Sehun nervously tugged at his belt again, his fingers playing with it out of habit as his tongue darted between his lips. He had lost count of how many times he’d examined himself in the mirror before leaving that afternoon, so he reasoned that he should probably do it just one more time just to make sure he looked at least marginally decent before Baekhyun inevitably opened the door of his apartment. His eyes flicked back and forth from his clothes to the door too quickly to actually get a good glimpse of either, but he assured himself that it was probably fine considering it was too late to retreat back to his own apartment and tear his closet apart again.

The initial dejection that sank in Sehun’s stomach like a rock when Baekhyun didn’t answer his first call a few days ago while he was wrapped in his bedcovers clawed at his gut as he waited on Baekhyun’s doorstep now. The silence had pressed against his chest, a weight of doubt and embarrassment and insecurity that reduced Baekhyun’s business card to an insignificant sheet of paper and questioned if their time in the bar had ever even happened until Sehun had tried his best to casually answer his cell when Baekhyun’s name lit the screen through the darkness a few hours later. When he had heard the singer’s voice frantically apologizing and reassuring him that he hadn’t had time to check his phone during gigs for the day, Sehun’s release of clenched lungs and sigh of relief washed over the receiver in waves of static that had both of them giggling.

Sehun was always ready to talk for hours (or perhaps forever, but he decided that a definite time frame seemed slightly less creepy), but he supposed he should be grateful for the scattered calls that Baekhyun did have time for—the bright bursts of concentrated contact that reverberated in Sehun’s mind long after they’d ended. He tried to focus on these instead of their stumbling attempts at setting a time to meet up and the subsequent cancellations that followed as hard as he tried to remind himself that he knew Baekhyun had a busy life and that it had nothing to do with him.

Sehun inhaled sharply as he heard the clicking and turning of locks, and suddenly Baekhyun was peeking his head through the doorway—in sweats and glasses, hair stuffed under a red snapback and toothbrush shoved in his mouth. Both of them blinked in surprise, neither of their throats working properly to speak as their eyes scanned each other’s faces and outfits. Baekhyun’s sharp voice cut through the thick silence (although slightly muted by the fluff of toothpaste), soft lips opening and closing around his toothbrush briefly before asking, “Hey…Sehun-ah, what are you doing here? Did you get my text?”

Sehun’s trembling fingers fumbled for his phone as his heart sank. “Uh…no…are you busy?” he mumbled, wishing he could melt into the snow. The familiar words sank in his stomach like rocks as he read them. Hey, I just got called for another gig today…I’m really REALLY sorry I know I keep doing this and I promise I’ll make it up to you….Sehun didn’t bother reading the rest, shoving his phone back into his pocket. He pursed his lips and blinked at the ground, waiting for Baekhyun’s inevitable reply.

“Yeah…I’m getting ready to leave now—”

“I can see that,” Sehun cut him off dryly. “It’s okay. I’ll just go.” He spun around almost too quickly, his heels sliding on the icy sidewalk as he desperately longed to bury himself in his sheets and pretend this moment never happened.

Long fingers curled around the crook of his elbow to stop him. “Wait.” The plea in Baekhyun’s voice froze his legs despite his best efforts to run back to his apartment. He sighed and turned and almost sighed again—a sleepy and relaxed Baekhyun with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth was hard to resist. He wanted to be like the soft cotton of his hoodie’s sleeves and wrap him up in his arms, to be the thing Baekhyun would long for to make him warm and comfortable and simply at peace—but he simply waited for the singer to continue.

Now that Baekhyun had his attention, his eyes darted nervously from his hand latched onto Sehun’s sleeve and the ground as he searched for the right words to say. His speech was quick and rambling. “I only have one show today. It won’t be long I swear, and we can hang out after…I mean, you could come with too if you want…er, I’d like it if you did, you haven’t been to my shows in a few days and I don’t know I guess you could say that—”

The tension in Sehun’s face melted away as he watched Baekhyun stumble from thought to thought, and he couldn’t help but laugh casually as his eyebrows shot up at Baekhyun’s last words. “Whoa, hold on, are you saying you missed me? I thought you said it was creepy how I’d always stare at you from the same spot in the back of the café without blinking—”

Baekhyun released his arm and settled for nudging him in the side, and Sehun let out a squeak that made him laugh softly (which resulted in a thin stream of toothpaste dribbling from his mouth). “Ah. .” He wiped his mouth hastily with his sleeve, his other hand tangling his fingers with Sehun’s as he pulled him inside. “Here, come in. I promise it won’t take that long and then I’m all yours. Please?” He turned and hit Sehun with his best pout, a deadly weapon that Sehun was helpless against.

