Forever
Patience [Part 1]
"How much patience will I need before you stay by my side?"
Starting the next day without you was a train wreck.
All the regrets that involved you came running up to me.
All the things I should have done before you left.
I should have showed you how much I care for you.
How much my world needs you.
How much I love you.
How much you mean to me.
All the things I should have said.
Complimenting how beautiful you looked in your usual flowery dress that you wear or how much your smile and eyes lights up my world.
Most importantly, I should have said I liked you a long time ago.
Getting back to my original life was harder than I expected.
Despite my eyes and attitude adjusting back to its grey landscape again, my heart wouldn’t do the same.
My heart and mind seems to have a mind of it’s own and it would somehow drift into the sea, searching for my other half.
The heart rowing the boat with its physical strength while the mind would search its way finding the targeted love one.
My life was a roller coaster.
One day, I would occupy my mind so hard to forget about you that my head felt like it was frying away in the desert sun.
Then the next day, my head hurts too much so all the thoughts of you just came ramming into my mind.
I guess I just needed time.
Time to piece the broken shards of my heart that shattered into pieces when you left.
For some reason, I felt like I was a piece of chocolate that was full and useless.
Time passed by and it made me realised that she unknowingly picked me up and melted me but instead of using me, she left me there. Melted like I was only needed for the the enjoyment and pleasure.
Overtime, it felt like I had to mould myself back together again but this time, I was hollow on the inside. Empty like the darkest pit in hell.
Months have past and then it turned into years.
I was lucky.
My senior year kept me up on my feet and the work overload left me breathless and mindless so there was no room for you.
By the second year, you were forgotten.
The fragments of memories that contained our moments together were slowly disappearing and not long after that you were just a friend I once had.
My first special friend.
Senior ended and I graduated.
Unlike you, I had no friends and the only member of the family I had was my mum.
It wasn't tormenting or torturous but that very day, all the broken shards of glass that was kept in the back of my head and heart rushed in like a waterfall.
Streaming down endlessly that I couldn't even control it. A waterfall full of emotions. A waterfall of my love for you.
It's been exactly 3 years since you left me.
3 heart aching years without you.
Driving home after graduation felt like it was the most difficult task I've ever done.
Mum was off to wherever she always is and here I am in pain. All alone.
My eyes kept leaking the tears of my sorrow. It kept falling down from my eyes, to my cheeks then finally falling silently onto my graduation gown.
I wonder if you're proud of me?
I worked hard and graduated just for you.
Do you even care? Probably not.
Slamming the car door, the sound echoed in the distant but it couldn't compared to how much my heart was pounding against my chest.
Walking to the front door was a maze.
I feel like I've been drinking alcohol for the past frequent hours as my head was starting to become light, my eyesight is starting to blur and my heart was pounding so hard against my chest.
Everything was just a blur.
The whole 3 years without you was a blur.
Opening the front door, I aimlessly walked into the corridor suddenly my body becomes frozen and it stopped functioning at the sight of something, no someone I've always dreamed of.
Right there in the living room, sitting on top of the sofa was the most beautiful girl I once knew.
The girl that left me broken inside.
The girl who stole my heart then shoved it into her baggage and sailed it miles away from me.
My breath quickened, my eyes widened.
My body started to shake and all I could hear was how fast my heart was beating inside of me.
And then it all began.
"Congratulations Taeyeon."
Her tall slender body gracefully floated towards me and before long I was wrapped in her warm embrace.
Her heat that was radiating into me was healing my broken heart that I thought was fixed. Seemingly, it felt like she was healing the minor cracks that I couldn't heal myself.
With trembling arms, I wrapped myself around her small waist and snuggled into her neck.
How I dreamed of this day to come.
The same vanilla smell from years ago was still there.
The same long hair was still there, the same feelings she made me go through was still there.
Time stopped when I was in her embrace and it felt nice. No, it felt amazing.
Time flowed again when she pulled me away from her and she soon smiled at me with her perfect white teeth.
Those eye smiles that I longed for the past 3 years. I was able to witness it again and just like before it took my breathe away.
The light still bounced from her eyes making her eyes twinkle in the light.
I was breathless, speechless and clueless.
Why is she here?
What's happening?
Is she staying here? Forever?
Then it hit me .... The confession.
I guess my face said it all as she smiled and led me to the sofa.
After sitting down, she explained everything to me in great detail.
It went from how she's back because she finished the course and how she's here to visit her mother.
How she misses the culture that the country has to offer and how different it is living in an English society with no one there to help her in any way.
She was forced to mature and take care of herself. This can be seen through the way she communicates with me.
How much knowledge she has gained is remarkable, making me admire her and love her even more.
I didn't even know loving her more existed.
Surprisingly when I'm with her, the minutes turned into hours and not long after the time struck at 12am.
She stood up and looked down on me.
"It's getting late. I should go home now."
Walking to the front door with me following silently behind her, she turned around and stared at me.
Her face stoned and frozen. No emotions appeared on her face which scared me.
"Your confession - the one from 3 years ago ... Do you want the answer right now?"
My mouth opened but no sounds would come out.
This was it. The answer I've been yearning for.
The answer to either unlock my heart and let it roam free or a rejection that would break me completely.
The warmth that she gave me before seemed temporarily as my heart was slowly cracking. Her healing powers on me before seemed like nothing as the blood inside my heart was seeping through the small gaps I couldn't heal.
