Final

Just suggesting, you might wanna hear this song while you read this ? BoA - Dont Know What To Say

When we held our hands admist the crowd of people, we were using our bones, muscles and blood vessels to not lose grip of each others' hand. That's all I know about love.

“So Yeon-ah, where did you go ? I was looking for you !” Luhan made his way to me, stumbled a little over a few little rocks on the ground. He almost fall towards onto me, luckily I was in time to catch him on the arms. Our faces were just inches away from each other, made my cheeks go rosy pink as if it was our first time that close. He reached out his arms one at each of my sides, and slowly closing the gap between us with one swift of motion, my hand naturally roamed up his back.

“Sorry, I went to buy our movie tickets first.” I said seconds later, looking up at him. His expression softens at my act.

“Okay, fine.” He smiled and took both my hands. “So, what time we’re watching movie ?,”he added.

“Um, we still have an hour to go !” I lifted his left arm up to check on the time.

“So, meanwhile.. Bubble tea ?” He suggested with his heart melting smile, raising his eyebrows. I nodded and hand in hand, we walked to our favorite bubble tea shop nearby.

“One Taro Bubble Tea please~” Luhan ordered our favorite flavor once we reached there. It was an off peak hour so we could order right away.

“One straw or two straws ?” the girl showed two straws in each hand. She did not wait till we reply but only struck one straw into the drink cap and smile at us.

“Enjoy your drink, lovebirds.”She smiles as she handed him the drink. He paid and we thanked her for the quick service. Again, hand in hand, sharing sips of the bubble tea, we walked down the street of Hongdae. We window shopped at the street, looking at the items in the shop carefully to kill time before the movie.

After the movie, it was 9.00pm already. It was a cold, chilly night. The sidewalk we always took by the riverbank of the Hangang River where people always cycles there at night. Luhan always go there and cycle with his friends at night to release some stress. As for us, we preferred to walk hand in hands along the river. Many couple would always prefer sit on the grass and enjoy the view of Hangang River right in front, but we like the fence at the riverbank, so we could lean on it and talk all night, watching the fountain show. Maybe share some sweet kisses in between, laughs slip in between conversations.

As time passed, we had celebrated our second and then the third anniversary. We would always spend time together either at his apartment or at my apartment.

Simple cuddling, watching romance movies or accompany him to watch his favorite soccer games. I do not fond of soccer games but I start to grow the interest of watching it together with him because I could see many sides of him and also enjoy his existence with me at my lonely apartment.

I don’t know when it started. Sometimes, he would get a call or a text , he would say there are some things he had to do about his job and left after a while. I assume there really were things to do, I didn’t mind since he only left after he spends time with me.

“Oh yeah, do you want me to go over ?” Luhan said to someone at the other end of the line. I just happen to be there behind him, hearing him over the phone, not being overly attached to his privacy but it comes to my curiosity that he would avoid when he received certain call.

“Um, it’s a little bit hard to go away now because I’m at my girlfriend’s apartment right now.” He said again. I smiled at the fact of him turning someone else down for me.

“Alright. ” He ended the call after a minute and turned around to get back to me. He found me a meter behind him and he stared bug eyed to me. I was taken aback at his action through his eyes.

“Baby, what’s wrong ?” I asked carefully.

“Nothing, just shocked seeing you suddenly pop out behind me. It was just a friend who asked me out for a drink.”He explained even before I wanted to ask for the phone call. I nodded and drag him over the dining table to have our meal.

He told me about his work and how much he missed me when he don’t see me over the past few days when I was out of the country for work over the dining table. He left after meal saying he had to continue his assignment.

He lied.

He went to Minjung’s house which was two blocks away from my apartment. Her house was big and tall looking. He was standing there in front of her house, letting her to hug him tightly. He didn’t show any protest at all.

Minjung.

His precious first love.

The one who he couldn't let go when I first met him.

“Why is Luhan there in front of her house ? Why isn’t he pushing her away when she hugs him?” I monologue as I was walking down the road to the convenience store located at the end of the road.

Right at that moment, so many questions came into mind.

The next thing I saw was she kissed him on the lips that were supposed to belong to me and only me.

It was like glass working its way to my heart, tears rolling down my cheeks. One thing that it comforting right then that is he didn’t respond back to anything she did to him. But why ? I thought so much as I continued to walk down the road. I wiped my tears away with the back of my hands, leaving my eyes a little swollen and red. I went into the convenience store and bought things I needed. I sat down at the table set up outside the store. I took a mouthful sip of milk I just bought. Staring blankly into the air, thinking of the scene I saw minutes ago. I press my lips together, trying to hold in my tears.

Was she the one who called him almost every time that he had avoided from me when he received the call ?

Maybe she having some problems or what ? Why didn’t he tell me ? Why is he hiding it from me ? Why am I so considerating towards her though ?

I thought we promised to have no secrets between us. He broke it first, I would never expect that in my whole life.

I didn't contact him for days after that incident.He called so many times and also came to my apartment several times. He didn’t know what I knew from that night.

I appreciate what he is doing but I just needed time.

I needed time to think. I went out to the riverbank sidewalk we always went and stay for all night.

The chill autumn wind raced through the avenues,causing my hair to fly. I walked slowly, reminiscing all the memories I have shared with him on that walk..

Walking alone her at their favorite spot,without him is beyond painful when it comes to that situation.

The serene moon giving out soft night light shone onto my face. I leaned on my back to the fence, I closed my eyes to enjoy the windy autumn. A shadow sat right beside mine on the ground when I opened my eyes. I looked to my right and I found Luhan looking far away to the river.

“Now, tell me. What is bothering you ?” He said first. Silence took place. I took a deep breath before saying anything.

“You.” I answered softly. His eyes showed doleful expression and looked to me.“I…. saw you that night. That night when you were with Minjung in front her house.” I continued slowly.

“So Yeon, I can explain.” He said right after I finish my sentence. He turned around and grabs my hands, motioning me to face him.

“She was going through hard time. I’m trying to help her.” Luhan explained.

“By lying to me and go to her ? You did the wrong choice, Luhan. You broke our promise.” You said in slow pace. “I don’t know what to say. I..”I stuttered, as my tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

“So Yeon, I..I’m sorry for hiding it from you. As I told you, I was trying to help her.”He said.

“How about that kiss ? Why didn’t you protest ? ” I asked, lowering down my eyes to the ground. “Three years, Luhan. We have been through three years together now. From what I saw that night, you still..”

“I’m sorry, baby. I just don’t know what to do when she did that to me. ”

“No, I do not blame you at all. I knew you still love me but I really don’t know what to say or do right now. The fact that you go to other women you used to love and maybe you still are which is just causing me clueless. I’m not angry or what, I just feel pain so much that I could feel my heart swollen inside.” I said and turned my body around to have my back facing him. My tears came rolling down my cheeks, I constantly look up to stop it from faliing.

He blinked a few times and lowers down his gaze to the ground after hearing what I have said.

“We need a break. A rest from everything. A period of time that you need to sort out your feelings then you come back to me.” I continued and I walked down the pathway along the river away from him.

He was left dumbfounded behind, at the sidewalk we used to share so many memories.

I continue to walk until I reached a corner. I lost control that I broke down in tears, hugging my leg close to my chest . Covering my eyes with my palms, crying my eye’s out.

Little did I knew, Luhan actually followed me from behind seconds later that I didn’t realized.

He was standing at the corner, watching me broke down on the ground silently.

His tears began to fall as he saw me on the ground, crying my eyes out.

“I’m sorry..” He murmured and leaning his back to the wall.