“Come, my dear.”

 

I follow the familiar tone.

 

“Don’t be afraid.”

I walk. Not caring where I step or where I go. I feel the cold, lifeless floor kissing my bare feet.

Everything’s black, I can’t see anything.

 

I walk, to wherever I hear the voice, to whatever he tells me.

Do I have anything to lose? I can’t fathom a word…

 

My eyes are open but I cannot see. The only hope I have is the voice I keep hearing. Ears, please don’t fail me now.

“Slowly… Keep walking. I’m here, always am.”

I stride, hoping I’ll see The Light again soon. Oh, how I miss the warmth of Light and the spirits I breathe in when I connect. My heart is beating fast, and now I’m breathing faster.

Slowly, I picked up my pace, my feet striking harder against the floor in every step. “HA!” I let out as loud as I can, not hoping for someone to hear my plea but happy to have something to hope for after all these years in pitch black darkness.

Running.

I’m at my limit now, I can’t go any faster.

 

When will this end?

How much farther?

A burning sensation started to clasp my bare feet. Slowly, I fell into a halt. Catching my breath, I asked the voice of Today. “Where do I go now? Tell me, please.” I shouted.

Silence.

“When will you set me free, Today? Let me out!”

A warm teardrop made its way down my check. I am not sure if this was out pain or the fact that I really thought I will see Light in that moment and that it did not happen.

No response.

“TODAY!” My voice starts cracking and I fell hard onto the lifeless floor.

You know what's the hardest part of my life now?

It's not that I can't remember who I was before this darkness, it's not that I can't see a thing, and it's especially not that I can't see light anymore - it's the sharp striking pain piercing through my chest whenever I feel sad and nobody is there to hug the pain away. Someone else who can share the sadness and loss and tell me everything will be alright soon. I am weak now and all I want is a voice that I can hear myself in. All I can hear right now is nothing and even the voice of Today has left me alone. And now as I break down onto the cold floor, maybe this hug will do for now.

---

I'm walking again...

Not a care in this place whether I fall down or step on something The Light knows what.

Occasionally,  The Breeze blow against me, whispering, telling me there's nothing waiting for me at the end of this day. He does that. But I don't fall for it, I know The Light has something up on his sleeve for me. I just have to keep some spark, a pinch of flicker, and a handful brightness with me wherever I go.

Time has passed, I'm not sure how much but I know it's a lot. I'm still walking, still talking to myself.

I need to talk to Today. I don't know what to do anymore.

I breathed in 152 times since my 387th step, I breathed out 151 times already and I counted the seconds that passed but a tiny pebble on the floor made me lose count.

"Stop." A voice spoke. I knew it was Today.

I stopped and looked up, as if I'd see anything.

"You've gone far my little Bright Flicker."

My name, I heard it once again after a very long time. It made me smile and warm in my chest and bubbles in my tummy came pop pop popping.

"Bright Flicker." I whispered,  my heart raced.

"Close your eyes." Said Today.

"Why?"

"Do as I say."

And I closed my eyes at the end of his sentence.

Silence dawned once again, I thought the voice of Today left me and I wanted to open my eyes. Suddenly, the cold touch of the floor came climbing up from my feet to my legs, from my legs to my hands. I flinched.

"Can I look now?" I said, I kept moving my fingers to draw the cold touch away.

"No, not yet my dear." Today said, briefly.

I breathed in and let it out.

"Now?" I asked, uncomfortable with the feeling on my hands now climbing up my shoulders.

"Just a little more. Patience, little Flicker."

I sighed. I never liked waiting.

"Now?" I looked up with my eyes still shut tight.

Today fell silent. I wanted to open my eyes at that moment for the fear of being alone again.

But before I did, "Yes you may, dear one. Go ahead. Open."

I smiled, expecting to see Light the moment I open my eyes. I did but there was no difference from when my eyes were shut.

Nothing. I looked straight on but there was nothing, I am left with just the pinch of cold on my body.

Today spoke again. "Tell me, what do you see?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Oh no no no, you do not see."

