There was a fire on the outskirts of town that Nam Joon’s boss insisted he witness and write a testimony for the city’s brave firemen. Nam Joon hated his job sometimes, especially when it made him smell like ash and sweat.

He stormed to his cubicle, immediately loosened his tie and ed his shirt.

“Woot, sorry I don’t have any ones, can I get change for a ten?” Yoongi teased.

Haha, douchebag,” Nam Joon pulled a t shirt from one of his drawers, “What’s so important about having a detailed report on putting out a fire? They had a hose. The flames went out. No one was home. Complete waste of time.”

Yoongi shrugged, “You’re the one who wanted the community column.”

“Yeah so I can write articles about weddings or elementary school kids writing letters to soldiers. The cute stuff, not whatever this is,” he took the coffee cup out of Yooni’s hand and drank from it. Yoongi almost protested, but he held back. Nam Joon needed it more than he did.

Hoseok ran into the cubicle, “Hey, I heard about your assignment,” he tossed a package of peanut m&m’s at Nam Joon.

“Thanks, see Yoongi, this is what a good friend does. He brings candy when someone is having a bad day.”

Yoongi snatched his coffee back.

“I bought it as a thank you for dinner the other day. I was going to give it to you even if you were having a good day,” Hoseok tugged off his camera bag and placed it on Nam Joon’s desk.

“Thanks,” Nam Joon said before eating a handful of m&m’s. Yoongi stole one, Nam Joon slapped his hand.

Hoseok fidgeted, “So the blonde one…”

“Hoseok, he’s twenty-four. That’s too young for you. Also, Seokjin would kill me if you taint one of his children,” Nam Joon said.

Yoongi laughed. Hoseok looked away ashamedly. Nam Joon’s phone vibrated, he looked at the message.

“So, are you going to Tony’s with us after work today? Happy hour lasts until seven on Wednesdays,” Yoongi asked.

“Can’t, I need to pick up Aspirin on the way home.”

“Seokjin still gets those headaches?” Hoseok inquired.

“Yeah, they’re getting worse now. I keep telling him to go to a doctor but he refuses.”

“What’s wrong with doctors?”

“Shots.”

Yoongi cringed.

“Maybe it’s because of all the wind? I bet once winter starts the headaches will go away,” Hoseok provided.

“Hopefully,” Nam Joon ate another one, “my mom called last night. She wants me and Jungkook to go over for Christmas.”

“And Seokjin?”

“Nope.”

“That’s harsh man,” Yoongi patted Nam Joon’s back.

“At least your mom calls you. My mom stopped talking to me after I came out to her. If my grandmother wasn’t on my side, no one in my family would talk to me,” Hoseok said.

“You guys make me grateful for my parents. They only kicked me out once, but that was because they wanted me to go to college and dumped me and my stuff off at the dorms.”

“You still bring girls to your house,” Nam Joon said.

“Yeah, really isn’t my thing,” Yoongi laughed, the others smiled.

They agreed to spend Christmas at Nam Joon’s house, and have a white elephant gift exchange. Hoseok was enthusiastically suggesting events for Christmas when the head editor forced them to be productive.  After the editor was safely in his own office, Nam Joon texted their ideas to Seokjin. Of course he loved them. Love. Nam Joon loved him. And he made sure to tell him that in his final text.

~~

The sky was black by the time Nam Joon got home. There was a protest at the local university that his editor wanted on the front page of the paper tomorrow.

Seokjin was sitting on the couch, his laptop rested on his knees, unaware of Nam Joon’s presence. He watched Seokjin frantically type away on his computer. He was probably sending emails, trying to finalize an appointment or a court date or other important secretary duties.  He may not have the most respected job in the world, but at least he was dedicated. Nam Joon tried to imagine Seokjin as a writer, like he originally wanted. He thought about Seokjin locked up in the house all day drinking copious amounts of black tea and not talking to anyone. The secretary job was better. He took care of everyone.

“Got it!” Seokjin fist pumped the air.

“Congratulations,” Nam Joon laughed.

Seokjin jumped, “Holy- when did you get here?”

“A while ago, you didn’t notice?”

“No I guess not,” he smiled.

Nam Joon tugged him up and held him. His hair was soft between Nam Joon’s fingers.

“How was your day?”

No response.

“Seokjin?”

Seokjin hummed, “Sorry I was distracted.”

Nam Joon sat down and tugged Seokjin down into his lap.

“What were you thinking about?” Nam Joon rested his hands on Jin’s waist.

