Miracles In December
Miracles In December
[Hello! This is my 7th oneshot, featuring EXO's resident troll, Chen! Now to give some contrast, let's leave his happy and witty image aside. A little drama, dear, everyone needs a little drama. Oh and listen to this, it makes a good combination with the story, and I really like this song
Enjoy!]
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything except the storyline.
12.01.13
December has come, and snow is falling in the sky. People are jolly and happy, and here I am. I don’t want to live. I’m really sick of living. Oh, yes, I forgot, I’m already sick. Seeing people waiting for Christmas makes me sad. Will I’ll be able to make it this Christmas? I don’t really know. Life is really unpredictable. Mom, Dad, what should I do? Why does a young adult like me had to a face burden like this?
You lifted your head and closed your eyes. You felt a little dizzy and quickly took out your medicine box.
"Not now, it's such a good day. I'll die tomorrow." You mumbled and to swallowed two pills. You breathe deeply. You wanted to write again but you decided to rest for a while.
You looked up and observe your surroundings. More and more people are entering the coffee shop, chatting and giggling. You noticed how their eyes glistened. You started packing your things when-
"Hahaha! You should've seen it! It was really funny!" a voice said. You searched for that person and saw a guy wearing school uniform. He was in the same school as you are, probably 2 years older. Apparently he was talking to someone on his phone.
"Luhan hyung dressed up as a girl and slept next to Tao. When Tao woke up, he screamed and ran to me! You should've seen his face, IT WAS HILARIOUS!" He laughed again and you couldn't help but chuckle as well.
"Tao asked me what happened last night at the party, and I said 'Didn't you remember? You got married! Congratulations!' Hahaha- ah, ouch my stomach is aching! hahahah! " This guy was really good at telling funny stories. He seemed to be a laid back person. You found yourself sitting back again to your chair and listening to his story
"Then he said, 'Hyung, I don't know her! Did I drank too much last night? I want a divorce!'" He snorted and ate a piece on his cake. You smiled while looking at him. He made you feel happy, light. His laugh is contagious.
"Arasso, Umin-hyung. I'll go to the dorm later and tell you the whole story. Don't go out too much? It's very cold. Nae, nae. I'm dropping now." He then snickered and drank his coffee.
You unconsciously looked at him. He seemed to sense you were staring at him so he looked back. You quickly looked down and pretended to do something else. You heard a chair move across you. You looked up and saw him sitting opposite end. He smiled at you and suddenly, you felt your face heat up.
"Hello."
"Hi" You played with the hem of your skirt. He suddenly leaned closer and you got startled
"Oh! Sorry to scare you, I was wondering what you were writing." He said, while scanning your notebook.
"Journal."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I'm writing on my journal."
"Oh. I see. By the way, my name is Jongdae. But Chen will be fine."
"Jongdae."
"Y-yes?"
"I like your name. It means 'big clock'"
"Ahh, yes. And you are?"
"Jisun." you shook hands. His hands were warm. The good warm kind
"Oh my, your hands are so cold, Jisun-ssi"
"Yours are hot."
"It's because I'm hot."
"What?"
The both of you laughed
12.05.13
I met a really funny and kind guy. His name is Chen but I prefer his real name, Jongdae.
Jongdae...Jongdae... I really like saying his name. Mom, he's like Dad. He has this laugh, a very adorable one, like bells that ring so sweetly.
We became friends right away. It's like I've known him for a long time, I don't know how. He likes sweets, too, just like me. He goes to the same school as I am, though he is one year older. He has warm hands and a scent. His scent that only him has. Am I weird enough to be writing this?
Mom, should I still be friends with him? I'm really confused. What if... What if I...
Dad, you should be here to tell me what to do. To be friends, or not? I'm really lost...
"Jisun-ahhh~" a voice cooed. You looked at your right, seeing a smiling Chen riding a bike.
"Let's go?" He asked. You nodded. You sat down at the flat surface in the bicycle and gripped on his uniform vest. It has been like this, since when he saw you sitting by the convenience store, the two of you went to school together. You were deep in your thoughts, remembering the notes you wrote on your diary. What should you do? You have to decide now.
"Jongdae-ah." You said
"Hmmm?" as he cycled
"I think we shouldn't be friends." Because I'm dying
"Ah, wae? Are you joking? It's not funny."
"I'm not." I wish I was
"Then, I don't care. We are friends anyway, right?"
"Yes. Yes we are." And I'm thankful for that
You rested your head in his back while feeling the warmth spread on your cheeks.
---
Lunch time, and you were on your way in the cafeteria to see Chen talking to a girl. You sneakily went to hide behind to spy on them
"Chen-ssi, I think... I think I like you." The girl said as she clasped her hands together. Wow, he was getting a confession. There was an awkward silence between them.
