She was laughing loud and clear.

Standing at the center of her crowd, she seemed like the sun ; shiny, beautiful, out of reach.

Seemed.

That was always the key word whenever it came to her.

It was almost painful that nobody really noticed how plastic the laugh was, or how it didn't really reached the corner of her worn out eyes. They weren't to blame though, given how this was the only kind of smile she had ever showed them.

If she smiled at all. Working all those muscles to lift the corner of her lips was getting tiring lately, like every other thing in her life.

A thought flew her mind as she cast a glance on her surroundings, before answering half-heartedly a short haired girl whose name she couldn't recall.

"At least, he doesn't have to smile to anyone."

Not very far from the gathering, he was standing against a wall.

Dressed all in black, the only color on him was the blazing red of the earphones that blast loud music in his ears, muting the rest of the world. His hood was up, hiding both his eyes and expression, or rather lack of it. His shoulders were hunched as if he wished to disappear from under everybody's gaze. Not that anybody in particular was really looking at him. It was just his usual posture.

In an attempt to warm his hands, they were buried deep in his pockets. It wasn't working. This morning was colder than he expected and he hated it.

He hated the cold and he hated the fact that he was waiting in it, so early in the morning, to attend a class he hated. College was a waste of time. He sighed softly and stared at the fog leaving his lips.

Tomorrow, he'll be late to his first period.

****

It was still cold.

No.

It got colder.

Snow had fallen last night and that really didn't improve his already down mood.

He never got everyone's infatuation with the snow. All the songs, the poems, the books about it and its beauty...

The snow rhymed with the cold and that was enough for him to dislike it. It was bothersome too. How it creeps on his hair and dampens it once it melted. The streets also got dirtier, if that was even possible. Or maybe it was just the place where he lived.

He tugged at his scarf and tried to warm his hands with his breath. That didn't work. His fingers were freezing just like his feet were in his light sneakers.
He needed to start clothing more heavily, that or lessen his early morning escapades.
A little voice told him he would be warm if he was sitting at his assigned seat in class ; he dismissed it, however, by arguing that he could be even more comfortable in a coffee shop than doing useless math.
Algebra, and math in general, was the class he disliked the most among his courses, the despicable bald teacher didn't help at all. So he usually skipped it for a coffee break.

A sharp breeze ruffled his hair, pulling out of him a frown and a wince.

He increased his pace as he turned the corner to his usual café and almost slipped on a puddle of dirty snow.
Taekwoon decided that snow was definitely overrated.

She felt like crying.

She wasn't upset about anything in particular, she just wanted to cry. Her eyes were already watering, tears threatening to fall any second. Hoping it would send the tears away, she blinked a couple of times. It didn't work, it actually only made the tears, warm, fall one after the other on her dry cheeks ; she forgot to apply lotion that morning.

She immediately hid her face behind a curtain of her hair and wiped them. Fast. A lump in remained but her eyes seemed dry. For now.

She gave a reluctant quick glance around, checking if anybody noticed anything. Everybody were taking notes, dozing off, or pretending to follow the course. Nobody paid attention to Yoo Ara's red face and damp eyes. Of course, why would they ?

 Another sigh escaped and she returned her gaze on the bald teacher with the bad attitude. He was scribbling an incomprehensible solution, noting that the upcoming algebra test would largely contain those kind of exercises.

She didn't understand a thing, didn't try focusing so that she could understand it. And really, she couldn't care less.

Lately, she didn't seem to care about anything in her life. Everything was getting tiring, exhausting. Soon, even breathing would be demanding.

She almost cursed internally as her usual headache that faded a while ago, returned and with force. She needed an aspirin.

****

There was still so much to do, and yet, not much really matter to him.

The bench he was sitting on was damp. He was used to the lack of comfort though. He has been uncomfortable most of his life. Not that he's complaining.

Not far from where he was resting, an old man was, unlike Taekwoon, comfortably sitting on an opposite bench. He was reading a newspaper and occasionally sipping on a cup of coffee.

He seemed... Well.

Taekwoon almost felt jealous

He shifted his gaze and looked at his feet, letting the sun warm up the top of his head. He didn't attend school today. He didn't feel like mingling with his classmates. Not that he normally talks to anyone of them, really. Actually, he never addressed any of them, ever. And he doesn't have any plans of addressing them any soon.
A lot misunderstood his quietude with arrogance and superiority complexes, not coming an inch close to Taekwoon's real personality. He was just doesn't talk a lot.

Words are overrated.

Thinking of his classmates and classes brought up other thoughts of college. Thoughts of dropping out of it. He never meant on going on with his studies anyway, and last year has been a total waste. Not that he has any idea of what to do next. He could always work and earn money...

So much to think about… So much to do…

Taekwoon looked at the sky.

It was red.

Red and orange and violet.

A little bit pink too.

All very warm colors.

Taekwoon, however, didn't feel warm.

He was suddenly very cold. Freezing even. A chill ran on his spine as he closed his eyes, exhaling.

He felt smothered. Out of breath. Drained.

He took a long, long breath and stood up on his feet, making his way out of the little park. He pulled a chocolate bar he bought earlier out of his coat pocket and took a bite. He had trouble swallowing it at first ; it was too sweet. He disliked excessive sugar. He managed to finish the snack though, apart from a cup of coffee, he didn't eat anything since the beginning of the day.

His red earphones plugged in his ears, he continued his wandering.

He wasn't ready to go home. Not yet.

As always, she was alone at home.

The lights were all off.

Ara was lying on the ground; eyes wide open, staring at nothing in particular.

It was late, very late. But she couldn't sleep. Her nights of insomnia were growing, and even sleep pills seemed ineffective.

She wanted to get up, do something useful. Do her homework, make something to eat, wash the dishes that were piling in the kitchen sink, or change from her uncomfortable flannel button up shirt and leather skirt. At least crawl up to her bed, the cold floor was bad for her back.

But she was tired.

Very tired.

So tired, she couldn't move a muscle, literally.

She never liked the dark. Growing up, her parents had always let the light of the hall outside her room on. She was also a little bit claustrophobic. She didn't stand closed up places.

And yet there she was. In the dark, closed up.

And she didn't feel anything.

Except for this weird sadness that was growing in her chest.

Growing bit by bit. Every day, every hour, every second. Sadness she didn't even know its causes. Sadness that scared her. Overwhelmed her. Drowned her. Especially when she let her guard down like she was tonight.

That was why she always needed to stay in check. She had to hide it. But sometimes, that unknown sadness was just too strong.

She wondered if she stopped breathing right here, right now, will the sadness fade away ? And she tried. Holding her breath, for a second, ten, thirty, a minute. And she gave in. She didn't think it would hurt that much. She was already hurting.

Sighing, she put a hand on her chest, the place where her heart was supposed to be. She could feel it beating regularly. A heartbeat after another, pumping life in her limp body.

Without thinking, she pressed hard both her hands on her heart.

"Why do you hurt so much ?"

Her voice came out hoarse. She tried to clear but it only made her cough a couple of times.

Her sleep pills were still by her side. She took a hold of them and poured more than the useless prescribed dose, always lying on the floor. She hesitated just a second before adding another pill to the pile and recapping the box.

Ara swallowed the pills, one after the other. A long shagged breath escaped her lips and she closed her lids.

Hopefully, she'll be soon swimming in the black sea of unconsciousness.