“You love her.”

“I do.”

“You won't tell her?”

“I can't.”

--

They say I'm avoiding her. I am. They say I ignore her. I do. They say I hate her. They're wrong.

When? How ? Why? I think these words usually hold the most obvious of answers. Does it really matter, since when I fell for her? About how I realized? And why I fell for her? Well, may be it does. But not for me. Not when I can't love her. What's the point of pinning on something that will never happen? I know it will never happen. It can't.

She's beautiful. Too beautiful. Inside and out. Her soul screams beauty and her mind, one that of an angel. Her voice, a feather dropped from heaven- Soft, subtle and strong, to move mountains and winds and cause a whirlwind.

If she's the tempest, I am more than willing to be the fool that sets out for her-- to be entrapped within her laughter, to be broken by her melody and to sink nine feet under to the deepest root of the entity that is her.

If she is religion then I'll be religious. If she is war then I'll be the warrior. If she is the game, I'll be the player. If she was anyone but her, I would have been hers.

--

“Taeyeon?”

“Sooyeon.”

“Are you okay?”

“Drunk.”

“I can see that. Taeyeon.”

“Hm?”

“Come in.”

--

Fingers ran through my hair, over and over as if I'm an instrument to be played. A sour chuckle left my lips and a frown formed on her face. A tap to the hand was my reply, reassuring her that it was fine. That I was fine. Another obvious lie.

“When will you tell me?”

“I can't.”

“Taeyeon, they know it already.”

“I know.”

“Taeyeon, I know it already.”

“Clearly.”

“When will you tell me?”

“I can't.”

--

The long hands of eternity turned. Tuning from seconds to minutes to hours and days and year. A year. One whole year. A year without her. With her, physically. Yes. Without her, devoid of her. Ignorance my only weapon. What more could a broken heart carry?

A broken heart is numb. Painless. Tearless. Selfish. It can't cry. In my defence, I am not deserving to cry. I chose this. My Choice. My consequence.

And so when I heard her talking to me, when I saw her glancing at me, when I breath in her very essence, I wouldn't do anything but ignore her. Because I won't be able to reply without screaming out for help, I won't be able to look at her without wailing out my emotions, I won't be able to turn towards her without falling into her arms and begging for her love.

She's the good and the bad in me. She's the happiness at the highest of it's peaks. She's the depression that kills me slowly. She's the smoke on the dance floor that makes me forget myself. She's the light that is turned off, but nonetheless the light that exists.

--

“Taeyeon. I love you.”

“Mhm.”

“Don't you love me too?”

“I can't tell you that.” A sigh. A heavy breath. And—silence?

“Then show me.” A push. A shove. A hand on the back of my neck.

A peck turned to a kiss, a moan left her lips, my lips glided down her neck. A nibble, a little pressure to add to the red. Clothes came undone. And beneath the covers in mixtures of sweats and gasps, my heart roared. I love you.

---

Author's Note: Hello :) I hope this one was longer and more satisfying than my last one-shot.This story is a mixture of pent up emotions and conflicting feelings. I hope you enjoyed the read. Do comment, let me know your thoughts on it and critics are always welcome. Thank-you for taking the time to read my words :)

-Nyx.