"I'm sorry, Yura, I... I like someone else. Let's stay friends, alright?" He said, ruffling her hair and then preparing to leave but the girl grabbed his hand.
"Is it her?!" Yura shouted "I have known you since fifth grade, Chen. I almost anything about you." She then cried. Chen carefully took off her hands from his.
"Yura-ya, love is not about how long you've known each other. And you're wrong, you don't know anything about me." He turned around and you quickly hid as he passed by you. You went back to the cafeteria, seeing he was looking for you, you went to him.
"Jongdae-ah" You said as you approached the table he's sitting in.
"Ah. where have you been? Come, seat with me, I'll tell you a funny story that happened a while ago."
"Mianhae, I was.. I was just in my locker. Looking for something."
"Why are you so serious? Is there any problem?"
"Ah? It's nothing. I just got a lot in my mind today."
"Like what? You can tell me." He grabbed one of your hands and rubbed them " Ah, so cold! I told you to bring your gloves. Why are you always this cold, huh?"
You looked at him as he desperately breathed in your hands to make the coldness go away.
"Jongdae-ah."
"Hmmm?"
"You should get used to it."
"Get used to what?"
"Me. Being this cold. Or maybe much colder."
"What are you saying? As long as I'm here, I'm going to keep you warm." Then he smiled at you, and you gazed at his eyes longingly.
Someday, you can't anymore, Chen.
12.11.13
Mom, Dad, this is a surprising news, even to me. I'm doing great now. I feel good and I think something inside me started working again. It's all thanks to Chen. But Mom, Dad...
I don't want to die now. I don't want to. Now that I have him by my side. Won't everything be fine, that this sickness will go away. Won't there be a miracle for me? I never wished for anything, but now, I want to use all my wishes to be free from it. Maybe this Christmas, that is what I'll wish for Santa. I never wanted this, now I'm starting to get scared. I'm not scared of dying but-
"Jisun-ah~ Let's go!" Chen happily shouted. You closed your journal and neatly put it inside your backpack. Today, you and Chen were going to visit his grandma who lives alone in the end province. You were very delighted to meet her, but also nervous of what she will think of you. You even applied makeup to your face as Chen mentioned yesterday how pale you were getting. The two of you arrived at the place. It was very quiet, only the crispy leaves crushing under your shoes were the only rebels who made noise His grandma's house was like you see in the dramas, old but clean, mostly made of wood.
"Halmoni~~! Your handsome grandson is here!" Chen cooed as you two entered the house. His grandma welcomed the two of you with open arms, and gladly led you the living room. She served food and you two started eating.
"Aigooo! How is my grandson? And who is this?" His grandma suddenly stared at you, but smiling. You were about to open your mouth when Chen spoke first.
"Halmoni, this is Jisun." You bowed to her and she laughed. She has Jongdae's laugh.
"Nice to meet you. Wait, Jongdae-ah, is she your girlfriend?" Your eyes widened.
"Ah, that's not it, I'm-"
"Yes halmoni, she is my girlfriend. Isn't she pretty?" He put an arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer. You pinched his side and look down. You looked up as his grandma put her hand on your thigh.
"I'm so happy my Jongdae has finally met someone! Take care of him for me, will you? Please be patient, for I know how stubborn he is. But it's because he had a hard time growing up, living alone, without his parents who unfortunately died. He's the only one that I have." Her grandmother started crying. It made you cry too
"Halmoni, let's not bring the past up, eh?" Chen said as he wiped her tears.
"Halmoni." You said. You were shaking, as well as your voice. "I'm sorry. I... I don't deserve your grandson."
"W-what are you talking about?"
"I'm sorry Chen, I... have to go." You grabbed your bag and headed for the door. You don't know where to go but all you know is get away from that house. From him.
"Jisun! Lee Jisun! Stop! STOP!" He screamed behind you.
"Go away!" You shouted back
He still outran you and you refused to look at him.
"Jisun-ah, what is the matter?"
You didnt reply. You started walking away from but he held your shoulder.
"Why won't you tell me, huh?"
You started shaking again, bottling up the tears you held. But you managed to keep your voice straight.
"I told you before, we shouldn't be friends. We.... I.... I'm." You stuttered to find the words you wanted to say. Nothing.
"Jisun, I like you," Chen said firmly as he looked into your eyes. You were surprised by his sudden declaration.
No. No. No, I knew this would happen.
"I'm sorry Chen, I can't return your feelings. I don't like you." You bowed at him and started walking again.
"Why are you like this? Why are you fighting what you are feeling? I know you like me too!" He stomped his feet in frustration
Yes. Yes I like you. I like you too much
"Chen.... I don't want to see you again." You turned your back on him
"Those smiles you showed for me. Those laughs you gave, or the way you cared for me, were they just lies?"
No, they were all real. All real...
"Yes. They were all lies."