Seokjin strung their fingers together and spoke, “Well there’s this place in Bolivia- Salar de something Spanish sounding I don’t know. Don’t laugh, I took French in high school. Anyway, this place has the world’s largest salt flat. And every year, during the rainy season, the salt flat turns into a giant mirror. When you stand in the middle you have the sky above you, and when you look down, it looks like you’re walking on clouds. People call it the border between heaven and Earth. We should go, wouldn’t that be nice? Just us, in the middle of the sky, with no world to worry about, just you and me.”

“Us, and nothing else,” Nam Joon mouthed against Seokjin’s temple, “I like that.”

“Yeah,” Seokjin half whispered.

“Yeah, I’ll take you there one day,” Nam Joon pulled away so he could look at Seokjin, his cheeks had flushed. There were pale roses on his face and a smile playing on his lips, “I’ll save up the money, and then we can take a month off of work and travel all over South America.”

“Yeah,” Seokjin’s smile widened as he played with the silver ring on Nam Joon’s hand.

“We can go to Brazil and see that giant Jesus statue, and go to Mexico and see the mummies,”

“And the butterfly migration,” Seokjin interrupted, finally meeting his gaze, “And see the world burning all around us to the sound of fluttering wings?”

“Yeah, we can do that,” Nam Joon threaded a hand in Seokjin’s hair, “and we can go to Peru and climb to those ruins and eat Guinea Pigs,” he kissed Seokjin’s nose when it scrunched up, “and right before we fly back home, we can go to the salt flat. It will be just us, floating in the sky. What do you say? Will you go with me?”

Seokjin hummed against Nam Joon’s lips, “That sounds wonderful.”

Seokjin pressed their lips together. He tasted sweet, soft, familiar, permanent, intoxicating. He cupped Nam Joon’s face between his hands and leaned in closer. He smelled like flowers. His lashes fluttered against Nam Joon’s cheeks. Nam Joon leaned forward, sliding Seokjin into the space between him and the couch-

When Kookie began barking. She rubbed her face against Nam Joon’s back. Nam Joon tried pushing her away but she kept barking.

Reluctantly he pulled away. “What?” he growled.

She jumped onto Seokjin’s stomach, in the small space between them. Seokjin laughed and began playing with her face, Nam Joon bent his head down. “Seriously?” She barked, what sounded like a pleased bark. “Attention .” Nam Joon grumbled. Seokjin laughed.

“No one wants to see that.”

In the kitchen, Jungkook was making a sandwich, his face scrunched up in disgust, “Love, ew, that’s just gross.”

Seokjin laughed harder. “I can’t wait until you fall in love, let’s see how gross it is then.”

“Never,” Jungkook stuck out his tongue.

Nam Joon did it back, because that’s what mature adults do. This didn’t affect Jungkook, in fact it only made him smile wider.

Seokjin began talking to Kookie in a baby voice while he played with her face. The moment was over. Nam Joon realized his defeat, outwitted by a dog and a dumb kid. Nam Joon huffed as he walked out of the bathroom, there was a problem he needed to take care of.

~~

Friday nights were movie nights. Nam Joon promised his mom that he would keep Jungkook busy, meaning keep him away from college parties, when his little brother had shown up his doorstep and declared “I’m living with you now.” Also, it was an excuse to not go to the bar and cuddle with Seokjin on the couch instead. Everybody wins.

Jungkook had lost his fight to choose the movie two weeks in a row, so they didn’t get to watch Fast Six. They saw The Labyrinth, Seokjin’s choice. He was asleep halfway through the movie.

“I don’t understand why your brother can’t sit through a movie without explosions.”

“He’s from a different decade. Remember how he convinced us to buy iphones?”

“Still, that doesn’t excuse from sleeping through my favorite movie,” Seokjin pouted.

Nam Joon smiled and kissed Seokjin’s forehead, “Help me clean this up.”

“Fine, I’m going to sleep through his movie next week,” Seokjin continued to pout as he grabbed the cups and took them to kitchen.

Nam Joon laughed to himself. He piled all the plates, but stopped when he felt the pizza boxes.  One was empty, but the other still had five pieces. Jungkook could eat six on his own. Nam Joon ate four. Which meant that Seokjin only ate one.

Nam Joon turned to Seokjin, he was humming to himself as he washed the dishes. He looked back at the pizza box.

Seokjin only had yogurt for breakfast. And he insisted he wasn’t hungry during lunch which hadn’t alarmed Nam Joon at the moment, but now.

Nam Joon said nothing. He finished cleaning the living room in silence.

But tomorrow he was going to make a call.

~~

Seokjin checked over his to do list for the day. They went to Wal-mart, Michael’s, all that was left was the grocery store.