His head still reeling from the feeling of Baekhyun’s fingers through his gloved hand, Sehun sighed. “Fine,” he huffed despite the smile on his face.

Baekhyun grinned and lead him inside. Sehun moved with the awkwardness that subsequently came along with entering an unfamiliar place, not knowing where to step to avoid the token squeaky floorboard or how to navigate through the furniture while gazing at the walls. It was plain, similar to Sehun’s in that matter—only it was a mess. He stood in the center of the small room with a lost expression as Baekhyun called from the bathroom, “Sorry it looks like in here, I barely have anyone over so I figure it doesn’t really matter.”

This caught Sehun off-guard. He had expected Baekhyun to be the kind that was always “on,” always juggling friends and parties and energy. He decided not to mention this observation. “Oh, no, it’s okay…” Sehun replied instead, cursing silently as he tripped over a bag of mic cords. When he looked up again, Baekhyun was hovering under his nose with a cup of coffee held out to him, the sweet smell and heat tickling his nose.

“Here. It’s so cold out today I feel bad you walked all the way here,” the singer said, followed quickly by a knowing grin and a look that elicited a particularly loud thump from Sehun’s chest as he felt his eyes gliding over his tight grey sweater and dark jeans. “You look cute today.”

Sehun’s cheeks flushed as Baekhyun danced away into his room to change, and he tugged at his belt again out of habit (it definitely had nothing to do with the fact that his skinny jeans had begun to feel a little tight in that moment). He took a particularly large gulp of his coffee in an attempt to drown out his peaking curiosity regarding Baekhyun changing in his room, how his slim body would look slipping out of his hoodie and how his jeans would strain against his thighs as his long fingers tugged at them…

The rather drafty apartment suddenly blazed with a heat that rivaled an oven as Sehun down the rest of his coffee. Needless to say, he was grateful when Baekhyun reentered the room with his mic bag slung over his shoulder, fully dressed aside from his coat half buttoned, looking slightly flustered as he attempted to bend down to reach his other bag. In desperate need of a distraction, Sehun jumped to pick it up. “Ah, don’t worry, I got it.”

“Thanks.” The relief in Baekhyun’s voice pulled Sehun’s lips into a tiny smile, but the teasing hand that was suddenly on his made him bolt upright and yelp in surprise. Baekhyun laughed, attempting to fix his hair that had been trapped under his hat as they ran out the door. “What? I said you looked cute.”

The cold air burned against Sehun’s flaming cheeks, a sweet relief from the suffocating (and frustrating) heat of Baekhyun’s cramped apartment. “Whatever…” He caught Baekhyun still distractedly attempting to comb through his hair—almost a lost cause after a night of what Sehun presumed to be motionless sleep—and sighed, shaking his head. “Yah, just let me do it.” Baekhyun hummed happily under Sehun’s touch as the taller boy’s fingers worked through his hair. Sehun felt that he could get used to hearing that sound, just as lovely and musical as when he’d sing in front of dozens of people, yet small and quiet and close, only for him.

Sehun had insisted on helping Baekhyun set up, refusing to let him assume his usual routine of scurrying around the café in a flurry of cords and speakers, and Baekhyun had insisted that Sehun sit right in front of the stage when he caught him making a beeline for his usual stool in the back. Despite the different spot, Sehun still sat enthralled as Baekhyun performed, finding new fascination with the cut of his jawline as the lights struck sharp lines of white against the dark walls of the café and the way his veins crept up his neck as he hit the high notes that made Sehun shiver. He flushed when Baekhyun would look at him as he sang, so much different than the sleepy boy who had blearily stared at him through the doorway this morning. He supposed that this was not a bad first date after all—he eventually forgot that other people were even in the café with them, finally feeling the impenetrable barrier between them dissolve as effortlessly as his warm breath had curled and disappeared before him in the chilly December air. Baekhyun had let him into his life—a space that could be considered small, but Sehun treasured it nonetheless.

However, as the minutes turned to hours and the sparse scattering of customers turned into a sea of people, Sehun felt cramped and cornered. He fidgeted in his seat, anxiously checking his phone again—5 pm. The daylight that had followed them in the café a few hours ago gave way to the early winter darkness, and the sun sank in the sky with Sehun’s stomach. The first time the manager had asked Baekhyun to stay for the unexpected amount of customers that were coming in, Sehun had understood. He had smiled at Baekhyun’s distressed and apologetic look and dismissed his concerns with reassuring words—he knew this was his job, and being successful and wanted was a good thing. But every time he spotted that damn manager weaving his way through the crowd to inevitably ask Baekhyun to stay longer still, Sehun struggled to squelch the aggravation that was festering in the pit of his stomach as much as he struggled to return Baekhyun’s apologies with anything but snide remarks.