"I dont believe you! Is there someone else you like?" He grabbed your wrist and spun you around. You shook your head as you removed his hand in your wrist
There was only you, Chen. Only you.
"I'm sorry, Chen... I just... can't. We can't together."
"And why not?"
"I'm not like anyone else. I can't be happy. I-" Tears fell as you struggled to finish your sentence.
"Please." He whispered "Tell, me why we can't. Tell me."
"Jongdae." You whispered while sobbing "Jongdae-ah, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault.You have to know..." Then you saw tears falling in his cheeks.
"I'm sick. I have Leukemia."
He abruptly hugged you. He started whimpering in your shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I just didn't know how to tell you. When I heard your grandma say-"
"I don't believe you." He muttered
"Jongdae-ah, I stopped taking medications.I have stage IV leukemia. I'm going to die. I'm going-" He crashed his lips against yours. Snow started falling again and you closed your eyes, feeling his lips against yours.
I'm going to leave you. And that's what I'm afraid of. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid to leave you behind.
12.24.13
Mom, Dad. How are you? Have you met Jongdae's parents up there? Can you tell them I said Hi? I'm doing what I can to look out for their son. Tell them that they shouldn't worry, because their son grew into an amazing man. Would they approve of me if ever they were alive?
He always accompany me to the doctor, to have medications again. I said I didn't want to, because I know there would be no hope, but he keep on insisting. He still believes anything can happen. He said there are miracles, miracles that are impossible, but can also happen. So everyday, after school, I get my checkup and he waits for me outside the hospital. I never wanted to regret anything. I never had the reason of living. Until him...
It's Christmas eve. Is Santa going to grant my one and only wish?
Your phone rang and you didn't have to look at the screen to know who it was.
"Yoboseyo?"
"Jisunnie, come and meet me outside the Concert Hall by the town square. I have to show you something!" You can hear the joy in his voice.
"What is it? Is it that worth it to see on this cold night?"
"Ay, what is that attitude. Just go here because this is the happiness of all happiness! Meet me in 8, sharp! I love you" Then he hung up.
You quickly snatched your coat and headed for the door. You were very excited to know what Chen got you. You were fidgety and arrived at the place he said
.
People were smiling and passing you by, and for the first time in your life, you finally felt what they were feeling, like those people in the cafe before. You were giddy and sat beside a red hoodie wearing guy in a bench. You checked your phone if ever he texted where he was but there was none.
You called him for how many time already but he was not answering. It's been an hour now.
"Ah this guy, seriously. Making me worry with his games." You nervously rubbed your hands and massaged your temple. You stood up and started walking around the place. It was indeed a chilly night, and you found yourself walking into an old lane. The street was quiet and mysterious, the snow piling up, making the road slippery. You were in midst of texting Chen when you spotted something in the ground. Blood.
You instinctively followed it and you couldn't believe what you saw. You covered your mouth in shock.
There, lying in the pile of snow was Chen, with a bleeding head and a open wound on his leg. He doesn't seem conscious. His blood kept on spreading in the snow, making it bright red under the street lights.
"Jo-Jongdae. Jongdae!" You screamed as you kneeled beside him, not knowing what to do. You tried screaming for help but no one was around.
"Jisunnie?" a voice whispered. You looked at Chen, eyes closed and lips slightly parted.
"Yes, I'm here. Jongdae... Wh-what happened?"
"If I don't make it, I want you to kno-"
"Don't say that! We'll go to the hospital, okay? You'll be alright." You dialled 911 in your phone with one hand, shaking, the other holding Chen's head.
"Listen, Jisun. I want to tell you something." he said weakly
"No, I don't want to listen to you. Stop talking!" You yelled. You hugged him and put his head on your lap. "Hold on, Jongdae. They're coming now. It's gonna be alright."
"Jisun, come closer, I... need to tell you something." He was staring at the dark sky
"Yes... yes what is it? Tell me." You were crying now, tears falling in his face.
"Drink... a lot of coffee... it'll keep you... warm... and...I want to tell you... that I love you.. so much.. with all my heart..." He smiled meekly at you
"Yes, yes I know. I love you too, Chen. I'm so sorry. This is my fault. I-"
"Shhh. It was... never your fault. Nothing... nothing ever... was your fault. Always... remember that" He whispered as he closed his eyes
"Jongdae-ah, can you hear me? Don't let go okay? Don't leave me! Stop closing your eyes." You brushed the hair off his forehead. You took hold both of his hands and exhaled in them. They are getting colder and colder. He chuckled darkly and coughed.
"Funny how I'm the one supposed to be doing that."
"Shut up."
"Jisun."
"Jongdae."
"I love you."
"I love you too." You kissed him and felt his lips form a smile. Then he gently put your hand on his chest.
"Forever and ever... and ever..."