Which was in the opposite direction than the way they were driving.

“Nam Joon, Safeway is down that way,” Seokjin pointed behind him.

“I know, we’re not going to Safeway.”

“Where are we going?” Seokjin squinted.

Nam Joon refused to look him in the eyes, “The hospital.”

“Nam Joon,” Seokjin whined, “I’m not getting the flu shot. It’ll probably make me sick and I’ll be one of those death cases you see on the news.”

“You’re not getting a shot, you’re getting a check up,” Nam Joon pulled into the parking lot.

“Why?”

“You only ate one slice of pizza the other day.”

“I wasn’t hungry.”

“You cut yourself when making dinner and the bleeding didn’t stop.”

“It was a deep cut.”

“Are you still getting those migraines?”

Seokjin looked at his hands, he answered in a small voice, “Yes.”

“You are going into your appointment,” Nam Joon walked around the car and Seokjin’s door.

“Fine,” Seokjin huffed, “but you’ll be embarrassed when the doctor says nothing is wrong with me. You worry too much.”

“I hope so, Jinnie.”

They said nothing else as they entered the hospital.

~~

Three days later, the trip to the hospital was forgotten.

Christmas was a little more exciting, just a little.

Taehyung and Jimin came over early in the morning with a fresh cut tree that Taehyung insist they decorate together. Seokjin and Nam Joon had small decorations, they only ever used a small plastic tree they bought the first year they lived together, so the tree was barely covered. Then Jungkook had the brilliant idea of everyone cutting snowflakes to use in lieu of ornaments. Besides Jungkook’s snowflake, the rest looked as if they were made by drunk five year olds. It was almost time for dinner so Seokjin suggested they put socks on the open spots. It was beautiful.

“That looks great,” Hoseok commented when he arrived.

Yoongi just laughed.

They ate first, all the fun happened after dinner anyway. Starting with the white elephant gift exchange. Yoongi chose first, a big silvery box with purple ribbon on it. Inside was the first season of Breaking Bad.

“, this is awesome,” Yoongi grinned.

“Yeah that is cool. It’s my turn now, right? I’m taking that,” Hoseok grabbed the DVD set out of Yoongi’s hands.

“Come on man.”

“You know the rules, I can steal any gift I want,” Hoseok smiled unsympathetically.

Yoongi’s second bag had a dog toy and one sock. He pouted in the corner.

By the end of the game, Seokjin had an ugly Christmas sweater, Nam Joon had red lace , Jungkook had a baseball, Jimin had a Michael Buble Christmas album, Hoseok had a box of ferrero roche chocolate, and Taehyung had the Breaking Bad DVDs. No one tried to take Yoongi’s gift.

“I’m sure Kookie will trade you,” Jungkook teased.

“Shut up kid, at least I can drink,” Yoongi finished his glass of wine.

Jungkook pouted, “I can drink too.”

“Seokjin, how come you only have girly wines?” Yoongi shouted, his face was already turning red.

“Because we’re classy during the holidays,” Seokjin answered. He was setting up the karaoke machine.

“Classy shmassy, I want beer!”

“Okay, I’ll go to the store and pick up some,” Hoseok offered.

“Hoseok, you are the greatest human being that God ever created. And you will be even better if you bring me Corona.”

“You and your Mexican beers,” Jimin scoffed, “Hoseok bring a six pack of Bud Light.”

“Heineken please,” Taehyung sang.

“No Heineken, only water for you,” Jimin commanded. Taehyung pouted but said nothing.

Hoseok returned quickly and the karaoke tournament began. Taehyung insisted that he and Seokjin sing “Lady Marmalade” despite Jimin’s protest. And if you ask them, they nailed it, though that might be the alcohol talking. Hoseok tried, and failed, Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas is You.” Nam Joon rapped “Ice, Ice, Baby.” Jimin refused to sing and Jungkook got a perfect score. Yoongi fell asleep hugging the couch.

“You’re a terrible singer,” Taehyung laughed at Hoseok. They stopped singing over an hour ago but he was still laughing, not that Hoseok was going to stop him. He was a little too lost in Taehyung to stop him from doing anything.

“Like sooo bad, why did you even sing that?”

“Maybe it was me indirectly saying I want you?” Hoseok was red faced too.

“All right, get up, you’re sleeping in Jungkook’s room,” Seokjin tugged Hoseok up.

“But Jin,” Jungkook whined, “I sleep there.”

“Then share the bed with Hoseok.”

Jungkook pouted, “I’ll sleep on the floor, Kookie make room.” He used her head as a pillow.

