Have you ever felt like life was just passing you by? Like it was so hard to keep up with the pace of the world that you’d forget to breath when trying to? Wishing you could stop time just so that you could get some sleep?

I have. I constantly felt like that.

I had it all; brains, looks, a great career, popularity, influential friends, fortune. Everything. The world shone brightly on me. I made people jealous, envious and left them yearning. My life was perfect. Yet also a fake. I was living a lie, letting important things slip by and only noticing it when it’s too late. My sister’s wedding, the birth of her children, birthdays. I’ve missed them all. Ever since I was young, I had been moving forward with an incredible speed. Straight ahead, no detours or stops. Just rushing ahead. But in the end, I got nowhere.

I was merely running behind the facts, chasing them for all eternity. Nothing I did was new, it had all been done and achieved before me. But it didn’t bother me. It couldn’t bother me.

At least… That is what I thought before. Before I met you.

You reached out for me in this world of fast forward I was living in. This world that leaves me without breath, without family, friends, love… You slowed me down, so that I could finally see what is really important.

The world passing you by so fast is a frightening thing. I was afraid. Afraid I might disappear one day without anyone noticing. Without anyone caring. I was afraid I might end up hating the world. That I might end up hating myself. I was petrified. And I tried to cover it up by trying to appear like I had it together. By working even harder, fastening my pace even more. But you saw through me. One look, that was all you needed to know that I was slowly falling apart. With one look you knew I saw my own life crumbling before me. That I was just letting it crumble, unable to save myself. You knew, I needed someone to cling to. A lifeline.

You saved me Zhou Mi. With your beautiful hazel eyes you pulled me out of that grey, dull world I was stuck in. Your smile made me see and appreciate the other beautiful things in life. Even the small things are dear to me now. Your voice has taught me the sounds of the world, different from the buzzing noise. The sound of another human. Beautiful and light. Caring and whole. All the things I didn’t pay attention to before, you showed me.

I still live in this world though. But everything has changed. I am changed. I can see clearly now, the blur has disappeared. Forever.

I love you, Zhou Mi.

But I will never tell you like this. Not with those three words. Let me at least have my pride. I will show you instead.