You kissed his free hand "Forever. You and me okay?"
Silence.
"Jongdae?" You said, voice shaking.
He wasn't moving anymore. He was now pale, and very cold. You shook him
"Chen-ah, don't do this! Don't leave me ! You said forever right? Don't leave me! Wake up now! Stop joking around! It's not funny anymore! JONGDAEEEEEE!" You bawled and cried on his chest.
---
The next day, the police wanted you to report in their office right away. You sat down in the desk, your expression vacant.
"Ms Lee, we have caught the person who ran over Mr Kim. It was a hit-and-run, as seen in the CCTV." He showed you the video, wherein Chen is standing in the waiting shed when suddenly a car crashed into him.
"He is now in prison and to take full responsibility of his crime." You stood up, thank the police man and turned away when
"Ah, excuse me, Ms Lee I forgot about this. These are the things we recovered from the crime scene." He brought out a ziplock bag.
You sat down and opened it. It contained his phone, his wallet, and a piece of blue paper. You read it:
'Seoul General Hospital''Patient's Name: Lee Ji Sun'You scanned the content. And dropped the paper. Tears escaping your eyes.
'-hereby confirmed NED (No Evidence of Disease)' -AFTER ONE YEAR-
At last, class has ended and you stared at the window as snow begins to fall. You opened your bag and grabbed your journal.
12.20.14
Jongdae.... How are you? I miss you so badly... I'm going to visit your grandma for the weekend. I make it a point to always visit her... to cover up her loss... our loss..
Did you meet your parents there? Have you seen my parents too? Are you all together, eating heaven food with God?
Your desk, they're going to replace it tomorrow with a new one. Your seat is still quite warm... and your things... your scent is still with it...
Drops of tears tainted the page. You wiped your tears, not even knowing you were crying.
Jongdae-ah... I miss your laugh... yes, your laugh, which brought me to you... I miss your kisses, your hugs... I miss you.
How can I live on without you? How can I live with this hole in my heart. My eyes keep looking for you, my ears yearn to hear your voice. It's unfair you went first than me. You deserve to live longer than me. And yet... this...
I love you... forever.. and ever.
---
It was evening and you and his grandma are preparing to sleep. You always sleep beside her, not wanting to be alone. You smiled as you entered her room.
"Halmoni, I'm sorry I'm sleeping here again."
"Nonsense, child. Come, come here beside me."
You sat down beside her and she started to lie down.
"How are you, Jisun?"
"I'm very good, halmoni, thank you." You smiled again
"You seem in a good mood."
"Nae, I won at the singing contest at school earlier."
"Really? Wow, you must be really good, child."
"Not really, but the song I sang... was really special.
"Why's that?"
"Because... I composed it."
"Was it written for-"
"Nae, halmoni."
"May I...can I hear that song?"
"Of course."
"In that space where memories linger
Still as warm on my fingertips
You are here, here
Your scent, your face
Please, look at me, look at me, look at me
I can feel you, like this, feel you, feel you
Struggling to catch your expressions
Struggling to catch your smiles
You, who I struggled to understand
In the place where we were together
In the moment where I resembled you
When it felt too good being soaked in the rain
You are gone, gone"
You saw as grandma wiped away a tear.
"Should I continue, halmoni? I think it's making you sad."
"No, go on, please."
"How am I supposed to erase you alone and live
In those moments where we once walked together
Like that, the things we made beside each other
Even the memories, even those regrets
Lingered there with me, missing you so much
Please, look at me, look at me, look at me
As ever, I can feel you, feel you, feel you
Merely resembling your words
Merely resembling your smiles
Merely resembling you
In the place where we were together
In the moment where I resembled you
When it felt too good being soaked in the rain
You are gone, gone
How am I supposed to erase you alone and live
When I miss you so much
Your name, which I was barely allowed to speak, can’t be erased
My name, only used by you, is asleep here
In the place where we were together
In those moments where we could’ve walked together
I’m holding onto myself alone
In this place, even our future, my wishes have stopped
I’m standing here and you are gone
"Wow."
"Eh, halmoni, you're making me blush."
"You have a beautiful voice, just like my Jongdae."
"No one can beat his high notes."
"I know" she chuckled.
You grabbed her hands and noticed they were cold. You breathed on them.
"Aigooo, you don't have to do that."
"It's okay, really."
"I must be turning old, can't stand the cold anymore."
"Don't worry halmoni.... As long as I'm here...I'm going to keep you warm."
Awww, I know, it's a sad ending. But it has a nice feeling does it? Merry Christmas everyone! And I'm sure Chen is out there, trolling someone from EXO hahahah. Oh thanks for the help, Seunghyunsu unnie!
Anyways comment, criticize or something! Check out my other oneshots: (click on the name to be directed)
P.S: I love the cover image for this fic!
-catastrophicbeauty
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