"See? I am already looking and I see nothing!" I shouted.

"Oh, my dear, looking and seeing are not brothers you see nor are they related. Look down and you will see what I am speaking of."

My heart was racing, maybe because I was angry or maybe because of the newly formed hope within it. I did so, I looked down. And to my surprise, I saw a thousand, no, a million sparkling baby fireflies that illuminated the air surrounding me. I wondered, I expected their touch to burn me but no, they were cold and now they are nibbling on my cheeks.

I laughed. I have never felt this happy for a long, long time. I don’t know why, but it feels good.

“Fireflies,” I whispered.

Today laughed with me. “No, Flicker, these are sparks.”

“Sparks!” I gasped. Hope! These little baby fireflies are my hope. My heart raced once more, I reached my hand up and tried to grab every firefly that I can.

“No, Flicker! Stop!” Today shouted. I froze. “Stop, Flicker. They are not fireflies. These are sparks. Flicker, this is Yesterday, my brother.”

Brother? He sure has many brothers, millions.

All of a sudden, the fireflies – no, sparks – floated right in front of me. Slowly all of them came together and formed a shape I have never seen before, even in my dreams or in the memories that are left with me.

The sparks grew brighter and I had to cover my eyes. They were in pain.

After a while a cold touch came on my right arm. Could they be more fireflies? I looked and it was a hand, same as mine, only bigger. It was bright like the sparks. I followed to where the hand was from, curious; there is a tall bright shape in right front of me, right where the sparks were. It was a person who was, until now, holding my arm. The bright air left this person and what was left is a face that I can see very clearly. Now I knew it was a man, I remember from my dreams what men looked like. He had short, messy hair unlike mine. His eyebrows were sharp and angry but his eyes showed kindness just like the smile he was wearing. The man let go of my arm and reached his hand in front of me.

“My name is Yesterday, first born of the Sun and the Moon.” He said. The man held my hand and pressed his lips against it. Now, unlike the sparks, his lips felt warm. First thing that my brain took as a memory was how his voice sounded. It was very deep, not like Today’s.

I stood there, silent, only looking at his face. He looked into my eyes and I could see wonder, maybe he was curious of what I was thinking. I took a step closer to him and he stepped back. “Stop,” I said. I stepped again. The space between us faded and he was only a thumb away from me. I looked up. “You’re tall.”

The man cleared his throat and looked down at me. “Am I? Maybe little Bright is just too small?” He patted my head.

The top of my head can only reach his chest. Maybe I am too small after all.

“Yesterday,” I said. He smiled, “Yes, Bright?”

“Can I touch your face?”

“What for?”

“Because,” I was thinking of many reasons why but it just slipped my mouth, “your chin is longer than mine.”

“My,” He held his face, ”chin?”

“Yes, do I have permission to touch your face?” I asked again.

He cleared his throat again. “Yes, you may.”

And I did so. Yesterday does have a longer chin than me, after touching his I touched mine and they are not the same. ”Bright,” He called.

“Yesterday?”

“Tell me, for how long will you play with my face? I am the eldest god of time and if you do not halt I can return you to the day you were born and you will have to go through all of this all over again.” The tone of his deep, chilling voice changed and it was not a good thing.

I stopped and took three steps away from him.

Today started laughing and sparks began to appear by hundreds. They were a different color from Yesterday.

I covered my eyes for I know what’s going to happen next. I wanted it all to end as quickly as possible, I wanted to see Today. His voice was my only companion for a very long time. He guided me when I did not know what to do. And now I will be seeing him for the very first time.

“Flicker,” I heard Today spoke. “Flicker, open your eyes.”

I let down my hands and opened my eyes.

Bright air with the color of his sparks surrounded what I thought was Today. He had the same hair like Yesterday, but it was swiped up and neat, same angry eyebrows but his eyes were speaking of happiness the same way he smiles.

“Today,” I said in awe.

He smiled at me. I was looking up just to see his eyes, I really am too small. I saw his eyes shift from me to Yesterday who was behind me. “Brother,” He said to him.

