I love you, you know that?

 

Every day I’m looking at you like my life was depended on it.

Every day I’m staring at you like you’re the most beautiful thing in this world.

 

But you make this thing complicated.

But you always make me worried if you don’t feel the same way.

 

Do you know how much I think about you in a day?

Do you know how much I worry about you if you’re absent?

Do you know it hurts for only being able to see you from distance?

 

I know I’ll never say such a thing to you.

I know you’ll never feel such a thing to me.

I know you already liked someone else.

I know you like that person so much, until you mention that person’s name every day.

 

Do you know I’m suffocating here? Hearing your ramble about your boyfriend?

Do you know I’m suffocating here? Saying things are okay whenever you spotted my sad gaze?

Do you know I’m suffocating here? Secretly stalking you when you’re dating with your boyfriend?

Do you know I’m suffocating here? When I missed you so much and you said I don’t need to?

Do you know I’m suffocating here? When you said I shouldn’t act like this, since we’re only friend?

 

I shouldn’t feel like this on the first place.

I shouldn’t feel like this toward you.

I shouldn’t feel like this to my own best friend.

 

You’re already having someone else.

You’re already in love with someone else.

You’re already happy with someone else.

 

What did I hope from you?

What did I want from you?

 

Am I too selfish? I should be happy if you’re happy, shouldn’t I?

Am I too selfish? I shouldn’t feel like I don’t want to see you happy with someone else!

Am I too much with this?

Am I going too far with you?

Am I wrong?

Is loving someone so hard is wrong?

Is secretly hoping someone to be yours is wrong?

Is stalking someone you love because you were worried is wrong?

Can you give me the answer?

 

I love you, you know that?

 

 

I sigh. What did I just write? I’m a complete idiot. Fifteen minutes ago, my literature teacher asked us to make a short poem about something, and I ended up wrote this .

I can’t tell it in front of the class, though. The person is sitting right next to me. What if he realizes this poem was dedicated to him? What if he thinks I’m trying to ruin his relationship with his boyfriend?

Congrats, Daehyun. You’re a total idiot—I mentally scolded myself for wrote such a thing. I stare at this poem. I have a feeling I’ll get a good score if I submit this one and read this to the whole class. But I can’t take the risk that he would hate me because of this.

“Daehyun, you’re finish with your poem?” Suddenly, my literature teacher stood beside me. I almost jump in surprise.

“Kind of,” I awkwardly chuckled and scratched my hair, which is not itchy at all.

“Oh, wow. You’re good at literature, aren’t you? That’s quite fast. Could I see it?” She smiled warmly at me, which makes me taken aback and finally lets her see my paper.

There’s a silent between me and my teacher. She’s still reading the paper. I don’t use any complicated sentence or word. I’m not that good at it, actually. I secretly steal a glance at someone who’s sitting right next to me. He’s still writing his poem. His arm prevents me from seeing any more of his poem.

I just sigh and shrug it off, look up at my teacher as she finished reading my poem. “It was good. It feels a bit realistic, to be honest.” She said and put my paper down onto my table. “If you can present this up with good gesture and feeling, I would give you an A.” She chuckled lightly before walks off from my table.

I roll my eyes slightly. She’s being attracted to someone’s pain, I think. I was suffocated while writing this and she’s simply making a joke about she’d give me an A.

“Judging from what she said, your poem must be good.” Suddenly, that person I was admiring for long time, spoke to me. “I’m not that good at poem.” He pouted slightly.

I chuckle. “You can do it, Youngjae.” I said while patted his head as if I’m petting him. “Just pour all of your feeling to the paper. It’s easier though, to make a poem based on your feeling.” I smiled as I gave the tips.

“Ohh, so your poem was about your own feeling?” Youngjae chuckled slightly but then pouted as soon as he realized I ruffled his hair.

I stunned for awhile. Should I say it was really about my true feeling? How if he finds out that this poem was dedicated to him? No, Daehyun. He won’t find it out. You’re getting along with everyone so he might be think this was dedicated for someone else. “Yeah.” I nodded slightly. “Don’t know if this is going to work, but let’s just see.” I chuckled lightly.

He chuckles along with me. “I’m sure it’s going to work.” Youngjae said and looked back at his poem, writes it more. His arm keeps on preventing me to see his paper.

 

~oo~

 

Fifteen minutes passed. This is the time to show off. I bite my lower lip in nervous. I get this feeling that I’d be called to show off first, since my teacher already saw my poem.

The thought of being hated by Youngjae suddenly dominated my mind. Those ‘How ifs’ are interrupting my concentration. Those ‘What ifs’ are strangling. Those ‘Ifs’ are squeezing my heart to death. I’m suffocating. I want to go out from this tensing atmosphere.

“Jung Daehyun.”

Oh, I could feel a hand squeezes my heart until it explodes and I mentally dead right now. I clutch on my paper before walk ahead to the front of the class.

I steal a glance at Youngjae, who’s looking at his paper right now. I’m taking a deep breath, try to readying myself. “The title is… ‘Question’”

Goodbye, friendship. Goodbye, love. I thought, in case if Youngjae would hate me if he heard this poem. I take a glance at my teacher who just gives a small nod.

