Another morning started with me waking up beside his sleeping figure. I opened my eyes slowly and rubbed them before turning to my side to see his pretty face. His fair skin illuminated in the dark room and his beautiful orbs hidden inside those closed lids.

I reached out my hand to caress his beautiful feature, swiped away those bangs on the process, and revealed more of his so-called demonic face. I leaned in and gave his forehead a gentle peck before flashed a smile. With no intention to wake him up, I silently got off from bed.

After I set my feet to the ground, I carefully tiptoed to the window and peeked from the closed curtain. The sun was already up, but since today’s a holiday, I’ll let him sleep a bit more. I glanced at him and watched him stirred in his sleep. So cute. I couldn’t help myself, so I let out a soft chuckle.

I approached him slowly and sat on the edge of the bed. The bed made a creaking sound and I just hoped that he won’t wake up from the sound. Fortunately, he didn’t. “You sleep like a log, you know that, Chullie?” I murmured.

Silence surrounded the room as I kept observing your sleeping figure. But then a loud knock on the door interrupted my happy time. “Who?” I asked. The knocking was heard for the second time, this time followed with a man’s voice, “Hyung, wake up! It’s me, Kangin.”

I opened my mouth to reply him, but another voice cut me off, “Yah! Not so loud! Wake him up a bit softer, will you?”

“But Teukie hyung…”

“Let me. If you’re the one who wake him up, I believe that he’ll be awake in the worst mood.”

Oh, it was Kangin and Leeteuk hyung. I stood up and walked to the door, as I placed my hand on the knob, I could hear Leeteuk hyung talking. And it seems Kangin was gone, “Heechul-ah, are you awake? Can I come in?” he asked. And soon, the door was opened, “Oh? How reckless. He left the door unlocked.”

 I took a step back and watched Leeteuk hyung as he approached Heechul’s sleeping figure. He then sat on the edge of the bed. He patted Heechul’s head and gave him a sad look, “Heechul-ah, wake up, please?” he said while shaking Heechul’s body softly, “Don’t you remember that today is an important day?”

Important day? How come I don’t know anything? I thought that today was a day off. There’s supposed to be no schedule. I walked closer to Leeteuk hyung and asked, “What’s so important about today, hyung?”

Leeteuk hyung paused for a while before continued his task to wake Heechul up, “We have to go to the gift shop, right?” Ah, shopping with the whole member. It’s a rare thing for the members to have the same day off. That’s why it’s important. Spending the whole day with the gang sure’s fun.

“Oh, okay. I’m going to get ready then, hyung.” I said as I excused myself. I went to the bathroom and changed my outfit. I needed to look good when I walked with my diva, right?

 

***

 

When I returned to Heechul’s—no, OUR shared room, I could hear Heechul’s loud curses and Leeteuk hyung’s soft voice. I wondered what was wrong, and I didn’t understand why am I standing outside his—oh, right, our room instead of going inside. Eavesdropped on the 83 liners’ conversation.

“You want me to what?” Heechul asked.

“I know it’ll hurt you. But we need to do this, in order to respect him. And the others’ are all agreed.” Leeteuk hyung explained.

“Yeah, right. them! I don’t want to. Get out of my room, Jungsoo!”

“Heechul, don’t be like this, please.”

“You don’t understand, Jungsoo. You’ll never understand! You’re not in my position!”

I had no idea what’re they quarreling about. But Leeteuk hyung seemed to piss Heechul off. A lot.

I braced myself and was about to entered the room when I heard Leeteuk hyung said, “Don’t you want to celebrate it?”

“Celebrate? Celebrate? Celebrate what, exactly?”

“Hankyungie’s birthday.”

I froze. Today’s my birthday?

“Huh, why should I celebrate it when the birthday boy is not even here?”

What? ‘Not even here’?

“Don’t say that, Heechul…”

I’m getting lost in this conversation. What’re they talking about?

“Say what, Jungsoo? It’s the fact! He’s no longer with us!”

What do you mean, Chullie-ah? I’m here! I wish I could say that, but I decided to keep listening to their conversation.

“But Heechul-ah, don’t you think that he’ll be happy if we celebrate his birthday? At least he’ll know that we still remember his birthday. Remember him.”

“As if celebrating his birthday would bring him back.”

‘Bring him back’? Bring me back?

“Heechul…”

I bragged inside the room and stood beside the bed, looked at the desperate Heechul who was staring at Leeteuk hyung intensely. I gave Heechul a questioning look, but he didn’t even look at me. I gulped as I gathered my courage to speak, “Chullie… What’s happening here?”

Heechul remained still, he shut his mouth tight. And I could see him quivering. Hands grabbed on his quilt. His tearful eyes wouldn’t leave the figure in front of him, his one and only hyung. As minutes passed, I still didn’t hear the answer to my question. Then I decided to ask Leeteuk hyung. When I switched my gaze to Leeteuk hyung, I found his eyes were already red.

“Hyung, can you please tell me what’s—“

“Heechul-ah, I know you’re the one who suffers the most since he left us. But don’t you know that you’re not the only one that suffers?”

“Shut the up, Jungsoo!” Heechul snapped. Tears started to fall from his eyes. Leaving a faint path as it rolled down the diva’s cheek.

“Hankyung must be happy too if you get over him and move on. I believe that he’s sad right now seeing you in this state.”

Yeah, I’m more than sad seeing my diva like this. I reached out my hand to wipe those tears away from his beautiful face, but something weird happened.

“Huh? Why can’t I reach you?” I said as I kept moving my hand. But strangely, my hand couldn’t touch his face. In fact, it went through him.

“Can he even see me, Jungsoo?” Heechul snorted. His eyes now as red as Leeteuk hyung’s. I couldn’t stand it, so I stomped my foot and shouted at him, “Of course I can see you, pabo!”

“Of course he can see you, Heechul-ah.” Leeteuk hyung replied with a forced smile. His voice’s shaking, “He can see all of us.”

Heechul gave Leeteuk hyung a mocking look and let out a mocking laugh. Then he stared straight at Leeteuk hyung’s eyes with his sharp gaze, “How? Tell me.” Leeteuk hyung stayed silent. I didn’t know whether he couldn’t answer or he couldn’t find a proper word for the question. But then he opened his mouth, he called Heechul’s name again, “Heechul…”

“Face it, Jungsoo.”

.

.

.

.

.

“Hannie’s dead.”

---

A/n:

What is this crap? /criesfromthefailure/