A small voice in the back of Sehun’s mind argued that he was being immature, but it was much easier to focus on the familiar feeling of being unimportant, something else to simply be worked into Baekhyun’s schedule, an obligation to be assuaged if he threatened to take up too much time. His face ached from the twists his lips distorted his mouth into, and his leg moved like a creaky hinge as he incessantly jiggled his foot up and down against the floor. He could feel Baekhyun’s eyes on him, which only prompted him to glare at the floor with a renewed intensity every time he assumed the singer was looking at him.

Everyone else, however, seemed to be having the time of their life—for whatever reason the café was ridiculously crowded that night, and the cheers were loud and grating against Sehun’s ears. He perked up when he heard Baekhyun beginning to say his goodbyes, but an angry hot breath escaped through his nose when he saw the singer hesitate as the crowd urged him for an encore. Baekhyun scratched his head, smiling and laughing as he baited them with questions. “Ah, you really want more, huh?” Applause. “I mean…if you’re sure…” Even more applause.

Sehun stood up abruptly, making a point of keeping his eyes glued to his feet as he stalked through the crowd out the door. The cold air struck his face like a slap—a chastising blow that berated him for ever thinking that he could find a place in Baekhyun’s life, for letting a silly crush go this far when it was obvious the singer didn’t truly care about him. His chest was tight and his breath rushed out through his nose in restrained huffs, his eyes squeezed shut only to taunt him with images of sitting in Baekhyun’s apartment sipping coffee.

Sehun felt too hot, too wound up to go home—too big for the confined space of his apartment—so he settled for sitting at a random bench a block or two away from the café, his long limbs sprawling across the cold metal bars and his head tilted back at the sky. It was silent save for his angry sighs and pounding heart until his phone buzzed in his pocket. He ignored it, remaining completely still despite the vibrating sensation against his thigh. It was quiet for a few moments, but Sehun sighed and whipped it out when it buzzed again, growling into the receiver when he saw Baekhyun’s name lit up in the night. “What.”

Baekhyun sounded breathless through the speaker. “I’m so sorry, where are you?”

Sehun snorted. “Uhuh. Like you always are.”

Baekhyun’s voice cracked. “Please, just tell me where you are.”

“Sorry, I gotta go now.” Sehun muttered, shoving his phone back into his pocket without waiting for Baekhyun’s reply. He buried his hands in his coat, sighing and closing his eyes, his lips pressed into a hard line.

The part of his mind that wasn’t focused on stewing in the emotional train wreck that was unfolding in his stomach registered the sound of frantic, light footsteps and panting and a familiar voice. “You hung up on me.”

Sehun started and turned to see Baekhyun standing before him, coat haphazardly buttoned in the wrong order and shoulders heaving and cheeks flushed red. His hard eyes softened at the sight, but he still struggled to unclench his jaw tight with frustration. He pursed his lips and looked away. “Where’s your mic stuff?” he asked at the ground.

“I left it there. I couldn’t run as fast with a subwoofer chained to me, you know,” Baekhyun laughed halfheartedly.

The corner of Sehun’s mouth twitched in amusement buried under his aggravation. Still staring at the ground, he said tonelessly, “So you only run after me when I run away.”

The silence that followed wrenched Sehun’s neck around to see Baekhyun struggling to form words, his eyes desperately blinking and scanning the ground as his lips worked around silent shapes. “No—it’s not…I don’t know. I just…” He looked up at Sehun for a cue of some sort, but his face remained expressionless. “I love singing. Well, you knew that…” He sighed, shaking his head and clenching and unclenching his hands. “But it’s not just that. I feel like I have to sing. I’ll go crazy if I don’t.”

“Okay. You really like singing. I get it.” Sehun stood up, but Baekhyun stepped in front of him, looking up to meet the taller’s guarded eyes with his own desperate ones.

Baekhyun shook his head, fingers flying past his face in an attempt to animate his point. “No no no, I mean like…I’ll go crazy in a bad way. I know you noticed how I’ve been singing more recently, longer and later. Right?” Sehun hesitated before giving him the benefit of a nod. He knew he could really be a little when he wanted to be, but he needed to see this from Baekhyun, the boy that was energetic and bright and passionate yet guarded and running from place to place. “Well…it’s because I feel lonely.” He in a breath of regret through his teeth. “God, that sounded cheesy…but you saw my apartment, right? It’s small, cold, empty. There’s no one there. I can’t take it. The silence is suffocating and it just drives me nuts…especially around this time of year…”

Sehun watched the singer unfold before him, his heart twisting as Baekhyun’s voice would crack and squeak as he choked out his words while looking to the side, his pouty lips quivering. It hit him that he really didn’t know anything about Baekhyun aside from what he picked up at the bar—charming, funny, talented—surface details that carefully hid what the boy was spilling to him now, his words coming hard and fast and unfiltered. “I just figure…I’ll make it through the night if it’s as short as possible, if I’m so busy that I won’t notice there’s no one there…”

Baekhyun let out a surprised yelp as he felt Sehun’s arms grab his back and pull him in, his words silenced by the soft press of the boy’s lips against his own. A muffled cry of shock fought through their lips, and Sehun watched as Baekhyun’s eyes searched his in confusion. Sehun’s lips quirked into the tiniest smile, and he said softly, “You have me, don’t you?”

