Looking up the bright blue sky, Yixing smiled at himself. It was early in the December and the breeze was starting to get colder and colder. There as even a huge chance of snowfall that day and he really couldn’t wait to watch how snowflakes would dance along invisible thread of music only the nature could hear. Imperceptible notes lingering on the tips of his fingers as he moved each digit to press keys only he could see. It was quite tranquil, Yixing thought, and tranquility in his life had always been a façade the universe would always used to mask a catastrophe waiting to happen. Yixing wasn’t scared, he had always been good at predicting and he had always known that the tranquility had been lingering for too long and the catastrophe that was about to happen had been long overdue.

However, it was also already given that Yixing had always liked the tranquility. And if anybody would ask him, really, he would ask for an extension – forever even yet he knew it was asking for too much. Staying in his prolonged momentary bliss was already going too far, and the call he got from an old friend was most definitely his wake up call. It was a cliché that was bound to happen yet Yixing couldn’t help but watch the withering blossoms on his porch with eyes clouded with unspoken passion and unrequited desires.

The sun was almost setting. Days had been shortening each day and Yixing thought it was sort of depressing yet the way the sky started swirling different shades of oranges and yellows as the blue hues started fading into darkness was extremely fascinating. His left hand unconsciously started reaching for the sky, fingers awkwardly shaking with each gust of winter breeze. It was a habit he had picked up when he used to dream about reaching the sky with his own hands – it was fulfilled yet not in the way he had pictured.

He chuckled.

Dreams still do come true once in a while – whether it was temporary or unideal Yixing didn’t care. He was never really the idealistic type; practicality was his forte, accompanied by bitter realities and watchful eyes. People would say he was a man of few words, often drifting away with his thoughts with eyes shadowed with innocence and pure kindness yet Yixing had always known better.

“Hey.”

A bitter smile would graze his lips yet the sound of his shattering heart somehow overturned his grasp from reality. His smile looked real, with dimples and sparkling eyes and everything yet Yixing was slowly breaking inside. He held the gift bag on his right hand with a little more force than he should, crumpling the edges along with his emotions, as he kept his smile from faltering.

“Hey.” He replied, eyes still sparkling yet avoiding the gaze of the person in front of him. He could almost feel the happiness mixed with regrets and apologies radiating from the other – Yixing would run if not for the façade he was trying so hard to keep. “It’s cold out here. Wanna go somewhere?”

Yixing just stared at the other, waiting for a reply he almost felt like never going to come. He preferred it that way, actually. He was never really much of talker – he liked to listen, to feel, to observe, to fade away in the background. Talking was something he was never good at. To Yixing, words were scary – something he would rather not deal with. He could feel the newcomer’s eyes boring through his soul, as if trying to read beyond his poker face. It wasn’t hard to cover up the littered pieces of heart, scattered deep inside the depths of his core yet Yixing couldn’t seem to find a way to keep his hands from trembling. The gift bag almost forgotten yet would continually remind him of the purpose of the rendezvous he really never wanted to happen.

“It’s okay. I can’t really stay long.” Deep, raspy voice echoed in the depths of Yixing’s cold winter night.

I know.

“Oh.” He would have said more yet words seemed to have frozen in between his thoughts and his inhibitions, mixed up with pride and unspoken feelings. He would have said more yet every corner of his mind was screaming not to – if only his heart could make his mind shut up for a while. It was quite an unusual desire yet Yixing had always been different, always the odd one, the misunderstood.

“Yixing-“

“Chanyeol.” He muttered, eyes travelling back up the fascinating beauty of twilight. He would ask the world how could something be so beautiful when he was there, slowly dying inside yet he really couldn’t do much when he had always known that good things would somehow come to an end. It wasn’t right to ask an extension for an all but borrowed time. “Please-“

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. Please.”

“I’m really sorry.” The younger paused, awkwardly reaching for Yixing’s trembling hands. “It wasn’t supposed to end this way. I never intended any of these to happen. I’m really really sorry.”

“Please don’t. It’s not your fault.”

He lowered his head and stared at their joined hands. That was the first time they held hands and Yixing couldn’t seem to find happiness in the touch. It was already given, yes, they went out a couple of times, had coffee while studying for their exams, ed once in a while but they never held hands, heck they never even kissed, and Yixing could only say I love you inside his head because he had always known that he would never get a reply.

It was never like that with Chanyeol and him. To the younger, he was just a past time, a reliever, a buddy – in street terms – a friend whilst to Yixing, Park Chanyeol had always been his world. It all started with a simple admiration – a crush Zhou Mi would always say – that slowly and excruciatingly turned into a turmoil his heart couldn’t seem comprehend – love, Luhan was the first one to have the courage to say. It was taboo that once broke the best thing that had ever happened in his life yet Yixng couldn’t seem to regret every single bit of it. Not even when it was already implied that Park Chanyeol had already given his heart to somebody else a long time ago. Not even then, when every fragment of the temporary tranquility that Park Chanyeol was starting to turn into a catastrophe Yixing had already seen coming yet he still couldn’t dodge.

“It’s not your fault I like you a lot more than you like me.”

“Yi-“

“It’s okay really.” He smiled. “I heard from Baekhyun. Did he get home safely?” With hands still trembling, he unconsciously started reaching for the sky once more. He had always liked the sky – it always looked so tranquil beyond all the chaos happening under it. He had always thought he was like the sky, always fading the background, watching, listening and it was already too late when he realized that the sky couldn’t fall in love. “Sehun. Is he okay?”

A small smile crept up the younger’s lips. It was tiny yet his eyes were twinkling and Yixing didn’t know how if he should break down and cry or just fling himself in a mouth of a very active volcano. His knees felt wobbly, his insides felt stiff, and he could almost feel every single bone in his body tremble.