“How long has it been?” Yesterday smiled at his brother.

“A very long time indeed… Seventeen years, I believe.” Answered Today.

Yesterday sighed. “Almost two decades.”

“And not a single sight of Tomorrow.”

“Yes. I am losing hope, brother.” Yesterday looked up and sighed. Today slowly walked near him and patted his back.

“I can say the same.”

I coughed. “Today,”

Both of them turned their heads to me at the same time. “Ah, yes Flicker.” They laughed.

He slowly walked towards me and I can’t do anything but to run into his arms and put my hands around him.

He was warm, like Yesterday’s hand. Unlike the coldness of the floor and the air in this dark place, these two things with me are warm and alive. I can hear a heart beating in him, just like mine. I thought, am I a god of time as well? So many things came into my mind. Are they my brothers too? But all of them faded when Today spoke. “Flicker?”

“Today,” I spoke, almost crying.

“I know you are indeed glad to see me but can we please continue this later?”

I let go of him slowly after understanding what he meant. I took a step back and looked at him from head to toe. “I can’t understand. I feel happy and angry at the same time I can’t explain what I feel. Happy that I see you now, angry for all the times you spoke to me and left without saying good bye.”

“I am terribly sorry for that my little Flicker.” He smiled. “But I, we, are here now and I have asked my brother a favour that can change your fate in this dark place.”

Yesterday cleared his throat, took a step nearer, and spoke, “I was named Yesterday for a reason and one important reason that is. The Sun and Moon have dawned me a gift, I am the guardian of past-“

“And I am the guardian of present and the now.” Today butted in.

“Brother, please.” Yesterday cleared his throat once more. “I am the guardian of past and I can and will take you to the time before you did that single wrongdoing which brought you here into Limbo.”

I am speechless. I did not understand a single thing.

“Flicker?” Today held my hand.

“Bright Flicker.” Yesterday shook my shoulders.

“Yes?”

“Do you understand?” He asked.

“What?”

“I guess not.”

“Flicker.” Today turned my head to face his. “I have made a plan to get you out of here.”

My eyes widened and a smile made its way across my face.

Today smiled. “Brother will take you to the last time you were alive.”

My smile faded. “I was alive?” My breath became deeper, faster.

“Was?” My heart beat racing.

“I’m dead?” Tears welled up my eyes.

I cried, all this time I wanted to get out of here because I thought I was wasting my life. The fact that I am not broke my heart into pieces. I fell from Today’s hold of me and I hugged the cold floor once more.

“Flicker!” I heard both of them shout.

Today started to pick me up and let me stand again. “No, leave me.” I hid my face.

Strength left my legs and I know I cannot stand this time. I have nothing left to fight for. I am dead and dead I shall stay. No hope, no spark. I thought I have a life other than this, up there where the Light is – I was wrong.

Today said so many things that usually keep me awake at times when I cannot fight the darkness but now it is not working on me and my mind. I am giving up.

“Flicker, please listen.” Today held my hand.

He helped me up so I can sit and he sat beside me. “Listen.” He pulled my head onto his chest.

“Your heart.” I said.

He took my hand onto my chest. “Feel that?”

“My heart.”

“Yes. And it is still beating. You may be dead up there, but you are still alive right here.” Today whispered.

“And?” I asked. I cannot understand them, all they speak of is very difficult for a person with only a jarful of memories to go back to.

“We can bring you back. And after that, I the guardian of present will help you change your fate and bring you to a present far different from what you have right now.” He continued.

I didn’t speak for a few moments.

“Bright Flicker.” Yesterday called.

I looked at him. “Brother asked for a favour, he wanted help from me. Now, come here.” He said.

Today helped me up while Yesterday stood still. I walked to him and stop a few steps away.

He waved his hand in front of me and few little sparks appeared.

“The color of sunset, to make the clock reverse, Bright Flicker don’t you fret for this is begins the end of your curse.” He smirked.

 

I remember seeing his face for the last time, he winked like he was warning me of something yet to come, before I felt that dizzy feeling that came right before I found myself sitting on this roof in this windy morning.