“I love you, you know that?”

I started my poem, earning the whole class attention to me. Yes, I’m not the type of person which is interested in love. I’ve never been show my affection to someone, nor talking about someone in so-called love perspective.

Gesture are joining the play, I walk around as if it was my stage. Try to gain feel with my poem. Like I said, I’m not good with searching words and using complicated word. But back then, I’ll use my feeling instead.

“Do you know I’m suffocating here? When you said I shouldn’t act like this, since we’re only friend?” As I said that, my eyes are locking on Youngjae’s. I could see his surprised expression.

I keep on continuing my poem, still with gesture play and the feels. Yes, I feel suffocated. I want to throw away this kind of feeling. I don’t know anything about who he loves but suddenly, a week or two weeks ago he dated with someone else.

Yes, when he’s going on a date, I’ll stalk secretly behind him. I don’t know what are they talking about, but I assumed Youngjae is happy. Sure thing I’m happy when he’s happy.

But, my selfish side wants him to be happy… with me. Yes, I know this is selfish. But I can’t help it. I just, I just love him so damn much.

With a sigh, I ended my poem. And second later, I hear applause from my classmates.

My teacher smiles slightly and writes my score. I blink few times when suddenly she gave me a wink. I don’t know what was that mean, but I choose to shrug it off and walks back to my seat.

I’m scared now. What would Youngjae said to me?

“Y…”

“Daehyun.” He cut off before I could even say a word. I look at him.

“Y-yeah?” I awkwardly asked.

“That was a good poem.” He smiled at me. “Searching for answers, huh?” He asked once again.

Again, I awkwardly chuckle. “Kind of,” I answered. “I hope I’ll find the answer as soon as possible, though.” I added with a soft laughs, try to not look so obvious.

He chuckled. “I see.” He answered simply, but our conversation flew away with a word from the teacher.

 

“Yoo Youngjae.”

 

“Wish me luck.” Youngjae smiled slightly at me before he walks off to the front of the class. I can’t help but stare. That beautiful face, really…

 

As he stands in front of the class, he takes out his paper and looks to the whole class. I wonder, he’s kind of people who’s shy, but today, he somehow gets all of his confident to stand up, and being the center of attention.

“The title is, Answer.” He smiled, which makes my heart beats faster. Those lips opened, with his beautiful voice, he started his poem.

 

I do know it in the first place.

I do know all of it.

I do know the fact.

 

I just want to see you say it to me.

I just want to see you fight for me.

I just want to see how much you love me.

 

You’re my only one.

You’re my only love.

You’re my only everything.

 

No, I’m not choosing someone else over you.

No, I’m not happy if that someone isn’t you.

No, I’m not happy if you’re not around.

 

I think I’m being too far.

I think I’m being too cruel.

I think I shouldn’t do this to you.

 

You’re not saying anything to me.

You’re not saying if there’s something wrong.

 

How could I understand if you don’t say it to me?

 

But then you finally say it.

But then you finally admit it.

 

Every question needs the answer.

And every answer won’t be there without a question.

 

I’m here to answer you.

Yes I do know it, and I love you too.

 

 

He ended it. His voice was nice, and it left me breath-taking. Shorter than mine. Much shorter, but it shot my heart in the right place.

What was that? Is that… the answer for my question? My fist balled on the table as he smiles at the teacher before walks back to his seat.

No, no, it can’t be… he already has a boyfriend.

“It’s not my boyfriend.” Youngjae suddenly said, or we could say it, whisper. “It was just an act.”

I bite my lower lip slightly before looks back at him. “an… act?” I looked at him, my voice was trembling and it might sound ridiculous.

“To see if you’re going to be honest or not,” He said. “I’m sorry for make you feel suffocated.” He continued again.

I need a minute for finally breaks the silence between us and progress what he was trying to say. “W-what… wait, I don’t understand… what…”

Youngjae chuckles lightly. I know he wants to laugh but he holds it. “Idiot. I mean, I love you too. He’s not my boyfriend, okay. Jaebum was only acted. I asked him the way to make you be honest with me, so we did this.”

I bite my lower lip again. Sooner or later, maybe I would have a wound on my lips. “R-Really? I… I… I don’t know. I just… I just…”

I really don’t know what to say. Is this really not a dream? Youngjae is actually likes me back? If I was just dreaming, I just hope I’ll never wake up.

“Yes, Daehyun. I love you, so much.” He wraps his arms around my shoulder, and pats my back.

“Damn it… do you even know… how much I tried to hold to say this thing? I love you too, damn it. So much.” I trembled when said that. He pecks my temple softly.

“I…” before Youngjae could say a thing, suddenly the teacher cut it off.

 

“Sorry, for that love birds, can you keep the whole thing at lunch break? We’re all trying to focus with the poem instead of the sweet drama there~” She said teasingly, followed with laughter from the whole class.

I could see Youngjae’s face was red in embarrassment as he chooses to hides his face onto my chest as my arm wrapped around his shoulder.

“Yah, no need to be that embarrassed. Even though you’re cute when blushing…” I teasingly said as I poked his cheek.

“Shut it. Keep it for lunch break.” He pouted and looked ahead, then, both of us continue to watch our other friend’s poem performance.