“Yes. He is. I guess.” Chanyeol squeezed his hand, as if it could erase all the pain he had caused the elder, before letting it go. “I know he will though. I know he will. He’s hurting but he’s still smiling. He’s a strong kid.”

Yixing chose to stay, still reaching for the sky, still reaching for the impossible, holding onto a worn out thread that was carrying a load it was never meant to clutch. Skies had never meant to fall in love, not when it was far too up high to let others touch it yet fate was a and had its own way of making the world feel its cruelty – even the sky. There had always been a fine distinction between should not, could not, and would not. The sky should never fall in love yet it was never mention that it could not, and that it would not.

“Are you guys okay now?”

“I guess. We never really talked about it but I don’t feel the need to.”

“I see.”

The glee in the younger’s voice was starting to eat up his composure. He wasn’t supposed to feel that way. He didn’t have the right to feel that way yet he couldn’t seem to find a way to stop his heart from shattering even more – it was excruciating and Yixing could only smile and desperately reach for the sky. It was pathetic yet he really didn’t have much choice.

They said Paris was the city of romance yet the whole year that Yixing spent in there was very far from being romantic. It was purely a mirage created by his heart, a mirage that people would often call love. Perhaps the stories lied. Perhaps Paris was never really the city of love because if it was then why was his heart still breaking? Perhaps it was just him, and his impossible desire to reach the heavens with his bare hands when it was already obvious that the horizons would never lower itself just for a mere human to dance along the skyline. Perhaps it was really him, and his pathetic wish that his love would just look at him the same way he look at a certain boy with sparkling eyes, creepy smile, awfully long legs and voice as deep as the depths of the ocean.

Maybe Paris was also the city of letting go. Maybe, just maybe, he should start yielding all his perhaps and let his mirage fade back into the darkness of the background as twilight withered into night time – making his winter even colder than it already was, quickly numbing the pain that was shooting in every fragment of his broken heart.

“Here.” Yixing handed the gift bag he had been holding onto to the Chanyeol and he couldn’t stop nostalgia from pouring down. It reminded him of the first time he talked to the younger and Yixing couldn’t help but just smile, a genuine one at the very least. It was way back in their University, when he awkwardly gave Chanyeol a congratulatory gift – Yixing thought it looked pathetic, but hey, it was a start. “I was shopping for Christmas gifts when Baek called and told me that Sehun flew to Paris and I thought I should get you two a gift. I heard you’re coming home on Christmas Eve. You should give this to him. I think couple rings are extremely cheesy but nothing can be cheesier than the two of you right?”

“But I can’t-“

“Take it or I’ll send Sehun a video of you bawling your eyes out over spilled milk”

Chanyeol chuckled and Yixing’s heart couldn’t help but flutter. “I was wasted, and I’m pretty damn sure he’d seen worse but I appreciate the blackmail.”

“Good now take this.”

“Thank you Yixing.” Chanyeol looked at his eyes once more. “For everything.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I’ll see you around Yixing?”

He nodded. “Goodbye Chanyeol.”

Snow started falling as Yixing’s started blurring his vision as he watched Chanyeol vanish in the crowd.  He would let his tears fall of not for the small tug in his mind that always kept him from completely letting his emotions go and fly along the horizon.

It was the first snowfall of the year and Yixing suddenly thought about an old myth he read back when he was young: the person you are with during the first snow fall is your destiny. He wondered if the person that he let go of during the first snowfall also counted in the allegory. He would wish it was yet he really couldn’t seem to ask for anything more. Perhaps myths and stories weren’t just Yixing’s cup of tea yet he would never stop believing. Perhaps next year, next snowfall, or perhaps in a different city – Verona where the infamous story of Romeo and Juliet started – perhaps next time, Yixing would find his own cup of tea.

Time stood still, literally, and Yixing would have freaked out if not for the sound of fluttering wings resonating in the background, muffling the haziness of his own mind. It was familiar yet distant that he couldn’t even remember when was the last he felt like someone was watching him from afar.

“It’s pretty ing convenient when you have a boyfriend that can literally fling you so hard you’d cross two countries and have a time controller in your speed dial.” A familiar touch was felt on his left shoulder, smudging the fallen snowflakes on his black coat.

“I’m not giving you three fuels after this. You three have obviously overdone it this time. And please, tell Luhan to stop watching me. It creeps me out sometimes.”

The newcomer grinned, gummy smile flashing. “Hey. That’s what friends are for right?”

Yixing walked towards the other male, quickly caressing the pure white feather coated wings. It had been a while since he did that and he almost felt a little bit too nostalgic. “Yes smartass and you broke your wing again. I should start charging you for repairs.” He sighed as his fingers fiddled with plumes. “Seriously Yi Fan, when will you start learning to take care of your own damn self? How long have you been flying?”

“Seriously Yixing, when will you stop nagging like a mother hen? And nine hours I think? The weather over the Pacific wasn’t very friendly.” Yi Fan replied, mocking Yixing’s tone before shifting his attention to the younger’s trembling hands. He had known Yixing forever and just by one look, he knew his best friend was hurting more than him and his fractured wing. “It’s okay to cry you know.” Yixing looked up at elder, eyes clouded with unshed tears and tainted with the pain of his broken heart.

Yi Fan smiled, eyes cavorting between regret and sorrow. “How about a lift, yes? You can feel the clouds as long as you want.”

Wu Yi Fan had known Zhang Yixing forever, and Yi Fan had always known that Yixing would only let his tears fall when there wasn’t anybody else around aside from his best friend and the sky.

*****

A/N: I kind of failed on this one. I'm sorry. I guess I cant just write a fic about a pair I dont ship enough. I'm sorry :((

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