Nam Joon helped Seokjin drop Hoseok on Jungkook’s bed. Then Seokjin covered a blanket on Taehyung and told him to go to sleep.

Nam Joon tugged Seokjin into their bed room, “You’re not their mom,” he laughed.

“Someone has to play mother for these kids, they can’t even take care of themselves,” Seokjin kissed Nam Joon’s lips.

“Yeah well I don’t need a mom,” Nam Joon said between kisses, “I need you, on your knees, wearing only those red lace , now.”

So in a drunken haze, Seokjin did what he said.

And regretted it the next morning when he saw the bruises.

~~

Kookie played with the beer can found under the couch. It was almost New Year’s and they still found remnants of their Christmas party lying around. Including Jimin on the couch. His parents decided it would be a great idea to go to South Korea for the holidays, without telling him. He was kind of pissed about that.

As long as he didn’t make a bigger mess, Nam Joon didn’t mind him staying. Anyway, he was tired of playing Call of Duty with Jungkook, now it was Jimin’s turn.

The phone rang, Seokjin took the phone to the kitchen, where it was quiet, to answer it.

“Headshot!” Jungkook cheered.

“That was my headshot,” Jimin retaliated.

“ it up shortie.”

Jimin pushed him off the couch.

Nam Joon shook his head, boys will be boys. He saw Seokjin’s expression switch to confusion, and walked to the kitchen as Seokjin hung up the phone.

“Who was it?”

“The hospital,” Seokjin said, confused, “the results are in.”

“What did they say?”

“They wouldn’t tell me. They said we should go back next week.”

That was never a good sign. The secretary was supposed to sound happy and say everything was fine, you’re worried for nothing. Not tell you that you have an appointment that you didn’t even make.

Nam Joon wrapped his arms around Seokjin who was still frozen in shock. “Jinnie, I’m sure it’s nothing,” he lied.

~~

The first time Seokjin had spent the night in Nam Joon’s apartment, they didn’t fall asleep until the sun started peeking through the blinds. No, it wasn’t because of that. They spent the whole night talking. That was the night Seokjin confessed to being terrified of falling in love. That being in love was being vulnerable, giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to. Nam Joon didn’t yet understand how true those words were. He threaded his fingers through Seokjin’s and promised not to hurt him. This moment, three fourteen in the afternoon, in room 416, with Dr. Johnson telling them their best options for prolonging a terminal disease, was the moment where Nam Joon truly understood how love can shatter someone.

Seokjin had Acute Myelogenious Leukemia. His body was making too many abnormal blood cells that were crowding out the healthy ones. It was the reason why Seokjin bruised so easily, ate so little, and had those monster migraines. Sometimes a patient made it past five years. Seokjin wouldn’t be one of those patients. They waited too long. At most he had two years. At the least…

At most he had two years.

Two years.

They only had nine together.

Nine plus two. That makes eleven.

That wasn’t the forever that they were promised.

He was too young. Seokjin hadn’t even had a chance to get his midlife crisis. Or see the end of a presidency. No. This was too sudden. There must be a mistake.

But the doctor showed them the charts, and the blood sample, and the test results. No they weren’t wrong.

Terminal.

What a terrible word.

Nam Joon felt Seokjin squeeze his hand. It was Seokjin who was dying but it was Nam Joon who was falling apart in that hospital room. He yelled at the doctor, there was no way, no, those stories always happened to someone else, not to them. Seokjin coaxed him to sit back down in his seat. The rest of the meeting he sat there, glaring with red eyes. This couldn’t be happening. Not to Seokjin.

They made an appointment for a biopsy next week. They were going to start chemotherapy as soon as possible. Here were some pamphlets explaining the disease, telling you what to expect, what your chances of survival were, ways to prolong your disease, other morbid things like that.

Nam Joon pulled Seokjin to him as soon as they reached the car.

“I should have brought you here sooner,” Nam Joon cried into his shoulder, “I’m sorry I didn’t- I didn’t.”

“It was my fault,” Seokjin ran soft fingers through his hair, “I was too stubborn to come. I should have made an appointment the first time I cut myself shaving.”

“Jinnie,” Nam Joon sobbed, “Jinnie, I love you.”

Seokjin tightened his grip around him, “I love you too.”

Seokjin. Seokjin who was the reason Nam Joon woke up in the mornings. Who took care of everyone. Who loved fluffy white dogs and satanic mornings. Seokjin, who, according to the charts, only had nineteen months left.

Nam Joon didn’t let go.

AN: The first written part of the story was that conversation about visiting the salt flats. 

      Merry Christmas to those who celibrate it!