because we have been in and out this relationship for 3 years in which others would be already considering marriage!” We both became aware that I was indignant. I wanted kids. I wanted to be a father before I turn 30. I looked at her. She didn’t say a word.

“Do you want to get married then?” She asked me. I became silent.

I think it disturbed both of us quite a bit. It’s not saying that we were uncomplicated individuals like Taeyang and Avii weren’t but our being together was complicated because we were both rather insecure.

We both get jealous easily and sometimes in our anger, we say things in spite and hurt each other.

Finally, I said, “maybe.”

She just nodded, “me too.”

But deep down, we both knew we didn’t want each other to marry anyone else despite unable to come to a conclusion if we should ever get married. For some odd reason, we always felt that we didn’t have to get married to stay together forever. We could just do that anyway. And at times, I know she is even more afraid of marriage than I was.

Talking about marriage always only reminded me of how unstable our relationship seemed. I decided to discard the topic altogether. I asked her how was work and she yawned saying it was good but exhausting. I just nodded in response.

I finally come to the reason I went into a tantrum the last time we saw each other, “are you still going to India?”

We fought long and hard because she had sprung onto me that she would be going to India for a volunteer trip the next month. I was really pissed when I realized how she made the decision by herself resulting in me feeling that in our relationship, I needed her more. It made me feel really vulnerable.

At that, her expression hardened. “You weren’t being rational about why you didn’t want me to go,” she pointed out.

“I don’t care,” I stressed the next words sarcastically. “You’re the rational one.” I had only offered one simple reason to stay. “I’ve missed you so badly these couple of days. I don’t know what I will do if you’re gone for 3 months.” I saw she didn’t take offense. In fact, she looked rather pleased now.

“I love not being the mess,” she beamed at me with a twinkle in her eyes.

“Are you saying that I’m a mess?” My eyes cocked, amused.

“Yes I am,” she continued to beam. “I was the unstable one while you were my rock. And now…” She chuckled.

I realized it was true. We have turned the tables around.

“It must be karma. Now you worry about me. You cherish me and I love your attention.”

She has a rather strange way about her affections. I gazed fondly at her smiling lips and didn’t allow her to talk no more. Those words coming from her were of high regard for me.

I caressed her face and touched her nape. It was easy since we were so close to each other. I kissed her. We kissed and it conveyed of how much we meant to each other.

When we broke away, I realized that her cheeks were flushed. Her eyes refused to meet mine; gazing at some ambiguous corner instead. She was playing with her watch. She cleared and her voice came out low and raspy as if she was trying to hide her embarrassment. That made me smile. I was always the one more comfortable with displays of affection per se.

“Well, I can’t believe you were jealous of your own sister,” when she finally settled down from being robbed of words.

“Who says I was?” I started to fidget and she slapped her hand onto mine. “Ow,” I winced. “For crying out loud, I am even jealous of the people that you haven’t even met in India. I have a big issue.” I admitted.

She laughed, “babo yah. I want you to come with me.”

“India?!” I know how I sounded and judging from the slightly peeved expression on my face, she knew it too. I kind of angered her with my mild discrimination. “Don’t be angry,” I said immediately, “we just made up. I don’t want to be missing you in my life again.”

My honesty kind of appeased her but not enough to make not say anything about it. “Maybe I’ll get an Indian boyfriend instead,” she scowled.

“You won’t,” she smiled in agreement. She didn’t want to fight either, not if we weren’t going to see each other for 3 months. I decided to leave it at that.

“Can you promise me something if I allow you to go there?”

Her brows cocked, “allow?” sounding incredulous. Did I also mention she’s rather femininstic? Women have every right men have, in her mind.

I ignored it, “promise me you’ll never exclude me out of all your decisions.”

“How about when I need to pee?” She blinked innocently. I hit her gently.

“Decisions that involve the both of us being apart, decisions involving us,” I named them off my finger, “decisions that involve me and you and hanging out with our friends. Or even so, family.”

She pretended to look shocked. “You’re making rules after three years?!”

“Yes, promise me. You hurt me,” I ended softly.

She seemed to ponder about it seriously. She took one glance at my eyes, recognizing I wasn’t lying. “I’m really sorry Junsu… Yes.”

Well that was one easy transaction and I knew she meant it. She leaned her head against mine comfortably.

“I’ll visit you,” I finally said.

She nodded, half-believing me. I buried my head in her hair. She smells faintly of Vanilla, Tobacco and fresh apples. There is always something about this girl that turns me on.

“Come on,” she says again and stands up, bumping my shoulder against my nose. “My break’s over.” I was holding on to her hand. I tugged at it.

“I’ll stay here for a while. I want to muse things through.”

She knelt down on the steps and kissed me softly. That made me smile. “Alright, later then.”

“I love you,” that was the umpteenth time I’ve told her that and normally when she tells me that she loves me, it’s always in a fit of excitement of upon some unexpected surprise.

But this time around, she calmly catches my gaze, “I love you too.”

She lets go of my hand and there was a lingering moment as I watched her walk away. I didn’t want her to depart from me even to return to work. How desperate I am or how in love I was, I don’t know.

Suddenly, I remember.

I remember the first time I saw her walk away from me. It was because I was dating every other girl in the city and I wanted to hit on her girlfriends which she refused to allow me. She had walked away from the conversation full of angst with her back towards me, thoroughly disappointed.

All girls are soft but this girl is tougher than the rest. She had patiently waited for me all that time before I had come to the realization that she was all along the one I wanted. And when I realized that, she had already begun to give up hope on me. It took me a lot of convincing to tell her that I was worth it and also.

She was worth it.

It all came back to me…

Before she disappears into the crowd again, I knew that I couldn’t even bear a minute without her.

Let alone three whole months.

I stood up frantically and I had made up my mind. I ran and embraced her from the back. Before she could say a word, I spoke first.

“I’m going with you.”