Jiho sat in the darkness that engulfed his room,gripping onto a picture frame that had a picture all too familiar with him.

It had been a long time. A month? No, maybe a few? Or maybe, a year? He just didn’t give a anymore. More like, he couldn’t anymore. It was too painful to count the days since she had left him. It was way too painful. And all he did was cry. He barely ate, he barely slept. He just cried.

Jiho felt like blaming everything and anything. Anything but himself and her. He couldn’t blame her. Nor could he blame himself. It wasn’t their fault that cancer decided to spread itself in her body. He couldn’t blame anyone or anything for her death. And that made him feel ten times worse.

Jiho suddenly felt a chill. His friends visited him earlier and apparently, they opened his window and forgot to close it. “Those bastards...” Jiho grumbled as he gently placed the picture frame on his bed before standing up, deciding that he didn’t want to freeze to death. It was too slow and he would prefer something faster.

Just as he was about to sit down on his bed again and mourn over his loss for another eternity, he saw his phone light up from where it was on his table. He went over to his phone and picked it up, surprised that it hadn’t ran out of battery yet. He then pressed the home button before hissing at how bright his phone was. How did he even survive with that level of brightness? Jiho unlocked his phone and then turned down the brightness, effectively making the pain in his eyes stop. Jiho then checked his notifications and boy, did he have a lot. Notifications from social networks, text messages and missed phone calls alike. He checked all his notifications. Most of his phone calls were from his group of friends and also his family. His social networks’ messages and also text messages all were condolences and at some point, the text messages changed to urges for him to get out of his house and meet new people. Or at least get some fresh air. He shrugged most of the messages off, but the latest text message hit him. It was from his friend and his crew’s leader, Sehyuk, who liked to be called P-Goon.

“Get out of your house, Xero. Meet new people, have some fun, get some air . I don’t care. Just get out of your house and stop mourning over her. You’ve been doing this for almost a year. I don’t think Heehyo would want you to be doing this. She would want you to be happy.”

Oh, it hit him hard alright. Jiho, or Xero, just stood there,in the middle of his room. Heehyo. Lee Heehyo. She was a very special person to him. She was more than a friend to him. She was his best friend, his guardian, his advisor, his support and most importantly, his one and only true love. He sat down on his bed once more and stared at the picture frame. It was a picture of him and her together. It was the first picture they took after getting together .

Jiho then started having flashbacks of her. She was always the sweetest person he knew. But she was also the most cheeky. She had a kind heart and she loved to goof around. They met when they were only children. When Jiho was only six while she was only four. Their parents were great friends and with that, they ended up being great friends as well. They always went to the same school. Jiho remembered that whenever she got hurt or cried, he would always be there for her.

She was smart and hard working. She was always one of the top students. 

She was talented. Specially in dancing. She was an amazing dancer and together, her and Jiho were an amazing pair. They loved to perform in the underground scene, which is also where he met his crew and his closest friends, Topp Dogg.

She was resilient and responsible. She would always set goals and didn’t give up until she achieved them.

And last but not the least, she wasn’t just pretty. She was beautiful. Inside and out.

She was truly a goddess.

Jiho remembered how happy she was when he asked her to be his girlfriend. He asked her if she wanted to be his during new year’s. At first, she was shocked. But a huge smile broke out on her face right after, happily saying yes.

Their first kiss happened soon after. On March 18. Her sixteenth birthday. It wasn’t all that romantic. Jiho gave her his present and then just kissed her full on the lips. She was still elated, nonetheless.

She got news that she had cancer three months after.

He also remembered her final words to him before she left him. Before she left the world. She made him promise that if she didn’t survive the surgery, Jiho wouldn’t be sad. Because, even though she died at a young age, she died knowing that Jiho loved her with all his heart. Jiho nodded and kissed her for one last time. He let go of her hand as the surgeons rolled her bed in the room. Two hours later, the surgeons came out,all of their eyes downcast. Jiho was the first to attack them with questions, still holding on to that small hope that she survived. The head surgeon shook his head remorsefully. Jiho just crumbled down right there and then. Lee Heehyo had ceased to exist on November 20, 2012. Her funeral was held a week after that and Jiho had done nothing but cry.

Jiho let a tear slip. P-Goon was right. They say that letting go is true happiness. But right now, to Jiho, saying goodbye is true happiness. Jiho then stood up and went to his bathroom to get a small, white bottle. Jiho then traveled back to his room to reply his friend.

After sending the message, he grabbed the picture frame then opened the small bottle and downed all the contents. He felt unconsciousness creeping up before dropping the picture frame and dropping down to the floor, beside the now-cracked picture frame, his heart stopping and his phone ringing non-stop from where it was on his bed. There were various messages and so far, three missed calls,more sure to come as his phone was still ringing non-stop.

“Hyung, you’re right. Heehyo would want me to be happy. Some people say letting go will truly make you happy but right now, saying goodbye will be better for me. I guess it really is time to say goodbye, hyung.”

“Wait, what? Xero, what do you mean?”

“Xero? Answer me.”

“Xero, if you’re joking around, stop it.”

“Xero seriously. Stop it.”

“Shin Jiho, you better stop it. I’m getting really worried right now.”

“Please don’t tell me you killed yourself.”

“Jiho?”

“Shin Jiho, I’m being serious.”

“Xero answer me.”

“Xero!”