Baekhyun’s shoulders trembled in a mixture of unexpected relief as he carefully rested his cheek against Sehun’s shoulder. “Well, I almost didn’t back there…” he laughed dryly.

Sehun dipped his head and pressed his lips against Baekhyun’s, taking in the scent of his shampoo, his heart hammering against them. “Yeah, that’s because you forget you do,” he mumbled through vanilla and red hair. “If you just let me in, you don’t have to work yourself like that.”

Baekhyun sighed a warm patch into Sehun’s coat. “I know…I’m sorry. I’ve been doing this for so long it just became a habit…I’m just weird,” he laughed. “I have a lot of friends—you get to know a lot of people when you do what I do—but I don’t know. They all seem…the same. Into the local entertainment scene in that way you know they’re not really into it, you know what I mean? Not really interested in knowing anything about each other aside from everyone’s current projects and work—what you’re worth, basically. It’s fun, don’t get me wrong, I like them a lot…but it gets tiring.” He looked up then, smirking. “That’s why when I first saw you staring at me with a dead fish face from the very back of the café completely motionless—I knew you were different. That I moved you in a way they didn’t let me see, that your reaction was unfiltered and real. And I liked that.”

Sehun had smacked Baekhyun’s shoulder playfully at his jibe, laughing as the boy clung dramatically to his arm. They were walking now, neither of them with a destination in mind, and Sehun had smiled and blushed as Baekhyun finished talking. “It’s okay,” he said, dismissively waving a hand in the air. “I don’t really have a life either, I just moved here to go to school so I don’t really know anyone yet. Just me and my apartment.”

Baekhyun laughed beside him, weaving his arm through Sehun’s as their fingers threaded together. “Yah, I never said I didn’t have a life. But at least you don’t go wrecking yours ‘cause you’re so pathetic you can’t stand to sleep by yourself at night. That doesn’t even make sense—I mean, I make myself so busy that I can’t have any friends because I’m sad I don’t have any. What the hell.” They both burst out laughing, bumping their shoulders together playfully as they walked slowly in the soft snow and silence around them. With a quick glance to Sehun, Baekhyun nonchalantly ran his hand along the snow coating a bench as they passed. “Good thing I have you to bother now, right?” he teased, whipping the snow at Sehun’s face.

Sehun cried out at the unexpected assault, quickly ducking down to scoop up his own ammunition. “Just don’t forget next time, okay? God,” he shot back as his snowball smacked the back of Baekhyun’s neck with a soft puff.

Baekhyun’s hands flew up to his neck as his body (and vocal octaves) contorted in a series of strange shapes while the snow melted down his back.  He fired another handful of snow that happened to explode in Sehun’s face, and when the boy had finally wiped it all from his eyes, he was met with Baekhyun’s warm lips pressed against his. He cupped the singers face with his (slightly wet) gloved hands, and they stayed frozen under the soft glow of the streetlamp for a few moments until the buzzing of a phone jarred them both from their reverie.

Baekhyun fumbled for his cell, answering it hesitantly after a nod from Sehun. He put a hand over the receiver, saying in a quiet voice, “It’s the manager of the café. They’re closing now so he wants me to go get my stuff…” His words seemed to be stepping on glass, carefully and slowly annunciated with an undertone of dread.

Sehun drew him into his chest with one arm, breathing softly, “It’s fine, go.” His lips settled around Baekhyun’s ear, nibbling at it with a wetness and warmth that made the singer sigh . “After all, we finally had our first date, right?”

Baekhyun smiled, pressing an open-mouthed kiss into Sehun’s neck. “Yes we did, after I stopped being an idiot.”

Sehun chuckled, and they quickly discussed when they’d call each other and when they’d see each other next and other sweet and ridiculous words that ended with breathless kisses and hurried steps away in opposite directions. As Sehun curled up in his covers, the silence of the late night hours pulled and nourished his lingering seedlings of doubt and worry—the possibility of their time spent together today simply being another concentrated burst of contact before another inevitable draught seemed very plausible in the loneliness of the darkness—but he ultimately fell asleep with the memory of Baekhyun’s chest rising and falling against his replaying in his head.