With a quick nod I waited for to move but nothing happened.
No movements, no words spoken.
Of course the heavens had to make it more dramatic as the night sky started to drip and leak it's pure water from the dark sky.
Was the rain a sign?
Am I receiving a rejection? Am I even ready for this?
Before I lost my hope, her soft husky voice echoed into my ear.
"I'm sorry but I can't be with you."
That was when my mouth felt dry. My heart stopped. And like a flood, the blood inside me flushed out breaking my whole heart into pieces
My mind was going haywire.
Then suddenly, this unknown dark emotion swept over me.
This numbness was sweeping fast and not long after my whole body was frozen.
I felt numb and heartless.
I felt invincible.
I felt like my emotions are gone.
Like my humanity was taken away from me.
Like no pain could ever hurt me.
That's how numb I was.
I needed to find the answer.
"Please eleborate."
Her eyes widened in shock.
How did I sound? Did I say something bad? I never felt this way so I wouldn't know how bad I sounded or how tense my voice was.
She coughed up in awkwardness and stared at her feet.
"The feelings I had for you in the past is in the past. I don't see a future between us, not now .... not ever in my lifetime."
My mind was working hard, trying to interpret what she said into words or a feeling which would restart my whole body.
"The 3 years away made me realise that it was a moment thing. This thing we had will not work and it never will."
Then that statement crashed into me. Her words started to echo in my head - teasing my heart and remarking how dumb I was.
How stupid I was to fall for someone who didn't appreciate my feelings.
Who didn't even give me a chance and just shoved me aside not knowing the amount of pain she gave me when she was gone.
"I'm sorry but it will not work. I'm moving back to America and I'm going to live with my secret fiancée. I got offered a life changing job that is able to provide me an unimaginable wealth for the rest of my life. So with those in mind, I hope you forget about me and move on."
She walks off quickly and disappears into the dark pouring rain.
The dark shadow eating away her figure away until she was gone.
She turned into nothing.
Non-existent.
A few minutes have past and the realisation hit me. Everything she said swept me into a pile of confusion.
That was when my knees collapsed and I kneeled down at my front door staring at the outline of her figure that has already left me.
The outline which I will forever remember.
The numbness was slowly slipping away and the overwhelming pain came rushing in like a tide in the sea.
The tears started to flow and I'm not even sure if it's going to stop.
My hands clenched together into a tight fist to the point my nails were digging into my palms that made my skin break and bled.
The blood flowing out was how my heart was feeling.
The waterfall of blood in my heart which flooded out of its cage has been emptied.
All the negative emotions I had inside of me was sprinkled over my head, my skin seeping every emotion letting the painful emotions linger for quite some time.
Stretching my neck backwards, the tears continued to pour and with all the breath I had, a painful loud howl escaped my mouth cutting the peaceful sound of the raindrops.
Dropping my neck back to its original position, I let my neck go limp staring down at my blood stained hands.
This is it.
Holding back the laughter that was at the tip of my tongue, I stared back at the night sky.
The laughter that was teasing my heart and mind.
The laughter screaming out inappropriate words,
The laughter that says you are one stupid girl.
I guess I am stupid.
Standing up and wiping the tears away from my face I breathed in deeply and calmed myself down.
Slowly closing the door, I tiredly walked back to my bedroom as all my energy I had has been drained out of my body.
Stopping at the mirror on the wall I stared at my reflection. I stared at myself for a few minutes trying to find some sort of sanity inside of me.
The girl infront me was unrecognisable in a way.
She looked like an empty shell; useless, pitiful and terrifying.
My cheeks had blood smears on it and my eyes were dreadful. The puffiness was making it hard to open my eyes.
Looking away, I walked back into my bedroom door and closed it. Rampaging into the closet, I stared at the two white small bottles that would make all my pain go away.
Shoving the first bottle of pills in my mouth was painful as my throat was dry and it couldn't handle the large amount of the substance it was taking.
Uncapping the water bottle nearby I shoved the liquid into my mouth and forced the pills to travel down my painful screaming throat.
After empting out the first bottle of unknown pills I had, I uncapped the second one and did the exact same motion.
After dropping the empty bottle on the floor followed by the water which spilled everywhere, I slowly laid down on my bed and closed my eyes.
With a sigh containing all the frustration I had I breathed in the fresh air, taking in as much as I can.
Like a movie inside my head, all the flashbacks, all the happy memories I once had with her played in the empty dark mind.
Unknowingly, my eyes started to grow heavy.
It's time.
I guess it's time to go.
To take all the pain away into a place where I would be able to forget.
Where I'm able to feel numb.
To be in a place of paradise.
To forget everything and start fresh and new.
Everything was happening in a slow motion.
I could hear my breath go shallow and my ears could pick up the slight sound of my heart slowing down.
I was slowly drifting off into a heavy sleep, a 'forever' rest that I needed.
Things were going to plan in the end.
Goodbye my princess.
Until we meet again and maybe this time, we'll be together.
May death do us part.
Goodbye.
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Hello everyone ^^
Thank you for reading this random two-shot I wrote
Dreams are like mini stories in your head and this one left a mark on me so I had to write it out and share
Please comment and give me your opinion about this
How do you feel?
Anyways, a a co-author will be writing Tiffany's P.O.V so please be expecting her part
Please do support the other fanfics (Ice Cream)
Thank you and peace.
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