There is some kind of unspoken rule. You break up and if it’s your fault, you don’t have the right to cling on and make the other miserable. It is what Sehun believes in and he will follow it, despite being tempted to go home, ask for forgiveness and promise to be better.

He doesn’t, because he knows it will be hard to change. Sehun has the will to do anything for Jongin’s sake, but his natural ambition is great, too, and he fears that latter might be stronger. He doesn’t want to test it out. Disappointing Jongin and breaking his heart once is painful enough, but breaking it twice? Trampling on shards of an already broken heart is what only jerks do and Sehun is not a jerk. He hopes Jongin thinks he is not.

~*~

I love you.

Sehun can’t remember having said this ever. But he remembers the feeling of Jongin’s smooth skin when he trailed those letters onto the other's back, Jongin already spent and barely awake. He has never been great with words, but he expresses his feelings in a lot of small gestures like this.

~*~

All this time, he has been waiting for a call, not daring to change his phone number. His phone’s always there, never turned off and always set on vibration, so he wouldn’t miss it, in case Jongin has forgiven him, in case Jongin wants him back. Even during business meetings he leaves it on, but not once did Jongin contact him.

~*~

Sehun knows it’s the end of their love story, but it hurts when it’s Christmas and the season reminds him of how they finally, finally met and got together, and it will remind him in future years as well, his heart not ready to forget his first and only love. There is no way he can erase the memories and Sehun is positive he won’t ever fall for anyone again.

~*~

It is regret and self-loathing that leads Sehun to the park nearby. It is freezing cold and he sits down on a bench, staring up at the night sky. He can’t spot any stars in the pitch black darkness and that is when the loneliness settles. He has taken Jongin’s presence for granted, coming home from work every day to a smiling boyfriend, table set and dinner ready. Soft hands would caress his skin and at night it’s Jongin’s safe embrace and warmth that lulls him to a deep slumber, casting away nightmares and negative thoughts.

~*~

It’s failure that Sehun fears the most.

There is this pressure weighing him down, forcing him to outdo everyone. Not many people know, not even Jongin knows, but Sehun’s from a dirt poor family and even today he is paying off his father’s debts. His mother has left this world, her last