Chapter 1: Part 1 a (was actually planning on putting a comment and then deviding it in 2 parts as a reply but for some reasons aff doesnt allow me to reply my own comment lol)

Woot! I am going to comment now. Sorry for making you wait for so long. I try to give you a feedback that hopefully can reflect the thoughts of your readers.

The title is simple and actually interesting. Depends on the taste of the readers it might or might not attract readers. I usually judge on the description and first chapter, but unique titles never get out of my head. 'Hair' definitely has something to do with the story, but it's not hard to forget. It's not a big deal, though.

There are some really small errors - but hey, I'm not a pro at talking or writing in English either, besides you're easy to understand so it doesn't bother me (as a fellow none English speaker) at all.

I realized you only tell the readers about what is happining in the first pharagraphs. You didn't give that much of emotions for the readers since it's like situation a + sit b + sit c + sit d etc. I understand you want to tell the readers about the surrounding. Maybe you thought you wanted to get to the as soon as possible. It is not bad. Espicially because this is a oneshot. It was just a lil bit confusing since you wrote the first pharagraphs in the 3rd Pov as a distant narrator. I would have added some thoughts of Krystal, then again, I guess it depends on the different writing styles.

Chapter 1: Part 1 b


I admire you for the descriptive writing. It was easy to follow and detailed enough for me to have certain images in my head while I read the one shot. The scenes were not messy written (like how mine usually are heh).

The pace went slower the time Soojung met Jongin and you started putting more about her inner feelings (and I totally love it btw. I just love the way you described it)

I thought it was a pity that you didn't tell more about what Soojung felt when Jongin messed up her hair for the first time since I believe it's one of my fav scenes in this story - however it was short and sweet. Something that made me smile and imagine how sweet it must be.

You often make comparisons like
-- Jessica warned and helped her sister to make her look more like an idol and less like a girl who had just woke up. --

You started showing us how the characters react to different situations and all of them are a great help as a reader. I tend to be too lazy to show more than telling so good job on that!

This sentence: -- Jessica’s mind lost in thrill of being on stage and SooJung’s lost in thoughts of a tanned boy. -- got to be one of the most memorable ones I've read in this story. Thank you for writing this it's perfect!

Chapter 1: Part 2



Starting from the jump from the concert to f(x)s practice, I realize you explain the surroundings first when you enter a new scenario. You could've put what he girls do in another way if you have a question on what I mean here, just ask me :)

I'm glad you seldomly start your sentences with 'she, Soojung, the girl etc.' ine after the other because it's one of my biggest problems as a writer. I was able to learn more by reading your story.
I also learnt some new vocabularies (but duh, I'm too lazy to write them all down.

I believe the only thing that distracted me was that you didn't really use figurative languages that much so that it appears to be telling on scene after another scene after another... Since your story is descriptive it was acceptable for me. No big deal. But if you want to get better at writing in a figurative language, why not trying it out?

Of course, it could also be that your main point is the plot instead of characterization or writing style etc. Since I don't know whether it is like that or not, I can't only judge based on what I know as a reader :)

According to what I've seen regarding the plot, I can only say that I am totally satisfied with how her hair somehow is the main point in each scenes. And I've tried to be objectiv, but uff, it's kaistal and like, I can imagine them quarelling over silly things and him messing up her hair and... I love it. Since I adore people messing up my hair, I can only nod and smile after reading it.

Okay! I hope I didn't write only about bad things and if you think so, it is not like that. I enjoyed reading this one shot a lot :))

Chapter 1: so cuteeeeee~~~

Chapter 1: LOL Kim Jongin you chicken (and soojung) lover...
This is cute btw ^^

Chapter 1: oh my god i love idiot jongin hehe
kaistaal cute as always :)

Chapter 1: /smiles like an idiot

THIS IS SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 1: If this story will real happened in their life!! It will be totally awesome!!

Chapter 1: Oh my god. Please excuse me while im flying to the cloud nine. This is soooooo sweeet.