(19 years old)

‘You don’t mind if I invite a few people over on Christmas, right?’ It was only a few days before the 25^th, and Sunwoo and Junghwan were both lying on their beds in their shared apartment. Junghwan didn’t move his eyes from the book he was reading. Actually, he did mind. He had expected, and looked forward to, a Christmas with just the two of them ever since they decided not to go home over the holidays. He just didn’t know how to say that to Sunwoo, who he could see was giving him puppy eyes over the top of his book. In the end he just shrugged and agreed.

‘I guess not.’

‘Great,’ Sunwoo said merrily, ‘because I already did.’  For some reason, it stung. Why did Sunwoo even ask for his opinion if it didn’t matter? But since he’d already said it was alright, he couldn’t just change his mind and get upset now.

‘Well you can do what you want, it’s your place as much as mine.’ Either Sunwoo didn’t at all notice his short tone, or he did but decided to cheer him up by pretending he didn’t.

‘You’re the best.’ He playfully blew Junghwan a kiss. Junghwan smiled. God, Sunwoo really had him around his fingers.

When they first found the apartment they could barely believe it, it seemed too good to be true. Almost exactly mid-way between their universities, with an actually affordable rent. It was small of course, tiny even, but they could squeeze two beds into the closet-sized bedroom. The microwave balanced on top of the fridge which you could only open the quarters before the door scraped against the side of the sofa, but if you wanted to you could watch the TV both while cooking and while brushing your teeth if you left the bathroom door open. It was cramped and messy and filled with odd emergency solutions to fit everything they needed, but it was theirs.

The small kitchen-living room was full on Christmas day. Sunwoo and a couple of his friends were sitting in the sofa, one person on the kitchen table, a few more on the floor. Junghwan also sat on the floor, leaning against the cupboard beneath the sink. He was watching with a stale smile on his face as the others were doing shots and playing drinking games, imagining ways he would’ve rather spent the day.  

Sunwoo was rather drunk already, loud and giggly. To be fair though, so was everyone excluding Junghwan.

‘Junghwan! Come here!’ Sunwoo yelled, enthusiastically patting the armrest beside him. All he got in return was an apathetic glance. ‘Oh stop being such a bore. You can’t just sit in a corner the whole night, come over here now!’ Junghwan sighed and rolled his eyes, but gave in and got up from the floor, stiff legged after sitting there for too long.

‘Everyone! You have all met my roommate Junghwan before, right?’ Some mumbles and nods. ‘Well he’s more fun than this normally you know.’ Junghwan sits on the armrest, but Sunwoo pulls him down on his lap. He pats Junghwan’s cheeks. ‘He’s just a little grumpy today.’

Junghwan worms away from him, but he wraps his arms around him, putting his cheek against Junghwan’s.

‘He’s a little jealous you see, doesn’t like all of this. He wants me to himself on Christmas.’ It wasn’t that Junghwan didn’t like sitting in Sunwoo’s lap, with Sunwoo’s arms around him, and Sunwoo’s warm breath against his neck. It was even one of the things he’d imagined spending the day doing while watching the other downing their drinks – but not like this. Not as some sort of show off to Sunwoo’s intoxicated friends, displayed as a cute pet or amusing toy. Not like a joke. Abruptly Junghwan stood up.

‘Actually, I’m just tired. I think I’ll go to bed now,’ he said, and marched off into the bedroom.

Nothing hits harder than the truth, and nothing will get you more upset than someone pointing it out. You can’t help but get mad at someone for knowing what you thought you were the only one to see. You can’t help but get mad at someone for knowing you so well, but using it so wrong.